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calypso Jun 26
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i'm not hungry
but i'd eat
calypso May 2021
crumbs when touched
burnt when told
to be left alone
is what I'm thinking
worse or above?
is my mind protesting
what's right?
or i am?
couldn't remember what its exactly about
calypso Aug 2022
so much weight i can’t carry longer
day after day my mind wanders
will i find it the same?
or was it seldom
a gaping crack
big enough, it grew big enough
to remind me of caution
of the unexpected at miles ahead
tell me if i was true
living in oblivion is my only escape
i cant deal with the world
so i turn 10 years old again
my thoughts command and say
but my heart overcomes its grip
can this not be true?
can i not be in this much despire?
am i right or was i not good enough?
questions roam my head like foam
i’ll turn to foam if i drown in this

i’d like to shed without sympathy
don’t say sorry, don’t tell me to stop
let me be a human for a day
i’ll be myself tomorrow
reality has to be an intruder
into my fabricated mind
i’m a crime committed too long ago
i should be kept away but i’m here in the open
this isn’t good for me, or you
why should i hide when it’s better to heal
but i cant! i cant bring myself to deal yet
i hadn’t thought of this in too long
i haven’t griefted properly
i haven’t shed a tear yet.
lately i’ve been overthinking about things that happened to me, particularly one.  I realize that I used to be very mature for my age when i was 8-10 and I wanted to become more childish when i got older because i’ve never gotten to experience things like normal kids do because i have a set of rules to follow n stuff yk.

i’m maturing and it’s scaring me because now i haven’t done none of the things i wanted to and i will never because this is my last chance at being 16. i won’t be young again, toying with the idea of life being so full and awaiting me with open arms. no, i won’t.
calypso Nov 2021
a cornified layer of skin
love bites that mark me as yours
thoughts can't be said in person
we're on our own now
it will be a test for when we meet
have we been playing around
or are you serious?
what do u get when you peel dead skin? the secrets underneath.
calypso May 4
soft to the touch
my fingertips hold the most
the heaviest things
like your heart
but to hold one thing
is to let go of another
I watched the well dry as you drank up
every single drop.

my tiny, tiny fingertips
hold a weight beyond belief,
it can since it wants.
my hands want to carry your weight
so you don't have to pretend
to care about this
or to love us
I held on to your heart
while you ran with the wolves
You ran with out the thought of me
Forgetting your heart as well
I'm just as forgetful
But I don't forgive.
So, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years! Yay, I'm single!!
I'm also fine :)
calypso May 2022
04/28/22

i love living.

God has finally became a part of my routine, and him & i are in a better place. i just have to do one more thing. i hope i can do it.

i feel like i've matured a lot since last year, since that July. my flowers have ripened, and it's spring. today was our last day, and it made me realize, that life is about gratitude. it's about appreciating the little things, the ladybird that landed on your hand while gardening, or the beesting that really hurts. whether good or bad, it's better than nothing, which someone has. and even when receiving unspeakable news, Allah (SWT) has done it for a reason. i won't cry over what happens, because it's done for. nothing i could ever do.

life is about realizing everything has an end. once it's gone, nothing will be the same. i want to live with no regrets, living like tomorrow is not a guarantee. life can go by in a second. i was leaning on the kitchen counter, reminiscing about my childhood. i was pouring brown sugar into a cup of tea, which reminded me of a time when i used to dig our garden searching for worms. i smelled the aroma of freshly wet grass from rainfall and started watching the snails i put in line race to the end. if i don't catch my moments, ill never live. i need to step out of my comfort zone and become the person i know i can be. ill try everything i want. ill read all the classical books and be me.
the key is gratitude!!!

a letter to myself. i hope you can read it, if you read anything of mine.
calypso Oct 2022
every bit, every tiny bit
i can feel the elephant foot through
my chest, there is
little to no breath, can i stop?
god, if there is anything for me
please don’t make it wait longer
tell my future i won’t be coming
earth is not my place, not anywhere i’ve been
this is too much
half my day i want to scream on the top of my lungs
for help, for solitude, for no one
why am i not heard yet?

