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Aug 2020 · 166
It’s all I’ve got
Berry Blue Aug 2020
Memories
Frozen in time
Only 10 months with you
Your love
Very few pictures
Tons of text messages
This is all I’ve got
And nothing more
And there won’t be any more
This is all I’ve got
It’s all I’ve got
It’s not enough. Come back. Please?
Aug 2020 · 219
I Feel All At Once
Berry Blue Aug 2020
I feel the guilt dripping down on my motionless body
I feel the shame being stabbed in my heart and being twisted multiple times so it‘s sure I can feel it repeatedly
I feel all at once and I become a statue
I feel the depressive thoughts being dropped right in the center of my head making it all filled with dark ashes transferring to grey clouds gradually
I feel the anger heating up under my room temperature flesh
I feel all at once and I become a statue
and I think about how all these feelings can disappear if you just hugged me
oh how I need your hugs when I feel all at once oh how I need your hugs to  feel protective and safe
just one more time to have you by my side
I would do anything
sometimes I get to feel your love from the other side but that’s not enough most nights.
I feel all at once and I become a statue
I just want you back from death that’s all
Jul 2020 · 309
Silver Lining
Berry Blue Jul 2020
when I lay, I wonder...
I shudder with terror...
!!!a future without you!!!
a giant heavy rock drops
right on my chest...
pressing pressure as I try to gasp for air
...sudden relief washes over me...
              !.I’m feeling.!
It’s just for few seconds though...
.then I’m right back to NOT feeling.

I called this my silver lining.
Jul 2020 · 288
I Miss You
Berry Blue Jul 2020
I miss you with all my being
having you in my life was so freeing
I miss the looks we exchanged
I miss the love we held so close
I see lovers every where
parts of me suffocates
as I know I won’t feel that with you anymore
parts of me awaits
as I feel this might still be a bad dream
I miss you with all my being
not having you makes my life meaning
-/- less beyond anyone can imagine
“I miss you” is the only three words on my tongue these days
Jul 2020 · 57
My Soul
Berry Blue Jul 2020
‪My soul reeks of anger and hate. It’s the deadliest poisons I have drank since the day I was left alone. There may be love behind it all. Shall it arrive one day but can’t be today or any days for awhile.
There is no saving me from this state.
Jul 2020 · 71
New Reality
Berry Blue Jul 2020
I ask is it all real?
     The
      “what’s for meal?”
and
      “how do you feel?”
should’ve been the questions not
if your death is real?
or
if your existence was real?
Baby, I was looking forward moving in with you. Death denied a future for us and I’m so very alone.
Jul 2020 · 74
In life right now:
Berry Blue Jul 2020
I taste the sorrow.
I taste the hate.
I taste the anger.
I taste the sorrow.
I taste the never ending aching
_I want to taste Death now-
I’m ready.
Jul 2020 · 63
I beg.
Berry Blue Jul 2020
I beg of you
come back
I beg of you
this is a dream
I beg of you
If you love me
Come back
..................
One more night of you
Please. I beg of you.
he’ll never be back.
Why?
Cause he’s dead.
Jul 2020 · 172
Hey, Death! What’s up?
Berry Blue Jul 2020
since his passing, I feel nothing
life seems like it’s for nothing
so I started to flirt with Death
like: “psstt, I’m here waiting for you”

shutting my surroundings

I feel so alone in it all
my future is gone
my love is gone
my best friend is gone
my baby is gone
my everything is gone

I’m slipping away ever second
wishing for him back
.I’m alone.

I can taste death calling my name every second
It’s very soothing
I want to answer...
Maybe I get to see him...
I miss you. Life is so empty without you.
Jul 2020 · 322
Since Your Birthday
Berry Blue Jul 2020
baby I really need to feel your hue
at least in my dreams
I have been feeling heavy since your birthday
drained - weary - weak - weepy
.so alone that I can taste the void inside me.
thought friends of yours be a help but they injected a deeper void within my soul
a reminder they aren’t you
no one can ever be the way you were
...
wish you were here to hold me
wish you were here to adore me
wish you were here to love me
wish you were here to care for me
...
.visit me.please.come back to me.
living without you everyday is another stab right into my heart everyday
.the wound is getting wider and stronger.


