I am afraid of giving you my heart.
If there is one thing I will detest myself for being, it is vulnerable.
I can't stand giving someone the power to destroy me. I will avoid that at all costs, which is maybe why I can't love you.

I don't trust you. I love you, but I can't trust you with something as fragile and dangerous as my heart.
And the sad thing is, I don't think I ever will. Your heart is wild and open and is home to many people.
Mine is just for you.
And if one day you leave, then it will be a big hole of nothingness.
Empty.

And I can't let that happen to myself.

Nothing lasts forever.
Everything in this world is temporary.

We are living proof of this.

I have started to realise how important it is to find happiness within yourself, and not from other people.
The worst thing you can do is place expectations upon someone that isn't yourself.
Because believe me, you will receive nothing but disappointment.

I miss looking into your eyes and thinking about what you are thinking. I miss how the colour made me feel loved and protected. I miss the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled my favourite smile.

I miss the way my heart beat faster every time I heard the sound of your bike because I knew you were always near me in about 3...2...1 seconds. I miss the way my security called me and told me you were here and I would usually have a panic attack because I was so unbelievably excited to see you.

I miss the way you used to hold me, around my waist, hold my hand, and hug me. I miss the way I used to smile against your chest when you hugged me.

I just miss the good times we had together. The times where I thought to myself, "**** could this day get any better?" I used to whisper that before I went to bed with a smile on my face that only you could cause.

I just miss you. I miss loving you. I miss all of you.
It's sad that it's over. It's sad that it's just memories.
Thank you for them. I'll treasure them in my heart forever.

I'm afraid that we will run out of fire for each other, that we don't have enough passion to keep us going. I'm afraid that darkness threatens to engulf our flame. I'm afraid that you'll leave me; I'm afraid that I'll leave you.

I don't know what the future holds. No one does.

Today we decided to tell the world that we're in love
I'm officially yours
and you're mine.

To you

I'm not really sure how I'll start this letter, which is a first since you know I love writing them. I'm trying to picture your reaction as you read these words, and I am both relieved and frightened. Relieved, because I finally have what I have been wanting to say for months off my chest. Frightened, because I may be making a grave mistake that I'll surely suffer the consequences of later.

You are like a drug to me. You're not good for me, and I'm not good for you. Yet I keep wanting you, missing you, craving your presence. You still take up about 90% of the thoughts in my mind and I wake up, every morning, thinking about you. I've been doing that for months, and I wonder when I'll stop, and it scares me to know that it may not be for a while.

Is there a reason for this letter? Yes, there is. I need you to know the words I have never told you. If I had to die tomorrow, I can promise you this: I'll die regretting not having told you this. You meant so much to me, and yet somehow you still do. Everywhere I go, you seem to follow me, haunting me like a ghost. And, to be completely frank, I deserve better than you. And I felt like you never appreciated me, but at the same time, it was my fault for not showing you who the true me was. I was always scared, so stupidly scared. I never showed you my true ability to love, and for that I am sorry.

I don't exactly know what I'm asking for you, or if I'm asking for anything at all. But know this - I miss you, and if I could redo our time together, I would.

I hope you have a good life. It hurts me to know I won't be apart of it. But hey, people come and go. That's life. Maybe we will both find someone better.

- Someone who was once your everything x

What does "I love you" really mean?

It means that I accept you for who you truly are, with all your imperfections and flaws.
It means that I would do anything for your happiness; it doesn't matter about my feelings, it's about yours. As long as you are happy, I am happy.
It means that I can't go a minute without thinking about you, and you constantly occupy my mind.
It means what it means: I love you, really truly love you, and I will never leave you or let you go.

Writing poetry at midnight because I can't fathom the thought of losing you.
Somehow I hope you find this and read all my words unspoken.

We are together, yet we are not meant to be together.
I am terrified of hurting you more than I can love you. Your happiness is all that matters to me and I hate the fact I am giving you sad happiness, I can never give you joy without the pain.
You don't deserve that.
We love each other so much that it is dangerous, it's toxic love. The type of love that we both know isn't right, yet we carry on drowning in it anyway.

