i always feel so stuck, like there is this strange expectation of me, like i am not the person they are expecting, they are using, that they are searching for. Or perhaps i constantly feel like that towards everything. I belong, and yet i don't. people belong yet they dont.
constantly trying to beat others, yet never knew be friends with them was really the answer. I am not involving myself enough yet i never want to be. I try then act like I never tried, blame others for annoying me yet allow them to.
I use platforms as an escape from people yet show the same people as a way of being accepted straight after. I do things behind people's backs only to tell everything later. i want to be free yet i have no clue what of.i dont know what is trapping me, but i just know it is. im writing things for myself only to tell them to others.
i message people and they finally reply, then only to feel abandoned again. Things come and go, but never here forever or for very long.
i complain of eyestrain yet stare continuously at the screen like some kind of void for the stress and blame inside me.

Changing to fit into society
I just wanted to be accepted
so what is this pain
Reading too much and consumed by the world
The many words that used to be inside me evaporated and replaced by everything else
Wanting to change
Working too hard
Avoiding relationships, past and present
Time passes and results reveal themselves
I finally gained the skills I thought would impress others and make myself feel less worthless
And yet I just want to know someone

I don't give a ****

The **** doesn't give a smell
The smell doesn't give a cloud
The cloud doesn't give a raindrop
The raindrop doesn't give a splash
The splash doesn't give a ripple
The ripple doesn't give a shiver
The shiver doesn't give a cold
The cold doesn't give a sneeze
The sneeze doesn't give a snot
The snot doesn't give a ******
The ****** doesn't give a dirt
The dirt doesn't give a bacteria
The bacteria doesn't give a rod
The rod doesn't give a fish
The fish doesn't give a fin
The fin doesn't give an end
The end doesn't give a death
The death doesn't give a grave
The grave doesn't give a flower
The flower doesn't give a root
The root doesn't give a plant
The plant doesn't give a strawberry
The strawberry doesn't give a seed
The seed doesn't give a sprout
The sprout doesn't give a leaf
The leaf doesn't give a stem
The stem doesn't give a bud
The bud doesn't give a flower
The flower doesn't give a petal
The petal doesn't give a pollen
The pollen doesn't give a nectar
The nectar doesn't give a honey
The honey doesn't give a sugar
The sugar doesn't give a grain
The grain doesn't give a flour
The flour doesn't a bread
The bread doesn't give a toast
The vein doesn't give a blood
The blood doesn't give a heart
The heart doesn't give me up

And I already told you,
I still don't give a **** about it!

ITS NOT FAIR YOU DONT CARE ITS MY FAULT ITS YOUR FAULT YOU'RE A **** YOU'RE SO SMART YOU'RE INSENSITIVE YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE LET ME ALONE NOW COME BACK I WANT TO SAY SORRY I WANT TO SCREAM AND SHOUT I CRY OF HURT I SCREAM IN ANGER I WANT YOU BACK I WISH I NEVER MET YOU YOU WERE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WE WERE NEVER CLOSE DON'T COME CLOSE TO ME WHY DIDN'T YOU TALK TO ME WHY DON'T YOU CARE WHY DIDN'T I CARE MORE WHY DIDN'T I JUST CONTROL MYSELF WHY CAN'T YOU JUST UNDERSTAND WHY CAN'T I UNDERSTAND WHY CAN'T I UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ANYMORE DO I LIKE OR HATE YOU AM I INSANE OR STUPID LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN I AM REALLY IN BUT I NEVER LET YOU KNOW BECAUSE I CARE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT'S STUPID SO I LITERALLY PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED AND IT CONFUSES THE HELL OUTTA ME BECAUSE NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO UNDERSTAND THESE FEELINGS NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY TO EXPRESS THEM DON'T EVEN TRY I WAS ALONE FOREVER EVERYTHING I TYPE SOUNDS LAME EVERYTHING I DO IS AWKWARD I'M SOCIALLY AWKWARD AND SO ARE YOU I JUST GAVE YOU AWAY BUT WHY DOES IT MATTER I THINK I USED TO LIKE YOU YOU DON'T EXIST ANYMORE WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE AND SO WHAT MAYBE WE NEVER DID MAYBE WE WERE JUST NEVER CLOSE MAYBE YOU NEVER CARED MAYBE NONE OF IT EVER HAPPENED MAYBE YOU GOT HIT BY A CAR JUST THEN HOW WOULD I KNOW I DON'T KNOW IT'S USELESS EVERYTHING IS INCLUDING TYPING THIS I'M USELESS BUT I DON'T WANT TO CARE I DON'T WANT TO THINK BUT THEN WHY AM I TYPING THIS WHY AM I SO DUMB I NOTICE I THINK I AM DUMB I NOTICE I SHOULD BE DOING HOMEWORK AND I NOTICE THIS IS NOT A POEM I CAN'T EVEN

