She was once a little girl with aspirations as wide as her brown eyes
But lethal words were planted into her psyche and poisoned her to infinity

That little girl now a young woman dreamed of meeting, loving, and marrying the man who would whisk her away
Yet he never made it to her doorstep and so she is now a grown woman

This now grown woman had to accept her solitary confinement; no wedding aisles to march down
And no sweet sounds of 'I love you Mommy' being sung in her ear

She envisioned a career that would bring forth abundant wealth
Yet poverty and lack have chained her

So this little girl who became a young woman and evolved into a grown up has finally accepted her given fate

No use in trying, no reason to hope, no point in fighting.
She looks to the day where she'll feel no despair through eternal slumber...

-DS

Two decades and two years have been passed
There is more to come

It is not always a rainbow
Sometimes it’s hard looking forward to tomorrow

I’m a failure as a daughter
Not to mention as well as a lover
Being kind never been my strength
Being gentle never been my true nature
I took the bullets but I couldn’t get the wolf trust

But, the pain I gain,
The tears I shed
The heart that shreded
I took the responsibility for it
All glued back now

Hardship never means to be easy
To live, never is
It creates you a shield to face the rest of the world
I may a useless and failure daughter
But I’m one hella though fighter

To the heart that keeps beating
To the soul that keeps sane
To the mind that keep in peace
22 years down, more to go

Adulthood daunting, calling, taunting.
Empty applications haunting.
Heartbeat thudding in my chest,
Through one more standardized test.

Fear ascending, never-ending.
Transcripts somehow aren't sending.
Catch me dangling off the edge,
Scrambling, I can't feel my legs.

Time interfering, disappearing,
Ground beneath my feet, commandeering.
Lungs burning, filling with water.
Panic prepping me for slaughter.

Indecision, like a prison.
One path splintered by division.
College here, or college there,
Growing up is a nightmare.

my son shall be a reflection of me with the mirror being his mother. he will have my eyes and his mothers heart, my brains but his mothers demeanor. we all know he’ll need it. the courage will come from us both because your mother is a warrior as am i. we fight. never let them see you down son, if you fall remember: gravity centers lowest to the ground, you shall gather yourself up and stand strong. and when the waves come crashing because they will, when they crash just know that you are a warrior. there is no mountain big enough in comparison to your potential, no storm loud enough to quite your spirit and no accolade too great to make you gloat. my son, you were made under the shield of love, so you shall forever be protected. never let anyone tell you otherwise. when you see a man down keep your arms outstretched, warriors can fight for the less fortunate too, but stand proudly in your body. and when they ask why you are who you are you simply respond: I am a reflection of my father in the mirror of my mother.

Becoming an adult is the greatest trick I fell for, happened faster than taking my first step
Never wished life to be unfair to childhood memories
The promises and games I have forgotten some I try to recreate
Out of reach, the paper plane stayed
Each fold looks exactly like the segments of my  heart, enclosing spilled secrets
Hoping to escape on a boat built with chocolate wrap
My favourite snack turned enemy, doctor said I have diabetes
Trapped in between a stormy sea stretched miles apart, scared not to drown in my own tears
Prayers offered during a full moon night  I held on to than friends
Still scribbled on the face of a blue sky are the conversations we had
Talking to the mirror becomes an act I didn't outgrow
Unleashing the beauty of becoming me
The growth and changes in living
Everyone and everything changed form
Our giggles now turned to be a disguised laughter to keep us from crying
With cheeks hiding the stress we encounter on our way to become adults
The pattern is endless
Hoping to play in the rain naked away from the prying eyes of life
Washing off the words burnt on my skin
Left with beautiful scars for becoming an adult
The greatest trick I fell for.

I am drinking water that is meant for the plants
I am singing songs I used to sing for my dog
but she’s dead now

and I talk to myself while I scrub greasy pans,
read messages but never answer.

my vocabulary doesn’t stretch the length of expectations
by now I know that my silence sends the right message,
clearer than my hand-picked words
when I feel my blood boil and my brain lunge to keep up
I shut up.

they are just waiting to speak
at me and
I am just trying to sleep