I close my eyes

And listen to the sound of her voice

And her laugh

And I know, that she's leaving soon

And a different person's coming back

Nestled beneath a cloak of constellations

Cerulean branches sway ominously in unison

Beyond, stands a house shrouded in mystery

Somber silence is heard upon midnight's arrival

Chain of stars encompassing the sky's lunar bell

Quadrilateral stones lead down a worn pathway

Shadows whisper through leaves in the hour of 12

You said that loved me

But do you love me?

How can you love me when you don't even know me

You only knew me for such a short time

You only knew my pretty side

You didn't know that I can get so difficult

You didn't know that sometimes I get so afraid

You didn't know that I like dancing around by myself

You didn't know that I'm scared of heights

There's so much you didn't know about me

And yet you went and said that word

But, you could only love me if you had met my dark

And I was too afraid to show you anything but light

I was too afraid you'd run away after seeing how bad I get sometimes

I was too afraid you would run away after hearing the things I sometimes say

I was too afraid, too afraid...

You love the mask that I wore, that's what you love

But that's not really me

You're in love with what I pretend to be

Not how I really am

Not the horribly imperfect person that I am

Just the perfect girl I wish I was

It was killing me
To know
That I meant so little to you
But now
It's killing me
To know
That you know that I cared

Wide awake, though I was sure I was going to slip into the dark of unconsciousness the moment I reached the mattress

Lying there, I listened to the sound of other people dreaming

My own mind wandering around today, tomorrow, and the unknown

I felt strangely calm, as if knowing somehow that everything I ever worried about, whether it happened or not, was purely irrelevant

Because, whatever tomorrow or the next day may bring, I know I will walk through whatever awaits me

I know I will face joy and pain and that we will laugh and cry and argue, just as we always have

My life is changing, but I will not desperately attempt to keep what is not mine

Some things and some people we are only borrowing for a while

I feel, in my heart, that this is not the end of my reality, just a reality

And I'm perfectly alright with that

Got my hands tied
Ropes made of pride
Can't say how many times I've tried
No longer counting the lies
Every day, a little more dies
Of the girl who was inside
All my daydreams
That, used to seem
Like they were almost real
Like, I could almost feel
Another life begin
My losses into wins
But, everything I used to think was as it was-

Was just little man-made fairy dust.

And, I can't trust.....

What most people do.
Because, most people don't have a clue
About what's real.

I can tell my secrets to the paper and it won't betray me

I can write my soul into the ink and I won't, misportrayed, be

A strong desire of mine is this:

To meet people like ink and paper is my wish

I wonder if when
He's falling asleep
Through his mind
Pass thoughts of me
Do they remind
Of how things were
How they could still be
Or do they just blur?

Of course I am angry

I tried my best not to love you

I tried my best to focus on your many flaws

I tried my best not to continuously see past them

I tried my best not to allow the carefully placed ice around my heart to melt

I knew better, I knew better a million times

Than to fall for someone who was always at war with himself

And yet I did

Yet I stupidly, stupidly did

Whatever pain I've felt, I accepted the very moment that I became used to wondering and worrying about you

The very moment I felt my mouth curve up instead of down at your irksome comments

When I began to detest your absence instead of presence

I could not focus on your flaws

I could not stop looking past them

And when I saw that my layers of icy indifference were turning into a puddle

I stood over it, horrified.

But my reflection only smiled back at me.

My mother warned me to stay away from the big bad wolf, years ago.

I thought it was very strange but promptly forgot about it.

Until the other night when you told me that you were very wolf-like.

But the big bad wolf didn't come to my door saying he wanted to devour my heart.

He knocked first.

It will never be me that he chooses
It will never be me that he wants
That's why I left
Because I couldn't take it anymore
Knowing he had so much of my heart
And I had so little of his....

And they all think I'm stupid

They don't say it, but, I know they do

I know they do

And gosh, I am

*I am

How painful it is
Loving someone
Who only sees you as
Just another girl
That he gets to say
Fell for him
Just another heart
That he claimed
Is......
Beyond my poetic ability
To express.

"The fumes alone could **** you," is what he told me in response to my joke gone wrong.


"Oh really?" I said. "That explains a lot."

Maybe that's why it smelled so pretty.

