Lying here in pain, alone.
My mind has gone.
I want to be free,
Do you see a stonger person to be made of me?
There is nothing to gain,
So I'll hide behind the pillow to hide from the pain.
Because there is nothing to say,
I have long lost my way.
I was born meak and so I shall stay.
There is no way out,
From under this pain and doubt,
if I lay here I know,
There is nowhere to go but I will lay here and breathe to the rythem of the falling snow.
For the heart I once had and to the child forever dead,
I wish you eternal joy,
Even if it is just a personal ploy,
Time to get myself up to face another day.

Dearest society,
What do you think of me?
Am I thin enough?
Too fat, too short, too ugly?
Well that's just tough ****.
I've had enough of it.
I'm a person.
I've done nothing. No killing or arson.
Why is it you think that of me?
Because of my anger and sobriety?
You push us all out,
Is it not enough that we cry and doubt?
Stick me with your knife and twist it.
But where's my heart? You missed it.
I'll laugh at you and scream.
Burn the cherry with a hint of cream.
I'll smear your blood on my left hand,
And as you die I'll be there to stand.
You'll be ashes as I stand for eternity.

I walk alone hood raised,
Unpraised,
Covering my colourful face,
The dark bags and disgrace,
I live with unbearable shame,
I live in agony and pain.
I'm frantic, even in your arms,
I cannot sleep in this down, dumb world.
I've found comfort in this lonliness.
I cross my heart, hope to die,
sit alone and curse the sky.
I learn to adore,
Then sit back and die a little more.
I smoke the days last cigarette,
Thinking of all the things people have said.
Sometimes I pretend I don't hear them talk but only if I can,
About the same old cliche̅s, "is it women? Is it man?"

Once I felt nothing but pain,
I had been without sense and insane,
I would carve my skin up like a pig,
Then you left and deep I had to dig,

I had to find the strength to be myself,
To find a way to reach beyond that top shelf,
You said it was too much but that's just you,
Albeit that seems normal I did not expect it from a friend so true,

At first it was a world of pain,
And yet for all that it did wane,
I learned to stand and fight,
My world changed in a movement so slight.

It would not be seen by naked eye,
Then you said "saturday, black tie."
And again, my world flipped,
My mind blew and my sense was stripped.

But how in the world could this be?
Perhaps it could be good to a tolerable degree.
It would seem that life is ever changing,
But life isn't something made for explaining.

His trim and beautiful body laid out on the floor,
Chest rising and falling,
She watches silently from the door,
The voices are calling.
Whispers in her ears,
Eyes glazed in a trance,
He could allay her fears,
with an immodest dance.

Her ***** are burning,
Pain would sooth her yearning.

Every time I think it's going to be different,
Every time I'm shown that to hope is ****** dangerous.
Every time I try to rise, the world watches me fall.
Every time I feel more and more unlovable.
Every time.

Every time I face rejection I spiral off,
Every time I envy the fish under the bridge,
Every time I envy the monkeys hanging from trees,
Every time I envy a bored bolt with a hole in it's head.

Every time I turn to my lucid waking dreams for escape,
Every time I find none.
Every time I turn to face the grimy ceiling for solace,
Every time he breaths it disgusts me.
Every time a drop of the water that gives me life burns my throat,
Every time I numb myself.
Every time I degrade myself.
Every time I hurt myself.

Every time I crash to the bottom of my seemingly endless chasm of sadness,
Every time I am broken by the fall,
Every time I wallow at the bottom,
Every time I scream far removed from everyone and everything,
Every time I hear only the echo reverberating off the walls,
Every time I feel as though it is hopeless.

Every time I am born anew,
Every time the clouds clear and fade,
Every time I see the sun again,
Every time I think how selfish self pity is,
Every time I feel the love of all things course through me,
Every time I find my purpose again.

Every time I dare to hope again,
Every time I know it's a mistake,
Every time I take the risk.

