They call it scholar talk. It’s not better than home talk, it’s just different. It’s for school.

Like her, they start saying “goodness gracious” when things get crazy. Like someone else, they continue saying “**** ***** *****” when someone bothers them.

Do you feel like you spend a lot of your time disciplining?  
I feel like I spend all my time disciplining, she says.

One boy tries to jump out of the window of her classroom.
Later he tells her that if he doesn’t get another nice teacher he will **** himself.

But lots of kids say they are going to **** themselves. It’s the one threat that gets them one-on-one attention in a class of two dozen.
The school psychologist tells her she needs to manage her classroom better.

Her first principal is fired for abusing her disabled husband.
Her second principal admonishes her for mentioning that **** sapiens originated in Africa.
There are too many religious parents here to teach evolution.
“Where are you even getting this information?” he asks her with a straight face.

One day, in the fall, she cries amidst the chaos. The next day, one student tells another,
“Don’t you dare make my teacher cry again.”

She picks them up on the weekends and takes them to middle school basketball games as a treat. “You can even meet the coach if you behave,” she says to eager 2nd grade faces.

They read about fairytale princesses, and they ask her, “She’s like you, right Ms. Andrews?”

White ***** is hurled at her as often as chairs across the classroom. But come Friday morning they sit silent in their seats, hoping to earn lunch with Ms. Andrews. She gives out certificates, prizes, and free activities, but kids cry over not making “lunch bunch”.  How am I doing today? Am I doing good today?

There is non-profit prestige in moving to West Baltimore. Fresh fruit, new winter coats, and new laptops for every student. Within days, the new computers are slammed against desks and the dictionary covers are ripped off with bicth scribbled inside.
At least spell it right, her final plea.
New stuff doesn’t matter that much when they’re angry all the time, she says to the one school social worker.

What would be the single most helpful thing someone could do for these families?
Birth control, she answers.

Babies are celebrated, at birth. They are a temporary lighthouse.

Some of her students have multiple siblings who regularly visit Johns Hopkins for birth defects. Some of her students are heads of their households, walking their younger siblings to and from school every day. Another teacher gets in trouble for giving out free condoms to 16-year-old girls, many of whom are pregnant.

I honestly think you shouldn't get more welfare after two children, she says. I don’t think many of these babies are conceived out of love.

It’s painful for her to say that. It’s not what you learn at a prestigious liberal arts college. Not when you’re a progressive liberal aware of social constructs and institutionalized power hierarchies. Especially when you chose TFA because you really are committed to working in education policy.  

But you are beating the odds, because Baltimore has one of the highest TFA dropout rates in the country. Though 72 percent of all TFA teachers leave teaching within 5 years. The five-week training program and lack of connection with the community were not enough. Or maybe it’s because they never wanted to be teachers in the first place.

But, they ask, “No one wants those jobs anyway, so who would be there instead?”

Is that really the right question?

Another TFA friend recently quit because he started having panic attacks and losing weight. I’m pretty miserable, she says, but I know it’s for an end. Still, I go home and wonder,
Am I making a difference?

If I can ask one question to the moon and the stars in the universe
"Who is wrong? Is it me? Or him?"
And if you say, "Yeah, you are wrong."

I just want to say that im not.
I'm not doing something wrong.

Am i asked you to make me feel over like friendship feels?
Am i asked you to make me feel that im the only girl who really wanted?
Am i asked you to take all of my minds over you?
Am i asked you to make me feel like theres a million billion electricity over mine?

No!
I do not ever wanted all!

But you did!

I dont know how to say sorry, so I said thank you.

To the top, they arose
Avoiding every obstacles
They recieved, many applause
Preaching to hit the skulls

Why do you create monsters?
And try to establish the lies?
Why rule the world with errors?
Then blame it on the others?

