I remember when we were young going to a college for photography meant buying an expensive polaroid and becoming attached to its every corner. Now it signifies buying a portable Photoshop. I remember it used to mean dedication and work to hide in the dark for hours only for one photo for which you'd never want to let go. Now it's the darkness that you avoid because everything must be bright and vivid to be true. I remember how the goal was to bring to beauty out, not shut the beauty away! Now time has lifted those memories and set them far away.

My friends call me nice,
You call me a ****.
My friends treat me well,
You treat me like dirt.
So tell me again why blood is thicker than water,
And how I must give you full respect because I'm ONLY your daughter.
Educate me on the ways of the ancient wise ancestors,
Who respected so highly each our freedom's brave molesters'.
Keep telling me how youth breaks governmental laws,
And how if you're older- then you're better than your teenage boss.
How the world CAN'T be mine until I'm 25 and I'll ONLY be as good as you were for as long as I'm alive.
Oh please, keep telling me how live is,
And the 'natural way'.
Keep subliminally crying out these words to me,
Trying cheat me of my say.
Because maybe you do have the elder wisdom lodged between your ears,
But BETTER, WISER, MODERN men, know wisdom isn't based by our developmental years.

My love was lost on a battleship.
The devil up her nose.
She didn't care that she had no hair,
and she always smelled of rose.
I gave my heart in a thousand ways
to the girl with the long half-dress.
The snow white with the palest face,
and so much more pale lips.  
I recall how I first said "I love you" on the rusted monkey bars
but today she said so saddened, "give me to the stars."
She gave a peck
and whisked away.
But I prayed to see her a week from today.
My love was found in a house we once ran,
she wore her hair ground low,
and smile as big as she can.
We both looked out the window at life's passing cars.
I said, "I love you".
She said, "give me to the stars."
Her eyes so slow grew colder, older, more decrepit with each day.
I tried to act happy, but I just wanted to look away.
She wasn't the same as I once knew!
Her expressions never changed,
She was so white lined with blue.
It wasn't what my mind arranged.
I could feel the bleeding of her sewn shut scars.
I said, "I love you so much"
She said, "give me to the stars"
She was an orb of light before she whisked away.
The stars could not compare to her blinding day.
But I prayed her back from her holy grave,
She became a ghost.
She became a slave.
I cried and found my solace at last,
After holes in the wall and broken glass.
I'll told her, "I love you, near or far."
She told me, "I will be your star."

Words-
They brought her down like a straw house.
Secluded her like a trapped mouse.
They gave her fear and she learned what lonesome was,
They taught her to hate and never again would she trust.
From a simple "hello" to a complex "goodbye",
She was alarmed and aware, and no one knew why.
Because words-
They stained her mind,
Imprinted upon her heart.
Lit a flame in her eyes that drew in dark.
Words-
burnt to her young tongue but not to theirs,
came with eyes like dark room spotlights.
Hard... cold stares.
So there the monster sat in fright-
a moment of despair,
but long came one sweet somber friend-
the trusting, loyal pup who'd always care.

When the sky falls down and they all must crawl,
            I don't wanna run anymore.
When we've lost it all and the clock will fall,  
         I don't wanna run anymore.
When the stories long and our hearts weak,
Our words are gone and we got numb feet,
The things we knew are all simply sand
In
The hourglass.
I don't want to run.
I want to stay and fight.
Fight for friends,
Love,
And with strength from above I will reign and my waves will crash...
When you hear the ethos call,
"When the sky falls down and they all must crawl,
            I don't wanna run anymore.
When we've lost it all and the clock will fall,  
         I don't wanna run anymore."
No, I just want to fight. I'll be here every night. With the waking of a deer in the light. Perhaps fear is in my blood, but I will not give up. Because I've heard from the holy light,
"When the sky falls down and they all must crawl,
            You shall not run anymore.
When you've lost it all and the clock will fall,  
         You shall not run anymore."
Oh I shall not run- anymore.

Found by the playground
eyes circled and grey.

She wanted love,
she didn't want to play.

And it was a first time for me
feeling this sweetness wrapped in my arms.

Meek, flexible, honest, optimistic,
and so hopeful for the day to come.

This warmth I feel right now-
is it mine or hers?

Is it to keep or in the moment?

Because at this very milestone she feels so miracle.