Little robin redbreast what things do you hear?
Little robin rebreast, you're so beautiful,
But little robin, have you ever felt fear?
Robin, have you ever worked your life away for something most unfruitful?
Robin, you are so great,
But have you ever felt hate?
Robin, have you felt persecution?
Been threatened excecution?
Been judged by your feathers and who you love?
Like persay, if you were smitten with a dove?
Well little robin redbreast, if you have never been beaten and killed inside for who you are,
If you have never had to hide that breast you were born with,
Then my little robin, you have never had to hide, from grace you do not dive,
From that breast you have never pulled a knife,
And you have not lived the common life.

Staring in the mirror,
don't like what I see.
The thing I hate is me.
All I think is why god, why, why me?!
Staring in the mirror,
I think "in for a penny, in for a pound,"
I smash my face into the mirror,
Then I feel the ground.
The hate goes out of focus, just like the room,
In its place I feel the certainty, the certainty of doom.
I cry to myself, I cry alone,
I cry because there is no way out,
I am in my zone.
I cry because I am hated, my life is full of doubt.
I wish I was never born,
I wish I was dead,
I am wholly forlorn,
All I feel is dread,
Dread inside my head.
Curse you ******* mirror. You're all I see each day.

I knew a girl, we were alike in many ways,
I never held back, she saw my ugly side,
I told her everything, in her I did confide,
I was her morning star, she was my evening light,
We were there for each other all the time,
I didn't know what she might do some dark, stormy night,
She was once a butterfly so sublime,
But she gradually got worse,
I got better, for a while,
But what for us? For her perhaps a herse. For me, a curse.
I grew calm like the nile,
I have shed so many tears,
perhaps her body still lies in her bed,
for her I have so many fears,
One, her body lives but my butterfly is dead,
Two, she has breathed her very last breath,
Three, that it is all my fault,
Four, that she died a slow and painful death,
So long her memory has lived in its own little vault,
As long as she is there my butterfly will not die,
She cannot stay there any longer. So bye bye my beautiful butterfly.

You ripped the heart right out of me,
You were the very death of me.
I went into denile to make it through,
Because I would not be the death of you.

I ran into the ground,
It was salt in the wound,
I died inside in utter silence,
Took up a razor just to try this,

My heart stopped when I saw your eyes,
Could it be you or just a disguise?
I tore apart myself,
Until there was just nothing left.

You left a hole where my heart should be,
You ripped the world away from me,
I have to deal with this change,
Even though it feels so strange,
I write this in my bed,
Just to point out the fact that you're dead.

I want to dig a trench six by two,
I want to stop and bury you,
I want to spend time with what remains,
I want to bury you to save my rotting brains,
I just want closure,
Now that its all over.
I want to feel your heartbeat with my hand,
Oh the splendor would be grand,
Your body inspires inquisite,
Your life was exquisite.
Then there was your death,
It took away my breath.
But I have to leave the life I knew,
And take some lies for true,
I must leave you behind,
And clear you out of my mind.
I must cleanse my soul,
And take control,
And forget the light that was you,
But all I want is to hold you.

When I'm with you taste is touch,
A cool rolling symphony of sensation,
I love you so much,
It's clouding my mind this realization.
I've grown to need you your touch burns my chest,
I want you to love me too,
And forget about the rest.

I pleasure in your seed,
My mind filled with greed.

