My family
Can make me roll off the couch laughing and make me smile when I’ve set up in my mind that I won’t
And they love me unconditionally
When I give them every reason possible
To stay the hell away from me
But sometimes
They wipe their feet on my dreams
Like a welcome mat
And walk their ***** shoes on what I’ve built and make me question why I created anything in the first place

If there is good and bad in the world
I’m ready for it to balance out

Im tired of making pro/con lists of reasons to stay alive

Society is powerful.
It is mash-up of ignorance and fear
Everyone assuming the other knows more
Terrified of being outed
But they all know nothing and they bounce their nothingness off of one another and call them “ideas”

We’ve become a people so lazy that we no longer need to think for ourselves
We read headlines & let the suits do the rest
Letting their bias become ours
Letting their agenda become ours
Who can speak for the people if the people don’t speak?
My glasses didn’t use to be this rose-colored
It’s funny what blood will do to things.

Society is powerful.
We all recognize we shouldn’t be ruled by it, so we go to bed cursing it
but the glimmer catches our eye just we drift off
And I wake up kissing the ring.

stop talking about what i'm doing wrong
stop telling me guys like it when i smile and when i keep my hair long
stop telling me guys don't like too much makeup but you should at least wear some
stop
stop talking
about me
you have a family to run
as you often interject in unrelated conversation
stop telling me you're sorry i haven't found the one
you might be someone's shadow
but i am the sun
i am hot and i am fuming
and i hold solar systems on my own

so often
we feel so deeply
that it feels like nothing at all
so i will pour some gasoline on a spark
just to feel some warmth
and i will set myself on fire
because you told me i was cold
so excuse me
if i keep my thoughts to myself
i don't have
any more matches to light for you

being called every name in the book
doesn't hurt me anymore
i'm just sorry
you keep rereading the same one

you were a creature of habit
and i was trying new things
it almost felt automatic
like i was waiting for a ring
on the phone
on my finger
i would have loved both
but everyone knows
creatures of habit don't
find new homes

feeling trapped but i am not confined
all of my fears inside my mind
can't scream, can't run, nowhere to hide
alarms are blaring, i'm dressed in white
i'm choking, i'm falling
i don't know why
the sky is blue, birds are singing
i'm treated well but my ears are still ringing
i'm running as far, as far as i can
from all that is good, from a stand-up man
still, nothing is wrong
but the alarms keep going
it could be a false alert but i won't risk not knowing

as i am looking back on all the bridges i've burned
and nothing has changed, not a lesson was learned
my heels are callused, my tears run dry
i tread onward
leaving behind
the birds and the sunshine and flowers that may bloom
for the fear i may **** them, i presume
so the seeds go unplanted and i'll sit in the rain
because it hurts way less
when you're prepared for the pain