The spontaneity that she would just-
appear.

Not at 'any' moment-

when I was in a hole of desperation-

pessimism enough to give away it all.

She lit up with every step I made and I made each step on a noose.

I felt a NEED to be with her.

"I NEED to be with her."

But life has roads

and roads have bridges,

which lead to oceans and marine's ridges.

Oceans find boats,

lost at sea.

That's my mistake, you never see.

It's why I like you.

Why I care.

Without that quality would I still care?

The one who survives by making the lives
Of others worthwhile
She's coming apart
Right before my eyes
The one who depends on the services she renders
To those who come knocking
She's seeing too clearly what she can't be
What understanding defies

She says I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

She turns up the light
Anticipating night falling tenderly around her
Watches the dusk
The words won't come
She carries the act so convincingly
The fact is sometimes she believes it
She can be happy with the way things are
Be happy with the things she's done

And yet I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

Reach out, hold back
Where is safety
Reach out and hold back
Where is the one who can change me
Where is the one
The one

Reach out, hold back
Where is safety
Reach out and hold back
Where is the one who can save me
Where is the one
The one

I need not to need
Or else a love with intuition
Someone who reaches out to my weakness
And won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
But now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in the snow
The danger and the power
Friend and the foe

I'm tired of the hard life
One road to misery
The bridge that breaks
In London
The scars of our expressions
That still bleed
I'm tired of the lemons
I'm tired of lemonade.
There's not enough sugar
Or water
And I sit at this stand
Unpaid
There are limits to be made.
But how-?
I'm tired of the ultimatums
"...my way or the highway..."
I'm tired of feeling like a human,
Naked,
In a steel,
See-through bubble
At the bottom of the ocean
Freaking out
I'm tired of the notion
That things get better
The more you shout
I'm tired of win or lose
I'm tired of die or live
I'm tired of morals
And human way
I'm tired of take
Being the same as give
I'd love to run away
But how-?
To die,
But no
I'd love to walk away
And just go
So simple
Yes,
It's quick
I'd be gone
Beyond our fantasy
My soul would be neither here
Nor would lie there
Yes,
My soul would simply be
Bare..
I'd frolick about without underwear
I'd dance without chains and I wouldn't care
I'd frolick
Here and...
There...
But where-?

Play my Spotify playlist at my funeral. Don't cover me up with flowers and things prettier than death. Let me soak in the sun no matter my souls depth. Tell every boy I've loved, I loved them. Give all my possessions to the poor. Feed my leftovers to the hungry...I won't need them anymore. Love my friends like family and treat my family like best friends. They won't push you away, but they won't let kind folk in. Resound my voice on the day I die, saying  ,"It will be okay." Even if I'm not there, I know you'll find a way.
  This isn't a letter for suicide. Don't worry, I'm not saying goodbye. I'm just saying what I'd like you to understand about me before I the day I die.

By earth and by sky,
by lands and by sea,
I've been caught in a web by my enemy.
Close to the edge and yet setting free,
I've been caught in the web of my enemy.
Mere cats in my way,
chewing the day,
I sway my tail,
a lost in the may.
Careful I watch,
for the worry I've learned
the fear that I know,
of a third-degree burn.

Father's hands were always warm,
dry,
callous.
Father's love was always kind,
strict,
confusing.
Father's name was never father.
Yet he spelled it for the crowd.
Father had no daughters,
but I played his Mother proud.
Food was steaming from its ***,
served to him each day.
And surely times we often fought,
but we always found a better way.
When we met his world was grey,
and now he asks me why I stay.
I always ask if he's okay,
but never does Father want to play.
Father always hides away.
In the house he sits on the couch,
with a good book in his hand.
I say, "Won't you smile at Mother?"
He says, "I don't think I can."
His 32 wisdom teeth,
cause me to misunderstand.
I sail to be his atmosphere,
never hitting land.

But Father is a genuine diamond,
a shine among the dust.
He may be a rough,
but with dedication he'll earn trust.
I'll never be the wife of Father.
I'll never know his love,
but he can be with others
...its hard...
but helping him is enough.

To be within but never without.
      Drifting by like drift wood shore to shore.
Knocking and ringing with scythe in hand,
      Cawing messengers, "Nevermore."
Shall specks of light shine in the night,
      be waved into the dark.
Beckoning for filling within,
         beckoning for angels to hark.
And hark they will for each hole they fill,
          but what man is an island, is still.
To be an art craved in the sky,
             no longer asking, but why can't I.