.come back.
I so need you by my side. This road is so lonely without you.
Jun 2020 · 129
Waiting For You
Berry Blue Jun 2020
I linger on my phone
so maybe...
your name will be shown
so maybe...
the deep ache for your loss is known
to you... so maybe... you’ll come back to life
You were the only one who knew how to help me.
Jun 2020 · 243
Your Presence Is Missed
Berry Blue Jun 2020
I miss you. I miss the hue and the view of you. I’m truly blue for that there is no you yet I’m bliss for knowing you.
I’m glue to your unforgettable smile.
Jun 2020 · 281
How Shall I Go On?
Berry Blue Jun 2020
‪all that I knew and all that I lived for is nevermore yet it’s forever-more
Forevermore, you are in my heart.
Jun 2020 · 218
Waterfalls
Berry Blue Jun 2020
let the water from the falls flow
it might be a bit slow to see the glow
know this is the low of the flow
that there will be a grow
.so hold on tight, babygirl.
let my destiny be showed
Berry Blue Jun 2020
Are you here with me
Do you hear me
I call to a spirit
Please show me a way
Do you hear me?

I know you didn’t want it to die
I wished you stayed
I wish you fought for me
To stay alive!
Why did you accept Death?
When it came for you?
Why? I gave you so much life.
You should’ve fought more to stay alive!


          ........ I’m so alone without you............
Jun 2020 · 70
ANGER
Berry Blue Jun 2020
.It’s a poison that I’m drinking since your soulless corpse.
followed by feeling alone
Jun 2020 · 58
My Healer Is Gone!
Berry Blue Jun 2020
I’m mourning! waking up to a warning!
every morning inside me is storming!
dark clouds forming, circling informing me
“you are no longer here for me to feel”
**** for saying I’m in transforming
**** for causing my sorrow by your laughters
**** the road to heal and whoever tells me that
how can I possibly heal when my healer is gone? HOW?
How the **** praying or manifesting going to fix anything?
**** everyone who act like they were there for him when he was breathing. **** for trying to understand the lesson of his passing this soon!
**** for temporary *** people in his life
that act temporary with their feelings too
the anger getting stronger
Jun 2020 · 59
Today is...
Berry Blue Jun 2020
another waves of emotion hitting the shores down my tippy toes contemplating weather to take the ocean for a deep swim or simply just watch the waves as they come
I feel calm when I imagine myself floating in a big blue ocean.
Jun 2020 · 71
Where Is The Exist?
Berry Blue Jun 2020
I don’t know where to go
I’m screaming
HE IS DEAD
HE IS DEAD
MY BABY IS GONE
ON THIS EARTH
SEE MY PAIN
FEEL MY PAIN
SOMEONE???
HELP!
but no one can help except you
no one can bring you back
no one can do anything
to make my pain less
I’ll wait patiently for you.
Jun 2020 · 76
Come Back For Me
Berry Blue Jun 2020
You feel like a distance beautiful dream
I ask if any of it was real
If we actually met
If your smile was real
If my memories are a thing
everynight and every morning  I scream
is this my new reality? without you?
Falling in love with you was so surreal
and now losing you is so surreal
I beg of you to come take me with you
take me with you... it’s so hard to live without you
Jun 2020 · 92
To my love:
Berry Blue Jun 2020
it’s not going to come easy
resting my head                                  sweetie
I want you next to me I’m greedy
I love you so deeply
one more time to hold you briefly
then I might feel freely
it’s not going to come easy
I hope you are here with me
Jun 2020 · 63
Save Me
Berry Blue Jun 2020
I don’t know where to go
I’m a wreck
I go and check
my phone for you
I don’t want to co exist
in this plane without you
i throw tantrums like a child
whose not getting a lollipop
I don’t want to co exist
                  you hear me?
Without you the world seems unbearable
Jun 2020 · 158
One Day
Berry Blue Jun 2020
One day we’ll meet again
On the other side
You’ll take my hand and
then I’ll feel at peace again

