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Evan Sep 2019
Side effects.
Inherently present in a drug,
Yet viewed as a separate entity.
Taking what is good,
Weighing it out to decide the outcome.
I’m just left to wonder,
are emotions, love and suffering,
the side effects of being human?
Evan Sep 2019
I wish I could have it all
I could get high and watch it dissolve
Have an adventure in my head
Make the loneliness interesting
I’ve been trying to stop speeding
But I fall down and crash
A trip to the hospital
This time I won’t make it back
I’ve got a list of fears
Greatest being myself
Can’t shake the urge to stop neglecting myself
I don’t value wealth
Too much pressure on my conscious
To remain conscious
The days add up like addition
Couple that with a bad personality
You got addiction
Sharing what’s in my head
Not as good as seeing you in my bed
Swimming doggie paddle
But my muscles are giving out
Evan Sep 2019
I don’t have a purpose
There is no end
I lost my best friend
Because of my own breath
Who am I then?
Not seeing you next to me in bed
If I had a bullet it’d go straight through
My head
I am made of toxins
Materials that don’t belong
I don’t know why I was born
I don’t want to live too long.
Cut myself up over you
Can’t blame you
I’m unlovable,
Full of poison
Bleed me
Let me die.
The silence is agonizing
My heart is spent
The mirror looks at me
Who am I
Im ready to die.
Evan Sep 2019
Sober mind

Healthy diet
Daily medication
Sunrise/sunset meditation
Social interaction
Healthy brain function
Lower blood pressure
Self understanding
Reconnecting/making new friends
No energy theft
Mind to myself
Reminding myself I’m where I need to be
Have the power to change the world
Evan Sep 2019
Someone asked me what I was thinking about today.
I don’t like to think anymore,
I don’t value myself,
I will never understand how someone else can be happy.
I’m barely happy when I’m numb.
Digging my own grave,
Slowly but surely I digress.
There’s nobody left listening,
Hearing a dial tone,
Expecting an answer.
I know you’re somewhere,
Better you than me.
I see you acting strange
I can tell it’s not love.
My future looks bright,
There is no future for me,
I’ll lead myself to the grave
Evan Aug 2019
Keep your heart full
As you were born
All the colors, sights, sounds, were exciting.
There’s a lot of people who run their heart on empty,
A lot of them fall victim to the trivialities of society.
Money, social unrest, internal tension,
You must keep your heart unscathed,
For it is perfect in Love when you were born.
Remain unmoved by those who oppose you,
Remember they are already numb.
Evan Aug 2019
I have so many questions
You’ve already answered
So I’m not anxious during the day
I think about creation
I think about how special
How precious and whole the Earth is
But I leave it hanging
Trust is scarce nowadays
My God
My Lord
my God & Lord
The gates are open,
The blood was poured,
I call on your name
God of Israel,
Blessings unto Your holy name.
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