We're all writing about the same things
Love and Pain and Loss
It´s like a record skipping
Over and over
Even I'm guilty
Pointless repetition
The same old sorrows
Yesterday and tomorrow
When will it ever end?
Every poet knows the pain
The release
Of fingers on keys
Typing instead of bleeding
Even though it's the same thing
But we just keep repeating
Again and again
When will it end?
*When will it end?

You enjoy the *** and the *****
All the things I could never give to you
I'll enjoy my solitude

Pet her hair in the dark
Rest your hands on her hips
Tell her she's yours

Forget our midnights
Lies told under starlight
I was afraid you might

Sleep in her bed again
Steal her blankets
Kiss her with morning breath

Don't watch me walk anymore
You told me you did before
Staring through the glass in the door

Tell her I'm nothing
That I was a child
That she is a woman

Don't love me
Or anything I'll never be
The things even I can't see

Walk away with her
Into the sunset
Or wherever it is you go

When you're not around

Where are you today baby?
Where's my forever and always?
You're supposed to be here
Singing me stupid songs
And whispering in my ear
Where's my ******* hug
Where are my ******* love notes
Where are you?
I promised I wouldn't be sad.
And you promised not to leave.
When did we start breaking promises?
Where's you living for me?
Like you were a hero.
Coming in to be better than the last guy.
The first guy.
The next guy.
Instead you became another glass of spilled milk.
Something I'm not supposed to cry over.
But I ******* do it anyway.
Because I love you.
And you left me.
Now I'm sad
And where the **** are you?
Just a memory of someone
That's fading as fast as I can think of you.
Where are you?

*The Suicide Diaries

Tell me sugar, where did the love go?
It was there one moment then it dissipated in the next.
I held you, and you kissed my neck.
Then your lips drew blood and I crushed you in my grip.
We tried to hold on.
But it was too late, the love was already gone.
I'll miss you.

You go ahead and lie again
We both know what will happen then
Right up until your lips touch mine again
I'll go ahead and ask where you've been
You'll tell me that you love me and then
"Tell me dear, Where you been?"

You said you wouldn't leave me
Yet here I am all alone trying to sleep
My arms aren't as good as her sheets
I thought you'd never cheat or mistreat me?
But you're in her bed fast asleep
Please, make her smile about the stains on her sheets

I see when she calls you on the phone
Don't smell like her when you come home
Or some night you might be sleeping alone
When I don't pick up my phone
I'm what makes this hole your home
Let's see how you fare in this world alone

I think of men much like I think of dogs

I'm initially weary of all the strange ones
I keep my distance and speak softly in case they might bite

After I meet them a few times and they're consistently friendly I'll let my guard down a little

Even then though they will still sometimes bite even if you think you know them

I've encountered enough biting dogs that I'm starting to fear dogs as a species

Which, as it turns out, dogs can sense and they don't like

I don't want to dislike dogs.
I've loved plenty of very good dogs in my life.

There are many dogs that I'm excited to see when they approach me
That I'll give treats and belly rubs to

But people that don't know me well think that I don't like dogs

When they see me interact with them on our first meeting they think I'm mean and crass

But in reality I'm just afraid and trying my best not to show it because they'll sense that fear in me

And chase me back to my truck
Or bite me
Or snarl and snap at the air to watch me dance for them

One mean biting dog will make you wary of dogs for a short time
But then you forget

It's only after many biting dogs
Many scary dogs
That it starts to wear on you
That you get nervous of all of them

But you tell someone their dog bites and they don't believe you

They say its never done that before
They ask you what you were doing when it bit you

They tell you that you should've have been in their yard
Like they didn't invite you there

