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I was driving down the highway in the rain,
when it hit me.

I had pandora blaring through the car,
And I found myself thinking about you.

And I thought, why the **** won't you stay out of my head?

Then it hit me that perhaps I missed you.

And perhaps I do.
But holy **** do I wish I could say I didn't.

Because you don't miss me--

Not a **** bit.
One day...Everything will change.
One day...We will be alone.
One day...The world will turn against us.
-Turn against forbidden love.-

One day..True love will be lost.
One day...Everyone will die inside.
One day...You will question yourself.
-Question your existance-

One day...The world will start turning.
One day...You'll give out your last breath.
One day...You will die.
-And so will I-

When that one day comes..
When you are free of any burden..
When you're free from yourself..
-Will you be ready?-

The answer is yes.
The answer is always.
The answer is forever.
-The answer is forbidden love..-
I live in this paper town,
And it's not the best place in the world,
But it isn't the worst either.
You could name any place,
And I can recall a couple memories.

But one day,
When I least expected it,
I met you.
We made memories everywhere,
And now I can't escape them.

I live in this paper town,
And there isn't much to do.
So when I'm lonely,
I just look up at the sky,
And think of you.

But, it scares me,
Because I know,
No matter how much I think of you,
Or how many memories I recall,
Of you in this paper town,

You.
      Aren't.
                 Thinking.
      About.
Me.
this is all i know:
i love you like a flower. together we've planted the seed of love, and i can't wait to watch it bloom and grow with time. i know you can't grow without sunshine and rain so i'll be here for the happy days and the sad days.
i am so in love with you
Hold me close and tell me you love me,

when my world is

f
  a
     l
        l
           i
              n
                 g

                           a       p       a       r      t     .
Loving you was like pulling the pin out of a hand grenade* then dropping it, and expecting it to not blow up in your face.
You're out drinking with your friends,
& I'm at home remembering how it felt to cut again.

I know it's dumb and I shouldn't do it,
But holy **** I've never felt so alone.

*you're getting drunk and I'm watching my arms bleed.
1) I was no good for you.
I was like water in your lungs and I didn't want you to drown because of me.
2) We weren't ready.
You were in the summer months blossoming and I've been lost in the winter for a long time now.
3) You deserved better.
I was a dandelion and you were a rose.
4) I realized I loved you.
And that scared me because I knew you'd never love me back.
She bought me roses and I named each flower.
She always smiled whenever I would look at her.
She touched me with cold hands, but made my heart warm.
She held me when I cried, and said her love for me would never die.

She didn't make promises she knew she couldn't keep.
She held my face when she kissed me, as if she couldn't get enough of me.
She drew on my back and kissed every freckle.
She didn't always know what to say, and that was okay.


She loved me unconditionally--and this I always knew, she reminded me of everything, you never seemed to do.

She swears up and down, her love for me is true, and that is something you could never do.
Smokey Hollow;
It was a just a dead end road.

I fell in love with a girl,
who lived in the only house on the left.

But our love was dead end,
just like her road.

I used to love a girl,
who lived in the only house on the left.

Until our love dead ended,
Just like her road.
I was going to write a poem,
About the girl that first stole my heart..





But I can't find any words,
And thinking of you makes my heart hurt.



(c.r.)
I do not want to be 18 anymore,
Because all I do is buy cigarettes.
& when I smoke them I think of you.

I do not want to smoke Mary-Jane.
Because when I'm high,
I still only think of you.

I do not want to get drunk anymore,
Because I'm tired of hearing my friends say "She's gone,"
Every time I ask to speak to you.

I do not want to stay awake all night,
And leave cuts on my wrists,
"I'm sorry," I'd say, "I was just thinking of her."

I never asked for this,
I try not to think about you,
So all I can tell myself is, "You left her."
I've never regretted something so much in my life. I'm broken, sorry.
You are the flame on the end of my cigarette.

You get closer to me when you're about to burn out,
and you need someone to hold you before you fall apart.

You give me that buzz, that authors try to captivate,
but can never find the words.

I once heard a saying that sad people smoke a lot.
All I could do was taste your name on my lips.

Then I knew I needed a smoke break,
because you're the flame on the end of my cigarette.
You said I'm sorry..
And my heart dropped to the floor.

Though I didn't know the reason,
I thought, This is mental suicide, I can't do this anymore.

I wanted to know,
Why my insides started breaking.

You said two simple words,
And my heart stopped.

****, I thought,
*Maybe you do love her.
I wanna be close.
Close enough that our noses are touching and we're caught in that nervous moment right before a kiss.
That hanging space between kissing and about to kiss.
I like that space.
The space where I just lay my hand on your face and pull you closer.
I like that space.
I could be in that space forever.
The space where butterflies from my tummy fly out of my mouth like wildfire.
That space where I can feel your breath on me.
That space that's close, but never close enough.
I want to spend forever there with you, in that space.
Please, just take me away to that place.
I had a dream that you finally texted me, and I was so excited.
Until I read it.

It said: I'm in love with someone else.