No one makes me happier
And no one makes me sadder
Than you.

How bittersweet life is! Here, let me give you happiness.
But know at the back of your mind that it won't last forever
Sadness is around the corner
Constantly threatening your soul.

One day you'll find the person who makes you smile.
And I mean really smile -
When your eyes crinkle and the corner of your lips raise ever so slightly
And your teeth burst out like rays of sunshine from the ocean's horizon

One day you'll find the person who makes you laugh
And I mean really laugh -
When you genuinely can't stop
And your sides ache and you gasp for air

One day you'll find the person who makes you happy
And I mean really happy -
When you catch yourself dancing for no good reason
Or singing at the top of your lungs because joy needs to be expressed

And when you find the person who makes you feel and do all these three things
Never let them go.

When I miss you, I look up to the sky.
The colour is identical to your eyes
And then I find myself smiling
Because I'm reminded you're always near me.

You're the person I fall asleep thinking about.
You're the person I wake up thinking about.
You're the person who holds me tenderly, whose gentle kisses ignite flames inside of me, the only person who can touch my soul and not only my body.
I think I've fallen in love with you, but I don't know love well enough. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've never had someone like you in my life.

All I know for certain is that you are my special person.
You are mine.
To kiss, to touch, to hold, to comfort.
To laugh with, to fight with, to play with, to love with.

I think I've fallen for you.

I am in a labyrinth in my mind.*

An endless maze, of lefts and rights and turns and corners
It stretches on, and just when I think I have reached the end, I toss myself back in
And it all looks the same
Yet so bizarrely different
I'm trying to find you
And I have such a longing to find you
But yet I know I am so, so lost
And I don't know *how
And I want instructions - where do I go?
Is there a destination I must reach?
Is there a lesson to be learned?
A turning point?
Is time the only factor?
I don't want to be lost.
I want to find you.

Please, let me find you.
I want to find myself.

I just don't want to hurt you again.
That's the only thing that's stopping me from telling you that I want you.
The fact that I can't bear to do the same mistake not once, twice, but three times.
Hurting you was the one thing I promised myself I would never do. Hurting you killed me in many ways you don't even want to know. I not only broke you, but I broke myself, too.

I want someone to look at me and think
****
She's the one.

And when I see it in your eyes, I will know the truth.
I am yours, and you are mine.

I can already feel myself healing, growing, getting happier. It doesn't hurt so much when I see you because I know you are still in my life - for now.

Gone are the days when I knew you were mine forever.
But at least you are with me.

For now.

Find someone who puts you before themselves.
Who encourages you to be true to yourself and embrace yourself.
Because you deserve to be accepted and loved for exactly
Who you are.

Stop and take a moment
Look around you and simply
Appreciate
All the good things in your life.

Do I miss you?
Of course I do. I don't doubt for a moment that what we had was real, and I don't doubt for a moment that I was falling in love with you.

Do I want you back?
Of course not. Our souls shared a timely encounter but now it is time for both of us to move on. Even if we parted on bad terms, I have accepted that. It's human nature to remember the bad and not the good. But I still remember the good about you, no matter how much hurt, betrayal, pain and sadness you have caused me.

Do I still care about you?
Without a doubt. It's a funny thing about me - I'll ignore you, and it may even seem like I hate you. But I still don't want anyone else to hurt you and I still truly want you to be happy. No human deserves unhappiness, and especially not you.

You know what I can't understand? When people see hardships in life as a struggle and blame other people or God for their problems. If anything, be grateful for your time of difficulty. Say thank you with a smile on your face and then sit it out and focus on improving yourself. In the end, you'll only come out stronger and a better person than you were before.

It's painful that we have to go through hurt in order to undergo change. But it is necessary - and that is often forgotten. We all need to change and the only way we can do that is if we do something out of our comfort zones. If we don't change, we cannot grow. And growth is one of the most crucial parts of life.

I firmly believe happiness is a choice. No matter what situation, we have the power to make it a good or bad one.

It's all a decision that we make. The way we choose to perceive a situation can determine the entire outcome.