So it's not that I don't like dogs
It's that dogs don't always like me

And they're one of the greatest dangers that I face on a daily basis

I'm a dog person
I'm also just an animal that runs on instinct

In a nutshell you are the ocean
And I am a toy boat
Caught in the waves
We collided and I was sent rolling . . .
Rolling
MDMA, lovers speed
You taste good but you could **** me
My personal brand of ectasy
Or maybe you're LSD
You changed me
The chemicals in my brain
Will never be the same
I'm stained
Acid psychosis
Too many doses
But what I like most is
You running through my veins
I marked the needle with your name
You're the flame under the spoon
One pin-***** takes me to the moon
It's over too soon
Then I'm jonesing
Can't stand to be alone see,
But time is pretty crystals
A quarter is too pricey
Days go by and I'm spun out
Strung out
Hard to find time when the sun's out
What can I say, I guess I'm a ******
Losing my mind when you leave me
But the high is like no other
We might **** each other
It's out of control
But your eyes are the color of my soul
And I want you to stay
****, please don't walk away
Just one more hit and I'll be there
Don't go, just say you care
And I'll keep nodding
Brain rotting
Veins buzzing
That good loving
*I need you

Who have I become?
Why didn't you tell me that I was changing?
Do you miss me the way I was before?
Or is this how you've always wanted me to be?
Weak.
Helpless.
Sad.
You're not a part of it.
Doesn't that mean anything?
Remember when I was something?
Something to hold on to.
Not I'm worthless.
To everyone but you.

You took me to all of your favorite places
Showed me around your home town
Introduced me to your mother
You fed me
You held me
We made plans
We made dinner
You lied to me
You threw me away
You made me feel like I was crazy
You told me it was my fault
You told me I wasn't good in bed
Like you didn't tell me
That my body was beautiful
"Pay attention to my actions"
See what you want to see
"I still care about you"
I'm going to keep you until I don't need you

. . . You
**** me, you
Are the best thing that has ever
Happened to . . . Me. . .

I'm on your level again
Down at the bottom of the cliff
Broken but alive
Blood trickling out of
The corner of my mouth
Slack-jawed and crying
I followed you off the edge
But you didn't catch me
I caught you a thousand times
But you didn't catch me

*The Suicide Diaries

I don't know who you are
But you hide in my smiles
Hold me in my dreams
Whisper to my insecurities
And promise me the future

You lied, love
In two years I will have known you
For half of my short life
I wanted to spend the rest of it with you
Give you my part of this world
Sleep on your chest
Hold your hand in grocery stores
Take your picture in the afternoon sunlight
Drink coffee with you too late in the evenings
So I could stay up with you all night
You could've picked the colour of our front room
Helped me drip paint all over the floor
I gave myself to you
In the quietest ways
I thought of you to fall asleep
Looked for you when I woke up
I waited endlessly for you to arrive
To come back
For something, anything to show that you hadn't disappeared
I mourned for you
Cried real years at the loss of our imaginary world
I've wished you eight Merry Christmas's
Carried you with me into the New Year
Missed you for more minutes than I've loved you
But for what?
I've got nothing to show
You're starting a new life
And so am I
Me with him
You with her
We could've had it together
But
You lied, love

You’re sitting in the eye of the storm, love
Don’t you dare move, or it’ll blow you away
I am a hurricane
And you’re an umbrella that got caught up in me
And won’t escape in one piece

You’re wrapped in my coils, love
I am the snake with hypnotic eyes
And you are the boy who fell into my trap
Keep breathing while you can
I’ll suffocate you before you ever get free

You’re treading water, love
I am the ocean
And you’re just a swimmer braving the waves
You should’ve stayed on the shore
Because the undertow will drown you

You’re caught in the lie, love
It fell off my lips
And it said that I love you, and that I’ll be good
Go ahead and believe me
I’ll smile as I break you

You’re just a fool, love
You thought you could own me
But I belong to the world
And it tastes better than your happiness
It feels better in my arms

You're not the one
I'm sorry to say
You've been there
You love me
But it's not the same

You're not the one
He's out there
Somewhere waiting for me
Just to find him
That's the problem

You're not the one
I want you to be
But I can't make the impossible
A reality
So is life

You're not the one
I'm sorry darling
I love you
Hold me close
While you still can

You're not the one
But we can pretend
Just for a little while
I'll give myself to you
I know you'll take me

Even though you're not the one