One day we’ll meet again
I’ll pout for some seconds
For how this road has been tiring
Just like when I drove to see you

One day we’ll meet again
You’ll take my hand to eternity
I’ll be thankful for your guide
We’ll feel as one again like we did
On this physical plane
I dream of that day
Jun 2020 · 166
Color Of Us
Berry Blue Jun 2020
The color of us is so bright.
It has to be everlasting somehow.
Within time and space there has to be an us.
There is no way that your death means an end for us.
We have to meet again.
if there is an afterlife, we’ll meet again
Jun 2020 · 74
Fill my Cup With Hope
Berry Blue Jun 2020
Everyday I wake up
I feel the colors of you
Oh how I try not be so blue
Jun 2020 · 83
Please Come Back to Life
Berry Blue Jun 2020
here I lay again
very condemn
about your
passing.
I am so
lost
with-out
you.
I miss my boyfriend so much. I can’t believe he is dead.
Jun 2020 · 97
The Day At Your Service
Berry Blue Jun 2020
and I wonder if you know
there’ll be a fall
that I’ll feel so small
and I wonder if you’ll show
the way to rise
that is wise
Please show me strength to go on after I fall because of your death
Jun 2020 · 79
.It Isn’t You.
Berry Blue Jun 2020
I looked upon your dead body
and all I thought it was
how it didn’t look like you
how this can’t be my baby

I still can’t grasp your sudden death
I’m so very sorry that I couldn’t
save you
but that soulless body isn’t you
It can’t be you
Jun 2020 · 136
The Song Of Us
Berry Blue Jun 2020
our love was a melody
we felt as we were one
when we touched
the time stopped
though we were long distanced in times...
we looked upon the same moon
every night
we looked upon the same sun
every morning
we were under the same sky
and we were so in love
we sang the tune of true love
what tune shall I sing...
now that death taken you away?
I always imagined myself in a beautiful white dress walking with tears of joy towards you never in a conservative black dress walking with tears of melancholy towards you.
Jun 2020 · 231
SCARED
Berry Blue Jun 2020
scared of sleeping
‪to relive the same bad dream‬
the one where death taken you
from me
I want him back. I need him here.
Jun 2020 · 249
Again
Berry Blue Jun 2020
one day we will meet again
your smile will shine then
upon my soul greeting me
I’ll have to believe in again
I’ll have to believe in again
         or else
my heart will sink
I really hope to meet you again. My heart isn’t ready for this pain.
Jun 2020 · 175
O Death!
Berry Blue Jun 2020
where is my baby
where is my other half
where is my love
where is he

was he ready
did he suffer
did he want it to come with you
did you take him into an enchanted land

where did you take him
Jun 2020 · 99
To poetry:
Berry Blue Jun 2020
I’ll make you my place!
My voice
My sight
My smell
My touch
My hearing
My taste
The sense of space!
going to write so much more
Jun 2020 · 175
no more tweeting about you
Berry Blue Jun 2020
I can’t grieve publicly
any longer
since your love ones
are a talker
and my love ones
feel helpless
Apr 2020 · 116
to my baby:
Berry Blue Apr 2020
you'll get my golden calm
the better and the best of me
a bright and an impossible
       radiant light will shine through me
bright and impossible. I tell ya.

.you'll see. you'll feel. you'll start to believe.
.don't give up on us just yet.

please.have.little.more.patience.
It's a long journey ahead of us.
I have been so anxious lately that it started to affect my relationships. I really want to show them that I'm capable of change.
Apr 2020 · 93
ANXIETY I
Berry Blue Apr 2020
"Anxiety is love's greatest killer." -Anais Nin

It's ---
so immediate, so active
so deep and so unexplained
starts spinning all so quick:
       "where is it all rooted from?"
       "who am I? are my feelings real?"
        "what's wrong with me? Can't I just accept his love?"
       "why can't I just relax? Please just relax."
       "how will this one end? Does he even love me?"

