Their names leave your lips and your heart starts to beat,
They fill your lungs with life as you speak,
Your heart is home to many loves that you keep,
But you have too big a heart.

You take them in, their soul you defend,
You truly think their love will never end,
Until you see their true intent,
You have too big a heart.

Her sweet British accent made your mouth water,
Her flowing blond hair, you would have wished for your daughter,
The ones who hurt her you wanted to slaughter,
But you have to big a heart.

But you're kept from her voice, and you're kept from her face,
An ocean keeps you from her warm embrace,
You soon realize her lips you'll never taste,
You have too big a heart.

His warm hugs healed your soul and dried all your tears,
You counted his freckles as you both shared your fears,
He had been there for you through all of the years,
But he stabbed you in the heart.

The ten years you had spent together, All undone and shattered forever,
His heart taken back and to a new bestowed
He abandoned your loving humble abode
I'll protect you forever is the song that he told,
But he stabbed you in the heart.

Her smell was addicting and her lips were so soft,
Her light olive complexion sent your heart aloft,
You traced her skin as her laugh would waft,
But you have too big a heart.

She told you she loved you and made you smile,
She tempted your heart and played it a while,
Then in a split second, told you that you were but vile
And stabbed you in the heart.

Her shy, gentle nature made you want to know more,
She guarded her heart behind a locked door,
But she melted away as you made love on the floor,
But you have too big a heart.

You want nothing more but to hold her tight,
But her body is constantly in a fight,
Sickness ravages her every night,
And you have to big a heart.

You loved him as her, and you love him as him,
You jumped in this pool, though you knew not how to swim,
Before his love, all of life seemed grim,
But you have too big a heart.

Night by night, you give and give,
Your heart dissolves, and you struggle to live,
You love so many, And love so strong,
Yet you hear that this love is wrong.
The guilt, it builds and breaks you down,
In this depression you begin to drown.
Monogamy tears your soul apart,
All because you have too big a heart.

I want to cut.

I need to cut.

I miss cutting. 

I miss the scars. 

I miss the voices. 

I miss the deep spiraling depression.

I miss feeling out of control.

I miss feeling. 

Why do I miss being sick?

I thought I would be happy when I wasn’t depressed anymore, but now all I feel is emptiness. 

Where feelings of fear, anxiety, and sadness used to live, empty space echoes revealing what is lost.

I miss it all.
And I know I shouldn’t.

I'm crumbling again.
I can feel it.
I need contact.
Human contact.
This urge to feel and be felt.
No matter how hard.
How soft.
How painful.
How pleasureful.
This craving.
This emptiness.
It can not be filled.

My mind is a dangerous place to live. It's so cramped and loud, and your neighbors are demons. You try to escape, but there are no doors. The windows are caked thick with blood and the sunlight burns your eyes. Where there use to be innocence, there is only darkness and pain. The hatred fills your lungs like a black tar - it becomes hard to breathe. You fall into madness, gripping for anything, anyone, but there is nothing but the sound of your own screams.

Sleep eludes her.

Her dreams plague her.

Nightmares her only friends.

Herself: her enemy.

Cut me open.

Remove the demons from me.

I don't want to be their friend anymore.

Being happy, being sad, is there a difference between good and bad? Where do we go after we die? Do the sinners pay? Will the families cry? The love affairs that cause you pain, when you are the one to blame, silenced by the hard words of no more than a child, mother, father, the love is mild, and icy winds take under your wings, I will go to meet the king, stay in his words, under his arms, I know he'll never do me harm, the nights I have endured your pain, by playing along in your stupid game. All that happens weighs me down, tight around my shoulder blades that keep me steady, arms gone from loss of blood, may I be set to rest, maybe I should, after the pain and misery and death.

This is mine, my own fault, and not your time, so don't pretend to know how it feels to do the time, to make a deal, with the devil himself, he keeps your heart in a jar on the shelf, with his scythe he will carve your heart until it's too small to keep. It hurts to know you're sad and dark but I remember our time at the park, the day we kissed and the time you said goodbye. I'll always cry, for you and me, how happy we could be, living in the eternity of death. I miss you. Being happy, being sad. Really... Is there a difference? Do they even exist? This is my time, my rhyme, my eternal misery.