I read once somewhere that putting your hands under cold water will take away the desire to commit suicide and I don't know how many times I've run to the taps in my house and turned the faucet on full blast just because I needed relief ASAP. It's 2017 and I can hardly believes it even though there's only one month left in the year and my favorite color is black again like my undeniably exotic hair. I don't like being exotic but I have no choice but to accept the label. The sunshine here feels sweeter than it did on the edge of swamplands filled with alligators and frogs that might become someone's dinner. Here, people wouldn't be caught dead eating half the stuff on the menu where we were just two short years ago. Two years used to feel like a long time, but now it feels like an instant. I thought I would never grow up but then I started seeing my mother in the bathroom mirror and the little girl I used to see went away. Autumn will always be my favorite season, I'm sure. It's the most poetic one, and anyone who wants to challenge that is free to but I feel that it is. I'm going from bilingual to trilingual slowly but surely and I have good reason to never want to speak any language again but I won't let a guy take that from me. Not languages. I'm the kind of girl who can write an essay in a day and get an A on it but I'm also the kind that occasionally chases squirrels and cats and other small fuzzy creatures and forgets about everything else so you can make what you want of that. It's probably a miracle this hasn't gotten me in trouble yet. It's drizzling lightly and I'm wrapped in a hand-me-down that I'm not handing back up again. This warm shawl is mine, and any returns will be Borrowing. I never thought I would get used to the sound of anger but I never thought a lot of things would happen like they did. Humans don't know anything. Our knowledge is an illusion and it's going to shatter one day, like all illusions do but we like to have control, right? I don't even have to ask. I don't even have to know you to know that. It's just instinctual. Nobody really knows anything about tomorrow-we can plan, we can plan.... But it's not in our hands. It's amazing when someone you had forgotten remembers you but it's even better when you forget someone you didn't want to remember. I drift between remembering and not- the pain I once thought was needless had a method to it, and our ups and downs were curated with love. When I say our, I don't mean one or two people. I mean our. That word is collective. I don't believe someone like someone I don't know and won't mention could be like they attempt to, but I said I wouldn't say anything and I won't. I'd rather listen to rain, anyway. Ten years from now- I won't mention you either-because I am glad to be away from those chains of expectation and disappointment. And, because I owe it to myself to say It's alright. I can walk without crutches.

Hey guys I'm going to be leaving hellopoetry for a while, it's a nice website but I have a lot of stuff going on and I need a break.

Try to be understanding, and keep being amazing.

What if life is just one perpetual heartbreak?

But we will only

Ever be together in

My endless daydreams

So, here's the thing about lies
You tell and tell and tell them
And at first you flinch
At first, you don't want to
Lying pains your heart
But then you get used to it
You get used to the sound of
Half truths and warped words
And then, eventually
You can't tell the difference
Between what's real and what's not
And I wonder, if maybe
Reality is an illusion

I know it doesn't mean I'm crazy

Although, at times I have called myself insane

I know it just means that I feel things more deeply than most people

My emotions are magnified and I'd like to stop running away

It's just the same as it's always been

We both roll our eyes and laugh and sigh

Each stuck in our own thoughts

In our own lives, which just happened to intersect

Was it by chance? Oh but you know I don't believe in that

Your laugh could only be brought to my ears by fate

I wonder if we'll still talk like this years from now

Silently, I think about my life before you and how I never knew what I was missing until I found it

Please don't let this fade away with all the things that have

You're the only one who truly understands the days my heart cries and the days I can't help but burst into song

Precious person, you don't know how dear you are to me

This is what true friendship means, through the good and bad

Whether happy or sad

Even if we get mad sometimes, I will never say goodbye to the one who's been there for me through the worst of myself

How did I ever live without you? No wonder I have been miserable

So much was missing from my life

I'm sitting here eating peanut butter straight out of the jar

Thinking about how we talked the other night

How I couldn't stop laughing and how you teased me for being short

How I got offended and called you a giraffe hybrid but couldn't stop laughing

How you said I sounded like a 9 year old and I couldn't even pretend to be angry

How I thought the fact that you wrote about vultures was hilarious and how we both stayed up talking far longer than we were planning to

How when I insisted I wasn't interested for 2 hours, you insisted back for that long

How I fell asleep smiling and thinking that maybe my life was getting better after all

How I was embarrassed the next morning and pretended like it had just been a crazy shared dream, like the kind in Inception

And how you told me it was only going awkward if I let it be so

Once upon a time

There was a very young girl with ridiculously long hair, she believed it was her best physical trait.

She spent all her time in a room where she could hear the whole world going about their business and living their lives.

Often, she wondered, what it would be like to not be confined to this small space.

She used to daydream as she looked out the window, it was overlooking a garden with many flowers in it.

Daydreaming about what it would be like to be normal. About what it would be like to be able to get close to the plants.

But one day, she decided, it was too painful to daydream about these things. Too tormentous to be able to see and hear all the beauty she was so tantalizing close to, and yet never be able to take part in it.

So she closed the curtains, and the sun no longer shone through the window. No more did she sit there wishing that humanity and herself weren't separated by brick and glass.

Instead, she began to get used to the shadows. Telling herself that it was, after all, for the best. No longer allowing herself to even dream that she would ever be more than she was.

Just a girl that was forgotten.

But she grew older.

Older, and... She began to understand, that she was only as trapped as she allowed herself to be.

The sunshine had been looking for her,  and finally, she opened the curtains again.

Once again, she dared to dream...

But she wandered into a nightmare, and everything that she had never learned she was suddenly forced to.

All that naivette turned into pain, and she began to wonder why it had ever seemed so bad, to be locked away from everything.

I suppose it was inevitable.

The fact that we would meet.

The fact that I would expect warm sunshine where there was a storm brewing.

The fact that I tried my best to convince myself that I wasn't going to fall when I already had.

The fact that I ignored the alarms ringing through my mind and pretended that they were just music.

Smear the ink that spills from the wounds you left me with
Across my canvas, suddenly, I'm considered an artist
Kudos to me for writing about all my heartaches and heartbreaks
It's my only relief from breathing in tainted oxygen
Lungs half filled with other people's *******
I'm going to be a ballerina when I grow up, I used to say
Instead, I find, my talent lies in laying my emotions out for display
What I always dreaded I would become, I became
Just another poet, writing tirelessly about pain