I sit and I stare empty at the wall
I think of nothing
Nothing at all
There's no pattern
No
Uniformity
And yet this all means so much to me
There's a sound like Saturn
Building behind my eyes
And it's whispering of sure surprise
Focused on staying distracted
Hell bent on playing disastrous
Born of the space between
Worn out from this bleeding heart scene
Follow/Lead
Swallow the grief

I can't find focus
Lost and a little hopeless
Blurred moon sits quiet

So we'll  live well
And speak less
Embrace our lives
And time's caress
I will see you
In the morning light
When your eyes open
Therein my world lies

And we will walk hand-in-hand
Down to the promised land
Our Elysian field
Where we will sleep less
And we will drink away the days
That we never had.

My life has been stormy up until now
But never so badly as your furrowed brow
You speak calm but your hearts beating
Way too fast
I can hear your eyes screaming that
We weren't made to last.

But we will walk slowly
Hand-in-hand
That Elysian field
Promised land
Waits for us because
It takes all we have to feel real

The mourning crowds have
Come and gone
Now we're just sinking
Rotting beneath the mid-day sun
And I will hold your loving hand
As we make our way to the promised land.

Time is an ocean lashing
Against the skin of shorelines
Kept apart from
Everything she loves

Meander amongst the currents
Each day brings new love

Heaven waits without worry
Over those golden moments
Meet me there sweet grace
Ever after the evening comes

I always love that which
Is far away
From passing aeroplanes
To four years ago's yesterday
Call it nostalgia
Call it an inability to commit
A fear of holding love
In scarred hands and
Knowing I don't know
Enough

I always love the idea
Of love crossed by
Gleaming oceans of starlight
Because there lies safety
By default
No heartbreak in fate
Only a useless fight
As love burns
Forever into that awful
Good night

From where might you
Show love
Little light of day
The coast of Italy
Or distant nebulae
Perhaps too close
For comfort
and yet would you
Know your distance
A picnic lain lightly
Upon salt battered bluffs
Love, would you love from
Far enough

Whether weather withers
Heavy penny pinchers
Or orders hor d'oeuvres
Don't mean I'm richer
I'm just not a city slicker
Don't say I'm bitter
I got honey in my pitcher
Oh no wait that's pilsner
Sorry I forgot my censor
And she told my I got a ****** up
******
There's a reason I don't miss her
And I'm just trying to be honest
But she left with my wallet
And now I'm elbow deep in Comet
Paying for a dinner, faux gras, I said that like ***** grass to the waiter
I know I can't pronounce it
**** it he's a hater
And she said see ya later
Later on Imma be Dark side
Like Master Vader
I roll up like high tide
And my homies roll up to Eastside
And I tried to go nuts
Now I gotta run hide
'Cuz bacon munch next door on their donuts
Call me crazen, brazen, but
I was cravin' me a donut
So I strolled up
And then she showed up
Tryna get some tacos
And she was with her ****-o
Head look like a rock-o
And he knows bout them rocks though
So I zip-zap-skidaddle
Back to the Eastside
Now the bar died
So I try to find a quick ride
Down to mi casa
But the cars they passa
Without no second glance - uh
Until I drive myself - uh
Now I'm in a jail cell
Callin' for a lawyuh
Writing out my woes nuh
Hiding from my phone bruh
Cigarettes at home
And my heads all full of fog
I should sleep this off
Imma sleep this off

It's sunny in the snow blown meadow of the poor man's soul.
Even when it's cold the sun still glows.
Too bright. Foolish enough to still be bold.

Goodbye is not something you merely say
It is felt and it echoes throughout your lungs and into your marrow
In this great big too far gone world
Goodbye could be forever and a day

The soles of my shoes are
nothing
more than skin and bone.
The holes in my heart are filled with
Something
More than blood alone

Time is measured on a hundred million
Watches
Each in synchronous space
Rights are driven forward by a hundred million
Marches
Anger painted our faces
Love is given over to the lion
Harmless
Like lambs in guarded places

I am leaving for days gone by
Priceless
Time we shared
You are leaving for nights alive
Lifeless
Days our hearts bare
We are parting for a time
Fight this
For the end is near

This end is merely beginning
Again
Find hope in loss
This beginning is merely an ending
My friend
For me weep not
I'll be here waiting for you in time
The end
Is not the end of us.

Fail me now
Oh, these little things
I'm sticking on
Gravitate, I will
Slow, sinking feeling
I could be so much better
Make it mean
Abating heaven, sing
Welcome home
Heart stained sleeves
So unentertaining
The way love goes
Scared shitless moments
All of life is falling
Back to the day I met her

To be alone
is the deepest truth we will know;
**** this empty home.

