The dreams and the crying and the dreams and the crying and the wondering whatever the **** I did to deserve this. Waking up in a cold sweat, tangled in sheets and emotions that cling to my skin like scars, like tattoos, like you. Who the hell even cares right? Who cares about what I wake up as at two a.m., three a.m., four a.m., five a.m., noon. Who cares when I'm standing naked and still can't take off the things that weigh me down. Who ******* gives a **** about hearing that kind of news and not being able to forget how much it hurts. The knife that keeps on stabbing you in the chest, and you can't feel your feet or your arms or your fingers or your lips, but you can't escape the feeling in your chest -- the throbbing in your chest. My heart is too broken to break is what I used to comfort myself with, and now I can't sleep and now I can't move and now I  can't breathe and now I can't live without you.

As the pain just adds up,
I'll be your sponge and soak it in
Feeling it all within
Beneath me and below me
Tired of the Sin
That implements fear into our hearts
Never again will i witness such discouraging misery without having a hand into preventing it.
We're all guilty of pandiculation.
I'm no different, but at least i can attempt to stop some of the ravaging pulses that define our physical state.
We invented habit, but now we're trying to have a ribbon cut to end the ones we dislike the most.

"Oh, you lured me in, I couldn't sense the pain"
    Of trying to hold onto a heart wrapped in barbed wire

My own heart pounding in my throat
I simply cannot let go
As the days turn to weeks
And the earth freezes over
I bleed out into the snow

      *The crimson crystals as intense as
      The fresh sting of pain
      That has been with me as long as I can remember

I am a love-drunk and depleted decay
Wide eyed, still aflame
Shredded like strips of paper that blow in the wind
Yet I fall apart only to keep close
Bleeding out, I am made all the more numb
By the promise of what lies just beyond

I was barren
A deserted landscape
Full of papercuts from my house of cards
And a tree with no more leaves
I would watch the earth crack
And pick at the places where the ground split
Until I was isolated
I couldn't move
All I could do was think
A task best done when morale is not so low
I was addicted to feeling pain
Pain that I could measure and prescribe myself
I self medicated with insults and inhalants
Mockery and mutalation
Addicted to my meds is what I became
So addicted to sadness
I never wanted it to leave

But here I am
Clean and cultivating
The fruit that
My new land has produced
And now I feel good
Mind and heart content
I can finally love you

i am seaglass
collect me along the shore
i am once jagged edges
now dulled by time and salt
wounds full of salt
i have forgotten what sweet is
foggy clouded
clarity lost for the sake of beauty
i am discarded
collect me along the shore
i am scattered in pieces
that no longer fit together
curves and waves
i am tough i am smooth
i have lived my life in rough waters
water and rock
have rearranged my shape
i am under your feet
collect me along the shore

When september comes
I'll remember when you were here,
Before all the bouquets and tombstones,
The house on the hill,
Asleep in the backseat,
Watching street lamps on quiet corners,
Waiting to knock on your door,
when september comes,
I'll visit your earthly bed,
Remember all the different reasons,
Why we wished you stayed

Run run run
Run away if you can
Stay stay stay
You've never done
You're the one with the trigger
But I'm at the end of the gun

Put myself in your line of fire
I want to bleed
Have you cut me so I blame you
I've sown my seed
Now you are the reaper
(Though it's my greed...)

close your eyes and i'm here
i open mine and i swear
nothing could have led me to believe

the ceiling is so far away
i watch the clouds rush with every hour
with each second that fades i cower

when we leave
nothing is the same
how could space contain
the moments time can't number

the breathing that never began cannot cease
nothing could have led me to believe

i look at my hands chipped
glass fingertips
falling off as i try to touch the world

the people who have tried to inhabit
this space that wasn't meant for them
their gentle touch gone frightens the wind

i beg for forgiveness
i never wanted this to rip through us
now we are apart
in this space that doesn't exist

everything here is falling apart
like my glass fingertips

I tried to recreate the memory you once confessed you loved
I just didn't expect you to confess you were in love
You have lost the weight I have gained
You have made new memories that layer over the only ones I own
How can I stand next to you yet feel so far from home