I have slowly but surely fallen in love with poetry.

I love the truth of the raw, cutting words that I can write.
I love the ability of using words to bleed, to express, to encapsulate a moment.
I love the feeling of release, relief and self-happiness that it brings me.
I love the peace of mind.
Poetry soothes my soul, allows me to breathe, allows my mind to wander for a brief period of time.
It allows me to think, to be more than myself, to say exactly how I feel and  not feel embarrassed or ashamed.
I love the voices in my head when I think deeply. I love the way my hand moves effortlessly because the words come so quickly.
I love reading poetry. It truly fascinates me, the way another's mind works and thinks. It captivates me when I can feel their emotions through their words.

I find myself when I write poems. I can paint my mind in writing, and create masterpieces.
I can see life a little clearer and a little brighter.

Fall in love with words.
Fall in love with poetry.

You're still in my thoughts every day
I wonder when I'll finally escape you.

Don't be sad about something you can't change.
You'll look back and wonder how you wasted all that precious time being anything but happy.

The one thing I regret with you is not being open enough.
I never told you how much you truly meant to me, how much your touch affected me, how much your kisses burned me.

I never told you that I had fallen for you since the beginning, when we first began talking.

I never told you how the thought of you can bring a smile to my face or send shivers down my spine.

I never told you that I had dreams of you being mine, months before we were even together.

I never told you that I had cried over you because you told me you liked her and not me.

I never told you that I was in love with you because I was scared of what you would say.

And now that I can never tell you these things, I've realised how much I really should have told you.

To anyone reading these words:
You are enough.
You are worth it.
You are brave.

*I am so proud of you, and you should be too.

I made a wish in a wishing well.

I wished to fall in love, marry him, and find true happiness.
I thought of you when I flipped the coin into the water and saw it splash, submerge and disappear in the darkness.

Here's a comforting thought when facing troubles in your life: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
People all around the world have been through something similar. And if they can get through it, so can you.
Be grateful. It could be worse.

Be different. Be insane. Embrace the music your heart sings and the wild creature that is trapped between your ribcage.

Know that you are different, and that is okay. You are unique. God placed you on this earth for a reason, and that reason was not to blend in. You are your own perfect self.

Sing the song that resides in your soul. Have no shame. Let the world know that your voice is one to be heard. And if no one can hear your shouts, then

Scream.

Your words are like drugs and I am addicted.
It scares me how quickly you can lure me in and how blind I become.
I know you are all wrong for me yet I keep wanting you.
I crave your presence and your words you speak, those words that make me feel like I'm high.
I have never understood how an addict can stay an addict, how any human could purposely do something that you know is harmful to themselves and not just walk away.
But boy, you make it easy to relate.
I am so afraid of hurting my heart. And I cannot believe myself that I still let you. I guard my heart, with concrete walls that are indestructible to some, but yet when I see you they just shatter and my walls have broken again.
I need to escape this or else I'll die of an overdose of you.

The thought of you makes me feel, think and wonder a thousand things.

1) I wonder what goes through your mind. I wonder if I consume your thoughts like you do mine. I want to know your hopes, dreams, plans. Tell me all of it.

2) I feel warm, like the heat of a blazing fire. I feel it radiating from my soul when I think of your eyes. How strange to describe an emotion as warm. But I'm being truthful.

3) I feel blissful. I feel like I have found a purpose to live and to love. I feel content when I think about your arms and know that it won't be long until they find me again.

4) I see hope. Hope that I can spend the future with you, that we can go on adventures and see the world together with your hand in mine. I hope that we can build memories that we will never forget.

5) Know that you are special. You are not just any other person in my life. You have crossed my path for a reason. You may never know what that reason is. But I know. Trust me, I know.

6) I smile. The thought of you makes me smile. It makes the corners of my lips twitch ever so slightly. Not many people can do this to me. You are very special.

7) You are mine. Not for forever, but for now. And that is enough.