And I woke up sweating.
My chest ached,
and I felt my heart break all over again.
I've been laying in my bed for quite some time now, and as usual I've been thinking. But this time it's different. It's not the happy thinking you'd think I was thinking. But it's the dark thinking that follows me like a shadow. I would never tell you this.
Just like I'd never tell you how I think about the nights we've spent together. Or that I'd never tell you I can't go to those restaurants anymore without seeing you there. How the park isn't a park anymore. How I can't even lay in my bed without thinking of the cuddles and hours we spent talking on it. But I'd never tell you that.
I'll never tell you how much I regret everything. I'll never tell you how I pull up a message to you, but I can't find any words to say so I just cancel it. If you ever text me I'll pretend to be happy, not to hurt you, but to help you move on. If you ever asked me how my day went, they're always slow and dead. I sleep a majority of the time an when I'm not sleeping I'm thinking of what we used to be and I'm crying. But I'd never tell you that, "I'm fine," I'd say. And it would break my f*cking heart to watch you walk away, but I'm the bad guy. So I'd never tell you that.
The thoughts were rushing.
Pouring out like music in a song,
  Except,
   I dont know the lyrics.

Looking in the mirror,
Why do I look away so quickly?
  I hate who I am.
   That's why.

The depressing thoughts rush back,
They taunted me.. Do it, do it, do it..
  I was scared to talk back to them,
  My voice started to shake..

"I'm so tired of this,
I don't want to hate myself..
  I'm tired of pleasing other people.

I'm sick of not knowing who I am."

I threw the razor across the room.
It hit the wall and fell..
I stared.. blankly,
at the scars on my wrist..

The scars that were there..
The scars that wouldn't fade..
The scars that were now encouraging me,
I smiled..

As I whisperd,
ever so softly to myself,
*"You will never win again,
I'm through dealing with you..

Dealing with this.
The stress.
The pain.
The tears.

I'm done.
I quit.
You will never win,
ever again.
You know what I hate?
When you listen to a song and you completely relate.

How you play it over and over,
When you're going through a heartbreak.

& you expect it to help,
But you're slowly losing yourself.

(c.r.)
i still listen to it sometimes.
You never know a person,
Until you stay up until 4am with them.
Blood is red,
My knuckles are blue,
I thought you were different..
I'm such a fool.
I rushed in my room, collapsed on my bed, and buried my face in my pillow. I screamed. An Inhumane scream. One that echoed in my heart. It hurt. I rolled over, silent tears falling down my face. Then it all came at once. Too many emotions to explain. It felt like there was a rain cloud over my bed, and nothing was ever going to get better.
I'd completely forgotten the razor I hid in my phone case. It had been there so long. It's always with me.
I remembered. Yanked the case off my phone and grabbed it. I stared at it for a little while, tracing the edges.
It kissed my skin. ****, what a lovely release. I thought of her.. Her face came into view, and my thigh was soon a disaster. I leaned over it, crying. Screaming her name into my room. She couldn't hear, why bother? I flung it across the room and pounded my fist against the wood paneled wall. Once, twice, three.. I leaned my head on the wall looking at the ground. I pounded my fist on the wall once more, and crumpled to the ground like a falling autumn leaf. I leaned back against the wall. Buried my head into my knees, and cried even harder.
I needed desperately to clean my mess. So I gathered everything together, and fixed my thigh, maybe I'll get lucky and no one would sit on it this time.
I put in my headphones. Turned the music as loud as it would go, and laid in bed, looking at the ceiling, but only seeing her face..
You promised
f o r e v e r ,




                                 *Your definition of              
                                   forever was a lot
                                   shorter than mine.
You told me you didn't like my writing because it was sad,

But you still thought it was beautiful.

I hope that's how you feel about me.
Just a few days clean.
Yet I still carry a razor
in the back of my phone case.

*Does it make me feel safe?
Does it make me feel free?
Or have I let a piece of metal,
Become a part of me?
Who needs a Valentine when I have *****?
I love you.
      I love you.
           I love you.
                I love you.
                     I love you.
                I love you.
          I love you.
     I love you.
I love you.

**I really, really ******* love you.
I've always wondered,
          What it was like.
                To be loved unconditionally.

But no matter who comes along,
            They always remind me,
                There is always one condition.


                                                             (c.r.)
I met a girl today.
It was the first time we've ever met.

Our conversations were deep,
And soon we found ourselves talking about our pasts.

And she asked me:
"Have you ever been in love? Because I've loved people and people have loved me, but I don't think I've ever really been in love."  

I just sat there.
Thoughts of us came pouring in my mind,
Soon it showed out my eyes as well.

She asked me:
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I looked up at her,
and answered her question with one word:
Yes.

And she understood exactly what I had to have been thinking about.

Soon after she asked:
"Does it hurt? You know..thinking about her?"
I responded with a simple: "**** yes."

What else could I have said?
It was the truth.

We met each other for the first time,
And the whole ******* time I was thinking about when it was you and I meeting for the first time.
What if you're right?

What if I can't love?

What if I only needed you when I'm lonely?

What if I don't love her?

What if I'm just "lonely" again?