Breathe.
Receive.
Achieve.
Believe.
Be strong.
Be honest.
Be good.
Be right.
Don't fight.
You're alright.
You'll make it through the night.
Be the night light.
Be the sight.
Be the freedom.
Be your desire.
Don't pull yourself down,
push yourself higher,
as if a comet on fire.
Move forward,
onward,
upward,
higher.
Fly so high,
as if a comet on fire.
Be better.
Brighter.
Outshine the sun.
When they tell you walk behind them,
trust the time to run.
Be open.
Be off-guard.
Let it all go.
Maybe you'll get hurt,
but you'll definitely grow.
You'll definitely glow.
Like a flower of the sun,
always looks to the sky.
Live life like a miracle,
because one day you die.
(And I might really cry.)
You have to try.
You have to fly,
but not too high.
Fly to space,
and if your scared,
don't worry about it.
Long as I'm here,
there's no room for fear.
(I'm no parent,
I'm no lover,
but if you find one,
I'll see that you love her.
Because why?
I don't know.
I got over you long ago.
I guess I just found a strange addiction.
I care so much it seem like fiction.
I'll bite my tongue,
because it feels I'm digging a hole.
This is about you,
but I talk myself up like I have a big role.
This is how you should live,
but not because I said.
Really it's just tips I took from my heart and not my head.)
Be greater than they'll ever know.
Be beyond their circumstance.
Never let them see you wilt,
unless they've seen that you can dance.
Dance like no ones watching.
Sing like you can't contain.
Be unafraid to challenge society,
even when you stand in the rain.
No matter the darkness,
always burn brighter.
Always shoot higher,
as greatly as you tire.
As if you were-
                                          a comet on fire

I'm playing keep-away with my skin. My blood a precious treat. I taste iron if I try, but I guess he thinks its sweet. I'm cowered in my covers, so cant you leave me be? I insisted you should exit, but you silently disagree. You know I want to believe your good. That you hurt me but its not your fault. You bit into my skin tonight and I keep crying, "Halt! Don't stab holes through beauty marks, nor swipe away my cells. Alas you are a tiny thing and must not understand my yells.

Brush past,
   cold, fast,
      like wind,
         nostalgic feel,
            "I crashed,"
                home trashed,
                  don't ask,
                     it's unreal.

Ah ah the sense of me.
                                                                       Lost me heart, so let me be.
                                                                 Lost me words, no tears to see.
                                                            Lost me light, and dimly free.
         Lost me sense.
      Lost me mind.
                                                 Lost me reason, so leave me behind.
                                           Lost me effect, since cause is gone.
                                    Lost me right, because me always wrong.

Why is it that on a website where we are said to revel in the beauties of poetry one may write few words of their current state and receive the world, but too many leads them to a lone path of truth and self-discovery.

One too many words to tell how true you hear your soul, may cause others to tip-toe by, but if you say one word we've all heard then people say hi.

Dear 2016: mood: Nostalgic: It's funny how you look back every year and you see the 'old' you. Sometimes you feel like your running in circles and yet you were dumber then. Sometimes you just feel better and wise. It's interesting how you can look at moments that happened years ago, days ago and just subconsciously smile. I want to say I get it. After hearing it from others. I want to say I understand life and the people who have to deal with dumb things. But- I dont. I just feel more lost than ever when I actually think about what saying "I get it" means. I would like to thank you years. For all you give, gave, and give again. You get it. Whether I'm talking to a God, a fate, a life, or nothing at all. You get all of this, or no one would be here. It's not always rainbows and marshmallows, but it's not always fire and rain either. So. Thank you.

Original-
the new you.
The true you.
The one who cannot be defined.
The one who is defined by being undefinable.
The one who said "I can" when others said "You can't"
Yet they never know the story.
They say words but they don't know that people just like them pushed you down.
They told you- you couldn't
And when you stood- they said you could.
They said- you shouldn't.
But as you yelled back- they said you should.
They weren't there because they didn't care.
And now your strong and they want to pull you along.
Keep your enemies close.
And together you'll toast.
They might even boast at how it's wrong to say you did it alone,
but I know.
I know you keep your enemies close,
but yourself closer.
Because you just never know,
after being alone,
and pulled along.
Being right and wrong,
back and forth,
back and forth,
while they tell you quotes their brothers told,
as if each quote was words from Gods.
But you have to trust you,
because whatever they do,
it's not always true.
It's sometimes a lie.
You have to pull back,
and YOU have to decide.