They say our dreams come from our subconscious mind, it is our thoughts deep from within ourselves searching for a way to come out.
Last night I dreamt about you.
I dreamt we were still together, cuddling in your room, holding hands. I dreamt we still loved each other. I dreamt you were still mine. I dreamt that we were both so happy, so impossibly happy. I remember laughing with you, smiling with you.
I remember the feeling of you holding me, kissing me, and **** it just felt so real. For a moment I believed it was real.

And then I opened my eyes and Reality smacked me in the face, and it hurt harder than it should.
"Silly little girl," Reality said. "Memories are memories, and dreams are dreams. Dreams are not reality, no matter how badly we want them to be. Don't be stupid."

I think the worst feeling in the world is being misunderstood.
You think, believe and dream in a certain way but because people assume they know you better than they do, they instinctively think the latter of you.
My behaviour is who I am. I am myself. I am erratic, indecisive and irresponsible. Yes, I admit that.
But I also have the ability to love harder than anyone I have ever known when given the chance. The only thing that holds me back is fear. I can't invest everything I have in one person because there is always that chance they will leave me, and then I will be left more than empty  - I will be broken. I will have nothing left inside of me to love anyone else that isn't you.
I wish you knew how I really felt.
So yes I am misunderstood, and I am sick of it.

I wonder what my life will look like in ten years' time.
It scares me that the future is unknown, yet it thrills me.
I wonder what faces will surround me on a daily basis, if the people in my life now are merely passing through or if they are here to stay.
I contemplate what is permanent, and what is temporary.
I puzzle over what will occupy my time. How will I make a living? Will I be living? Will I wish I could relive my life ten years ago?
I pray God will stay with me, wherever my life leads me. I pray my wish comes true. I pray I will be living in true happiness and find true love.
I think everyone deserves that in this life, at least.

I hope we can pick up the pieces
And heal together, grow stronger together.
I miss your friendship more than anything in the world.
We can build it together again. We can try pick up where we left off.
But that will require space and time.

Like many others have told me
Time heals all wounds.

Someone once told me: "If you truly love a person, you will be willing to love their flaws. You will take the bad with the good, because good comes with the bad."

I can love your imperfections.
The question is
Do I love you enough to do it?

Goodbye to my first love.

I have never felt this type of pain before.
It's a new pain, a pain that eats right into your bones and makes you question your very existence. It's a pain that hurts you so badly you would do anything to escape it.
No wonder they call it heartache.
It is literal.
I can taste the salt in my mouth from my tears running down my face.
I can still remember the sound of your heartbeat when you hugged me against your chest.
It hit me at that moment that it would be the last time I can hear your heartbeat. The last time you will hold me.
You are everything I love and everything I hate. Because that's the truth - I loved you. I still do. I always will.
I will never forget the happiness you gave me. I will never forget the way your hand felt in mine. I will never forget your smile, your laugh, your voice.
But **** how I wish I could forget.
It would help me heal if I could forget.
But then my biggest fear would come true: I would lose you. And above all things, I don't want to lose you.
I hate myself for hurting you. I hate you for hurting me.
The funny thing is, I never imagined this happening. I never imagined it being so difficult. I never imagined it hurting so ******* much.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for not being the girl you wanted. I'm sorry that I ended up being a disappointment.
I miss you so much it kills me. It kills me to know I can't call you mine anymore. It kills me to know I am no longer yours.
Was I not worth the fight? Did I mean that little to you?
I feel bitter but I know in the end that what we had was special. It was something I will treasure forever.
I don't regret it. Once time has healed us both, we will be able to look back and smile.

Thank you for the memories.

It broke my heart when I saw you cry.
We may as well be strangers, but at that moment I didn't care.
I wanted to run to you and demand that you give me some of your pain so you didn't have to feel it all. I could see you dying under the weight of it and I wanted nothing more than to save your precious soul.

Pain is a burden and it is unavoidable. It will never leave us alone; it will lurk around us like a dark omen and keep us in the shadows until we give into the screaming in our head and just
Feel it.
It killed me to see you suffer and know there was nothing I could do but stand helpless.

I have never felt so blissfully happy in my life.
My days are perfect when I'm with you.
You fill them with endless joy and I
Love you so much for it.