Wandering the store,
The womens section is a far off shore,
Its drains me of my sanity,
I become what should not be,
in madness I begin to dwell.
In a personal nightmare and hell,
I begin to smile and giggle,
Thinking of the blood beginning to trickle,
I laugh and bend double,
Thinking of all my trouble,
But where do I put this pain of mine?
I run but it stays by my side.
I wanna cut again,
Put a bullet in my head and be gone,
But I'm told that's wrong,
So I listen to my favourite song,
I **** myself in my mind but not body,
And tell everyone I'm sorry.
walking around,
Chasing her about the shop,
Start to run aground,
I look and stop.
Womens clothes it hurts my heart,
Oh no, oh no no, oh no no!
Just go next door, don't make me start,
Just go to poundland, please just GO!
£20 sale shorts,
Ugly, nothing to her,
Running back and forth, I'm not much for sports,
Oh my this is causing a stir.
I try to relax, chill with my shades,
I just go numb,
Two days later it all just fades,
I curl fingers under thumb,
I clench my jaw,
Put my back in,
It aint ice cuz it don't thaw,
Don't blame me but anger is my sin.
Fall from grace,
Bleed the hate out,
Brush the glass from my face,
Scream and shout.
My mirror is broken,
My heart is sore,
Its toll has been taken,
That much I swore.

It's okay to stumble,
Try not to fall,
Dreams can be more,
You can have it all.

It's okay that you fell,
Just don't let it get darker,
Don't go back to hell,
That place is much starker.

You're in hell but it's fine,
You still have your life,
Just don't cross that line,
Please put down that knife.

It could be worse just clean up the blood,
Tell yourself not to die,
Pull down your sleeves and put up your hood,
Is your life not worth a try?

The pills are in you and the rope in your hand,
Your heart starts to pound,
It's not about hatred, life is so bland,
Next thing you know you're a foot off the ground.

A week later your sister is hungry,
Her belly starts to rumble,
She starves herself because she is angry,
Then next thing you know she starts to stumble.

It's like I'm picking up glass off a road,
Trying to make a window.
It's like it skidded after it snowed,
Pieces scattered like the mind of a ******.
Head out in space,
Fragmented pieces turn into liquid,
Mind gone without a trace,
Swirling swirling skid skid skid.

That poor sweet kid,
Silly man look what he did.

he looks at the world through ragged eyes,
he gazes lovingly up at Her,
his daily façade a disguise,
Inside a cur.
She looks at the world with ambitious intent,
Her sadistic malice is his pleasure,
Her feet on his back quite content,
A moment he will treasure.

his obedience runs deep,
Moments of agony are memories to keep.

I have all my fingers,
The knife goes chop, chop, chop.

There's nothing poetic about the life I lead,
With feet like lead I tread and
Tread through halls of dread.

If I hit my fingers
My fingers will come off.

I trod and trod and trod,
Life is monotony and
The grind is ******.

If I hit my fingers
The blood will soon come out.

The world keeps whipping,
There is no relief and
Man is the thief.

But all the same we play this game,
That's what it's all about.

The priest keeps preaching,
The room spins, spins, spins and
I writhe in ecstasy with my sins.

You may not use a pen,
The only way is with a knife when
Danger is your friend.

Drip, drip, drip.
Something falls on the floor.
Something is loaded.

Click, it's a clip.
A hammering on the door.
Something exploded.

Skip, skip, skip.
Kids play outside, class is a bore.
"That's so gay," the older ones goaded.

Slip, it's a pistol grip.
Kids fight outside, it's all blood and gore.
"That's so gay." His sanity eroded.

Whip, whip, whip.
A prisoner screams, tell me more.
Broken, his ****** body corroded.

Flip, it's a jeep by the gaza strip.
It's not worth it, the leader's a *****.
The refugee food unloaded.

Sometimes I think I was set up for a fall,
I could never even hope to have it all,
I don't know where to lay the blame,
Perhaps i'm sick with shame,
They are trying to get inside my head,
But worry not they will soon be dead,
I guess I never was and never will be,
It seems that not a soul can see me,
"Look here it comes," bow down in wonder,
It tears my mind and heart asunder,
I see blood so I must be insane,
And I hear prattle so inane,
It's all too much and I've had enough,
I'm not weak but I'm not that tough,
It's taken over me completely,
Death might come over me sweetly,
Maybe I should put the knife back on the shelf,
Or maybe I should just obey and **** myself.
I don't know.
It's just such a sly blow.