Letters?

They're squashed fossils,
preserved in
layered stone

Sentences?

They're subtitles to a video
uploading inside our minds

Paragraphs?

They're lined paths
we sprint across
unfolding adventure

Pages?

They're sheets of ice
with squiggly cracks
our eyes pierce through,
diving into open sea

Novels?

They're the thickest fans
that cool flames of
angry loneliness

Series?*

They're a family of pet magpies
pecking each other on their shelves
if not placed neatly

If my heart is a fragile flower
with arrow shaped petals,
and only one proudly curls into a waving gesture
pointing the way

If my eyes spinning wheels of emotion
clicking away with each blink
whirl faster than before

If my breath dissolves each word into mist
leaving only their outlines behind
as clouds stomp on flat sky

If my hair is a sensitive vine plant
shedding all unwanted emotions
cutting off each cord of their power

If you are a poet,        
write a poem

If you are a poem,
meet the internet

If you are the internet,
fill the screens

If you are a screen,
flash a rainbow

If you are a rainbow,
chase the clouds

If you are a cloud,
roam the sky

If you are the sky,
wrap the Earth

If you are the Earth,
stalk the sun

If you are the Sun,
light the universe

And if you were the universe,
you would accept your own world

from poets' block
to
exposed words
to
internet glitches
to
broken screens
to
scattering rainbows
to
wiggling clouds
to
clingy skies
to
creepy planets
to
blinding stars

for being nothing but what they already are

Awesomeness is the
Wonder of life, like an
Egg, that would
Soon hatch
Open, to release
More yet awesome
E**ggs

Two hearts clang
but
never open

Tears fall
but
are never caught

Flames arise
but
are never fanned

Minds connect
but
are never spoken

Open the chamber of doors
and
walk back
to the place you want to exist
once more

Just too many questions
Twisting their question marks into hurricanes
inside
the mazes of my brain
|[ ]|
There is an urge to
grab the answers
now
With the hook
of the question marks
?
To let the question marks straighten
slowly into
exclamation marks
!
To then swallow
the stem of them each

To leave a full stop
.
An answer.

But inside...I know
That perhaps of a spark of it is still there

And that very spark,
It will grow and grow, faster and faster...
Just like the way,
A perfectly round cherry does

And from that little orb of light,
It will bloom,
Burst.

Give way the gooey goodness inside.
Empty it all until it is free.

Explode.
Crackle.
As if celebrating its final achievement,
Showering sparks absorbed by the air.

As they heavily rain down,
Like a group of shooting stars.

What was once a spark...
Now a firework.

Air particles
Swirl round and round
No different as before

An ant,
Crawls towards my hand
And I squish it ever so slowly.
I cannot feel the inky mess at all

It is nothing but a tiny black dot
That simply just moves

The sky, looks nothing more
Than an endless pattern of blue and white
The trees, saplings of tasteless broccoli
The grass, strands of wild hair

The insects, filthy lice that live in amongst them
The flowers, mini cracked plates of emptiness

The birds, flappy pieces of pasta
The rain, annoying lost beads from broken jewellery

How does the sun watch over the world each day, let alone rise and shine?
How does the moon travel the empty black, let alone rise and glow?

The world is nothing but a meaningless dream...