Give me to the stars.

Who'da know she'd had a problem in her life,
because her door was always locked, and her heart tied down tight.
She would scream inside her mind with all her might,
but they don't know what they don't need.
Her silence wins the fight.
Deep down, she wants to let it out.
Deep down, she doesn't even know her own pain.
Deep down, she can't unlock the door in fright.
What is hidden? Should I refrain?
She's awkward and she's kind.
She has an energy that people love.
But she has no inner peace.
Could she be an angel?
Kinder than angel?
She doesn't seem a mystery.
Deep down, she wants to let it out.
Deep down, she doesn't even know her pain.
Deep down, she can't unlock the door in fright.
What is hidden? Should I refrain?
Call on your friends
Your family
They should know what you need,
but no one know to decipher a code,
please I beg of you don't implode
Ohhhhh OHHHHH!
Deep down, she wants to let it out.
Deep down, she doesn't even know her pain.
Deep down, she can't unlock the door in fright.
What is hidden? Should I refrain?
Would I be able to feel human again??

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dream of
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dream of
Dreams really do come true
Someday, I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dare to-
Oh why, oh why can't I?
Well, I see trees of green and red roses too
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Well, I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
And also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands saying
How do you do?
They're really saying I, I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow
They'll learn much more then we'll know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
World
Someday I wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dare to-
Why oh, why can't I?

Don't give your words to the blind deaf spirits.
With eyes they simply don't use.
They couldn't care for your naggy rantings.
They ignore you; call you Katy Kaboom.
Hardly worth the look,
they are crust beneath trashcans.
Walking off while you breathe.
I find it hard to look at people, who refuse to listen to me.
Don't treat it kind to by waved away,
cast as the alien kind.
Don't waste a spit on carcass ungraced with noblesse oblige of a man.
'Man-kind' should be a revelation,
but dumb is the man with abused to his senses.
Only fairy tales may glue dumb and kind as one.
I've seen that only wise men may not be criticized.
For only kind men, wise men, will treat a woman wise.

Hush and listen closely for my eyes may just decieve. I devour every movement, and then my mind play a fool out of me. My nightmare fuel supplying my thoughts, well who thought up that one, because it can't be my fault. I tell myself a lie, but I know it's a lie, so I can only try. And try I fail, because I'm but a thought spark, climbing into a storm, drained away with other thoughts to a colorful farm. But the colors clash hard as lightning to skin. And who knew thoughts could feel fear. But I feel it from deep within. If I slip away I see darkness, if I stay in the light I feel wrong. Like is this true, or lies I hear, somehow it seems darkness is where I belong. And it hurts those dang thoughts, when they run about. One tries to get away and spills right out, so I get belt, but my father don't know. I can't help it, they don't listen, just flow. I recollect myself with water, down beneath I feel it strong. They do not believe in anger, somehow human responses are wrong. If someone did something that hurt you bad, you'd be a whimp if you sat all sad, that's not me, I didn't do that, I punched her guts up when she called me rat. I could quite hear the ding, her guts or mine. And my confidence flew, but crashed in an ocean. Because anger is wrong, my eyes do deceive, you say I say to stop rolling them, but it can't possibly be me. I'm just doing what I can, to make it through the day. And my thoughts may be but sparks, of tied down energy.

Labels seem like living, hasty and untrue.
When temptation won't sit in its stable.
The judgement will come through.
It's funny how labels are human, but they call temptation a lie.
Irony like iron stabbing through you, but you get the choice to live or die.
Life is long and unknown, but one day all will be struck.
More than once more likely, but some people just have good luck.
It's not their choice, if you stand, and pull the knife out with your own two hands.
But will you be one of them, go, or stay.
You're the one who gets to say.
So yeah, fight and conquer, but you don't have to divide.
You could label everything, run away; hide.
Or you could stand tall, and stare down like a tree,
Air up the world, being bright and free.
You could take it like they cut one layer, but you have 6 billion more.
Or..
you could hit the cold floor.
And call yourself a bore.
You don't need to agree.
You'll meet many labels in a lifetime.
Stop standing in the past and you could awake to  the present.
A life where the choice is yours.
No, it's not a lie!
The sword sits inside it's stone.
If you plan to pull,
will it make you small or grown?

