I separated my mind and heart, because they never can agree. Always seem too have different needs, and bicker endlessly.

I built a wall up higher, trying to protect my soul. My mind said he would break me, my heart couldn't take another toll.

My heart kept whispering his name, and longing for his touch. I couldn't make my mind agree, it warned it's far to much.

Hearts must be made of glass, and we keep our minds in chains. After all the heartache I've endured, maybe only a pretty face remains.

Conflicted because I never got to say, all that I might. Tormented by the memories of you, and how my mind and heart still fight.

I collided with an invisible wall, felt the force when I hit the floor. Pulling myself off the ground, I realized I've been here before.

Gravel stuck to my knees, wounds that only sting. The biggest devastation, is the sprang in my left wing.

Have you seen my halo? Just leave it where it fell. I thought his arms would catch me, can you tell me if this is hell?

I used to be an Angel, but now I don't know my place. Just that I can't escape the pain, that fills this empty space.

They whisper lies while I sleep, that love can mend a broken heart. But if you ask me, from what I see, it only rips the mind apart.

Stained glass shards glisten on the floor, from the window that was shattered. Words lost that cut the tongue, withheld because it never mattered.

Bare feet that no longer feel, I kneel on glass remains. If only my heart was unbreakable, but the overflow of everything it contains.

I built walls I let down, reluctantly for men who are undeserving. But it seems that heartache, is a lesson I'm always learning.

I'd rather just hear it burst because I'm always muffled sound. I can't keep looking in spite of hope, for something that can't be found.

I broke the window because beautiful, is nothing that is me. Maybe if I wear a mask, I can obstruct the image that is all they ever see.

The absence of you seems stiff and crinkled,
Like a crumpled piece of paper.

Ink blots and words crossed,
Just discarded verses and rhythms sprawled endlessly.

Incomplete maybe in a way,
Because I no longer keep your name on my lips.
Only hidden in sheets of paper.

Can you feel the silence?
Like a discarded notebook.
To full to continue,
Lines fill the margin so it's set aside.

Even words escape me now in this,
Paused in my last verse...

I by fate and tragedy,
have been appointed to the childrens keeper.

We pass through empty streets,
the city in ruin around us.
We search,
salvageing what food we can.

We live in fear that destruction will return.
Wild dogs run about, baring yellow teeth,
threatening to attack.

We take refuge in a tall building constantly keeping watch.
We can not be the only survivors. Someone will come for us.
Where has everyone gone?

It is just I,
and to many children to count.
Sobbing tears,
that I wipe away with hopeful kisses. Restless dreams,
that I banish with sweet lullabyes.
I can not repair the damage that's been done,
but I can give them love, hope, comfort and warmth.

I by fate and tragedy,
have been appointed the children's keeper.
A task I accepted.
Now these children of ashes are my own.
They are my life, my everything.

I came to you in shadow.
Creeping into thoughts and poking holes in your perception.

But I'm just a pretty ghost.

My reflection I so often feel betrays me.
I paint my lips red because I have impenetrable walls.
You can't bust through,
So please don't try.

Hand held out to stop you.

But all I want to do is breathe your breath.
Inhale your sent and allow myself to do what I do best.. Discover.

Wonder surrounds me.
I'll always take a dare,
Yet I couldn't take you.

In all honesty my tea set it shattered.
The tea party is forever on pause because like my tea ***,
I'm so cracked.

Shattered...
Is me.
Always so afraid to move that I get lost in the waves.

I'm made of glass but no one cares.

Oceans overflow from me.
Spilling out so disgustingly.

Any dignity I had has washed away completely.

Am I so stupid that I forgot how to swim?

Tears won't stop.

This sadness is overwhelming and I just can't reach the shore.

My tears are an ocean.
Held in so long that it swells,
So consuming is sadness.
I wish I could just drown.

It's always a struggle.
Tears fall without my permission,
Into an ocean that could maybe help me vanish.

Put your lips close to mine, as long as they don't touch.
Breathe in me, but cannot see, the wounds that ache so much.

I'll let you linger in my space, lights dimmed so you can't fully see.
In this place I hid, and sins that did, purge the light from me.

Hearts are such a delicate thing, walls built so you can hide.
The side of you, that always knew, this luscious lullabie.