A false security
in the future of our insecurities,
our shared disease.

Don't you see
how vacant this world would be
without our American,
our American dreams?

We only love ourselves
when we let ourselves
and there's no one else
who could take that all away.

If I'm wrong then maybe there's a reason
For me to **** myself
and take it
all the way.

For all the love we knew
and the lust it grew,
we'll always bleed, **** honesty.

But I'm betting that I can find a way
To shed my pain
And the blood on my hands
won't stain my sleeves.

Distill our happiness from lonely thoughts
and broken hearts;
a life saving alchemy.

If I'm alive then you know you are,
know you are my saving grace.
And if I'm dead well then,
then I can't believe in
grace anyway.

"I am what I believe"
Cried the crestfallen philosophy
"You are what we tell you to be"
Stated the looming bureaucracy
"But what of free speech, life, and liberty?"
Asked the outraged citizenry
"All fictitious. Now back to Benghazi."

And the world turned on
While our minds turned off
Victims to the Great Entertainment
That silences our voice of dissent

"What a marvelous movie"
"It could have been better"
"That Trump is a no-bullshitter"
"Yeah but he's  the same color as my melted smoothie"

Meanwhile the old wait to die
And prisoners don't have the hope to riot
And the T.V. tells us about Kim's new hair
I see these things and I despair

"Hey man, lemme get a eighth"
"Man, what the ******* gotta celebrate"
"I just got fired on Saturday, tryin' to forget this place"
"Man, you just gotta have a little faith"

But ain't no God in heaven and no savior in the saints
One prayer and all will be forgiven at least that's what they say
But my eyes don't divine a reason to believe 'em
My words are my crimes and I won't deceive 'em

Step back and give your heart your full attention
Listen to the voices of the ones I forgot to mention
Are we really so different
Are we slipping into indifference

If you believe in humanity
If you believe in nature
If you believe in morality
Maybe you'll become someone's savior

I too walk with the hand of doubt
Held tightly in mine
Though the whispers and fear
Of what could go wrong
Do not hold sway
In my ears
Nor my heart

I do listen
And I do entertain
What pictures they might paint
But I do not concern my eyes
With their idealized imagined pain
For the hand of love
Rests gently in my right

I  can fake a smile
With the best of them
And my best friend
Drove up the coast for miles

Just to see that tree
That grew so tall
It could never fall
But it'll never be free

From its roots reaching deep
But you said that we could try
And live our lives
Above the clouds and the sea

If only
We could wash up
And love could be enough
Love wouldn't be so lonely

In this moment I would run
Without eyes to see
Or lungs to breathe
I would run so far
For so long
And die as the sun must

In this moment I would live
With arms thrown wide
And a heart grown full
I would live so well
For long enough
To die alongside the earth

In this moment I am alone
As I have always been
As I shall always be
I am so alone
I can hear my heartbeat
Though no joy accompanies

In this moment I am awake
To the truth of existence
Nothing is permanent
I am so awake
I can hear the divide
Calling without a voice

In this moment the world turns
Without thought to why
Nor a reason to bear
The world turns gentle
As the oceans collapse
Against the endlessness

In this moment I would run
So fast and so far
I could lose myself
I would run forever
Without thinking of you
Without thinking of me

I have been gone so long
I forgot what it's like to live at home
So I stay inside
Watch the world walk by

All the people pass
On their way to work or class
I don't know
I feel that's someplace I should go

Once I was part of the race
Now I feel out of place
It seems this community
Has forgotten me

I want to laugh and shout
While I stay inside looking out
But I'll sit in silence
And watch from my self inflicted island

Keep this at arms length
A heart beat away from death
Every moment, every second
Keep me at arms length, babe

If I get you, I got you
But there's more to it, so
Forget the world, forgive the mess
I promise I'll clean it up before I go

Woke up haloed and healed
But I don't believe that story
Shut my eyes, go back to bed
I want something less than glory

Keep this at arms length
A heart beat away from life
Never again, never the same
Keep me away from the light

**** man, I wonder how a money salad with ranch tastes?
With the way we're faced
I see myself seeking shelter in the Great American Wastes
In the Heartland but I feel like I don't got no heart, man

So I just keep thinking though
Laugh at the freedom show
In the age of the digital rabbit
I'd rather break my habits, slow
So hold up now, listen close
There's a cold wind that blows
Over and over and over the world
So clear and awake and it smells like hope

But I'm living amongst the violent
Chaotic spirit energy of the silent
Tunnels of white and bladed nightlife
Drowning for lack of feeling alive
I want to feel the heat tonight
But there's no warmth in the morning
But I find joy in my cold Turkish Delight

Someone asked me if I ponder
The galaxy and how I fit in it
But I told them I lost my Samsung under
The bridge by the creek in a fit
Of ecstatic acid bliss
So I just let live and let
Live and let live.

