if everything that is
has ever been
and ever
will be
already exists
In an all
encompassing
Quantum Field

Does that mean
It's all already occured
and everything
has already passed
Before it becomes
Our present?

is our
Present
simply
an already existing event
We are just arriving at?

No past or future
Before or after
Just all that is
Unfurled out before us
In every
direction...

In your life

There are Times
When you Create

and Times
When you
Allow for Creation...

If it's all predestined
then that means
it's all already occurred
and everything has already passed
  and there is no present or future
   there is only that which already is...

All I can say to you is
we've been royalty for so long
that this is our lifetime
to feel the pain.

It was the only way we could finally find our way home
to our humanity,
maybe?

Back to ourselves, so that we could save all the rest.

It's not fair
and it's ****** up
and we've CHOSEN ALL of it.

And the only way to find our way back,
is thru our connections with others.

The only way thru
Is to walk
in the mud and muck and mire.

We WILL come out clean & clear
on the other side.

We must NEVER forget who & what we truly serve
or why
we've lowered ourselves upon this hallowed ground.

Every pain, loss, debasement and sorrow
serves that one final purpose
our soul always senses and falls before and upon.

I'm so sorry.
I saw it all.
Knew it all.
And stood silently before it all,
in Service
to the One Final Purpose
and also,
To Your Greater Good, My Luv.

So Quit Whining.
We agreed to this
before we even arrived.

And in the end, that which is served validates all.

If You Really Listen,
Without Just Waiting To Talk,
You Know That It's True...

Learning to sit
in the Seat of the Soul
is unnerving,
It is Being in a Space,
Completely Unknown
until this Moment
Here
Now...

It's so strange
My love for you
Entangled deep within my soul,
Knowing it
And my longing for you
will never end.

And at the same time
You are the very last thing
I'd choose to have
in my life.

So I just sit
In this state of
Conflict.

I'm addicted to you
thru and thru
even though I know
Between us
there'd be Nothing new.

I tell myself you're still the same
But I have changed
And if that's true,
I should be able to see you.

In truth
it's the same old addict game,
Just an excuse to use...

The temptations of heaven & hell they vex my spirit yet...

Words and Actions are of equal importance

They are inextricably interconnected; neither
has meaning
or value
without the other.

It is Integrity
that gives value
to our Word

Thru Actions
our word is honored;
it is what reveals
the truth
Or lie
of what we speak

I call it the ****** Freeway.

It seems like it's free but the exits are very hard to come by and there's always a cost for traveling it.

I give constant thanks
For the map
That set me free...

It's so ****** up.
Why does it feel exactly like the day
I lost you?

The pain,
the love,
the entanglement
Of your soul and mine
Still feels the same

You are the ghost
That constantly haunts
My thoughts.

Is there to be no relief,
recovery thru time?
Worse than the pain
and release
of Love lost to death.

Cuz this,
This eternal love
And longing
And aching pain,
is greater even than
that final ending;
Death offers more repreive
than this sentence
of your eternal love.

I'm dancing on the head
Of a Cosmic pin
With 
precarious
fluctuating equilibrium...

In the end you take nothing but yourself with you.

None of the expectations and desires and needs and cares and worries and burdens  and concerns  of this world are carried with or matter on the other side.

Until I am finally, blessedly free of the chains of this world and existence
I choose to have & be in this world with:

No *******
No Games
No Pain
No Expectations
No Grasping
No Drama
No Fear, Insecurities, Stress, Anxiety, Blame, or Worry  

Just multiple frequent ******* and grateful appreciation and joy and laughter and love and freedom and peace and serenity and goodwill and in service to others.

I want to love & care for and be loved & cared for by, those I hold most dear and beloved.

Nothing More than These Things and Nothing Less.

In the end perhaps all that matters is how well you loved and the love you've known. Everything else may have just been filler...

Information is
of the Mind.
Knowledge is of the Soul.

Good Lesson or Bad, Doesn't Matter;
A Hard Lesson Learned
Is A Lesson Hard Earned...

We live in a world of hungry ghosts.
Endlessly craving & never satisfied.

We must think sometimes
But we must not always think.

We are, after all, Human Beings
Not Human Doings.

We want to have an experience
And we want to experience
what we do not have.

We are like ghosts
seeking that which is
even more immeasurable
Than themselves.