maybe i should tell someone
that my room is a mess like my head
and i can’t keep it still, slowly filling my hands
with anything i can find, i wont rest
i cant rest
i can’t let me go
i have to become my future
i promised i won’t go
i promised things i can’t keep
just let me go, my lungs have
and the blood swells my chest
my eyes aren’t smiling
im sorry im not joyful like i used to be
so joyful, it killed me.


its not you, i promise
calypso Apr 2021
sheets and clothes on the floor
the nights cold
it kisses your checks
I'm home in my lover's arms
cuddling and asleep, just love at its best
calypso Dec 2023
frightening beautiful
oh, so beautiful it burns
our hearts are never full
and our minds are never content  
we tumble onto the worst
only to make the best out of it
and make art out of it

to be human is to be love, personified.
i love everyone
calypso Nov 2021
8 letters to death
3 words to break
1 breathe to lose

why did your first
have to be uranium?
talks about your first love with her unstable mental health
calypso Apr 2022
my love theory is that:
if you are "incompatible" with people because you are different,
you'll never know if they're your one if you trust what others tell you
you might have to go through a lot
yes, but the end result?
might just be twice it's worth
take risks, always!
calypso Apr 2021
the gates to heaven
led me to sin
they gave me pleasure
bestowed by the devil
a pedal, on a quiet lake
or the caress of your inflaming touch
upon my neck, your kiss still lingers
the bruises on my back
alters to be your love bites
change as a whole & half
but stay the same altogether
if I were one-year younger
I wouldn't understand
why it's so deranged when
I saw those words come out the gates
calypso Apr 2022
i forgot how you used to smile
and the sound of your delights
I forgot how you used to be
when we were alone
we used to say

we'd never forget these
they were our treasures
but it's been too long
since we last spoke
idk idk idk
calypso Jun 2022
i write and write
day and night
about the blissfulness
of you, and me
in perfect harmony,
when we're together

in every verse
i write my love out
sing my heart out
you make me breathe
i make you eager
the song we are
the dance our hearts do
when we’re finally one

we’ll be whatever we wished for
and everything we talked of
we’ll be us, the perfect duo
i love you baby,
and i don't care one bit
about nothing and everything
once you’re here with me
ive been writing love letters since march '21 wow
calypso Nov 2021
i still remember
the first time i saw
the October sun
when it hit your hazel eye
the rivers of gold arise
and my love fires

can I say it was true?
like the feeling like your hand on mine
can I love you greatly
and stay fine?
i don't want to hurt you
because I know I can
I just hope you know
it was never really right
calypso Feb 2022
from my new york window,
i can see tall structures,
see snowfall upon green rust,
tiny ants move busily on jobs,
with their lives, missing rides,
all of this from a glass wall.

from my new york window,
i can find peace.
if it means staring at life moving,
playing a one-person game

is new york always this quiet at night,
the stars not shining as bright?
does their light not burn through dark stone?
or bring out the best in all?
new york, new york
where are you?
where are your wonderful parties?
where have you been?

from my new york window,
i can tell its faint outside
where are your constellations?
they used to move around your city
i miss when they were nebulas
just starting to explore the world
i was never like a ball of fire
so eager to be thriving
so ready to leave being an atom,
joining molecules, being compounds

new york, do you miss me?
do you remember our memories?
of us in the snow, looking above, making angels,
talking about how life would never be enough?
new york, don't you remember,
you and i being friends, singing together?
new york, you don't remember me
because i was never there,
i have never been to your magnificent city.
you are for all the big lights, the huge suns
i was never made to be a fireball,
never so much one to live a free life
new york, don't miss me
I'm not worthy of being so precious like your sky.
i never was, i never will.
new york, my best wishes to you,
don't forget me,
when you don't know me well.
in the third stanza, im talking about new york during the pandemic.
calypso Jul 2022
i feel the heat in my cheeks
and from your hands
say it again
when i sleep
when i lay on fields
when i pick on the pedals
whisper it in my ear when we're alone
to me, it lost its meaning, becoming
an overused invaluable phrase
something everyone expects but never gets
i did for sure, and learned my lessons
but from you, it was different
nothing less than my shooting star wish
i landed on the right pedal
you say it when you are
when i think you're not, but you mean it
but you always remind me
and show me you do,
i do too.
im drowning in a field of flowers when im with him, more when im looking at him. he's my heartbeat. i finally have my fairytale!

