I try my hand at poetry,
I am no great talent.
I write words that flow endlessly and messily
from my heart, merging with the words
my brain creates in its boredom.

I try my hand at being a girlfriend,
I have no great talent at this either.
For I often ruin my own good standings,
as if to stand only a little higher than my partner.

I try my hand at helping,
though I do not extend it as often
as I like. Most days it is hard enough
taking my own hand.

I try my hand at greatness,
though it cannot be measured
until the day comes where the only
thing my hand tries is resting for
eternity.

She said she knew who I was,
insulting who I am.

Some days I regress just because
it's hard to be strong, I am just man.

But even all the inventions and buzz,
created by a hand

Is all there ever was,
repeating again and again.

Words have never been more true than this,
If he honestly loves you, nothing will come between your kiss.

I sit before him in my room
"What would you wish for if you could?"
I thought.
Taking long, painful breaths I cried.

"Honestly how could you choose?"
A smile danced across his face.
"My child that is the secret to life."
Shame pouring upon me I looked puzzled.

Like a father yearning to comfort he leaned in
to whisper, "You must put aside all humanly
longings to decide what it is your soul yearns
for."

After an eternity of silence I managed to squeak,
"But what would you wish for?"
A smile upon his lips, "Well, nothing.
It just came true."

“You just need to know this is the first time I’ve ever done this without looking for an exit row.
And I’m pretty sure my seat can’t float but I’ve already fallen from the sky for you,
Already said no to the parachute,
Already told my mother you curse like a sailor and you love like the war is finally over and you have just come home and you are running down the dock in the harbor and you’re screaming my name.
You’re screaming “honey”
and I’m screaming “don’t trip”
and you’re screaming “honey honey”
and I’m screaming “baby don’t fall down”
I am running for your red lips
I am running for your red heart
With my red heart
Red as a Mississippi sunset
Honey”

brick*  
                                                      
­                                       *by

                                                           ­         brick
we build a nation on gold.
we lay foundation.
using cement made of souls.
we throw pocket change at you,
you hope it might pay the rent.

brick  
                                                   ­   
                                       by

                                                           ­         brick

we hope you notice our tricks.
so we can enslave or recruit you,
but you'll never be "in".

brick  
                                                   ­   
                                       by

                                                           ­         brick

We exist in plain sight.
We guise ourselves in importance
"integrity", and might.

brick  
                                                   ­   
                                       by

                                                           ­         brick

We built a white house,
if it doesn't follow our direction
We'll easily tear it down.

brick  
                                              ­        
                                       by

                                                           ­         brick

We monitor your "homes"
Though meager and uninteresting
We'll catch you should you roam.

brick  
                                                   ­   
                                       by

                                                           ­         brick

We are controlling the world.
You think you get it, you don't.
And you never will, girl.

brick  
                                                   ­   
                                       by

                                                           ­         brick

We use everything to fight against you.
Inflation, taxation, gas prices
Even how much you'll pay during cold season
for a tissue.

brick  
                                            ­          
                                       by

                                                           ­         brick

We hope you keep accepting.
If you don't look too closely
You'll never notice what we're neglecting.

brick  
                                        ­              
                                       by

                                                           ­         brick

We hid our ghosts in history.
If you pay attention to the patterns,
you might just learn from me.

If you suffer the struggle
as I have in the past, of being a bit rude
or showing your- you get the picture.

Bit your lip instead! Say a prayer,
with humbleness take a knee,
bow your head.
There is no desire too large,
or feeling too strong.
To lead you into what your
heart knows is wrong.

If you are tempted by truth,
or something more evil.
Remember inside that we're all
God's people! We all struggle
together, and we struggle the same.
And I hope this poem reaches you,
even though the rhyme scheme is lame!

Have you ever eaten a fruit and tasted pure life?
Waited for the perfect moment, and when you knew it, took a bite of sustenance that was just ripe.
And long after the vitamins, and juices fade
Succumb to the imitations they gave
Absorbing nothing but the feeling
That your insides are alright.
They give you enough to keep you alive and in sight,
but there are those who have woken up and see the shadows covered in real light.
They can end us all tomorrow,
But we'll come back with the power of knowledge we can borrow
We have the advantages to win our fight.
Spread the word, ain't you heard?
We've been alright.
This is just life.