Age sets in and scars collect, imperfections on your skin.
A road map, of gnarled sap, from the spot we all begin.

Reflections always distorted, some how you became so shallow.
As I cried, and echoes confide, I made love to my weeping shadow.

Bathtubs spend alot of time empty.
When used they are never filled completely.

Maybe I'm like a bathtub.
Cold and clean.

Well...

I'd hope to be clean. But I find myself ***** more often then not.

But I could shine. I could be filled to the brink of overflow.

You could lay on me for awhile.. Close your eyes and just relax.

I'll wrap myself around you and welcome you into me.

****...I'm like a bathtub.

I don't know when it was I fell, but I think I just hit solid ground. Those arms I wanted to catch me, are nowhere to be found.

I thought of strength as I fell, the beauty of his soul. Disregarding what I knew, that love can take a toll.

It's my own fault, I hide away so well. Secrets tucked down deep, that my lips refuse to tell.

I can't help but feel so broken, as I hit the floor. Delicate hearts made of glass, I heard mine crack as he closed the door.

You may have noticed puzzle pieces  scattered all around me.
Patterns starting to come into light.

I know this because I see it myself.
So I wait.

I always catch myself wondering what my heart keeps saying, because I'm finding it difficult to translate.

I love the wrong way.
I know this from everything before.

Puzzle pieces that never fit, no matter how hard I try.
Glue and paste never hold.
Edges always askew.
Patterns so complex they hurt my eyes.

It takes time I'm guessing.
Patient hands to guide pieces into place.

I wouldn't know what to do if it where complete.
Or what it might be like,
To never have too worry about starting over.

Another night where I struggle, toss and turn, sigh in frustration.
Sleep evades me.

Does it not see that I'm exhausted?

I've nothing left to give, I am beaten and warn out.

Yet time moves into the next day regardless of if I'm ready to begin or not.

Nightmares creep behind my heavy eyelids.
I sense them pulling at the covers. Maybe I can push them aside.

Shadows creep around me, tiptoe through my home, so rude they don't shut the door behind them.

Thoughts circle, I try so hard to leave them behind, However they choose to remain.

Another night where tears fall silently, why bother wiping them away.

I'll stare at the darkness in which I've always held an irrational fear.

Don't count the time, it passes far to fast. Sleep please take me, I need an escape.

You are abstract.
Rare in our world of black and white.
So full of color that you burst.
Beautiful on canvas and in theory.

Stunning is you when you shine.
Breathless is me here before you.
I want so badly to fill in the cracks.

Contrasting elements leave us lingering in this place that we now can frame.

I could look at you for hours not wanting to blink.
Gazing into the powerful man,
Seeing beyond what others may see.

I'm captivated and perhaps a bit shaken. Left in such awe.

I say this with absolute certainty,
needing to catch your tears in my hands.
You are a masterpiece.
You are a work of art.

He said he caught himself thinking of my long legs when I was absent.

I froze...Silent and annoyed...

Perhaps he was over confidant when he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

I slapped him.

It made me feel cheap so I lit a cigarette. I inhaled deeply watching the smoke swirl... if I could just fade away with it.

Lights to bright and sounds that burst. My head hurts...I flick my ash.

Now he's frozen...just watching me.

Perverts and nicotine have the same stench. Both a bad habit I need to quit.

She's carrying around heartache,
It's tucked deep into her pockets.
It's heavy weight causing her to stumble.

That light up ahead is for her.
But insecurity causes doubt.
Whispering oh so softly her name.

Others fogged perception forces her to scream.

But all they hear is noise.

Not the heart bursting forth.

Not the over flow of sorrow she sometimes can't contain.

The light still shines bright.
All her beautiful soul has to do..

Is pick up her head from her knees,
and empty her pockets.

I wonder if I could just let myself shine.

But you see, I hold back all my light.

Always being fearful, that I would shine to bright.

If I could linger in a moment long enough to find,  where it is along the way... That I lost my mind.

If I could dance across the endless sky, wrap the wind around me in a tight embrace.. Maybe I could be complete in that time and space.

If I could find a loving soul, then maybe the magic walls would fade.

