A moving ridge,
Rattling,
The quiet of the night
With sizzling winds,
Whispering hollos from an inferno

Flames,
Boiling skin,
Molten nails
Flaring silhouettes
Of skulls with red eyes

The friends in my head,
Crouching in a corner,
Giggling,
The blood on my hands
Another soul, to be saved

I know of your flesh
Understand the smooth ways around your river
Meandering through your twin hills,
Into the valley of bliss

A peaking scream,
And a runner's breath,
To catch but a few,
Words between a sigh

Before, rolling again,
Into the chamber of literature
Where plays meet action
And romance colours the sport

Across a finish line
Where silence cheers on,
As the sky curves in,
To leave, but two beings,
Within, the petals of red roses

mothers

defiance

daughters fallen

bleeding on blades and razors



petals

dresses

blood stains

in the snow



bruised,

in the woods

the truth of her body

savaged by wild flies



a runaway

the girl from the tower

the ***

the money



the drugs

away from her ghosts

into the dark,

her master’s dungeon

"sorry Mum!"

I could bleed all the ink from my pen,
As a fountain of my sorrows,  
Streaming endlessly from a shattered heart
Masked behind these dry, but weary tears

But, the length of my scroll,
Short of a new page,
Appeals for a new chapter,
That I return to its headers,
To write within my past,
The story of a new self

You watch and admire,
This robe of nobility

A man of superiority
weighed by eyes of the old

But,

I am just a lamb for slaughter
On burning pieces of wood

Between tongues of blue flames, That they die before I do

Or rather,

Before that shiny edge of the knife,
Slices through my bare neck

And yet,

These known dangers foreseen,
But shadowed by my self interests hidden,

Behind this robe you like
A man just like you

Delighted by pieces of shiny metals,
And comfort of woolen beds,

Enjoying pleasures of flesh,
And scented rooms filled with flowers,

Before tables of spiced meat,
And golden cups of wine

But yet,

I am noble as you think,
And indeed enjoy the warmth of this robe,

To sweat and bleed for toils than myself
The beautiful world of happiness
And stereo echoes of laughter,
Celebrating a life well lived

It is the guilt,
Regret, plunging self-esteem
Hate, worthlessness,
Prejudice, hopelessness,
Secrecy, deception,
Desire, emptiness,
Rage, craziness,
Weakness, satisfaction,
Relief, anguish,
Brokenness, betrayal,
Joy, thrill,
Sadness, anger,
Hurt, misery,
Abuse, depression,
Loneliness, boredom,
Power, control,
Dreams, fantasies,
Violence, and suicide
That wound up,
The scars of addiction

His sad eyes wondered,
Landing in a small white could,
Swimming, a blue sky

Night falls, that crickets,
Drunk on dew, sing a new song,
To the star, and moon

The sun is a candle...

burning inside the mirror

Yet another reflection

It's rays fall cold on my skin

A bleached rose

smell the sixteen,

Whirl in the abyss of love

An ocean,

Drowning in its waves

The salt crystals molten on the walls of my lungs

A burning thirst,

addicted to the flames of your kisses,

fallen into a shade by the moonlight

The forever winds

Breezing on my rugged skin

The memories to the grave

Wilted flowers carried from it's stones

Into the skies,

When I become gray

We all know shame and understand to avoid it when necessary. But sometimes, we just walk down her street and hope the world would forget.
Do they forget? Or do you forget? The unexplainable embarrassment of the year.

Yeah! My case was a shame of the year and this is how it happened.

My grandma, "a hajat" runs a retail shop along a highway in some small town. It faces a rising sun which I enjoy bathing on the cold days.
I greet her, grab a chair, place it onto the verandah as soon as she opens her doors to the shop.

She is a tough person to read really. Unlike most elderly ladies who give a cozy feeling while talking to them, she freaks me out. Like she doesn't like me. Or for some reason, hates me and just blurs me in her mind's eye. And I think I did give her a reason to.


About eight months ago, I came to live next to her, at my own place in my own first home. A single room, rented, along a muddy road (cause it's raining now) off the highway. The building is one block away from where the shop is. So if the shop faces north, my room would face the east.