Calamity,
rises as it will to self-destruct in me,
a volcanic hill of curiosity,
and overwhelming fill of what I only see;
what I can't be.
Calamity,
while holding down the fort,
it's closing in on me.
I suffer from distress of what I only see,
and I will be.
I'm just as bad,
I'm just as bad,
I'm just as bad.
Oh no,
I just want to run,
but anywhere I go,
it follows prints my feet will trough,
Oh hey,
take me far away.
I'm scratching at my soul,
"let me out
let me out,"
but I know
I'm just as bad,
I'm just as bad,
I'm just as bad.
Bad as my enemies,
bad because I can't move.
Stuck in a cycle,
I tried so hard to refuse.
I'd run from their flaws,
escape to my peace,
if only the one in flaws and pieces
wasn't also me.
I'm just as bad,
I'm just as bad,
I'm just as bad
as my enemies.

I don't have a handle to spin you no song,
I sing you no sorries,
nor pull you along.
I throw you no fancy words,
nor give you my heart.
I sketch no love for you
because loving is no art.
I throw you no diamonds
love last a lone wolf
I care for no bits of you,
the whole is my desire.
If I must give more than simplicity,
this love is not true,
hence t'is not for me.

Mellow Jellow t'was a fellow
A fellow so mellow he melt
He left a note for all who'd wrote
A letter of how they'd once felt
His note was proud and read aloud
By beckoning gals from beyond
"I fear it's near,
Yet I don't fear,
Too mellow to steer,
Clear of what's near.
I fear it's here,
And drippings I hear,
I hear the fear I'm without."
Mellow Jellow t'was a fellow
A fellow without a good doubt
Until the day he went away
mellow was always talked about

We play hide and seek but am I even lost.
You look at me with widow fears and I fear you latching on.
You staple yourself to my dreams, my hopes, and I just want to liven up. But a timely death has crossed your path and formed such a great divide. A divide that has wrapped my body and you hang me up because your too kind. Have I love both your lovable and constant professing regret, then I'd be here forever, but my arms are bled and engraved by ropes and chains pulled tight. I know how unfortunate a soul may be but today I say goodnight.

Desire,
what love I shed on thee,
but fair has fate,
which scowls at me.
You look in a mirror,
your face in distress,
the mirror sees gruesome,
though I only see the best.
You sob out your envies,
I bring back it's head,
the sweetest smell follows,
though the fairest is dead.
I deliver the creams,
that best symbolize you.
They are each filled with mystery
which you fancy with no clue.
I don't beg you be grateful,
As you I be most the same.
If I were showered with love by one,
I'd seek the others for fame.
I don't doubt your elegance,
nor the great curve that cracks you face.
No, I know your lost within their minds,
but I hope I am not misplaced.
For I love what I feel,
but you love what you see.
I am no bound servant,
though nay I wish to believe that of me.
I love my love,
and she love me.
I love my love,
so she love me.
So shall I stay,
for infinite.
Gazing at her beauty,
that she may never see.

There's something beyond,
Something astray.
I wish to find it,
And if I long please
I may.

There's something that calls,
Singing my name.
I call back to it,
It longs me the same.

So the echo's resound,
Off the walls they lead the way.
I follow somethings voice,
And it soothes,"it'll be okay."

My heart moves faster than my feet,
Yearning me to speed up.
Simple words I needed,
Over-filled my cup.

There's something in the distance,
That nudges me to grin
My grin so wide it hurts,
And I can't stop doing it again and again.

You said,
You can't make it if you don't stand out.

I said,
I am.

You said,
You can't make it if you're black.

I said,
I am.

You said,
You can't make it if your homosexual

I said,
I am

You said,
You can't make it if you're too nice.

I said,
I am.

You said,
You can't make it if you're a women.

I said,
I am.

You said,
You can't make it if you're too tall.

I said,
I am.

You said,
You can't make it if you're too you.

I said,
I am.

You said,
You can't make it if you don't stand out.

I said,
I am.