If I only could for once, find shelter in a home that I have made.

If I could count the endless stars in the night, and let the light alter my view..

If I could just let it all go, and fall in love with you.

Even the moon shines spooky tonight.
Clouds a light hue of eerie yellow.

A change is coming,
I can feel it as certain as the breeze.

Lips pressed red and time fading no slower then before.

My cheeks flushed pink from wine.

But I so stupidly miss you.

This change I feel in the very tips of my fingers and it whirls about the air around me.

It's coming... I don't know what...
But I've already gotten lost in the possibilities.

This is when I turn to rock, emotions mold to stone. I could never give you my heart, for its not my own.

I drift away with regret, I know I let you down. I cant take back the things I think, when your not around.

I feel it pulling in my chest, rise up and come to tears. I took a chance to make this work, and it ended with my fears.

I disapear now like the wind, I fade into the trees. You think I will forget you fast, but pain is hard to ease.

Dont look back and see me, a shadow of who you once knew, for I was never fully here. I make it look so easy, but the scars are always there.

You want to take the wings I've earned, I sense it beyond your touch. You wrapped your hand around my throat, and it become too much.

You think that you're the only man, to ask of me what you do. But in reality, there have been countless before you.

I pace this room to ease your pain, it sinks within my skin. Another scar from your heartache burns. So much to say, I can't begin.

I count the scars on my flesh, the hearts I've had and lost. You look at me like I'm the monster, but never ask the cost.

Everything is always winding,
   Turning into
Something unknown.
Ending up      
                    In a different place.
I've almost forgotten where I started for a moment.

Uncertainty has always been a burden.
The unknown leaves me searching.

Cards
            Palms
                       Omens
                                     Dreams.

That part always gets me..
  Fortune teller of fantasy in flowing skirts of rainbow fabric.

I laugh so brightly it sometimes hurts.

Promise not to   let the room
    Go dark.

I could get lost in its   e  n  d l e s s
Void.

***** intuition, sensing visitors in the night.

Uncertainty is a spiteful villain.
However the stars
       say fate  can be just as cruel.

I drowned once in the bottom of a bottle.

The infinite possibilities weighing over me, endless as the sky.

But he beat me..

So I prayed for strength.

I drowned twice in the bottom of a bottle.

Regret a heavy burden.

All the things I could have done, counting the casualties of my blindness.

I drowned three times in the bottom of a bottle.

Rock bottom never hurt so bad.

Realizing fairy tales don't come true.
No prince can slay my demons.

I surfaced when I realized,
That I must free myself.

Now I count my days and still I pray for strength.

There are no words to describe what's come over me.
Waves of emotions   crash  
dragging me down    to drown.

I struggle to suppress the pain,
        to not give into it.

Icy liquid,
a brilliant blue     wraps    itself around my body.

Tears burn my eyes
stinging   with   salt.

I give up allow myself to drown.
Sinking fast,  tears    choke    me.

My thoughts are annoyance,
buzzing constantly....

I let it drift away,
no one can save me...
I let them drift away....

I sink
    suffocate
           my weakness disgusts me.

I'm to tired to fight,
to hurt to care anymore.

I give into water.

Consume me,
take me to the ocean floor and drown me.
I offer you my life.

I give into water.

I built these bricks with magic dust, to keep all evil out. But instead I sealed my fate, for I can't freely move about.

I have these wings so angel soft, that want to stretch and fly. My fear of falling keeps me frustrated, for I wish to touch the sky.

He came to me once like a shining star, so bright I could feel the heat. But circles cast and secrets hidden, lead to my own defeat.

It could've been love, it's so hard to tell as these walls obscure my view. It doesn't stop the constant thought, that what could end this curse was you.

I wish I was a ghost.

I'd be able to fold into what you wanted me to be.

I'd be visible and incomprehensible.

Your perception of me is all that truly matters isn't it?

Everyone always knows what I need.

Guiding angels so often put hands around my neck, and turn into monsters in the dark.

If I was a ghost I'd walk through walls and not through your thoughts.

Perhaps it would've been best if I had stopped haunting you months ago.

But it's impossible too drift away when you leave my skin on fire,
And make my heart feel so alive.

I fell apart.

I guess it was time,
There are so many cracks already...