I should say I didn't know her until that time. Like we had not seen each other until then, and until she sold me a three litre Jerry can for I think triple the price, Ugshs 3500. And then, she gave me a reason to go to other shops. It was expensive even in my own ignorance since I had never done shopping for household items before.
So I tried other shops and bought a five litre jerry can at Ugshs2500. I was happy. It felt like money well spent. That I was a genius finally in control of my first days in the real world, away from home and school.
But at the same time, a wrong or the best idea of never to buy from her again. I mean, if family is to be exploited by you, am sorry grandma, I ain't going to be part of your legacy.


So the sneaky dealings started like I was buying drugs from another dealer and had to be sure she never comes to know. Not that she would do anything, but really it would look weird.

My new dealer would be a shop along the same highway, on the same side, just a one block away from the grandma's left.  A she of course, who undeniably is beautiful. A gracious voice and radiant smile, offering to do way good stuff if I buy from her. Like she sorts my rice so I take ready to cook and eat. Which of course my grandma, wouldn't do. And again, she is beautiful.


Anyway I usually peeked at the verandah to see if grandma wasn't there, then walk like a boss to my dealer whom am so proud to buy from. And this was just smooth until, I can't even say...


It was a normal black out, just a few candle lights from the still open shops, and flashing lights of passing vehicles. The sky was dark enough for the  many visible stars that dotted it's canvas. And this guy, myself, chooses to take a walk, masking the night, thinking about my own duties till I come close to my dealer's shop, "mama Mariam" that I remembered I had a pickup to do.

It was dark and if that wouldn't have been the best time, then there wouldn't have been any better. She was not on her verandah, but dumping ******* into a "pit." so I took hold of the moment and made the pickup. I didn't ask for a wrapping for my 1kg of rice and turned to leave the shop.

And duh, lights everywhere. To be specific, light above my head. Electricity was back from its normal routines as it always is in developing countries. Very bright. Probably a new bulb. Looking across me, grandma standing on the verandah looking back at me. With my spoils in my hands, I swear I wished to be anywhere else but not there. I was drowning literally in my mind that I froze for sometime. May be a minute or two. Until I went back into the shop and asked for a wrapping before walking shamefully with my head low.

It was the worst I had ever felt in a long time. Wait, the worst that I still do feel. So guilty that I have been avoiding my morning sun bath.

And when I did see her, she replied to me like nothing had happened. Huh? Nothing?!
Just with her stale face like before which could mean she always knew I bought from that shop. Or worst, "I don't care. You can go to hell grandson. You are a sellout."

And to the moment I write this, I still feel her stale eyes, hear her raspy voice like echoes from a nightmare that am never to wake up from, taunting me like a ghost.

Grandma, am sorry. But she is a pretty  lady the stole me from you. Please just understand why I had to do this. It was a tough decision that took seconds to make and would probably do the same until you start selling a bit cheaply. Wait, even if you did, she is a pretty woman and that's a good reason to keep buying from


And again, am sorry! Love you!

I dread the night
For its shadow too dark

Am lost, lone,
Within fabrications of a happiness

That even when I attempt,
This heart is but a dump

Working with the waste,
Of my varying emotions

Are there any?
Bored, Sad,

Angry, hate,
And a dominant pain

Sometimes numb,
Just another being

Skirting these empty streets
Of cheerful blurry faces

What is happiness?
Or do we only come to know pain?

Cause that I feel so well,
The depth of its fears,

To hate to love,
And love to die

Cause sometimes,
I just feels like it

Laying inside corners of a casket
Or ashes in a jar

Emptied into the sea,
To feel your soul sink

in a drowning darkness,
Suffocating in the mind

Chocking on thoughts,
Regret, a longing,

Of the past,
To correct, or enjoy

The flash of life,
That blows out like a candle flame

In a room so dark,
And the chains so heavy,
but yet a smile so big
One smells freedom
From a ventilation underground
And knows, that he will feel the sun,
Once again, warm on his skin