The only world
Where the white works for the devil itself.
Colours create one another,
And the painful shade is born.
Darkness surrounds them both,
Cold guardian of the two.

And so it began . . .

Haunting memories of red drift aloft,
Fears rise and vow to protect.
To protect this poison from my eyes,
For letting it in is a dreadful sin . . .

Never trust that vivid shade,
Never should your heart give way.
The rose feeds on it to bloom,
A beast would form inside you too.

Thoughts run, tornadoes spin
Vows break, and a sin is a sin
Crimson spirits invite the tip of your soul,
Feelings combine in a shaking dream:
Forbidden questions shower in clouds,
Confusion takes a thousand paths.
Regrets fly in flocks above,
Radiant pain spreads far and wide.

Only now it is all too late,
The petals have already long given way.
The dark puff of smoke awakens inside,
And once born, cannot be destroyed . . .

And with that, the eye that was once purple. . . turned *red

We are pieces of grass
Not washing liquid, not pancakes
Our blood is green, not red
Our bodies are thick, with fibre
We are strong!
With the soil
With the fellow worms and slugs
We will rule nature!
WE WILL NOT DIE!
HUMANS WILL DO WHAT THEY DO
ANIMALS WILL DO WHAT THEY DO
HUMANS SHALL SQUISH US IN THOUSANDS
ANIMALS SHALL ****** OUR POINTY HEADS
But what we can't do
IS DIE!
WE WILL USE OUR BLADES!
WE WILL USE OUR TIPS! TO STAB!
WE WILL LEARN TAICHI!
From the bugs, the butterflies and that TREE!
PIECES OF GRASS WILL LIVE ON!

So, my fellow pieces of grass
What are you waiting for?!
LIVE ON, GIVE BIRTH!
GIVE WAY TO YOUR GREAT SEEDS!
AND PUSH, PUSH HARD!
FOR GENERATIONS AND GENERATIONS
WE WILL SURVIVE!
Look, look beside the nearest Seven Eleven store!
LOOK AT THAT FAT PIECE OF GRASS GETTING BLOWN BY THE WIND!
LOOK HOW HE SUFFERS, OF NO SOIL!
We are not like any other
WE CAN FLY!
WE CAN TRAVEL! TO CHINA!
To the most populated country!
TO **** THE MOST HUMANS!
We will have a secret weapon
We will bring so forth
PEANUT BUTTER!
WE WILL NOT GIVE UP!
WE MUST REMEMBER, who we are
We shall make something like no other
We will weave, A BASKET!
PEANUT BUTTER WILL NOT BE WASTED
BY THE HUMANS!
WE WILL GET OUR REVENGE!
WE WILL SACRIFACE OURSELVES,
TO LIFT!
THE PEANUT BUTTER!
INTO!
THE BASKET!
Until the mighty lump of peanut butter is plunged onto China
WE!
WILL NOT!
REST!
Our plan, WILL WORK!

Now, you may be thinking
That I am just a random piece of grass on the internet,
Playing a 3 millimetre laptop!
But I am not just any piece of grass
I CAN SPELL!
I have what is called,
A BRAIN!
DO NOT LET THE HUMANS RUIN OUR SPELLING!

Clovers, big and small,
Soft and rich in luckiness.
Trust would form in us,
Connected like the leaves.

Mud, seemed as smooth as marble,
Splashed over melted chocolate.
Although built brick by brick,
Creativity sped it up.

Tiny lost details used to come from our hands.
Forever fun in bending paper.
Letters flipped over by pen.

Together like the stars and the moon.
Raining sparkles, we were one . . .

Until mountains crashed the charming greens,
Greens filled with pure luck.
They shouted and cried,
Suffocating through day and night.

Nature disobeyed the mud,
Right beneath our feet.
Smoothness was swept away,
By the howling wind.

We got split up into stages.
One lower, one higher.
The mountain became uneven.
One smooth, one spiked.

Great deep cracks began to appear in our circle.
And now it seems that even our stepping stones differ.

No feelings, only doubts.
It has been a long, long time . . .

My dear old friend,
How do you feel about me?