Nothing can heal a broken heart.
Not a bandaid,
Not pulling it farther apart.
From the mended pieces,
Stitched up already,
10, 20, when did I lose count?
Neosporin, Solarcane,
I only wish it were the same.

Lost in a world that no one understands,
Not even the one that's holding my hands.
Even though he's there,
He'll never know,
All of the pain,
I do not show.
My sister I love the most of all,
But I'm afraid if I ask her,
We'll both take the fall.
I'm happy here,
Like never before,
But there's still that demon,
Pounding my door,
I'm afraid I might,
Just give it a key,
Cause if I do,
It'll never leave.

My heart, already wounded, wants to give out. It cried in pain the night I said goodbye, but harder still the night you kissed me again. It's choking on the blood that keeps me alive, so I think I'll drain it, drip by drip. It's so hard to think of all of these things that I've done, and all those things I did with you. My eyes shrivel up in pain, with no more tears to cry. You made me cry again tonight while I wallow in my guilt.
It hurts so bad to see you like that, so bent up... So unhappy. Because of me.
My heart can't take anymore of my abuse. We were a perfect twosome, tangled in the strings of grief and passion, pain and pleasure.
My heart has been destroyed. I feel the fluids of life slowly leaking out... It gets so hard to say goodbye, but now I know, that my heart is giving up. Giving up on you. Giving up on an "us". I love you. And I hate what you've done to me. But I don't want to leave you here... Alone in the dark. But only I can see the light and I want you to follow me.
So watch me pull myself together with some ***** needles. Watch the blood deep though the spot where your X was drawn and watch me curl up and die. But I'm sorry. Will that ever be enough?

I offer myself to you.
Bare and naked.
I rip my heart out for you.
Cold but still beating.
I work my fingers to the bone for you.
Nothing but scraps of what they used to be.
But you can't see what you don't want.
And you don't want what you can't see.
So you throw me away, bare and naked.
You step on my heart, cold - no longer beating.
You push my bloodied hands away from you in disgust.
You don't see how hard I've tried.
You ignore the tears I've cried.
I guess this is all I'll ever be.
I love you anyway mommy.

With solemn eyes and long brown hair,
Her life is a slide of emotional care.
Yes's and No's, a bus in the air,
Lies and worries, no one dare.
To enter her life is to be drawn into her bare sliced up heart, and try to wear the lies on her sleeves...
She swore she would never do it again,
Ripped from the headlines,
Her best friend turned on her, and tried to pretend everything was alright in the end. It spiraled down, starting to bend, until she SNAPPED and the authorities would send her away and she cried herself to be... not crazy.
Upside down and inside out
You turned my heart
Round and about
Took it in, spit it out.
You killed me
And there's no doubt
I'm dead you see
I'm going home
Not alone
But going to a questionable home
Where no one knows
The real me.

The dust kicks up behind each step,
Things aren't the same since the day you left.
I know it's only been a day,
But each second seems so far away.
Her door slides closed and she drives back home,
And now my heart feels so alone.
I love her laugh, her smile, her face.
The way she walks with elegant grace.
I'd rather no other way to spend my time,
Then with the girl who I call mine.
She stands so close, her arms around me,
I feel her love completely surround me.
Her lips, so soft, caress my skin,
It feels so good, it should be a sin.
Her eyes they shine against the night sky,
But now we have to say goodbye.
My poor lonely heart gets no reprieve,
Every time I watch her leave.

We are who we are, because of what they are.
The need to be perfect. The need to be thin, skinny, beautiful and popular. The need to be in control. Self-destruction our only friend. Anorexia, bulimia, and ednos, our sicknesses. Self harm - the only way we know how to control our pain. Suicide... The the only way we see as a means to escape. ****, molestation and abuse filled our sick childhoods and now we all pay the price for it. We pay with the blood from our veins, the ***** from our stomach's, the tears from our eyes... We pay for their crimes until we are empty and can not give any more.
We are what we are, because of what they are. And we scream out for help. We cry for forgiveness. We do anything we can to beg for mercy and yet, no one answers. So we cut, and we starve, and we purge until we have withered away to nothing but scarred up bones. Just empty shells of the kids we used to be... And still they don't notice. So we try to **** the pain inside... Over dose. Hanging. Gunshot. Slit wrists.
And then... they notice... But for us, it's already too late. They made us who we are. Whether or not we succeeded, we are already dead inside.