Drops of tender rain,
Open pores of my frozen skin,
My soul, free, within

"choose to be happy for

the

stars

are always shining

even behind dark clouds"

am lost within
the labyrinth
in my head

high walls run,
with creeping grass
entangling my heart

The old shatter hand
That smashed our hearts,
Crushed our bones,
And tore our tendons

It's mighty blows of death,
Casting our sorry souls,
In the land of despair
Sleeping on our howls

Sunken eyes, falling hair,
Peeling flesh, black teeth,
Decaying nails,
And a growling belly

The cover of the night,
Hiding from the shame of the sun,
And cheerful faces of the malicious
Whose hearts you blessed
With our woes of desperation

Why so wild?
Shutting your ears to our requests
But not our cries,
What pleasure do you find in our misery?

For no good or bad would sway your will,
And not our past or future,
Weighs the blessing of the present
So, why hide your face from us?

Mother had a ship,
With a white canvas falling,
Stretched by the winds of life

We enjoyed her deck,
Watching the apparent horizon,
With it's colours of the sunset,

Darkness faded in dearly,
With the gentle waves rocking us,
Listening to her lullabies of the sea

Of gods and monsters
Kings and queens
Under the lamp of the moon

Some nights were cold,
But her woven cloaks,
Always wrapped our little souls

And when we were hungry,
It was the grains,
Rice from a lost island,

The southern sea,
Merry faces,
Drunk on fish soup

What would a boy need?
Else jumping over the board,
To bath in the salty waters

Of course she wouldn't,
Keeping her dear ones so close,
In her arms of love

Until, one night,
Violent skies
Raging clouds

Howling thunder
Within flashes of lightening
And soaring waves

Slapping the ship's floors,
Breaking her mast,
Within squeaking wood

To finally split,
Choking on gushing waters,
Within our muted screams

Below, it was gloomy
The walls of death,
Closing in fast

Not a good bye,
A last kiss
Or hug

But a freeing soul,
Rising to the heavens,
Before a yank

Up,
Gasping for air,
my head peering,

Above the water,
Briefly,
And diving again,

To feel my lungs shrink,
As I sunk deeper,
To the gates of hell

But, a plank
That my hand took hold of
Pulling it to my chest,

In one tight embrace
Dancing to a turbulent rhythm
The hymn of the brave

To finally watch the sunrise
From below,
Up the endless fabric of a blue sky

Swimming, lone,
Following a lost map
In the vast sea of the living

The blades of betrayal cut deep,
Through the fabrics of the heart

A world never the same again
Contrastive, a true self revealed

The hypocritical roses of love,
Lying in these webs of deceit,

Lured by soft words of a smooth tongue
To be broken at the cliff of bliss

Now, fallen to the dark world of the unforgiving,
A vindictive soul garbed in tatters of trust

screams,

and hundred dollar bills


a squeaking bed

Working behind closed doors,

pleasures known to a faceless man


she suffocates in her tears

"I am happy or sad?"

she wonders


It feels so wrong,

but so right

Is this where I belong?


within a rush of a fading high,

and the agony of a broken heart


my waning spirit,

it drifts in this endless cosmos

as I watch its infinite stars,

burning out,

one at time,


to when I become devoured,

into its black hole

with my tears to the skies

Yesterday I believed not in love
And today I float freely in its realm

It is a world of hearts,
Beating at a matching tempo

Where bodies kiss,
Absorbing warmth and sweat

Hands move and explore
Making light touches so thrilling

Running from the toe,
To the last hair on your head

Becoming lost from the physical world
To that of elated bliss

And so, you say unto me,
That I am demented

But, how can I explain to you?
That which you have felt not

You may understand,
But never come to know what it's like

To wish time would rewind one second back
So you could hear her voice call out your name

To wish the sun would not fall for at least one evening
That you may watch her smile, amidst a beautiful twilight

She says goodnight,
And it feels like forever

Usually just a few hours to dawn
And I hear the other end of line die

So I wait on the clock until it's morning
Turning in this bed till every part of it feels uneasy

What's the point in feeling,
And yet, can't express yourself?
Like a huge bubble of emotion,
Expanded to it's limit, but bursts not

Sometimes I feel angry for my poor heart
Overriding my mind and taking control of me

And yet when it does,
Its drives me to places of wonder

So tell me please,
Is this the thing called love?