I shattered unto myself like a stain glass window,
Bits of color fading into shards.

Tears came and I may have wept a river,
I just want it to wash away.

Wipe my hands clean and carry on.

Promises of tomorrow seem exhausting, when you realize that it's all just the same in the end.

Sometimes I think his scent still lingers on my skin.

Scars impossible to erase no matter how hard I scrub.

His need for me always urgent.

Firm forceful hands always taking more then I want too give.

The secret is pain can be such pleasure...

Making love to monsters in the dark. Eyes closed and gasping.

Physical need overwhelming,
And fireworks no where in sight.

I'm really good at starting over.

Picking up broken pieces and discovering the light in dark places.

I've got this grasp of hope that never fades. It pulses in my palms and Sparks my fingertips.

Yet still sometimes I resist the urge to hang my head in shame, and admit defeat.

Time grows distant when I count the monsters hiding in the shadows.
Always waiting too consume me.

I dust off volumes of myself tucked into forgotten corners at night.
Insomnia my most unwelcome visitor.

I can find comfort in stillness and solitude.

But sometimes...

I wish someone would hold me.

I remind myself alot these days that

I'm so good at starting over.
I'm so good at watching it all fall apart.

I wish to be a cloud.

I could linger in between.
Present but not fully here.

I'd allow the wind to take me along the endless sky.
Never losing possibilities or places.

I wash my hands of regret and responsibility.
I'll bask in freedom and forgot about pain.

To be visible, yet never close enough to touch.
Always searching for what lies beyond my reach.

At this moment I'd give anything to be a cloud,
To dissolve into the unknown and become so beautiful.

I've written his name on my *******,
because it can never escape my lips.

He's only for me,
My very own secret.

He could breathe for me,
Because he makes me forget how.
Pressing his mouth to mine and his palms to my bare chest.

I could let him break me,
Bend me into submission.

I want so badly to leave lipstick stains in forbidden places,
and the scent of my perfume on his skin.

Butterflies can't be suppressed,
nor can the effect he has over me.
Setting me on fire as I seal his name away,
the taste of our secret lingering always on my lips.

Long crossed paths that leave life in a tangled mess. Which road to pick will right my wrongs, I don't know I must confess.

I grow exhausted from my journey, and decided to seek refuge under this old oak tree. As I sat and ponder direction, it wrapped its branches around me.

Comfort came and tamed my rage, quieted the voices inside my head. When sleep overshadowed thought, it provided a humble bed.

As I woke the mighty oak whispered through the breeze. Letting me know I must go, and choose the path I please.

Reluctant I stand strong and make my way, looking back only to find. That my tree of comfort and refuge was gone, it was a figment of my mind.

He took something from me that I never wanted to give him.

Intimacy abandoned with secrets uncovered.
Burning new scars into my skin,
I'm left hurt and raw.

Tears fall without permission.
Flowing from me until I'm submerged enough to drown.
Oh please...just let me drown...

Tea leaves scattered in my cup cast the same pattern thrown along the floor.
The aroma of desperation so strong that he wears it like Cologne.

I won't let him kiss me anymore,
As I'm tired of the lies his lips tell and the metallic taste they suddenly hold.


Now I falter on broken wings.
He's a thief,
but I don't know how to stop my heart from loving him.

You ask his name,
because you can see it written on my lips.

His light fills cracks and corners,
Banishing darkness that lurks in between.

Whispers of hope for this to blossom with time.

He's every other heartbeat.

It's written on my lips.

But his name is mine to keep.

Don't worry,
You've never heard of him.

If I take each breathless verse he wrote and put it in my pocket,
Maybe then I can tuck it away,
and keep that part of him close to me.

If arms could wrap around me, blanketing me in warm comfort,
Maybe then I'd get swept away in his desire to have me.

If I could just peek within the corners of his mind,
Maybe then I wouldn't be so afraid to fall.

If I could get past the maybe that tends to linger on my lips,
Maybe then my heart will heal.

If fingertips could gently touch,
And lips could softly meet,
Maybe then stars would collide and I may not drown.

I now am yours,
I give myself to you completely.
You say the most wonderful things, Your gift of words overwhelms me, rendering me      b r e a t h l e s s.

