I often wish that I was still a child.
So many things change when we grow up.
Innocence becomes lost,
days become shorter,
the nighttime still scares me,
playing house becomes a game of survival,
boys become men, men become frightening,
I become sad, worried, anxious, and self-aware,
friends will lose their half of the necklace or their friendship ring,
being loved by someone will determine my worth,
I no longer feel small next to the kitchen counter,
but in the presence of everyone around me,
“Forever” loses its meaning,
everyone will eventually leave,
death is no longer a myth,
I will not smile as often as I did,
I will not cry as little as I did,
I will not feel safe in school anymore,
I will not go outside and play anymore,
I will try and pick the imperfections off of
my skin until it is red and bleeding,
**** in my stomach whenever I walk,
work myself into exhaustion,
feel overwhelmed by every task,
have anxiety attacks in public places,
and wish that I was a child again.

Passenger seat.
Windows down.
Sun in my eyes.
Love sits on my left.
And there's trust
In the breeze.
We create little expeditions,
Until the real freedom comes.
Adventure glints in both set of eyes,
And we long for that day
When the world is completely ours.
As for now,
We walk on the edge of the limits,
Trespassing sometimes.
The wind blows through our hair
The sun gleams in our curious eyes.
One day we will never be apart.
One day adventure will have no limits.
I try not to complain,
For the adventure will always be there,
Paitiently waiting for us.

Master, have mercy.
I am Master. I
Have no Master.

The planet
is atrocious.

I am It.

Planet Earth
is atrocious.

I am It.

Why is it so hard
to see
be yond peace?
Why is it so hard
to be
who you want?

The mind, secluded
in a prison rift
of copy paste
makes waste.

Where is my paper?
Where is my pen?
I write for me!
I repeat as if I
will soon
believe.
I write for me!
(logging on again)

The planet is horrid.
I am part of It.

Oh, Peace & War,
do we know it.

Yet with an audience,
my imagination
grows stagnant.

The once in abstract
gathers into form.

I did this misdeed.
A disservice.

Once a dreamer.
Now a journalist.

how long more can
this game of pretend last,
when it's slowly turning
into reality?

On dusty streets leading from market to to the edges of a resort,
elderly men with three teeth beckon you.
The commercialized exoticism sweeps you up
and you hand over pesos
in exchange for a piece of parchment with hand-scrawled symbols...

There is no Mayan alphabet.
They'll tell you that they're writing your name,
you'll take it home and display it on a shelf next to framed pictures
of you and the family in Chichen Itza,
but nothing about it is real.
We never grow up and learn not to believe,
we just learn piece by piece what's real and what's not.
Children learn about the tooth fairy,
and mermaids,
teenagers learn about soulmates,
young people learn about their dreams,
but even as adults,
there are things we still believe in.

There is no Mayan alphabet,
and yet grown, educated people
pull coins from their pocket in an attempt to connect with a culture that seems too fantastic to be a part of reality.

There is no Mayan alphabet,
but people still believe.
They believe in utopias
and countries without debt.
They believe in world peace and infinite resources,
they'll write checks to conmen
and work for checks from them, too.
They believe in honest politicians
and perfectly healthy food.
They put stock in organic remedies
and all their trust in online articles,
and every time they think they've learned the way of the world,
they'll turn around,
and learn something new.
Adults may not believe in fairy tales,
but they will believe in the Mayan alphabet.

Practice accountability so I can
Take control of my story and
Visualize what I need to
Build a discipline of conscious decisions that
Value the resource rich life of
Leaning into what matters most of all
Includes stretching myself in sticky situations to
Create healthy relationships with boundaries that
Support each individual and forming stronger bonds so when I am
Aware of the lack I can be
Grateful for the abundance.

Oh! I am in a state
a state of confusion
Where i don’t know which way to go
a state of dilemma

Oh! I am in a state
a state where i don’t know what is right from wrong
Where i see two road;a narrow with few and a wide with many
a state of dilemma

Oh! I am in a state
a state where i start to question my loyalty
Where it’s either to stay put or move on
a state of dilemma

Oh! I am in a state
a state where i get complains from both sides; both good and bad
where i get tempted by the vanits of life
a state of dilemma

Oh! I am in a state
a state where the joy of eternity seems too far ahead
Where i get addicted to the phrase “LIVE FOR NOW”
a state of dilemma

Oh! I am in a state
a state i can only be saved from by HIM
Where only THE POTTER can help
a state of assurance

For, I am now in another stage of the state
a stage of addiction to the narrow
Where i can envisage now that my future now and later is shining bright

A state of SMARTNESS

When I was a kid, the thought of growing up
gave me a weird sickening stomach feeling.
I am grown up now.
But often don’t believe it
           (Until I see the fine lines around my eyes).

When you are a kid
You can meet another kid
And just play and have fun.

In theory it should be the same for adults.
But the games we play are often so complicated
That neither party can agree upon or even understand
                 All the rules.

I have been told it is not good to live in the past.
Who are the people who make up these rules?
Everything, including the past, has its place in life.

What I liked about childhood was its simplicity.
Just live and play.
Avoid the rest of the stuff.
Try to win when you can.