The Battle of consciousness
A labyrinth of truth,
And lies smartly overlain

Running from a past,
Clashing with the present,
To see a sunrise tomorrow

Reaching for a peak,
And numbed by ice,
To live in the clouds,

Above my nightmares,
Disturbing silhouettes,
And moving shadows

I know what I did,
My hands shiver,
And knees so weak

Reliving every second,
Of the dark night,
And each image so vivid

To forget that permanently written,
On a stone wall inside a cave,
Is to break down the walls in my mind,

To **** me from the inside,
And living without a soul

A master's whistle commands,
On a hunt, to the hounds,

To chase and not fail,
The deer's blood scented trail

Scraped by a swift arrow,
Flying through the nest of a true sparrow

Tearing apart,
The hatchling, from it's young spirit

The broken soul of its mother,
And bloodstain, on her quill feather

Shadows of bold letters
Anchored in hard covers
A writer's ship in a sea of thoughts
Blown at by the winds of muse
To tell a story, memory, an idea
The fantastical world of ink on paper,
Detailing sounds and imagery,
The dusty books of the attic

But strokes of coloured ink,
Life painted on sky canvases,
Beautiful sunrise, scary twilights
Amusing faces of admirers
So they hang in the halls of fame
That souls through time,
Shall forever remember

From smoke of random thoughts,
The world as it should be
Burning, a fire of invention

The pen wets the paper,
Smudges of a dark ink,
The calligraphic mastery of art

Following strokes of fine brushes,
On stretched surfaces of white canvas
The coloured sunsets of oil pastels

This, the epitome of a dreamer
The long bars holding,
And glass walls reflecting the mountains a far

Searching within particles of ether
The knowledge of outgrowth
Sieved through the many minds over time

The secrets of his soul
Hidden within the fabrics of the night
Away from the shame of the sun

He takes subtle steps,
Searching chambers of a *****,
From rays of a hollow moon

A wise man he imagines
Feeding his Frankenstein,
To quench his boiling lust

Oh! An Intelligent fool,
A beautiful noose he winds
Around his frail neck

Tethering his reputation,
On a decaying post,
To become but a slave,
When his past comes to light

In vast valley of knowledge
Flows the river of understanding
That the truth shall be seen clearly
Through the eyes of the wise
Unveiling mysteries of the past
To explain marvels in the present
And foretelling events of the future

A lone maple tree of wisdom
Stands firm in the riverbank
Gracing brilliantly in the valley
Absorbing understanding with its roots
And producing sap in its trunk
So sweet on the tongue
That man may taste of it
And live truthfully with his lips

Rivers of sorrow
Valleys of shattered souls
Stolen childhoods,  
Self interests of the masters

Beastly hunger,
Rewarded narcissism
Luncheons of meat and wine,
Decaying flesh and blood

Tainted,  fine fabric,
Disgusting games of folly
Echoes of hypocritical laughter,
On neatly furnished wood

And hidden gold daggers,
Windowless stone houses
An assassination burglary,
Lone dark nights, long

And clothed in honor,
veiled in arrogance
Despicable faces,
Masked with expensive makeup

suffocating perfumes,
A rising air across the gold mines
The soulless humans
The slave masters of the century

Crack, a littlesound from the mast
Reacting cordially to the touch of the monsoon
On her old wooden structure
A tender embrace he gives
Stretching wide the black canvas
Whispering tales of the brave
The once beautiful and strong
But now lay wrecked at sea bottom
Harboring souls of the deadCaptain Black and his crew
An old map of the sea
To the lost moving island
Resting the rulers of the sea
The great kings of pirates

Whoosh, gentle waves drifting
Rocking us rhythmically
A musical sensation it feels
Like a fine tune of a classical
Conducted live in the open sea
Trumpets, trombones and tubas
Violins, violas and harps
A symphonic sound for the traveling souls
And as the sea guardians work
Attending to Captain White in his cabin
I stand on the deck
Relishing thecold breeze
Watching the moon shiftOn a midnight sail

