Why
Do
I
Enjoy
Yuri
Manga
So
Much
These
Days

A flowering stagnation,
Bringing silence to the air.
A listless trepidation
Descends into nothingness,
Like it was a grain of salt
Dropped into an auburn marsh.

Mulling over past events,
I hear the simple breath.
A complex existence
Lulling me forward.
The ocean lies ahead,
But her breath pulls me closer.

The rising surf,
Crashing like a titan’s cradle.
Fear spraying my face
As she kicks up the water.
Tearing me from our reality,
While screaming a muting melody;
Dragging out the fear inside of me

My layers,
Worn too thin,
Letting her right through.
Piercing my skin
And igniting my nerves;
Numbing my senses,
And leaving in silence.

Fear sets in
Like a soft chill.

My comfort becomes my enemy,
And my silence begins to crumble.

Lost, cold, and alone.
All i have is the road ahead,
The hill behind,
And the mountain to the side.

I am stripped of all my pride,
Through the deafening emptiness.
Nothingness comes off in flakes

As my screaming silence breaks.

You can throw me
Right into the wall,
But I’ll still walk
Right down the hall

Your scratching stick,
And that scarring stone
Every day you’ve thrown.
I was always on my own,
Now those scars are my throne.

Swimming through the ocean,
I’m a duck, sleeping in the open.
But the teeth will soon bear,
You’re not the only one to rip and tear.

I’ve also got subtle flair.

Under a dead mid morning sky,
I welcome your eternity
My time has long since drifted by;
Just a glimmer in the river.

A fleeting sparrow’s gentle breath
Bringing life to the air again.
In your silence, I stand once more;
A quiet child, looking for light.

My light, my wonder, lead the way.
Or are you just another moon;
Casting false light from the shadows?

A frozen visage,
Steeled through an eternal cowardice.
Stripped of glimmer and glory,
Your meek egotistical values
Lie in pieces; devoid of glory.

Words spoken a the edge of a cliff,
Fabricating the final push.
The spiral lies below,
So just take the final blow.

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I’m no longer a little pup.
In all aspects, I’ve grown up.
Self reliance is not a right to me.
It’s a requirement, what I have to be.

Why do I write so much?
Because you have emotion to take care of.

Why am I so emotional nowadays?
You were once a man of steel... look at you now.

Why are my scars still there?
Because you never cared enough to treat your wounds.

Why am I crying?
I don't know.

Even now,
You’ve slipped into my mind, unannounced.
Once again, your absence plagues me,
And I attain more symptoms of love sickness.
I think of how much nicer this serene scene
Would be with you, next to me on this bench.

The cold weather
that’s striking our world
Would be less chilly,
with your warm heart
Resting next to mine.

I’ve started coming here daily,
To rest and ponder.
My mind will aimlessly think,
And my heart will slowly wander,
Cycling in front of my mind,
Obstructing my rational thoughts.
And each day, these cycles grow longer.

I’ve grown too far,
And now I’m lost
in the absence
That she left for me.

I wonder why I feel so.
A silent word was made
That I won’t fall again
And shall take a break.

But push came to shove,
And she pulled me into love.

Thoughts
Written
From the heart
To another
Will create a route
From zip code to zip code,
And from address to address,

Until the destination
Receives the envelope,
Opens the packet,
Views the letter,
Reads thoughts, and
Translates
Love

Sparks fly
Ashes fall
Coals simmer
A crumbling wall.

Torches flicker
Down a lamplit hall.
The fuel dies down,
And a new man stands above all.

Lightning streaks overhead,
The wind gouges out my nerves,
Which are shot several times over.

Upon this precipice I stand,
The angels rise up from below.
They carry a banner of despair,
Waving it in my face
With a vexing mirth.

My destitute hands tremble,
As the glistening red rain falls,
Touching them
Ever
So
Slightly.

Upon this precipice I stand,
In fear of this desolate world.
I choose to leave my wounds be,
And wait for death’s vile hand
To scald me with and icy iron brand.

As we listen to the silence,
A world of noise
Populates our barren mind.

We bring life
To the once subdued void,
Only to ***** it out
Like a whimpering candle
When we inevitably forget.

No words come to mind,
None spin through my head.
Their sparking shine
Has turned to a dull sheen,
And I cannot form a line.

I am left inside of this slump,
And my mind cannot think,
So now it cannot gaze
Or even drink
The wine of my knowledge.

I’m happy to be here,
Alive and well.
I once lost all I held dear,
Tumbling down into hell.

But I rose out
Like a prizefighter;
Off of the net with a
Lively propulsion,
And into Death’s
Ugly,
No good,
Mug.