You said,
You can't make it.

I said,
I am.

You said,
I don't understand.

I said,
You don't have to.

Cathy said catch me,
as the sky grew dim.
The story of wolf for people like him.
He laughed at her text and he scowled at her tears.
He thought she was a faker but she was nothing near.
Cathy cathy, caught in a web of her mind.
catch me catch me, before I fall behind.

Louise was a artist
her dreams were her art.
But her dreams soon grew darker
and so did her heart.
She thought it would pass by,
but soon she'd retreat.
Never to leave home,
cuddling to her feet.

Cathy cathy, caught in a web of her mind.
catch me catch me, before I fall behind.

Louise Louise, cannot leave home for a tea
Leaving Leaving, she'd like to but she can't be free.

Rose smelled like her name,
caught boys in her thorns,
and her love was a game,
but some loves had horns
They'd treat her like a trash,
crumpled up, thrown away.
At night she'd be bleeding,
but look fine by the day.

Cathy cathy, caught in a web of her mind.
catch me catch me, before I fall behind.

Louise Louise, cannot leave home for a tea
Leaving Leaving, she'd like to but she can't be free.

Rose Rose, charred sholder and ER trips
Bleeding Bleeding, tomorrow a new set of lips.

Talor was the joke of school,
each year a new clown,
but he was always their fool
they'd steal his shoes,
and force him to drink *****.
His parents lost hope,
but acceptance was like a rope.

Cathy cathy, caught in a web of her mind.
catch me catch me, before I fall behind.

Louise Louise, cannot leave home for a tea
Leaving Leaving, she'd like to but she can't be free.

Rose Rose, charred shoulders and ER trips
Bleeding Bleeding, tomorrow a new set of lips.

Talor Talor, what kind of name is that?
Failure Failure, starving since they called him fat.

And there is a story in everyone's past but today you judge the present.

I'm different and I love it
                    I'm odd and it's fine
                        I'm crazy and chaotic,
because no one's mind is like mine
Inside every thought is vivid
A world just in pause to explore
I can't completely explain myself
The least to say, I'm confident I love it...
I could see the world in any way
I could swim forever in my boxless thoughts
In fact, I grew up telling everyone,,
it proves I'm not a robot.
I grew up telling everyone,
I'm not a robot.
Though, sometimes it's lonely
Like I'm alone sitting on the edge of a cliff
I stare down at the distant trees,
and feel the breeze across the ocean drift
                               It's lonely being alone,
no one gets me I guess,
because if they try to then it just becomes one big mess
My mind is so different;
so tangled and tied
If you aim to unravel,
you'll be washed away in the tide
I want them to stay and to be like them too,
but I want to be different
Something 'out there' and 'new'
I have to break free,
but I want to be sided
                                     **If I dare to lead,
                                could you dare to be guided?

I didn't ask questions. I didn't have the right words, or the exact thought I needed. I said, "Teach me something that I don't know!" I was excited to know everything and in response I was asked, "What do you want to know?" But...I didn't know. That's why I wanted to...so as I grew I was shunned for the constant hand raising and observatory gazing. I wanted to know, but knowing was wrong. If I wanted to know, I had to understand. That's what I was trying to do, but the other kids said to know something was bad. I didn't want to be bad. So I didn't know and that's why I didn't ask.  So how could I ever have known not to listen to people like them?
   As I grew I was shunned for not knowing. I didn't know the simple things, but I looked so smart and shy. They caved in over asking for answers, while my mind was up in the sky. My friends were too busy with AP and Honors to the point they could barely stop to say hi. I asked for help and I got some, but I got shocked eyes, and confused teachers wondering why.
  "Yeah" I thought "their right" it's simple stuff, If they could then I could with will on my side, but I was younger, and I didn't know. I floated away and came back by the end, with one year to spare, I can't revive myself again. I have a 2.2 on 4.0 scale, and I wanted to go a good university. If only I knew, then I'd be going to places like Yale.

She said I'm like
            a letter in a bottle,
I float around my far off world, keeping my distance;
Wishing someone would help me open up,
Someone would read into my words,
Someone would find my answers, and lead me home.
But no one waits alone for years
with such excited hope
that they one day come across
                a letter in a bottle.
They need something that's useful.
But I looked to her in such disgrace.
She was once that person,
But the magic was gone,
and so was my bottle,
and so was my letter.