I slide my legs between the sheets,
feel the tender touch of warm cotton,
on my cold skin,  that my eyes close,
into a darkness, into a wonderland,
to catch the morrow
a Breaking Dawn,  dancing,
within the swords of the arena

over the shoulder,
sheilded by his shadow,
or clouded he is
trying to look into the future,
the games of the old
betting one's life
for gold and wine
robes of honor
on the counsel of the wise

within the heart
a pact of a brotherhood
on a climb to greatness,
a battle roaming
against the world
but now seeming,
two steps behind
so he walks, silently,
in the applause of his twin's success

The past defines not my present,
Even though its shadow,
Dark like a moonless night,
Tries endlessly to devour my illuminated soul

But rather, like the stars,
My honest deeds shine bright now,
That even in the wake of my sorrows,
I look back,

now and tomorrow,
At the man I was,
The man I am now,
The man I want to become,

And will, God be my guide,
Surely be...

You trade trust for a heart
The white colour of your eyes,
And the dark lenses,
That reflect the wondrous silhouette of your soul

Honesty comes forth from your mouth
With vibrant words of kindness
Breathing life to the wilting spirits

Your ears listen to the reflecting sound,
From the corners of each word,
In the room of hidden troubles

You raise your hands,
Supporting them that are feeble,
The heavy baggage of a big heart
And smile as you stride confidently

Can't deny,
That you rest upon walls of integrity
High and mighty,
Guarding your city of character

That many travel through your gates,
And yes,
Their souls rejuvenated,

To once again set foot,
Upon their variant paths to a better living

And u, my dear
The saint on a milky way

Tears soak the shreds of my heart
Falling from the eyes of my soul
Washing clean blood strains,
Of yesterday's wreckage

Our love life, a lost ship
Amidst the vast open sea
Strongly surviving countless storms
Until last night, when all changed

The night was beautiful,
A hollow moon and infinite stars
God's magnificent work of art,
Till when clouds swam in, and covered all

Lightening struck in every direction
And the god of thunder yelled with rage,
Calling forth the typhoon of the western Pacific
Stirring violently, dark clouds

The goddess of the sea raised her tides,
To height like one of the sky,
And then, slammed them onto our deck,
Sinking us into the deep waters

I thought we were dying,
Watched you drop motionlessly
As my eyes shut slowly,
At our ending life together

And yet, opening once again,
To a clear blue sky,
And your beautiful face,
Smiling back at me

Is it a next life?!
Cause I so desire to live with you
So you place your lips onto mine
Kissing them softly

To which I know,
That life, has for sure blessed me with another chance
To create more memories with you
On this lost island,
Where our ship wrecked

A shrink she is,
To my troubled self
Swirling thoughts,
blurry silhouettes,
Beautiful shadows,
Cast by a twilight

She smiles like it's sunset,
Resting cordially in a sofa,
Cross legged, hands on the knees

Her neck straight,
That I see blood pumping in her vein
At pace slightly above normal

I swear I would kiss it softly
Like a vampire, letting her feel my warm breath,
Onto her moisten skin,
While I smell her youth,
Like strawberries, red and luscious

Crazy i am,
But truly I know
That I need her next to me,
And not across a glass table,
Reflecting a magnificent sculpture of beauty,

But our bodies kissing,
Sharing sweat and warmth
Her voice melodic, echoing
And Her smell filling my lungs to the soul
Elating into bliss
And moaning in ecstasy

And yet, she fights the urge,
To claw across the table
Biting her lip salaciously
Listening to the words of a deranged poet
Luring his prey for a ****

The falling threads of her hair
Dark and satin,
In the yellow light of a dying candle,
Brushing lightly the wrinkles of my face,
At the temples, before the moon,
When she hung peaceful in my feeble arms,
Sharing a fatherly embrace

and even though am convinced within,
that am right and tempted to believe,
that am wise and lured to judged,
I lean on the counsel of the old,
the Socratic words from Greece,
a Confucius text from China,
and heed the advise of the guardians,
from the stars and their shadows,
listening to beat of my heart