Tell me what to do.
When the shades of a blue bird match
everything I put myself into.

Tell me where to go.
I know no home or family
I roam alone, left with memories of each other but they're people I don't know.

Tell me how to get there.
When I have lost myself.
I need to be someone else, I need to be true. My wisdom usurps the things I have been through.

Tell me who to cling to.
When the results of clinging to people can be seen everywhere. We have to exist together, love together, help together. But die all on our own.

Tell me why.
Any, why.

I love you, I love you, I love you.
But sometimes, I will just have to walk away.
I try so hard, I try so hard.
Goodness, do you see me today?
I know, I know, I know
There's things that can't be.
But I'm open as an ocean
Let my tides bring you out to me.

All that I am working with,
Is like the world's biggest magnet.
And I bury it with flesh and soft curls,
Emotions and the problems of the world.
I know my weakness is my strength.
I know you think it might cause me to stray.
But if I don't use my gifts today,
I'm sure that all I fight for will fade away...

The thing that makes this different
from any other love before,
is that I can't be indifferent
even if it is me you choose to ignore.

Even if the sun stops shining
and I am denied when asking for more.
I will still see your eyes and end up pining,
more than I ever was before.

There is an undeniable magic
when our souls are near each other.
Others may view this romance as tragic,
but I'd rather love you more than choose another.

You can break my heart repeatedly,
and fight with me heatedly.
But I will still feel a flutter
in all the right places, at every word you utter.

It might not make sense,
and paint me rather pathetic.
But around you now I forget the past tense,
and my heart waxes a tune most poetic.

I have found joy without
the one whom my heart swells for.
So I know I can continue on no doubt,
no matter how long we keep up this rapport.

I'd be Things Fall Apart.
I would teach you something important,
While remaining a beautiful work of art.

You'd find out in the end,
Why a 120 pound white girl
Would be the one they send.

I would give you a safe world,
I would show you another universe,
In your arms, for safe keeping, I would always be curled.

There would be significant wear and tear,
But my cover would be soft and deceiving,
Like my shiny velvet hair.

If I were a book,
I would sit exclusively on your shelf
Because what are the chances of being understood by anyone else?

If these walls could sing

They should want to sing only of you.

They would harmonize only with your name,

As I've found it makes the sweetest tune.



If these walls could sing for me,

and I have asked them to,

They should sing so free

of the time I first saw you.


When these walls sing

the crooning captivates my mind.

Telling the world how you love me

and how you're all mine.



When these walls sang

I had a heart made of fire

I danced without music

I never felt higher.



Why won't these walls sing?

Why are they so tired.

Walls have never seemed more dreary.

Since you've left and taken my fire.

But eventually, at some point
you will fade away.

and what happened here will
no longer matter.

There will be no evidence of
betrayal
lust
sin
anxiety
worry  
or anything else.

So why give this importance
instead of everything else?

It's about loving what is in front of you-
nothing else.

We see people everyday we'll never see again.
Why put it all on me?
Why not love anyone of them?

I can't undo what I did,
I would do it again.
The importance of all of it you might never understand.
But that's for you to discover now,
as I can't and won't
hold your hand.
Sorry To Be A Let Down,
but as it is
I am what I am.

It wasn't long before He sent you a helper,
and you knew it right away.
But what if we just made
a mess of the whole thing.
Made just for you,
but you missed the boat
did ya?

Noah said this ride is only for two,
and He left you there.
And boy, I miss ya...
Almost all the time.
But He told me to keep moving,
I just wonder why you're always on my line.
But I don't like this kind of losing...
Maybe that's not my place.
But He and you both see it in my face.
So I try to learn to bite my tongue.
And I'm not sure how it got so deep...
But it isn't up to me,
And no, it never was.

Except when I loved you only for me,
then got stuck loving you because
you set me free...

I guess it all depends,
on the length of your winters and the sin.
I had a friend-
long ago...sing songs and then let go...
again.