i wrote "...,becoming" because it took time to be what it is today and to me.
calypso Jan 2023
full of words
and spilling tears
I could pretend to be okay for days,
but nowhere
am i near
i miss my sister and i don't know how to cope...
calypso Apr 2021
what if gold wants to disguise
as silver, but stays because
they don't understand
their self-worth?
love yourself before you realize how great you are, after you turn to pieces
calypso Nov 2021
as your lips move on mine
my mind understood your tongue
you're the cure of my thoughts
the only one I can trust with my love
you can make me happy
and you would try anything to
this is why I love you
you'd fight for my dreams if I let go
you'd fight me if I were hopeless
this life has given me one good thing
and I'm grateful it's you.
calypso Nov 2021
the glass shatters
beyond repair & recognition
does one being to fear
or smile?
calypso May 2021
i wish i was good enough
for what I love
was never wanted
in the perfect circle
I wanted to break
while others told me to wait
why waste time
you don't own?
set me free
bird flies far from home
can I gain my first feathers
or is thee seedling supposed to stay
this talks about being locked up against your will, by anyone, maybe they're doing it unconsciously, but you still love them
calypso Apr 2021
stick it to a wall
& sail away
go to the shore
and call it a day
to live, to lie
it's all just life
nothing's changed
just me, the same
i have no idea what this is.
calypso Jan 2022
warriors did not build
there barriers to be broken
made with a brave stone  
no push could penetrate

were an army of 86
to pull its length,
its fall would cause eruptions.
the land would be calm
never to experience destruction

where did they come from?
why do they build blocks?
how does an army dare
to divide the great wall?
my walls are my study block. i cant get myself to study for anything and I have my exams coming up. nice poem I got out of it.
calypso Jan 2022
music helps me feel
my blood flowing
it brings back my life
when I'm frostbitten

the lyrics I hear
makes my heartbeat
makes my breath low
makes my love fly
I wish I could be
like that all the time
because when the tune dies
all I hear is my head go
"where is your love for him?
did it die too, darling?"
im scared.
calypso Jul 2022
like an ocean during a storm
its never calm
whether I'm here
or with you in the moment
its rivers don't stop flowing
i have to endure
its constant screaming
for help. for peace, for silence!
i ask you to be quiet
for one minute, please
stop your cries!

do i have to crease existence
for you to crease this
piercing noise?
there was a day when i couldn't sleep.
i couldn't because i was thinking of so many things and my mind would just continue throwing intrusive thoughts at me when i tried to pacify it.
it was so intolerable, i had to take my first sleeping pill. i don't like pills.
calypso Apr 2022
he plays with my love
with the strings of his bow
it makes such a precise sound
consistently on pitch

he moves his hands
inch-perfect on strings
each tune a new sorrow
each string used
more infatuated then before
i love the sound of music, especially the violin. it always makes my heart stop and sing, on the highest pitch. it feels like floating
calypso May 2022
a husband and wife
maybe with 3 kids,
in a cottage house
or a cabin in the woods,
like the one we made up
like the one we say we'll run away to
when we were tired of existing

it has ivy leaves grown on its walls
it would tell its history - everyone who lived there
they were helplessly in love
just like we were
just like everyone told us
when we're oblivious
when our time was infinite
we had nothing to lose
we wore our hearts on our sleeves
our love was made for books
and people were romanticizing us
but this was the past,
a long long time ago.

time flies, my mother said,
old habits die hard luv
when are you going to learn
to control your heart?
to control your words?
because there will be a day
where all you'll think about is what you've done
from what you've promised him,
it will be your inevitable doom
so choose your words wisely
choose the ones you tell
you love them, the ones who stay.
i love love lalallalalalallalalalaallallaa
make up for my time out!!!  
these are not real they are fictional hahha yea def

— The End —