constantly
weighed down
by things i still
hold on to

i think i still love you despite everything
how i wish you hurt me harder

bad days don't last

but good days
don't either

i know perfectly well how to swim

but if you were an ocean
i'd drown on purpose

i had no clue about art
but i knew a thing or two
from just looking at you

you tell me
these
blades
are dangerous

but darling
so are
my thoughts

you've
knocked the air from my lungs
lit fragments of my heart
and made me want to be wanted

you're
slowly stealing parts of me i never realized i still had
meanwhile i'm still busy stealing glances

i wondered if there was a word
for the sudden melancholy you get
when you think of a distant memory
as if there's gaping hole in your chest
the sudden feeling of loss for something
that was never quite yours - for someone that was never yours

i found myself whispering your name

TORN BEING WISHING YOU CARED ENOUGH TO FEEL BAD ABOUT HURTING ME
AND HOPING
YOU DON'T
HOPING YOU'RE OKAY
I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY
YOU HURT ME
BUT I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY
I LOVE YOU
I STILL DO
I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY
IT'S OKAY
IT'S OKAY
I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY
I WANT YOU TO HURT A HUNDRED TIMES
MORE THAN YOU HURT ME
BUT
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO BE HURT
I'M SORRY
I FEEL GUILTY FOR MY THOUGHTS
BUT
WHAT IF
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY CARe???
AND YOU'RE FINE???
I'LL BE THE ONE HURTING AGAIN
AND I GUESS
I'LL SETTLE WITH THAT INSTEAD OF
CAUSING YOU PAIN
I JUST WANT YOU TO BE OKAY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING
I DON'T KNOW
I'M SORRY FOR MYSELF
I THINK I LOVE YOU
BUT I'M
CONFUSED
I'M CONFUSED
I'M CONFUSED
DO I HATE YOU FOR ******* ME UP LIKE THIS?
DO I HATE MYSELF FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
DO I HATE YOU FOR NOT CARING?
DO I HATE MYSELF FOR HOPING YOU DO?
BUT
I'M STILL
HOPING
YOU'RE
OKAY

there are plenty of things i wish for
and all of them
are just
you

actually
*******
im not sorry
*******
*******
*******

everything i do
i do to impress you
everything i say
i say hoping you'd hear
wherever i go
i go to for i know
you're near
you're near

I am gnawing doubt and constant hesitancy
wrapped in a nightmare of a body.
My mistakes are my home, my flaws are where I dwell
But I swear to god
I know I've never been sure about anything
except wanting you all for myself.

you were barely mine
but it's like
i've already
lost you

we've never held hands
so i don't understand
why you've always had such a grip
on my heart

let me sleep

       and never wake

i fell for you
when you weren't looking,
but
i loved you
when it was too late

if i can't look you in the eye

i barely have the courage to look in the mirror

my mouth will never open
as these feelings overflow
the three little words
sit heavy in my throat

i know i shouldn't give up on myself
i don't want to give up on myself
but
its just
too
*******
hard

"people are temporary"

"so is pain"

but I can't heal the way
                           I feel about you

I watch you like a hawk

I watch you like I'm gonna tear you
                limb
                      from
                             limb

Will the hunger ever stop?
Can we simply
          starve
                    this
                sin?

I hope your throat tightens when you think of me.

i hate everything
would it be any less alarming
than when i say
i hate myself?

people like me always run out of words to say
but its people like you that make my lips stumble

im sorry i dont know how to be around you
im sorry you dont know how to be around me

i can write your name into my skin over and over
but it doesn't matter how many times i translate these feelings into verses
and convert my longing into lines

i can never write myself into your story

there is a difference
between two people in love
and
two lonely people who are together

you don't love me
but i can pretend
in time, we'll finally see
even the deepest scars can mend

DOES LOVE HAVE TO BE REQUITED
FOR IT TO BE CONSIDERED TRUE?

ive tried to forget how i feel
ive tried to convice myself to stop
fantasizing about things that wont ever happen
and how this love probably isnt real

i love you
i'm sorry
i love you
i'm sorry
i love you
i'm sorry
i love you
i'm sorry

i'm so used
to the bittersweet feeling
of love unreciprocated
i've grown tired
but
what am i
without this longing?

i don't think that even the most parallel of universes would've done the trick

you remain lightyears apart
even as we lay side by side

maybe we're both just waiting on each other
waiting to see
who's going to crack first

"Is it normal to cry every night?"

"For some people."

I am a desert and you are a tsunami and god I am ******* craving what will never exist.

it's hard to make sense of anything right now
but don't you ever just wish
we'd make sense
to each other?

in june i'll wish for
rain. i know you're leaving soon
i still wish you'd stay

how many times do i have to pour my heart out until a drop of blood might finally land on your cheek?