I don't think anything could happen,
where I wouldn't really know.
But I guess everything kind of just happens,
and I mostly never know.
You and I sort of just happened...
and then that became a no.
And then my Happiness happened,
I hope it is a state you come to know.

Because there are signs and then desire,
and I guess I have no way to know.
But why do I keep trying?
I think you and I both know.
It doesn't mean it isn't because I'm scared of dying.
But if I don't get to love you again before then-
then I guess I'll never really know.
I just know it's the only thing really worth it-
And when you let it,  I feel like I'm flying
you know?

I am never not surprised,
when someone else has the courage to look me in my eyes,
to tell me bald-faced lies,
that say I am too dramatized
as a white girl trying to equalize
and see the world before me rise
to say we're not satisfied
to say with honesty we despise
a government who seems to tyrannize
its citizens into fearing they be deprived
of food, water, and electricity. So they have to believe in the guise.
That we are a nation paralyzed.
By lies.  
I am just a twenty two year old, Caucasian female
addicted to the idea I can help you see we will prevail.
Our nation teeters on the brink.
Help me save our souls,
Before they take us out like MLK, Lennon, JFK
All with a blink.

Everything else for me ends here and now...
I have found the way,
and I have discovered how.
Exactly what I will say,
and hope you all realize the time is now.

We must unite to take back what is ours.
We must work for the greater good.
We must DEMAND a fair and beautiful nation.
Where no one is judged on beliefs about creation,
Where no one can tell us we have to do this.
Where no one is born into less than livable conditions the government lets persist.
WHERE NO ONE IS HATED FOR THEIR RACE.
Where no one can stand to hate while looking love in the face.
WHERE NO ONE IS BETTER THAN THE POOREST MAN,
JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE MORE WEALTH IN THEIR HANDS.

I AM BEGGING THE WORLD TO SEE ME.
*I just want us all to be set free

Save the words that you don't mean,
like holding back water that begs to explode in laughter
from your lips.

Save the hurts from which you cannot be redeemed,
You'll regret the unforeseen things you can't control
if you let them slip.

One day you'll be fine and serene.
Yet the moment "Sleeping" hits you at 4:44
you will be fine no more. No, you'll be a mess.

Friend, sadness does not stay at bay.
Regret doesn't live forever, either.
but one day...
One of them will stay. Though you'll choose neither.

You'll sit with it instead of the one you love.
And you can't hug regret, for it's not the same stuff
that you are made of.

And we're not supposed to live this way,
I've been doing a **** fine job. But when
I picture your face...
and the life we planned to have...
I just feel robbed.

But I know it is my own doing. A path I chose that got me here.
And just know it is myself I was *******, to be without your love oh, my dear.

It's a better life I'm pursuing. Free of fighting...free of tears.
And I know that's both of our doing...
Both of us that got me here.

God can take all the credit for what I'm doing,
and I hope he's helping you the same.
You were the brightest part of my life,
until unto Jesus my soul came.

I never claimed to be more than I am;
A spirit stuck in the body of man.
A curiosity to understand the master plan,
A girl who let emotions get out of hand.

I too have evils I have triumphed,
I too punished as I was punished,
Reddened the face of love with a harsh, flat hand
At the time I could not understand.

I too hated for no reason,
I once shot looks to strangers as though they were guilty of treason,
I too have felt there was nothing to believe in,
I once took daggers to my own skin just to feel myself bleedin.

But there was a reason,
For every bad day, nasty comment, heartbreak, and trauma.
There's a reason, I swear, for everything you call drama.
There's a reason, lurking under the surface of your life.
If you believe,
If you try,
To your dreams you can give flight.

This is a link to my campaign. I am writer, I have written a play geared towards social change. I have a self-esteem workshop I teach in conjunction with the play. We are 16 days away from the show happening and so much still has to be done! Including raising the funding! Please share this if you know someone willing to help!

http://igg.me/at/7HPrm4thiKw/x/10270964

We can't say these things right now,
But what I want you to know is I never forgot how
You evoked brillance inside my heart
Took an ***** so broken, taught it to be real smart.
It still loves, even after all that.
With me here, and you where you're at.
Nostalgia
To be your dahlia.
Woe is no longer me
Though I do worry if we can just be?
I once wrote I was shipwrecked, though I had no clue.
The depths I would rise from, like the Titanic, shiny and new.
I just don't know if we're something I can do.