She never let the sun go down
Her eyes were almonds in the spring.
Her arms were always by her side,
And when we sang her arms would swing.
But by night her lips were flamming,
A fire burnt so cold,
Her dreams were utmost frightening,
And her stories,
Not mine to be told.
She paced through life like a diamond,
Roughed out to the perfect cut.
She didn't look down,
For she felt that the ground,
would soil her back to a mut.
I held her hand for a moment,
And she smiled,
So I released.
She didn't want my help,
Just knowing I was there was all she'd need,
But then she soon fell low,
Down through the ice, water; snow.
She fell beyond my grasp,
Her smile forever last.
She walked a path on her own,
I learned I must let go.
Its every nightmare I know,
When you bargain "no",
But there they go.
Off on the path that alone she paved
..and alone she swore she'd trough.

Actually,
I'm not too bad.
Actually,
I'm pretty great.
Actually,
I'd hate myself.
Actually,
What could you really hate?
Actually,
I wouldn't be anything if I were missing anything.
Actually,
I wouldn't be anyone if I were missing anyone.
Actually,
I'm good.
Actually,
I'm great.
Actually,
I'm not that bad,
Actually,
I'm no saint.
Actually,
I can be me.
Actually,
I can and am
Actually,
I'd never want to be the same.
Because...
Being a robot would be such a shame.

I'm not sure I was meant for this.
I'm sure I existed far too late.
It seems I came to be in the wrong time era,
and I assure you the wrongest wrong place.
I can hold my head high wherever,
but records and dusty movies are my friends,
they make me feel like I'm home at last;
make me wish the time never ends,
but it did and so forth,
I was not meant for here.
The people, too boastful,
with so much less to fear.
The relationships are wasteful,
and different by the day.
The love and optimism is fading out to grey.
I almost pity the people,
and I find their time more tragic,
while the era I love was suppressed by casual bombs,
the era I'm in has lost all their magic...

There's a thought that crosses through and by,
to evaporate up to the sky,
fetal posistion and eyelids kissed,
wisped away softly with the mist.

You keep looking for yourself,
because you want so badly to see the 'real' you
so you look at quotes,
you experiment with lifestyles,
you question what you could be,
you look in a mirror but feel lied to,
then you hit a certain age and feel struck,
it's all between laughable and sad,
you notice the person behind every line of lipstain,
every cloak of cashmere,
and every bud on a cig,
you had this little speck of originality that no one understands.
Through all the time you spent trying to find yourself,
you were you,
it was just so hard to comprehend.

When you suffocated your first instict is to escape. So you run and run with eyes closed, and ears covered. You run and run past the best things, because you think it helps you block out all the bad, but it doesn't. That stuff just seeps right through. You don't even notice how little it helps, until something slams into you, forcing your eyes to open wide, and stopping you from evading long enough to breath and see all that could be. All that good you have trouble believing exist.

Going blind,
You stumble my way,
So devine,
Luminescent glow by the sun ray.

I hold you to my chest,
In harsh winds we fly.
The shadows of a beauty,
With a wonderful dark side.

Left soon,
Cloaked by dew,
But your bitter petals fall,
Gently and silently
Leading me to you.

If I could pluck a wild flower,
I'd **** a beauty so stunning.
A precious resemblance of,
A sweetly bitter love.
A woman so cunning.

Pitter-patter.
On the window.
Pitter-patter.
On the sill.
Pitter-patter.
Does the child.
Pitter-patter
from your mouth.
You say you don't,
I know you do.
You say you won't,
I know you will.
You pitter-pat all the time until-
until you pitter-pat your way,
to driving out insanity.
Pitter-pat.
Pitter-pat.
Tisk-tisk-tisk.
Tat-tat-tat.
Yo­u pitter-patted through the house.
You pitter-pat like a measly mouse.
You say you don't,
I know you do.
You say you won't,
I know you will.
Pitter-pitter.
Pat-pat-pat.
The rain against the window resembles,
the sound after a pitter-pat.
You clasp your lips,
say you'll make no sound,
but you pitter-pat
all the time;
all around.
You say you don't,
I know you do.
You say you won't,
I know you will.
You pitter-pattering,
chitter-chattering,
skitter-scattering,
little rat-like
mouse.