I’m happy to still be alive.
Not because I enjoyed rising above,
But because I
Wouldn’t ever have beheld
The beauty that has passed by.

And I know,
More is on it’s way.
So I can only pray,
To share this beauty with others.

The spiders glide in night by night,
Following a trail, light by light.

On top of the webs stand the spiders,
Ready to attack all threats with lighters.

A schism of venom to fill the cracks
Of the pieces that have always fit
And a wall is lifted upon their backs;
A webbed foundation of grit.

The damp world, slowly yet ardently wiping itself off
from the previous evening’s unannounced showers,
Blew a feathery breeze, kissing my skin with ghostly lips.

As the air’s playfully gentle push spirals about the atmospheric arena,
A lightening overcast desperately strains it’s diminishing predominance,
Fraudulently struggling to keep a hold over what it never owned.
But as all things come to a close, the clouds were no exception,
For the articulate wind maiden seduced the cloudscape,
And spread a delicate gap among the once steadfast scenery.

The further I wander,
The further I shall ponder.
I had always dived so deep
Into my abyssal mind,
That I never once noticed
A material bliss, such as this,
Could have ever existed.

In a paperless world,
The mind will never thrive.
So hold your imperial strive,
And anger our inken hive.

You can burn the book,
But the pages still survive.

Like a spirit’s stringless song;
Soundless and brief,
Beauty remains hidden
To those with prying eyes.

A fire rages atop crumbling walls.
there is none left to stop
the smoke that fills these halls.

Shackles burn off of those
thrown through unjust pain
this inferno shall burn
the last of some God's bane

flaming strings
searing skin
lashes wrought
to their cold sin.

The icen emperor has fallen gravely ill,
so the smiling flame still burns on,
the final reminder of his will.

Beyond this ashen landscape,
And the sifting smoke,
Lie melodic rivers,
Glimmering;
in their chilled iridescence.

Blossoming orange clouds
In the morning’s shining sun,
The softly stagnant lake
Sleeps, a dormant source
For the singing streams.

Draped in a cloudy cloak,
The light is filtered
Onto this marsh once more.

But a crack near the horizon
Lets some straggling beams fall,
And reflect off the salty water.
Now all the marshen rivers
Are made of liquid gold.

As the flame in his eyes faded,
He remembered what he left behind.
Nothing could describe the intensity
Or even what he felt in that fleeting moment,
As he turned the keys
And started his long journey home;

His journey for forgiveness.

Nothing helps anymore.
I feel it every night.
When will this hell end?
How can I make these feelings stop?

I love you,
Truly, I do.

From the bottom of my heart,
You shake warmth into my core.
But not from the base of my ****,
My mind dares not open that door.

I could never defile you in my head,
It sickens me to even think of it.
In all my honesty:
My heart will forever love you more
Than my ****. To me, my genitalia’s a bore.

I sit still every day,
Well I mean my mind does,
Anticipating for things
that may not ever come.

My social anxiety has
Twisted it’s venomous
Thorned rose around my
Otherwise unsullied mind,
Poisoning it, cursing it,
Making it unable to communicate,
Having me draw immense suffering
From the excruciation of socialization.
But yet it gives me intensified
deprivation of such activities.

Sometimes I wait for what will never come,
And with each passing minute,
The thorns grow larger as well as sharper,
Getting a larger hold on my ****** up mind.

Broken handshakes
Come after whispers.

Silently soft doubts
Summon severed strings
To pluck feathered wings.

A foundation built of stone
Left to crumble alone.

The twilight mist veils the world
As the graceful stars
Turn to faltering street lamps.

A constricted world,
Nothing lies beyond
My dwindling vision.

Are you happy
Now that the bird is caged?

The solitude of the cliffside,
nothing but a sharpened breeze
to comfort the wayfaring soul.
The din of crashing waves
drawing forth a sense of exhaustion.

Thinly layered, I look out from above the precipice.
The biting air just another fact of life.
Looking upwards, the sky uses the clouds as a vest;
a warmth I currently desire,
however exhaustion closes in and I lay down to rest.

The mind is a vast cage,
Full of twists and turns.
Once you fall in,
You can’t come out.

I am not calm.
My head is spinning,
My vision’s fading.
With each person
Passing by,
Is another person
That tries to interact.
And with each
Delicately soul-retching
Interaction I have,
It all moves faster,
And my stomach flips
Over once more.

Now I feel about to cry.
People have tried to
Involve this sad soul,
But I turn them away,
Only secluding myself
Further into this abyssal hell.