Allow me to lose myself in you.
to get swept away in the intensity of your love.

Your laugh like bursts of golden sunlight warms my very essence.
        You come so easily to me.

You tore down my defenses as if effortless.
Leaving me vulnerable and exposed. Please don't break me.

I resist the impulse to run anywhere but into your arms.
I am yours so completely yours.

I could cry a river of "what if"
Or
If you prefer I could write a list of all my fears.

Or maybe if you get close enough,
I'll tell you why I hate mirrors.

Secrets stained red on lips that must only    part to    breathe.
Scarlet letter branded on her chest,
To love only means to deceive.

Let me tell you about whiskey, I hate it just as well.
I drowned in the bottom of a bottle once, after I saved myself from hell.

I tucked it away and pushed it aside, When I begged for help from the start. Crimson secrets burned on my lips, and now scars marked on my heart.

This red string of fate binds us, through all eternity, we once were to blinded by heartbreak, to hurt to see.

We lived our lives separate, always feeling incomplete, to ignorant to notice this invisible red thread at our feet.

No matter the distance it can become tangled, yet never broken, the moment we met it was as if destiny had spoken.

The red string of fate can stretch throughout the world, yet will always lead us to eachother, forbidding us to successfully love another.

We are forever connected, by this string tied around your ankle and mine, binding our hearts together since the beginning of time.

It led me to you, now we have found our way, in my heart and soul forever is where you will stay.

When this life ends and we begin anew, I have no doubt that this red string of fate will again lead me to you

I go down through the list of regret, the things that I've done wrong. Knowing that its a part of me, a demon I've battled all along.

A reflection of me, the women I see is bowing her head in shame. Knees to chest, regret wont rest, when you're the one to blame.

My lips are sealed in secrecy, of things I could never tell. The floor beneath me is made of glass, its no wonder that I fell.

As if an essence of a shadow lingers, that follows close behind. It rips and cuts pieces of me, and I slowly lose my mind.

I'm best faded into the background.

I hate that I walk away sometimes. That these walls can't come down...
It's just easier to go.

Because,
You think you want to know me.
But you really don't.

I tuck secrets into the corners of myself,
A crumpled piece of paper riddled with drunken cursive.

I can't escape the desire to cover you in soft kisses.
Or the need to hear the rhythm of your heartbeat.

Distance, I panicked and had to add space in between.

People always say I shine

But that's because they are to dazed to see what's hidden in the shadows.

I know that I am beautiful, no matter what you say, I gaze upon my reflection each and every day.

You tell me that I'm simple, but don't mistake me so. for the fullness of my lips and the curves of my body show.

Long and slender, that I am. My height is hard to hide, brown eyes and hair are common but I stand with confidence and pride.

You want to say I'm not your type, on that we can agree. I already have to many men chasing after me.

What bothers me most I must confess, you can't look beyond what you see. If a man wants to know me best, he must read my poetry.

Sand moves through the hour glass, counting down the past. I gripped to tight and lost it all, praying it would last.

I miss you sometimes so much it hurts, but I look back to see the ruin. The scar still proof of what we had, it was our own undoing.

Sand feels gritty between my fingers, I have to pace about. But frustration of things that went unsaid, makes me want to shout.

I can't make sense of the absence between, just that it always lingers in this space. Memories I still hold next to me, I wish I could erase.

It must make you feel good that you broke me.

Took any stability that I had, and invested it in lies.

It chokes me.

I can't remember to breathe...

I see your hands around my neck, but I can justify it to my last breath.

The hand prints on the wall don't match my own. But you don't care that you never saw me clearly.

All you care about is the satisfaction you get from the aftermath.

I'll clean up the broken pieces. As long as you remember that, your the reason I'm left incomplete.

I never thought I'd ever know the feeling of her absence, Her laughter faded into memory.

Her scent still lingers in my closet. Clothes that silhouette an image that was left untainted.

Words fail to express the truth in what we had, yet I push it away.

I had to when it hurt so much.

Our past set on fire when I chose to leave it behind, hurting us both.

But I'll never know who more.....

The problem was she only saw part of me. When I gave her so much of my soul.

