I used to sit
and reminisce

think of the good
when all the bad
was raining down

that day you
yelled
and screamed
in my face
i remembered
that fall day
driving and playing
in the rain

when you and your
friend
stood behind my back
and talked about
'kicking my ***'
i thought of
that time
late on the phone
when i talked
you out of a
permanent solution
to a temporary problem

I know your secrets
that I've never told
you know my secrets
all of which you've told

what about that
spring day
when we climbed on
top of your car
and as the sun
went down
we eventually
watched the stars

maybe I
should have known
when you talked about
your old friends
in the abusive way
you would
when I slept over
and we talked
until 4 am.

I never
would have guessed
we would have this ending
but if I could go back
I might just
do it all
over
again

Sometimes
I get really angry
and I think to myself
about how much you never told me
and I hate that it's always on my mind

I hate that when I see her
I only hate her
and I don't hate you too

I should
but I just can't
because when I'm around her
I am weak
and when I am around you
I am weak
and when you worked together
to bring me down
I had never been lower
and I had never before understood
why she would always call me
late at night
and cry
but right then
I wished I had someone
that I could call to talk me out
of the deep emotions i was feeling
someone
that I could call
late at night
and cry to

But I was helpless
and I was my own hero

But I had lost those people
to each other

And there is no deeper betrayal
than two-timing
and yet
I act every day like I don't care

And yet
everyone says I shouldn't care

But I think it would be worse
if I didn't care at all
because then wouldn't that mean
that I don't care about all of the other emotions
you make me feel?

The memories might not all break our fall
some of them may have broken us
but I would rather
have those bruises and scratches on my body
than be naive and dive right in

Apprehensive may not be ideal
but it is helpful

It takes so much in me to not doubt you
and believe that I'm the only one
and you may get annoyed by that
but when that's all I'm used to

being used
being disrespected
being lied to

what exactly do you expect?

Strumming on a string
Singular notes
Becoming a singular song
Building a tune

The feel, the mood
Creating a space
Open for the taking

Because a song is nothing
If it makes you feel nothing
And a feeling is nothing
If it's not relatable

After establishing
How you feel
Next come the words
You know how to say them
But the timing
Means everything

Stringing together
A feeling
With words
To tell another
How you feel

Three words
Eight letters
They just don't feel like enough