an ellipsis; three dots
to some, it is a pause,
others, a fragmented speech,
an omission of words

i find myself bemused...
how an ellipsis reflects my being;
a mystery difficult to be construed
for what is this ellipsis' meaning
but all the words left unsaid...

sincerely, ileana.

i tried to say goodbye to my grief,
the thing that has made a home
inside of me;
the mother of my craft,
the suffering i cherish.

but now i know,
she is a tenant of permanence,
inside me, she is a remnant
of both love and memory.

sincerely, ileana.

no matter how much
or whatever i use or do
to gloss over this restless grief,
all i could feel is this lump in my throat,
the simultaneous heaviness and emptiness,
and my crippled being hopelessly yearning
for your warm embrace as my grieving heart's rest.

IA

i long to find solace; a resting place,
nothing is heavier than the wishes i have
to have you back here,
to have one last hug,
to know that losing you is just a nightmare
i have yet to wake up from by tomorrow.

it weighs heavy in my soul
to bleed in restless poetries;
and like i am - hopeless & falling into pieces,
this heaviness inside keeps digging an empty hole.

IA

hello grief, my good old friend
wrap me in your heavy arms
as i sit in this emptiness

IA

love is the way
of the brave &
of the fools.

IA

what if the things that breathed life
into this monster inside me
are the hearts that i've mended
at the expense of my own?

or perhaps, the cruelty of this world
which constantly blew
the small flame of hope within me?

what if the reason
this monster continuously grows
is because i have never embraced it,
accepted it, and love it as it is?

because all monsters ever needed
was to be loved & not be feared —
because fear is the twin sister of hatred.

IA

love conquers all,
but it requires a mightier feat
with time who tells what will befall.

IA

we both ran in circles,
chasing each other
like the sun and the moon.

upon waiting for our meeting,
we finally collided into an eclipse;
one takes over the other,
and the whole world stopped to watch.

the lovers' eclipse only lasts for a while
and as we bid our goodbyes,
we slowly part as we then again,
run around in circles until we meet again.

IA

you may or may not find this,
in the middle of the night
or on a rainy sunday afternoon.

my mind runs rampant,
while my heart is still,
because i realized what love is
at the very least, a fragment of it;

love looks past flaws and chaos,
past the foreseeable risk & damage,
and i know i did amidst it all
leaving no room for me to regret.

i know i tugged your soul
towards a better light, a better day
because i stayed with you at your worst
and now remain bewildered when you say
you've changed for the better.

forgive a heart that wavered,
i used to think love is a home;
we always move someplace better
when all the heart feels is nothing but homeless.

i had to unlearn that.

to venture love as strength,
to lose and find oneself over
and over again & be better;
because lost is a lovely place
to find oneself,
and to begin again.

and as i bid you my final farewell,
i'd like to let you know
that i'll tuck the memories within,
hold them dearly and know deep in myself;
i have loved and i have no regrets.

and i will love again,
break again,
get lost again,
find myself & begin again.

IA

some concretes break,
for a wildflower to thrive.

IA

a man appeared in my dream last night;
a kind soul and his features were clear,
a fragile heart tugged, i know i'm not his dear
i woke up, wanting to hold him tight.

IA

i walked into a place named 'love';
while i was young, naïve, and recklessly filled with wonder,
"heart is still fragile but let her in to learn", a voice said.

i stood in the middle, a little lost
"how did you know how to love?" i asked a passerby,
"nobody does, they just do", answered the creature,
and so i ventured the corners for a long time at watch.

"maybe we could venture it out together,"
young soul, those words made my heart flutter
like serendipity, it made living worthy and better
time flew with no end in sight to ponder;

and i believed all love was good,
but wrong ones end for good
"you love a little too much," was the reason
but is there ever too much or a boundary of enough,
for lovers to strangers is a miserable transition

"some people have to grow apart,"
and so i picked the shattered fragments part by part,
"i never knew young love has an inevitable end,
all i did was love, but here i am now, hell-bent."

"there's a sign at the front door most people ignore;
'right time, right love, before the right person',
but everyone recklessly walks right through, looking so sure,
thinking love is all good until the wrong kind turn them into fractions."

IA

these are the nights, the late hours
relentlessly dripping into flawed poetries
pondering about love and scratching old scars.

IA ☕

what would it be like if we run the world?

all love, all chaos, all mess of fragmented thoughts & emotions
contained in an individual entity; all moving in a unified direction.

IA ☕

most poets seem to be too drunk in love,
vomiting out words as their heart throbbed

while i was one who stayed sober,
after a few bad hangovers;
writing as i clutch a bottle of wine to cope,
maybe next time, i'll pour it onto a glass of hope.

IA ☕

what most people try to look for,
but it's a tunnel vision;
meant to limit one's complexity.

IA ☕

other people defined love but she said,
"love is remembering the first time and how
you fall in love with that person,
everyday and even on the tough times.
it's not supposed to be a battle,
for love gives and understands.
it's waking up each day grateful
for love and your person;
whom you never wish to part from
to find your worth somewhere else."

IA

love knows no bounds
when the logic retreats,
and a beating heart is found.

IA

dancing on its own rhythm,
battling between what it knows,
and all the unsaid feelings.

IA

i would welcome it with a warm mug of coffee,
venture its entirety beyond what i could see,
wrap my soul's arms around it, never to let it go,
for cynical pain was death and chaos,
and i have learned that to live was to love and grow.

IA