I hate that I fall in love,
With you,
That you are my friend,
And dread the weirdness,
If you said no
Or yes,
That I become lost,
To how I would act

I mean,
I cast my thoughts
Away from your glamouring smile
The warm innocence in your eyes,
From which I find delight,
Of my reflection,
Picking out snow dust,
From your long and satin hair

You dance,
to a tune of a harp,
Of the winds of youth,
A heavenly *****
Lo,
An angelic body,
Peering through white cotton,
Filmy to a mind's eye

I hate to love,
The way you lie,
The brightest mind,
Forever a master,
In the chambers of my heart
That my soul is to you,
And so is this body
To bleed as you please

Why do I,
Long for you?
Do you even see me?
Perhaps it is, in the stars,
Where you hang as the moon,
And I,  
Am the wolf,
Howling, at your radiant beauty

The world through a glass of wine,
A ruby refraction of her curvy *****
Round like twin apples,
Luscious and so inviting
Man's undying hunger,
To **** once again on firm ****

Tender skin, soft,
An adventurous hand,  down her belly
Lightly mapping the navel
Before feeling the thread of silk around her waist,
On the hip side, raised slightly as my fingers run,
First slowly, and then quick, to the back of her knee

She moans briefly,
Abit surprised, or excited
the tingling feeling,  sending a million neurons,
To her mind, to the heart,
Racing, a rise in body temperature
As I breath, warmly on her stretched neck

She then whispers,
In a language of the two,
Her eyes rolling, lips wet,
"Sire, we are closing"
"You can't sleep here again,
Taking with her, my glass of imagination

The tears from my heart,
Fill the pages of this plea

Words of a broken man,
Who awakes to a lost love

Standing on cliff,
And calling to death

If this life feels like death itself,
Why live if I can't be yours?

Knowing you love someone else,
But failing to understand this aching

if I ain't yours,
Then why long for your breath?

A heart thing
Speaking a language I don't understand

A senseless falling,
Into the arms of one to stab me

Why feel so right?
But so wrong

A scribble to the last letter
For the man on the hill,
Touching the heavens and the earth
Crowned by the morning sun

I moan, oh! old one!
For my acquaintances with folly,
That now am tatters of shame
Blown at by the winds of laughter

Oh! these streets of many faces!
In this big court room am bound,
On a stand, by mockery
In the jaws of human cruelty

One side step many times
Off the rails of discreetness
A youthful adventure I thought,
Swayed by the inborn naivety

And so, I write,
My weary too heavy
That I seek the counsel of stars
To guide me out of my piteousness

To the man on the hill

It was the sense of control,
That she held the light for her soul,
Walking in the dark,
Blind to her illusions
That every step was right,
And the future was but a place,
Of abundance in riches,
Joy, a bliss for the heart
And a forever quenched thirst,
In arms of a strong love

Oh! A beautiful dream,
Where desires met perfection,
And wore robes of deception,
Chaining her heart,
With rings of black roses,
prickles bleeding veins,
To leave but a withered soul
The red in her eyes,
As she watched the sun fall,
Into a twilight, a true reality

The prince is a frog
Kiss his lips lovely princess
Live a Disney dream

Philosophy is one mad castle
The walls are illusive

The tiny drops of water hanging loosely on my hair,

These eyelashes,

It feels heavy to look through a midnight moon

My lungs collapse in a winter's cold

My tears are frozen on the inside

The blood prints of my feet...

trailing my path,

My present fails as it fades

This heart beats on

As I walk on water,

Into a sunset we call home

The wind cold and calm
Kissing the greyish fur on his back
As it carries the last breath of his prey
Clouds disappear slowly,
Like a curtain raised off the moon,
Revealing a reflection on his shiny claws
Dripping red from a first ****
Red eyes, sharp teeth,
A werewolf!!!

"I could eat the world," he said
as the blow s of hunger,
worked painfully on his breath

sighing he added,
"but only a piece i need,
some crusts of dry bread,
and a drop of water
to smoothly swallow with"

"and this face would glow
eyes like the sun
reflecting the joy of my soul,
through the curves on my lips,
wearing a smille like a flower,
blossoming in a desert,
the white petals of my heart"