So, I'll lie awake on this rocky beach
With my head full of sand and bad memories
You told me you felt safe in the arms of evergreen
And I said I'd never go away until this spark became too much to bear

Now the mountain came to us but we couldn't climb
Because, because our perspective was at odds with the even keel of this sinking ship
And oh I couldn't hear one more word about that anchor called forgiveness
Because, because forgiveness is just the gateway to forgetting and I won't forget

No, I won't forget you
Even when the world crashes down around my ears
Oh, heaven is coming down here
I know the angels sing their perfect songs but if they,
If they aren't singing of you I don't care to hear

But I hear, I hear angels cursing loud like
Like trains in the still night
Blowing decibels like churches
Towering tight against my eyes
They sound like
Screeching eagles clawing at the track
But they refuse to see that there's no going back

Because we said we'd never be this way
A silent promise in the deafness of anger
Said we'd never be this way
But I kept my fingers crossed
Like, like, perpendicular lines still hot from the friction of use
I'm burnt all down my insides
Because, because I know there's nothing in this world that can keep me from you

Even death concedes that I just won't turn blue
She watches me wait for you
In a forest made of ash
Whispers sweet nothings about the comfort of the black

But I refuse, I refuse to give in
And I won't forget to forgive myself
You always told me that comes first
The world is easier to live with if I can learn to live with myself
But I can't keep living this life without your help

So I'll wait by the ocean where salt water rises to tug at my feet
You'll be nowhere and right here because I just can't let it go
There's fear in the moon, that crazy old man is looking for us
I never knew what for
Pushing and pulling the sea until we can't swim anymore

And the waves will pull me under
To the depths where I'll await your forgiveness
When I'm deeper than the darkest indigo
Oh, I'll be passing through Atlantis
And I'll tell those sunken people of you and your eyes like a sunrise without an ending
These words they won't comprehend

And they'll never forget my tales of you
Long after I have passed
And their stars aren't the same as ours
Just lights passing in the distance
But they'll name them all after you
And your forgiveness

Oh, please forgive them
Bring them back to light
Give them my sunset
And hold me to the end of the line

Where the rocks aren't so sharp
And the ocean ain't so deep
The train is coming fast
And I can finally sleep

Does the lonely bird still sing?
Do his feathers still greet the Spring?

Is there a sadness in his song?
When the full forest sounds wrong?

Unsure if abandoned by hope
Or lost in the fetid smoke.

His voice a broken pitiful thing.
A lonely bird cannot sing.

And if he musters a "Po-tee-weet"
No other birds may he greet.

Will ever a time come to pass
When the lonely bird sings at last?

I sit alone beside the window,
rain falls through the trees outside
striking the leaves in mathematical fashion
tearing apart the stone below with molecular passion

Multiply the endogenous disease I carry in my lungs
I am loved
Sweep the sparking lead under the rug
I am loved
Transpose the heart burdened with grief for the young
I am loved
Our lives in succumbing to decay
we watch them every single day

We sit silent in repose
Our voices lost in the storm
We sit silent in our bones
Our bodies forgotten, hosts to the swarm

I am breathing, not living
I am breathing, not living now
My life lost in the separated sounds
of breaths gasped before I drown
in this white knuckled slumbering tomb
beneath the hallowed ground

A sickness we make excuses for
Is not a sickness but a love

We can never have enough
We always beg for more

And this violence is not a symptom
But the disease

When we ignore weeping pleas
As bullets and bodies flee wicked gunman

The only medicine
That can do the work

To rid us of this ill-loved curse
Is total acceptance of all our kin

So won't you join me
And give up the gun

Take up this love
Have love for the weak

You make me lovey-dovey, starry eyed

Color me down, hold my love inside
I want to feel your love tonight

You make me radiate, I feel my aura; deep and bright

We don't have to complicate, let love decide

Destination unknown, but we're side-by-side

You're my favorite song. I sing it all the time.

Dancing to the rhythm of our own beat, melodies floating soft and sweet

Like painted time, swinging hips, and our moving feet

Slow and steady, heart beating fast as our lips meet

Call it love, call it ecstasy
Call it you and me
Call it everything we need