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Amber K Mar 2015
Lies create insecurities.
They tear you apart from the inside.
You'll begin to question yourself.
"Was I not good enough for the truth?"

I know this all too well.
My ears have heard many tales being told,
my eyes have been deceived,
and I have been left feeling like a fool.

First I questioned myself.
Then I changed myself.
And now I'm unsure of who I am.
The insecurities have long set in.

So please,
do not lie to those you love,
because while lies temporarily damage trust,
they forever alter someone who once believed too much,
Amber K May 2014
You sick twisted person,
with your hands burning black,
from all of the ashes,
you've left in your tracks.

You and your friends,
you leave nothing but hurt.
Sweet promises made,
trampled in the dirt.

You left nothing good,
just one little thrill.
Not the thrill you want,
just one that makes us ****.

We hate who you are,
and there's nothing we can do.
You're not welcomed here anymore,
We say goodbye to you.

Take your ashes and your sick mind,
your pathetic rants and twisted lies.
Because we'd rather be dead than hear what you say,
We'd rather watch you wither day by day.
Just wrote this when I was in rage mode about someone who hurt me a lot in the past. I have absolutely no feelings left for the person. I just really wish they'd fall off the face of the earth.
Amber K Apr 2014
There is a certain sadness
found deep within happiness.
Although happiness is the best to be,
there are a few downfalls to it once it's been discovered.

To be truly happy,
you have to feel the pain of sadness first.
You eventually get use to this feeling,
you develop an attachment to it.

Once you discover happiness,
the attachment is not easily broken.
It's not impossible to break,
but it is quite difficult.

First you might struggle with your daily routine.
You have to learn how to wake up smiling,
thinking of the day as a new day
instead of just another day to fight through.

Then those songs you've always related to,
become so pointless and you can't relate.
There lyrics are now just words.
They are now just remnants of your past.

After awhile,
you begin to change into someone new.
But don't let this destroy your positive state of mind.
Change isn't always so bad.

That attachment will eventually fade into oblivion.
The happiness you feel will fill it's spot more generously.
It will remind you that even when we become attached to negativity,
there's always a positive alternative waiting to be discovered.
Amber K Apr 2014
My faith has been weak,
I have fallen on my knees
so many times.
But how honest was I?

I felt hate and shame,
till they both felt the same.
I've been so wrong,
for way too long.

Why did I look away,
or run at the sound of your name?
Why was I so afraid,
just to be saved?

After being so blind,
and falling out of line,
I finally see,
it's you that I need.

After all that you've sacrificed,
you gave your entire life,
just for sinners like me.
What took me so long to see?

My lord, I give you my life.
After all of this struggle and strife.
I realize I can't survive,
without you on my side.

You are the king of all kings,
You are everything.
Even after I have sinned,
I know I am now forgiven.
Within the past few year, I have not been who I needed to be. I've been lying to myself, letting myself believe I was living right. But tonight I watched a movie called "The Passion Of The Christ" and it brought me to realize my mistakes. Not only did I cry through the whole movies, I prayed through most of it also. To think that Jesus gave his life for me and I still have the nerve to make small, pointless excuses for my sins made me see how wrong I've been. From this day on, I'm going to try and live my life right. I am letting go of the hate I use to hold inside of my heart and I am starting over new. My faith is restored.
Amber K Apr 2014
I dreamed of a new grave,
that was now home to a boy
who tried to destroy me,
and caused so much pain.

It was not a normal graveyard,
instead it was near the woods.
There were strange graves surrounding him.
His headstone was so plain.

"You ready?"
Someone spoke to me.
But I didn't have the courage,
to complete what they asked of me.

So without hesitation,
the person approached the grave,
and with a lighter,
they burned and blackened the name.

For a second,
he didn't exist.
His body did not lie in this pit,
because he never existed.

But someone who knew him,
came to visit the grave.
They did not question why the name was gone,
they just nodded and spoke about irrelevant things.

No one would miss him.
No one would find his grave.
With the name burned,
he never even existed.

Till I got a phone call.
How is he still breathing?
He spoke kindly to me,
like he had never done wrong in his life.

I cursed at him,
and told him never to return.
Because he was supposed to be dead,
and his name was burned!

But still he haunted me.
Just in a different way.
That's when I realized,
revenge leaves a bitter taste.
This is about a dream I had last night. Like the poem says, I dreamed that an ex of mine had died, and I was pretty happy just because that meant I never had to deal with him again (he messed me up pretty badly, so I'm not surprised that I was happy in my dream), and in my dream I went to his see his grave with some of my friends. They had apparently convinced me that it would help me get over the past and that I could finally get some sort of revenge. Well while we were at the grave, my friend took out a lighter and told me I should burn the name and it would help me forget that he even existed. I told her I couldn't because it felt wrong, but she did it anyways. That's when one of his relatives showed up and was talking to me about how she understood he done a lot of bad things to me and he probably deserved what happened to him and his grave. Right after that talk, I got a phone call from him. He was telling me to help him with something and he sounded so different. His voice wasn't the same and he sounded genuinely sorry for all of the hurt he had caused so many people, but I couldn't tell him it was okay and I couldn't tell him how to fix it, because I knew that nothing could fix what he had done. He was dead and non-existent to most of the world, yet I still felt the same pain from the past as I did before his death. I think this dream helped me realize I need to stop letting what happened in the past effect me. Whether he says sorry for what he did, or changes his ways, or dies and becomes just another body in the ground, it won't change the past. The only thing I can do is forgive and move on with my life instead of remembering the things he did to me. It's the only way I can remain happy and free from the past.
Amber K Apr 2014
Most people find their selves,
in the simplest of ways.
I have not been so lucky,
to be one of those people.

While many people have everything
planned out completely,
I am still searching,
for who I really am.

Every day I become more of a puzzle.
I find myself,
in strangely worded poetry,
and old black and white photos.

I find my purpose,
in the old book beside my bed.
Although I've read it over and over,
I still discover something knew each time.

I find myself in the music,
not the songs on the radio though.
But the ones that few people know,
that sing to the heart and not the mind.

I am not simple,
or normal or easily figured out.
I am complex.
I am unsure of who I am.
  Mar 2014 Amber K
E. E. Cummings
let’s live suddenly without thinking

under honest trees,
                        a stream
does.the brain of cleverly-crinkling
-water pursues the angry dream
of the shore. By midnight,
                                a moon
scratches the skin of the organised hills

an edged nothing begins to prune

let’s live like the light that kills
and let’s as silence,
                            because Whirl’s after all:
(after me)love,and after you.
I occasionally feel vague how
vague idon’t know tenuous Now-
spears and The Then-arrows making do
our mouths something red,something tall
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