" The time has come," she said to me.
Eyes of a child, I could not look at her directly.
She was the sun.
Bright with knowledge and fun.

" I'm not ready." barely audible.
She smiled as if she knew I no longer felt unstoppable.
I wanted to rest in her arms.
Break down my guards, let her shield me from harms.

But she could not pick me up.
Whether she is real or not, thoughts like this had my mind corrupt.

" You know better."
Listen to her to be blessed with better weather.
" Its time, my friend."
She wanted to see me in turmoil? Must my carefree days end?

" Its just a choice."
One that will turn my heart dark, or cause it to rejoice.
I need a voice.
What's hers is mine, except hers never worries about boys.

You and me,
what do we see?
Is it just a newsfeed,
or a platform from which I can speak?
Or a healthy host to spread disease?
Or something inconvenient like a nosebleed?
I should be reading about Meiosis,
or following a dream.
But I'm here at this desk
staring at this screen.
And I'm blank
and in pain,
and totally not serene.
Is it okay to not know what I mean?

Oh hello again,
poetry website that feeds my grief.
I am struggling with something,
it feels a lot like disease.
It's heavy and it hurts,
and feels cold like a freeze.
I never wanted any of it,
but it always finds me.

I empty myself out to try and get relief.
But it creeps back in the parts left open,
the parts that are just for you and me.
And I'm trying not to mind it,
but this type of trying never succeeds.

So it's just me, tears, and this website-
All I'll ever need.

Sometimes, I do not recognize myself.
And I think this is good.
For who I once was
Of that, mostly came no good.
I can laugh loudly now.
I can love the Lord.
Take comfort in His rod and staff
though my heart is pierced with the sword.
I comfort myself knowing that you are not mine, but only our Lord's.
Because He will take far better care of you,
Than I ever did before.
When my heart is like this...it feels oddly full, yet at the same time sore.
I pray your heart is fuller than any other man's, and all good things come to you through our Lord.

Miracles do happen.
All of the time.
If you open your eyes you'll see them,
you might even notice them in mine.
I know everyday for me is a miracle.
There's so much love...
But that's only because I choose it,
because that's what I choose to be made of.

I don't want you to lose it,
I don't want you to choose pain.
I watched you choose to be alone today,
and many other days much the same.
You say you want to be better,
I just wish you could hear the words...you can.
Because I know you so much...better.
I know you're a great kind of man.
The man that would bring me a glass of water,
or let me use him as a walking stick.
Or let me hold his hand,
even if the thought makes him sick.
The same man who makes me see the future,
and I mean that literally.
The same man who loved me into the woman I always wanted to be.

The same guy who is tender,
the same guy who loves so much.
Is the same guy choosing to be bitter,
but I love him just as much.
I know you will be better.
I know I cannot help.
But all my perfect, God-given happiness just doesn't seem so swell-
when you're spiraling and I know it, straight toward a man made hell.

I just want to tell my best friend,
who calls me a giggling freak,
that right now I really need you
and it isn't because I'm weak.
It's because my cat is dying,
and my ex-boyfriend is confusing
and I don't even know if he's still talking to me.
And I know that you're the same person,
but can we just pretend you're something, sort of in between?
Because last night was all about you,
and sometimes I could use a day like that for me...
But I am so afraid of giving when I ought not to.
Do you even know what I mean?

But another friend of mine told me,
would you rather say something you don't mean?
So I guess I'll just leave with "Please be happy".
That is all I need.

Today I am going to counseling.
A boring subject for a poem,
but thank you for allowing me,
to spill my guts here
it's kind of empowering.

At least here, the people who comment
are focused on my writing...
Which is really just a reflection of themselves,
but hey, I'm not fighting
it,
more like
inviting,
because any chance for you to put
yourselves in my shoes is alright, and
I miss the opportunities to connect
because I am doing the same thing.
Like being too busy trying to dial out,
while the phone is trying to ring.
Like living out in the open and always
complaining I'm not free.
That's just me.
But things still remain to be seen.

...I just hope I still write beautiful poetry.
.