Imagine a world of flawless symmetry.
A world where every person was identical.
At 7:30 sharp 7 billion alarm clocks go off,
All playing a single monotonous tone.
7 billion people all dress the same,
Walk out of the one house design used worldwide,
Drive to work in the one car that fills the highways,
Work from 9 to 5,
Go home to their family of 4,
Discuss the day around the dinner table for 45 minutes exactly
Then watch the TV until 10
And go to sleep.
And then the next morning, repeat.
The next week, repeat.
The next month, repeat.
The next year, the next decade, repeat.
Imagine a world of no differences.
It would be boring.
It’s no way to live when everyone’s the same.
When everyone thinks alike,
You lose the uniqueness that makes all of us human.
So somebody explain to me,
Why there are some people that cannot stand differences.
People that are driven to **** because they don’t agree with the lives of other people,
As if they had place to judge anyone but themselves, because they don’t.
These people hate the differences that define us as a species.
They stereotype, they profile, they speak hate,
They protest, they offend, they discriminate
Against lifestyles choices and the things we are born with,
So much that our own people are torn with
The decision to live as who they are or be accepted in society,
Because they’re so scared to be labeled as variety,
Because some people want them to die, you see.
So why can’t we all embrace our differences,
Open up our eyes and see,
We have to recognize that there is no disguise for individuality.
We have to realize,
That once terror makes it’s way into our lives,
We are losing.
Losing the fight for freedom.
Losing the chances we have at acceptance,
Losing the opportunity to recover as a nation,
And show the world that support isn’t just donations.
And people say I’m just a kid,
And that when I’m older I’ll realize that the world is a bad place,
And that people will never change, and that atrocities will happen,
Blood will be spilled, lives will be taken, hearts will be broken.
And maybe they’re right, maybe I just don’t understand.
But I understand that people died because one person couldn’t accept their differences.
I understand that this has happened before, and I’m not going to bother giving a statisistic because I know it’ll go up.
I understand that there are far more mass killings in the United States of America than any other country in the world.
And I think I understand that the best support is ending this upwards trend.
And to do that the world needs to learn to love.
The world needs to set aside all differences,
And learn that between killer and the victims the only difference is,
One knew how to love and one knew *******.
We can’t ignore there’s a problem still,
So regardless of your thoughts on race or religion,
I guarantee you peace will be fiction,
If we can’t teach the world to love each other.
Despite our choices of lovers.
So one last time I urge you,
To teach the world to love each other.

Loving you felt similar to running to answer the phone and then someone hanging up right before.
It felt like hoping a car won't run out of gas on the way to the gas station.
It felt like watching a fire burn out because you didn't gather enough firewood.
It felt like being sick and not having enough money to pay the hospital bill.
It felt like taking a dive into a swimming pool without knowing how to swim.

The ground has been shaking beneath my feet
and I've been patient

the ground is gonna shake
until I fall and break my bones
and I'll be patient

and when all my bones are broken
all my dreams have fallen
and all my might has disappeared

I'll teach myself to be patient
about being patient

Which way do I run ?
Where do I go from here ?
Tell me which direction
Where do I go from here?
I hit the ball and have to run
But which direction do I go ?
Remember, this is new to me
I'm five, and I'm afraid I do not know.


He hit the ball, what do I do ?
Don't let it come to me ?
I don't know where to throw it
And I really have to ***.
Oh..here it comes, what do I do?
glove down and bend my knees
I have to stay and focus
Will someone help me please?

I've got the ball..now throw to first
Jeez, that's a long, long way
I'll never get it over there
At least not the way I play

Drop the bat....and run like mad
Where's coach?...jeez, that's a long way
I'll never make it down to first
Not the way I run today

Listen to those parents
They're screaming, wow...they're loud
Who are they all screaming at ?
They're quite a noisy crowd

I can make it over there
With the ball faster if I run
I don't want to throw it bad
Then it wouldn't be no fun
I can get it over there
I run faster than I throw
What are all the parents yelling for?
Is there something I should know?

This is only one hit ball
It's the first game of the year
This is what a t-ball coach
Has to go through for the year
Each child is not focused
Every one is full of fear
It's when they roll the ball across the field
That makes the game so dear

They run to third before first base
Then they cut across the mound
Through the season they shed many tears
Enough to make a grown man drown
They try to do what coaches say
They aren't the fastest or the best
But these kids, they are true all stars
Starting out on this huge quest

Remember folks, it's baseball
It's a game and nothing more
Make sure it's fun and sporting
Please remember who it's for
They don't know where to throw it
They don't know where to run
But support them in their efforts
And help make baseball...fun

My God has laws never ment to be breached
He loves to use tragedy to teach
He staff is always ready and in reach

You may think demons get to freely play
But he shows them the very way
He lets them use hurtful words to get us to sway

It's all just a ploy, to make us run
He leaves us under the gun
God just smiles, he's having fun
For when all is said and done
It will be to him we run