My anxiety is a glass box
From which I watch the world
Pass me by,
A transparent barrier
That holds me prisoner
Day and night.
I see the laughter, joy, and pain,
Of truly living.
Things I long to experience,
But fear I never will.
I often wonder,
Is it still a prison
If the confines
Are the four walls
My mind created?

I wonder when my blue skies
Slowly faded to grey
I’m beginning to think
It’s always been that way

Because for as long as I can remember
There’s been a storm inside my mind
Casting cloudy weather
With no light to shine

I wish for nothing more  
Than to feel warmth upon my face
To look up at the sun
And soak up all her rays

But I suppose for now
Dancing in the rain will have to do
Until my skies of grey  
Turn back into blue

I don’t remember
Falling out of love
But I remember hanging on
With my own sweaty hands
That were slowly losing grip
Begging you to just help me hold on
A little bit longer
And I remember the weight of your silence
Heavy, like a sorrow wrapped blanket
But most importantly,
I remember after
And the way the sun felt
Warming the chill
That your absence left
And the way that my tears
Fell like rain
Watering the forgotten garden
Of my soul

Beauty is she
The one who holds my heart
It is with her
That I do not wish to part

She left flowers on the inside
Put oxygen in my lungs
Gave me a forever
Of intertwined tongues

She painted my future
Beginning to end
Starting with the broken past
She chose to amend

So as long as she loves me
The flowers will stay
And the oxygen in my lungs
Never will stray

This life I was given
Has caused me nothing
But sorrow and grief
And that’s why I can’t
Possibly wrap my mind
Around the fact
That life is a beautiful thing
When nothing beautiful
Ever happens to me

I refuse
To keep emptying my cup
To overflow yours
For I have given all that I can
Far too many times
With hardly a single drop
Left for myself
While you,
With your exorbitant porcelain
Laden with the finest wine
Have watched my cup chip and crack
Slowly desiccating back to the clay
In which it was fashioned

At 16, I was a shadow of myself
A reflection of all my doubts and fears
But now, when I look in the mirror
I see resistance
And a person who faced their demons
I am no longer bound by the bitterness
Fueled by my own insecurity
Gone is the girl who questioned her worth
And in her place stands the woman
Who knows the value of herself

I feared her beauty
And held my breath
The things unspoken,
Left unsaid
Fragments broken
Like shattered glass
Show a time
That came to pass
A veiled mirror
Reflects the truth
She is not me
She is not you

Her beauty can be compared
To that of
A modern renaissance piece
That takes a truly tasteful eye
To appreciate
She is and of
Alluring captivity
And all the while
I stand in awe
Of her monumentality

The candy clouds are weeping;
Rain comes pouring down
Thunder rolls over the valley
Bringing darkness all around

The once colorful sky
Filled with purples, pinks, and blues
Are now smoky clouds of grey
From this eternal monsoon

The candy clouds are weeping;
So with them I will cry
And take shelter from the storm
Beneath the ancient pine

She is a mosaic
Of beautiful, broken things
Melded together by hands
Far more careless than my own
I wish for nothing more
Than to take the fragments
Of her fragile existence
And turn them into something
That lets the light shine through

Maybe we’re all just a little broken
Scrambling to find pieces
That don’t quite fit
But we force them together anyways
Seeking solace in the mismatched parts
Hoping that one day
We will feel whole again

When people ask
“What kind of poet are you?”
I often reply
A sad one
And not inherently
Because I always am
But because sometimes
The sadness is easiest
To get lost in
And I often find myself
Needing to be lost

I’m good at shooting pain
So burn me alive like the sun
My fate is inked in a darkness
I’ll never be able to outrun

Lilac skies and dreamy meadows
A world that knows no blue
Hazy, milky clouds of smoke
Breeze lazily past the moon

A starry sky reflecting
All my hopes and dreams
I’m pounding at the walls
But no one hears my screams

I search for the meaning
In the world I left behind
Through the fog I wander
In a realm that knows no time

The echoes of my cries
Fade into the mist
An illusory existence
In a world that can’t be kissed

It is I who slew the dragon
And I who must be king
The burden of a crown
Is what that night did bring

A knight who was triumphant
And stood on solid ground
Piercing the monster through the heart
Until it made no sound

But in the court of whispers
They laugh behind their hands
For the throne I won with valor,
Is built on shifting sands

It was I who slew the dragon,
And faced the beast alone
The king of fools they call me
But it is I who claimed the throne

Let’s play a game
Set the stakes high
Winner takes all
An eye for an eye

A calculated risk
That I’ve prepared to lose
But nothing compares
To the damage you’ll ensue

It goes knights before bishops
And just a few pawns
The sacrifice required
To right all the wrongs

I’ve got you surrounded
With nowhere to hide
I told you winner takes all
An eye for an eye

I knew of a place
Where the night met day
And the stars danced freely
Under a warm sunshine ray

Where the cold and the warmth
Would perfectly intertwine
In a hypnotic rhythm
Catapulted through time

Where dark and light
Could both peacefully exist
Just beyond the horizon
In an altered state of bliss

I knew of a place
Where the night met day
Until a time came
When it was no longer that way

Your love is the fruit
Of the poisonous tree
That Adam once
Took from Eve

Tell me how is it
I couldn't see
That you were slowly
Killing me

Your voice is euphoric,
You're a siren of the sea
I'm not sure how I didn't notice
The waves crashing deafeningly

Maybe I was too entraced
In the way you spoke
Of the all the things
That you loved the most

Maybe I was too desperately
Clinging onto the hope
That your love would be the cure
Not a lethal dose

The weight of my sadness
Is heavy like clouds before rain
I’m only self medicating
To try to numb the pain
Antidote coursing through me
Like toxins in my veins

Here lately I haven’t been writing
And I’ve been staying in my room
Human interaction is a struggle
So I put on my best costume

It comes with a fake smile
And covers the dark circles around my eyes
I’ve become a master of the art
Of hiding my own demise

My therapist tells me I’ll get better
That I just need to give it time
But nobody understands the torture
Of being trapped inside my mind

My mental health is in shambles,
My anxiety always on edge
I’m finding it harder and harder
Just to get up out of bed

My brain is meticulous
With every thought I think
It feels like I’ve tied a brick to my ankle
And all I can do is sink

The chains that have bound me
Are tightening their grip
I wonder how much time is left
Until I lose myself to the abyss

You’ll fall out of love
When you notice my flaws
And one day you’ll wonder
How you ever loved me at all

I’m running out of places
To hide from myself