It was only a hopeless fantasy
It passed like an April day
But a look and a word
And the dreams they stirred
They have stolen my heart away.
They say time heals all wounds,
They say you can always forget
But the smiles and the tears
Across the years,
they twist my heartstrings yet.

The difference between you and me?
You wanna protect your kids.
I taught my kids how to defend themselves
And I'm ready to go into battle with them.

We look for the things we fear, are uncertain of, or doubt; in our relationships, job, children, partner.
Sometimes if you look hard enough, you will find those exact things in places where they do not actually exist.
Other times they may exist in places you never expected to find them.
The ONLY counter measure to fear, uncertainty & doubt is love, faith & trust.

If our trust in others is based only on what we think THEY have earned, created, or are worthy of , we will most often be left
blind-sighted and half-blinded.

The moment I base my ability to  trust solely on others actions, words, choices, I have relinquished control of the outcome & my state of being to the other person.

When I make a personal choice to trust despite of or outside of these things, I own the outcome, not them.

If that trust is betrayed, it is not something done TO me, making me a victim, but something I chose, on my terms.

In choosing & owning the act of trust, we make it our own, we drop our fears & our dependency on others for our well being.

We free ourselves from their actions & choices, which allows us to clearly see, face & deal with our own.

Trust is a choice. Either granted or earned, to trust another is to actively CHOOSE trust & faith over doubt & fear.
Ultimately, making that choice to trust transforms you.

It is the ACT of trust itself that matters, changes your life, NOT whether or not it was well placed.

It is not the betrayals of others that define us, but whether or not WE are willing, brave & strong enough to RISK being betrayed, to RISK trusting.

It is in the active choice of trust, love & faith that we find our own truth, self, nature & even at times our redemption & salvation.

It's not that everyone is happier with money.
It's that everyone would Always be this happy,
if money wasn't a factor at all...

Hope is man's greatest destruction
And best chance

It is like a seed; without it the field is barren.
With it, all things are possible

I Hate it for the devestation it has wrought
And love it for the promise it holds,

Just around the next corner...

So much is changing, so much is coming
I'm ready for 10,000 deaths
and 10,000 new beginnings.

The days when all things are possible
When All things have already happened
and All things that can happen, will

Downstream of the wave form function collapse
Waiting for what already is,
to Become
here where we are.

Looking From the center
At that spanning out in every direction
There is no
Begining Middle End
Before Now After
Past Present Future
Above Between Below
Close or Far
Here or There
Then or now
Outside or in
Us or them

It all is existing, presently, eternally
At once
And at the same time
Continually coming into being
In an illimitable multitude of ways

I slipped off the path and for just a moment, let the age old trickery of darkness come between me an God's light and love. But then waking back up, I recognized it for what it was, realized I'd been standing in his light, his arm encircling me all the time.

I remembered our Fathers promise to us and his love. Remembered that no matter what might come, he never has, never does and never will forsake us.

If we had no moments we walked in the darkness, we might not recognize the light that surrounds us always, which no amount of pain or darkness can ever extinguish.

I will be ok cuz he walks with me always and when I can no longer walk, he lifts me in his arms and carries me, until I'm strong enough to stand & walk besides him once again...

If you come to the fight
With what you think you know,
You've already lost

If you have your sight set
On what you know you'll see,
Anything
Everything else
Will Blindside you
and take you out at the knees.

Don't bring a gun to the fight, Son
with ghost bullets in the chamber...

I don't really think there is any one for me in this world. At least no one who could find me in time lol!

And I am totally mostly ok with that! You can't make peices fit into a puzzle their not made for.

And some puzzles just don't have a solution; some things aren't meant to be solved.

Their beauty lies in the parts that remain ever undefined
And the truth that nonetheless
Always finds Its way thru...

I been away from normal for such awhile
I don't know what it looks like,
If I ever did...

Haven't had anyone treat me kind in so long,
Think I forgot how to allow it...

Sometimes u have to walk thru the muck & mire to come out clean & clear on the other side.

What happens when u been walking thru it so long
You can't remember the other side?
What happens when the muck & mire
Feels more solid
Then solid ground?
How do you know where to stand?

In The End,
I Always Find My Way Home

Unbreakable, Unquenchable, Ineffable
Always Ascending...

I'm happy with what I know
And happy with what I don't.
Cuz it's the stuff in between
That will ******** Up.