I’m no better than I was,
Those 3 years ago.
I say I’ve changed,
But it’s all the same.

All I could do then was run away,
But I still ran away, even now.

Whispers follow me,
Muttering their taunting mirthful cry.
I listen from my liar’s chair,
Too far gone to care.

Smothered voices sing to me,
Calling out my name
Through distorted chords.

I have no lips to speak of,
No eyes to embrace the world;
Only these silent ears,
Listening to my tormentors fears.

With my chin upon my hand
And my countenance bearing
An unintentional scowl of boredom,
I realize that my hand is beating
Just as my heart would.

I feel the pulsations
As my blood continues
With its rhythmical circulations.

My tepid fears take my soul,
Fearing my existence
Just as I feared them.
A mutual bond
Of predator and prey,
But now we’re both prey.

The curtains,
Still singed by the events
Which took place the previous night,
Stand like a statue,
Reminding the residence
Of the sanctum provided
By flaming bonds.

What would you have thought,
If that was my last text?
A simple stupid joke, no closure.

Would you look for a reason,
Only to turn up blank?

What if you weren’t there?
What would have happened in the end?
I fear to contemplate it.

Those times
Where you don’t want it to end
Will always end, for time will flow...

Regretfully so.

the glimmering tides
glisten like December snow
in the faint moonlight

a short yet swift breeze
blows clouds of majestic surf
along salted rocks

the frigid air-strewn clouds
capture the faint radiance,
in each moonlit drop.

a thousand jellies
fly through soft luminescence
and for a moment

time is paralyzed

All of you precious people,
all you precious men and women:
do not fret or fear,
you are never alone.
Just as I am here,
someone is there.
Someone exists
to repair your breaking soul,
and help you rebuild yourself whole.

No matter who you are,
someone out there loves you.
You may not think this true,
so then keep living
and prove me wrong.
You'll realize I'm right before long.

The starlight on my ceiling
And the silence in the air
Echoes like an untouched ocean,
quivering in absolute stagnation.

The wings of an angel,
The kiss of loneliness.
Life’s palpitating heartbeat
Brings Anxiety to its knees.

Drifting into an opal iridescence,
my subtle starlight turns to faded dreams.
The wistful echoes of my ocean
Turn like the amber gears in a sunset clocktower.
A timeless, transient frame becomes our reference,
and our stardust turns to amber shards once more.

Slipping on the ice,
And crashing through the glass.

Floating shards
Hovering in prismatic wonder,
Lighting my darkened mind
Like the thousand stars
Guiding me to
My long lost dreams.

Why does my fear overrun?
I just want to be honest
And end all the forsaken lies,
But, again, my mind screams and cries,
Looking for a way to hold
Our currently standing ties.

Why be such a coward
When people say
That I’m a fearless Leo,
A Lionlike leader
That fears none which precede her,
And will stand for her rights
As well as uphold her dignity
Across these eternal nights.

I am not a lion...
I am just Aidan.

Wings for Mary,
Donate her wings of smoke,
To carry my mind ever so higher,
Where the wind is softly blown.
Mary Jane sounds like someone
I’d like to take to the smoke-zone

Sliding through salty waters,
Spray hitting my face
Each time I dip the paddle
Into the murky creek.

it’s so serene,
No people,
No yelling,
No sirens,
Just me and the geese,
And the wind.

Even though I’m thinking
About my next move,
You’re still there,
Lying, beautiful,
In the back of my mind.

Like pearls,
Like glass;
A shining immaculacy
bereft of the past.

With an infinite capacity,
The vessel holds the soul,
And two parts become whole.

I look up at it,
amazed that such a
...
thing
...
can exist
in parallel with me.

But it’s out of reach,
leagues above my head.

I see several people up there,
soaring the endless expanse.

Their words
spun like needle and thread,
Create a deep rooted motion.
The vibration moves the air,
encompassing them;
Creating them their own shell.
With the deft utilization of the vibration,
they spin and weave the clouds
With the same capacity
as their masterfully controlled words.
Weaving soft feathery wings
from the endless clouds,
they stitch them immaculately;
without a trace of fault.

I wish that one day,
I could be like those brilliant minds,
Soaring the endless expanse so effortlessly;
Controlling words with a masterful mind
And making such a deep, powerful movement.
Enough to shake the most iron-willed,
Buy warming their cool steel core.

But as of now,
I am landlocked.
I am okay with this.

I want to connect with the earth,
perpendicular to my existence
before I leave for the sky,
the existence parallel to mine.

Everyone has watched ****,
It’s like peeing in the shower;
Everyone has done it,
Yet it’s too wildly embarrassing
For anyone to admit it.