i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body.  i like what it does,
i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

It's calling my name again,
but now that I think about it,
it always is.

My smile is temporary.
No matter what,
it'll never be as consistent as these scars.

I've tried...
I really have.
But I'm no good at being strong.

I hear it calling my name again,
it's closer now.
I might give in.

If I could go back in time,
you would probably not be alive right now.

After all the times you tortured me.
All the times you made me hate myself...

I bet you didn't see this coming.
I bet you never guessed it would all back fire.

Now it may be extreme to say I'd break you if I could,
but I'm known to be an extreme person.

I'd break a bone for every word you used against.
For every time you used force.

I'd take the knife to you instead of myself.
And tell you it's your fault

Because why should I have to be the only one having nightmares?
Why should I have to suffer?

I want you to know what I am.
I want you to know that I am your worst nightmare.

Day 1
No more cuts.
Only scars.
I won't go back to yesterday.
I promise.

Day 10
No more cuts.
Only scars and thoughts.
I refuse to look back though.
I swear.

Day 50
No cuts, more thoughts.
These scars aren't just physical.
I don't want to look back.
I'm trying not to.

Day 70
These thoughts...
they hurt more and more.
I don't know how much I can take.
I want to.

Day 1
I really tried...

When I was little,
falling asleep made every pain disappear.
Whether it was a scraped knee,
or having my feelings hurt.
The pain would always subside after I had rested.
Dreams would fill my mind,
and peace would fill me.

Now that I'm older,
I realize sleep no longer takes my pain away.
It only makes me temporarily numb,
but not so numb that I don't crave medication.
It just makes me wish I could sleep longer.
Dreams no longer fill me,
and peace is nowhere to be found

Innocent girl,
afraid of the world.
They have no idea what goes on in your mind.

They can't see the cuts.
They can't hear your thoughts.
They can't see you're at war with yourself.

"You're too good."
"You'd never do wrong."
"You're so innocent."

They can't see you're dying.
They can't hearing your crying.
They can't hear you screaming for help.

Innocent girl,
when will you tell the world,
about the pain you feel.

They don't believe you could hurt,
They don't believe you could bleed,
They are sickened by your "perfection".

"You've never been depressed."
"You're mind is so clear."
"You've never known struggle."

Innocent girl,
when will you show the world,
the scars you have from losing your mind.