In the end she broke my heart worse then he ever could. Fogged eyes seeing expectations I couldn't for fill.

Secrets whispered of lies so easily believed. Tainted red and broken already.

I walked away because I couldn't bear her heart break again.

I never thought she would never not know me. But in the end she proved she never knew me at all.

I've hidden you away.

Tucking secrets into the cement cracks.

Burying all emotion alongside the person I used to be.

Sometimes it feels like a faded yesterday.
Yet years of your absence grow stale and suffocating.

I burned the edges of memories.
Hoping to blur those moments I once vowed to keep forever.

I took the blame when I broke your heart.
In that moment I became stuck within these walls.

I've hidden you away.

Now you're just a name that lingers on my lips,
And an ache in my heart.

Its nothing I can say, only something I can feel. If only I could wake up and know it isn't real.

I lost it, through my fingers let it slip. Heard and felt it in my heart as it broke away and ripped.

Grief can never be a comfort, as time goes ticking fast. But I know for people like me, happiness doesn't last.

I sit and wait, for this test in life just to finally end. But we know from past lessons learned, that sorrow has no friend.

I walk through the dark dusty house. The people I see,
are all void of faces.
Yet I know they must be staring. Watching to see if I can escape.

All doors are boarded shut,
all windows nailed closed.
The windows I can not shatter no matter how hard I try.
Panic reaches me as I try the last door, again closed to me.

These people void of face,
laugh hallowed chuckles
excited by my fear.

Tears stream red staining my shirt.
I call for you but you are to far to hear,     we are   distances   apart.

Defeated I sit in a corner,
knees to chest
I wait for dawn.
I see my reflection but resist looking, my face may not be my own.

These are my dreams,
people void of face,
emotions and heart.

It's just to much
              for anyone to take,
let alone
b r o k e n me.
When he shattered me
            all that time ago,
        I lost a piece of myself.

It's just to much
          to show you who I am.
I know perfectly well
        for I keep myself company,
and share    no ones   secrets but my own.

Its just to much
         to love me,
       so much work,
so much patience   and    sweat
      it will break you.....

It's just to much
       who comforts me when I cry?
who holds me when I am scared?

It's just to much
to ask     anyone     other    
        ...then myself.

Words that surround me and cut my flesh, like a little jagged knife. Words that I pretended didn't hurt that ate at me my whole life.

These fresh wounds you leave won't seem to heal, as I pick at open skin. Tear me apart, take a chunk just so you can win.

Damaged already by careless fools, who are to blinded to see. That words have this ability, to completely destroy me.

It's coming undone,
I feel it threatening to give way.
This is just the beginning,
At this point I already know,
All we've built will come crashing down.

It's coming undone,
It hit me quick.
The realization stinging my eyes.
A life without you....
It's chocking me.

It's coming undone,
And all I can do is stand witness.
Just wait,
For you to see it too.
I can see no future beyond this,
If you can,
Please...show me.

It's coming undone,
As destiny must've decided.
Perhaps the moment we declared,
Our love must be fate.
Time proved us liars.

I'm coming undone,
You see this,
Me gasping for breath.
Yet you point the finger at me,
Because,
I'm so good at starting over.
I'm so good at watching it all come undone.

Reality has a hard grasp,
causing me to forget to breathe sometimes.

Familiar hands choking me.
The lost opportunities get caught in my throat,
as I notice the fingerprints on the wall match my own.

To afraid to take the risk,
because all I really want to do is jump.
I wish that I could watch what holds me so tight shatter,
releasing a thousand promises of tomorrow.

I stand still ....
because I'm scared of getting lost again,
Deep stunning water that could swallow me whole.

Dreams can't be stolen.
But I see mine transform, as the puzzle pieces of you start fitting into place.

Tell me when you look at me
do you see me for who I truly am?
Or do you   w i s h  
to see me for who you want me to be?

I am not all that you think I am.
What if one day
that comes    suddenly  
as    all    days    should.
You look at me and find
I am some one new.
Not
who you think I am.

I told you
shown    you    me.
Given you a piece of my soul.

You don't know me anymore?

That's because you never saw me.
Who I truly am.
For all I am to you has been your imagination.

I have always been,
never less
never more
never fake
never anyone
other then MYSELF