so I lash out at him in a fierce and hostile way ---
I bite his love so deep with my sharp red teeth
that I witness his firey passionate love slowly disappearing
from his calm beautiful coffee eyes
turning into cold stone eyes
Apr 2020 · 213
Meet Me Halfway
Berry Blue Apr 2020
meet me by the motel
by the Nobel boulevard
we don’t have to tell
no more being apart

meet me by the motel
by the Nobel boulevard
with the casted spell
we don’t got no regards

so tell everybody
we hit  the reject
we ain’t sorry
they gotta respect
Apr 2020 · 104
Another Day
Berry Blue Apr 2020
inner of my soul there is potential
           passionate and ideal

yet outer of my soul is withering
                                                                   --- away
Apr 2020 · 118
In-Sync Love
Berry Blue Apr 2020
arm in arm, cheeks rose pink
no alarm,  both so in sync
with nurturing, astonishing!

he reached for her honeyed lips,
before the warmth kiss,
he gently whispered,
                        “the love of my life”
Jan 2020 · 121
Anger, Her Only Enemy
Berry Blue Jan 2020
"I hope your flowers bloom." He said with his serene monotone voice.

Her eyes sea red replies, " And I hope your hours gloom"
He smirked. Kissed her forehead and said his farewell.

She shudders knowing it's over.
Jan 2020 · 114
Deep Down in The Ocean Blue
Berry Blue Jan 2020
I’m drowning in silence
I have no one
       so…

I made an alliance
with loneliness

it can’t be undone
it’s only us
          
          against the world        

deep down in the ocean blue
                here we come
Jan 2020 · 104
Untitled
Berry Blue Jan 2020
you only care for your own benefit
after you take, you'll just leave
                                                     like others
Jan 2020 · 84
"I Wish I Cared"
Berry Blue Jan 2020
pain in my brain every time
I sit in this plain rainy lane
I want to abstain this pain

I have to sustain my sane
I have to obtain my sane
                          
                          or else I’ll go insane
sitting in a class that is boring
Jan 2020 · 89
i see you
Berry Blue Jan 2020
how do you do? don’t you lie
I know you been blue
I can feel the grey sky on you
I won’t let you go

baby, how do you do?
Jan 2020 · 97
help
Berry Blue Jan 2020
i can see myself drifting away
in this moment, I ask for strength
to the guy upstairs, can you hear me?
I ask for strength, I’m drifting away
Jan 2020 · 110
HAPPY
Berry Blue Jan 2020
I want to be happy
As happy as I can be
/flowers and sunshine\
That’s what I really want
Spring feelings in winter times
That’s what I really want

I wanna be happy
I been saddd lately

whoah
please, please

why dont you?
let me be happyyy?
Cause I really wanna be happy
help me to be
happyy
Jan 2020 · 93
Summer Feelings
Berry Blue Jan 2020
you feel like the mist
on a summer day, cool
and refreshing how can
I resist when you play

          though

I can play all day long
we can just lay and relax
up up in the sky, we feel
what's the deal?

         can you already be
                                          mine?
Jan 2020 · 100
Moments Before
Berry Blue Jan 2020
choice damp hair
voice like ice
her teary glare
set a Price
for a course
beyond his stare

so it changed
thru weak smiles
sulky silence rooms
both failed to remark
their easy love
moments before a breakup
Jan 2020 · 311
A Melody To My Nights
Berry Blue Jan 2020
Here I am once again
While drifting through the night  
Your sweet loving twinkle eyes
Comes knocking on my soul
As a reminder of your aesthetic soul

Oh my
what a soul you behold, boy!
soul full of wonders
to touch... to capture...
to taste... to cherish...
Oh, thank you for this divine, boy!

Full of graciousness
Full of hopes
Full of bakes of love to give
Full of aches
Full of gloriousness

to touch... to capture...
to taste... to cherish...
the moments of its growth
oh my
what a divine reminder!
Thank you.
admiring my boo
Jan 2020 · 126
Hear Me Out
Berry Blue Jan 2020
I lay here
With a fear
loan me an ear
It’s been a year

Hear Me Out
Watch my mouth
I’m in the drought
No doubt

About to fall
no need to stall
It’s the right call
I‘m just so small
Feeling too small

— The End —