Then what the **** do I do?
You said I was just lonely and I ******* believed you.
it's crazy what a year and a half can do.

one minute i'm digging a hole,
ready to toss myself in and give up on you.
on us.

and the next minuite i'm back down on the ground.
only now i'm planting beautiful flowers over the grave of what we used to be.  

i buried you deep in that soil.
i'll admit i still water it.
i still keep the weeds out of it.

but winter is coming,
and all i know is that i won't be there for you when it's cold.
just like you weren't there for me.
idk honestly what this is. just decided to try and write some tonight and this came out. i hope you guys enjoy.
my
only
  wish
   for
    you
     is
      that
        you
          get
            exactly
              what
                you
                  deserve
// And I know it shouldn't hurt this ******* bad,


but you're the best ******* thing I ever had \
You've consumed my thoughts for so long I don't remember how to think without seeing your face.
Is it really better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?
Let me have another night with you.
I don't even want to have ***,
I just want to wake up next to you.
I want to hear your sleepy voice.
I want to tell you you're beautiful,
Every. Single. Morning.

I wanna binge watch Netflix shows,
And lay in bed with you all day.
I want to give you forehead kisses,
And see-you-later hugs (because I know you hate saying goodbye).
I want to wake up with you in my arms,
And let you fall back asleep in them at the end of the day.
I want to hear your sleepy voice tell me you like me,
That you really really like me.

I want you to mean it.
I want you to say you're falling too.
I want you to understand how scared I am.
I want you to know it feels so right.
I want you to kiss me again and leave me breathless.
I want you to miss me too.
I want you to want me.
I want you.
*Only you.
This poem is so scattered around. Sorry, just thinking.
Your voice sounds like home.
You are my home, and baby I've been so homesick.
You Broke
Everything
I Was ,






                                            Why Do
                                             I Still
                                             Want You?
Kick me in the chest,
It'd probably hurt a lot less.
Punch me until your knuckles bleed,
I'd still kiss your scars.
Yell at me until your voice shakes,
And then yell some more.
Do your worst,
And I'll still give you nothing but my best.

Because the last time that I checked,
*It wasn't you laying on the bathroom floor at 4am.
It wasn't you crying every night into the same pillow.
It wasn't you lying to your friends saying your fine.
It wasn't you using every 11:11 wish to be good enough.
It wasn't you wishing some nights would never end.
But it was you that said you'd be there just to leave again.
I hope you're sleeping fine,
Because you're the only thing on my mind; it's always been you.

Lately I've wanted you to lowkey, but really highkey,
Get the **** out of my head.

You should know that this isn't a love poem.

This is a ******* poem.
A ******* poem for making me fall in love with you,

And ******* for making it impossible to close my eyes without seeing your smile.
******* for making me love that **** smile.

******* for making me fall for you,
And ******* for leaving.

******* for making me feel so ******* useful when you were here.
But ******* for making me feel useless when you left.

But you know what?
I hope you know I don't regret anything.

*I love you,
But ******* for making me ******* love you.
you. *******. left. me.
I screamed your name into the rain,
and the drops echoed inside me.
Laying in the middle of the road,
Waiting for a sign--for any ******* thing.
But it didn't come, and nothing could numb the pain.

I could've wrote a book on how I felt for you,
And I flinch every **** time I hear your ******* name.
Oh but babygirl,
I found ways to numb the pain.

I never found you in any of those ***** bottles,
And I didn't find you swimming in Smirnoff (even though that was always your favorite),
You weren't at the end of the blunt, so I passed it only to search for you at the end of a different one.

You weren't in my pain pills,
And you weren't in my puke the next morning.
You weren't even there when my blood ran crimson across my arms.
I tried to cut you out of me,
I tried to burn you away.

You said you'd always be here,
But you never ******* stayed.
If it's her and not me, go.
Please go.
Don't make this any harder.
My heart has been through tornados and tsunamis,
But nothing could prepare it for this.
For you leaving.
For this heartache.
For you choosing her over me.
Over
And over.
Again
And again.

If it's her and not me, leave.  
Take your bags and walk out the door.
But don't you dare look back,
You've left me before.
Without a doubt in your mind,
And I was a fool to let you back into my heart.
This time was the last time.
This is your choice.
You chose.  
It's her.
Not me.
So go.
Here I am,
A whole week has passed,
And I'm laying in bed crying,
Because I finally realized that I could never call you mine again.

And oh my it hurts--
It really ******* hurts.
****..
You don't know who I am,
But **** I know who you are.

You're the girl that puts the sun to shame when you smile.

You're the girl that thinks fireworks are pretty, but **** they don't have anything on the light in your eyes.

You're the girl that laughs when the rain hits your face.

You're the girl that said hello, and I'm the girl that was too shy to say it back.

You don't know who I am, but you're the girl who stole my heart.
There's never a day that goes by, that I don't regret giving it to you. You've got my heart, and **** do I love you.
I mentioned her name,
and my bones rattle;
another piece of my heart falls to the floor.

*I remember when I could say your name without falling apart.
If I could be anything,


I'd be yours.


*Every **** time.
But I left before I could hurt you.

— The End —