It's when we get Greedy or Cocky Or Nosy
That everything goes to hell.
You gotta know when to Tap Out
And trust enough to let go

**** my structured karma payment

**** my sacred life commitment between me and who ever the **** may be

**** figuring out what the right thing is

**** a life of serving others

**** everything and all of it and none of it

I call ******* on being the worlds good girl and  this constant vigilance over doing what is right

At least this one time, just for tonight...

Empty
Vast infinite open silent Nothing
Without edges, indefinitive
undetermined
And without voice
Is my mind
spread out before me infinitely

You Lost My Trust
In The Dust
Of Your Lust

U can't save anyone.
The best you can do
Is to be a guide,
To those who are
willing and want
to save themselves

The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.
The worst verbal abuse comes from our own tongue.
The most negative influence is the devil on our own shoulder.  
The cruelest judge is the one staring back in the mirror.
The person really withholding the love you need is you.
No one will ever out-do you at playing mind-games.
You must stop doing this to yourself!
The universe is calling you to heal, not to agonize over your mistakes.
Quit overthinking; this is what surrendering really means.
Don't focus on negativity and don't even obsess about "fixing" things or yourself.  
Don't force "positive thinking." These things can be psychological irritants.
Just leave yourself alone!
When you pick at things they never heal.
Just relax and give yourself some time.

Remember that you are the angel of your own life. Look past your ugly thinking;
your fears, mistakes, worries and doubts.
Your struggles seem to be external, but we are always destroyed from the inside out.
The way you transcend your challenges is by listening to the inner-guide within you.
Your good judgment, your discernment, your kind thoughts and your own loving heart — in service of your highest good — is the angel you have been looking for to deliver you.
The moment you accept your own beauty and power is the moment your deliverance beings.

"Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end.
What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."
— Henry Miller

You can't bring
light to the
darkness
if you let
all the candles
burn out
cuz you are too afraid to strike
a match
next to the case of dynamite.

***** it, either way
you'll shed some illumination
or blow your **** out of the darkness,
Regardless,
you'll find your way
back to the light.

It's True no one gets out alive.
The greatest lie however,
is that we come into
and go out of this world alone.
That might be true
if we were Humans
having a Spiritual experience.
But we are Spirit
having a Human experience.
We Have Not
and Never Will Be
Alone.

8/23/18

The Glass is not half empty
Nor is it half full
It is simply awaiting its fate,
Always Held in someone else's hands.

And Then I Saw.
And  Found That I had Loved.
And My Cup is Always Full.
Even When It Overflows,
It's Sides Will Never Empty.

There is no top nor bottom,
Only that which is held in between,
The source and keeper
Of all and every thing.

6/2018

Information is of the Mind.
Knowledge is of the Soul.

6/15/19

In The Rest Of My Life
He Needs To Be
Nothing More Than
A Distant Memory...

8/12/19

I gave you my heart
My trust, my love
And you took it
And more.

You took it for granted
You took it for a given
You took it for a ride
And when it suited you,
You left it behind,
Thinking you could double back
And pick it up later.

This time when you came looking for it
It was too far gone.

So much has changed
to carry us this far
from that ****** up place
where we used to be
and I dearly appreciate
all you've altered in you
to be with me.

Yet no one should ever
have to fight themselves
to become other
than what they truly are
for another.

No one should sacrifice themselves
on anyone elses alter.

These mountainous gaps
Between what I know is right
and should be
and what actually is
Leave me gaping in doubt,
uncertain we will ever be able
to transverse this crevasse
Spanning the distance from you to me.

I won't ever allow for less from you
than we deserve
and know you are worthy
of offering me.
I try to balance
and accept your capabilities,
remember just cuz you have it to give
doesn't mean you will,
accepting with Grace and Love
that which you do.

If I do not walk this tightrope carefully,
I know there is no net to save me...

Being a blind optimist
While being blinded by love
Is to eventually be blindsided

P​ain Is The Spice of Life.
It's Bittersweet Agony Flavors Your Soul.
It Makes Us More Complete & Whole, Rounds Us Out, Teaches Us, Gives Us Clarity.
Without It,
There Would Be
No Joy Or Truth.
It's Not To Be Avoided But Embraced
With Grace...

Willfully ignorant & greedy sloths
Who reject and run from that which might save them,
Running towards and embracing
the means of their own destruction.
Mind Wide Shut
They see only that
which is pleasing to the eye
and brings about
the certain death
of their lost and mortal soul.