Exhaustion,
Is what rings through my senses as I am about to pass out,
Quater past three, it has been me who wrote through the night until now, serene and clear was it's beginning which now only became a dark memory, recurring in my sleepy mind begging for slumber,
However, such are the thoughts of one who was too weak,
Knowledge was ****** into me, yet the chains of destiny remain bounding, almost tying me up to some sort, I cannot escape.
Oh how I cannot escape this dreamlike tale of misry and restlessnes,
Oh how I couldn't protect my heart in love from dying back then.
It all came to the point of no return until they were replaced.
But why not me ? What was it which I had left to do to go as well ?
Perhaps it was decided that it should have been so all along,
I shouldn't complain, even though humans live wretchedly,
Living and finding a new light to hang onto,
Is what I find very beautiful

~ Murasame

hi dudes this briano alliano up here on saturn to welcome richie benaud and i can guarantee

the cosmos is blessed to have a great man, and here is richie singing come on aussie come on

hi everyone, i say hello to saturn

you see lillee pounded down like a machine

taylor was the best captain you’ll ever seen

brett lee got a hat trick, merv, kim and phil hughes were pretty rad yeah

till phil hughes died last year oh yeah

thommo is pounding like another machine

as a bowler he was very fast and mean

you see he will pick up wickets, while the outfielders clearing pickets

and the chappell eyes, have got their eyes on the green

then pascoe is making divvits in the green

border ordered his players around like noone you’ve ever seen

and rod marsh took some catches like healy and haddin, to win those matches

and i remember joel garner and micheal holding cleaned us out, oh yeseree

we still went, come on aussies come on, come on, come on aussies come on

after that small song, ritchie benaud took phil hughes on the cosmic turf, where my dad and mark jones

and tony grieg and rob douglas and stan niemic and phil hughes and many many more, and crocus’s earth body brian allan

played cricket at john knight memorial park, i made some great hook shots, it was cool, dad who had bias long legs

hit 34 runs off 45 *****, yeah and dad gave a methane smoothie to richie, saying welcome to the cosmos, and

mark jones hit 23 off 34 ***** and gave richie a new earth drink coca cola life, which is a drink which will put you

in touch with the cosmos, congratulations richie, marks my name, you will come back to earth when the cosmos is ready

to let you return and tony grieg scored 123 off 112 ***** and after that, he gave richie benaud a methane smoothie

and rob douglas got 87 off 100 *****, but rob said, good on you richie, you’ll a fine player, and tipped methane all over

richie saying, good job old pal, and stan niemic scored 123 off 123, and going at a run a ball, stan was happy, and when he finished

he poured methane all over saying welcome to the cosmos, and phil hughes scored 56 off 56 and went over to richie tippe

tipped a keg of methane on him and said thanks mate old chum old pal for those kind words and the other players together averaged at 123 off 122 *****

and richie benaud had methane smoothies all over him and at the end every player went into saturn club rings

to have a great celebration for the great richie benead with a lot of bottles and kegs of coca cola life, which will,

improve the quality of their lives on earth, and everyone was dripping with methane and might i add malcolm marshall bowled

very well as the official bowler getting 34 wickets, now malcolm marshall is matty b, on youtube, but this game was in honour

of the great richie benaud, welcomed to the cosmos and malcolm poured a bit of coca cola life on richie saying you love life, dude

and briano alliano came out and said

ritchie was the best commentator you’ll ever seen

you see i watched him on channel nine congratulate the gold and green

you see here everyone, welcome this great man

to the cosmos, he’s the happiest in the land

welcome ritchie benaud yeseree

the world will miss him, oh yeah you see

because you hosted nines coverage, of the cricket, well done mate

now what will buddha do with you

come on aussies come on come on, come on aussies come on

well done, ritchie benaud, WELCOME

see you next time, this was a great cosmic cricket match, dudes

now the saturn club rings was filled with methane, PARTY ON, to next life, ritchie

I know all of the pain in the world
I hold it in my hand like gold bullet casings
They melt into my skin like metal rings
Wrapped around my finger bones until I feel the chill
Until nothing else feels real

There are bruises above my knuckles
Where they sit beneath the layers
Black and blue flavored markings
Look like dirt ingrained in skin
Skinless I can be if that is what you’ll savor

If it’s savory, tastes sweet and sugary
Black and blue are just my own two personal flavors
Creations I’ve made from digging nails into backs
Of barrels filled with black moods
And dirt underneath my fingernails

For one night, I can forget them for her
Let the soul inside me breathe clean air
As if I am not bonded to pain in pleasure
Pleasure for them and pain for myself
Like saved plates only ever filled with leftovers

And I have tasted none of them
Tasted none but one but I have more than one ring
And more than one bruise
Because I feel more than one type of pain
Losing is an incision sewed by miscommunication

Implanted in a thought process that has become
So ****** from listening
I listen to you list your wounds from my rings
That become brass knuckles when I touch you
That become how I loved you

And soon your fingers begin to feel broken, too
And snap when they feel me
Last touch against cracked glass
Shattered pieces sing against me
And there is no sound when I scream

Soon I won’t be able to hear you sing anymore
I won’t laugh at the jokes I should
I’ll feel like the dirt underneath your fingernails
The grime I ground against you
Shot at you and beneath you

And hopefully you will hold pain in your hand, too
Hold it in your hand like gold bullet casings
They melt into your skin like metal rings
Wrapped around your finger bones until you feel the chill
Until nothing else feels real

Vowed to be savory,
Black and blue flavored markings taste sweet and sugary
Skinless we can be if that helps to feel the chill
Until nothing else feels real
And together we are bound by the pain I made us feel

Name all the reasons you stayed at the dark hotel without
Wearing those silver rings that never seem to come off your fingers otherwise
What made you want to move south to cold air and a lack of clothing lines?
The lonely roads on the map of out town spell out your name
But I can barely say it and each traffic light blinks out into the city
The way you eyes do when you’re feeling uninspired
I know you haunt bus stops
What did block parties and fairy lights do to make you pack up?
Summer popsicles melted over your legs and left marks that resemble fireflies
We used to catch those in Emery Forest when 2:16 am called but now
I pick up the phone and only grasshoppers chirp
They tell me that you took my light with you and no
Sort of sun will tell you where you need to be but your own.

Hear here:
https://soundcloud.com/nataliejcopeland/fine-rough-first-mix*

I'm fine
  I'm fine
    My heart's on fire
      But I'm fine
No ****
  No wine
    No need for that stuff
      Cause I'm fine

The words on the radio
Don't touch me like they used to
Not a single song out there
Sounds right or rings true

I'm chill
  I'm fine
    Growing colder
      On the vine
The leaves
  They turn in time
    And I'm turning too
      Cause I'm fine

I wish I could capture a sunbeam's warmth
Before the autumn days
But just like the summer in your smile
This too will fade away

I'm fine
  Not sure what I'll do but I'm fine
    This heart beats slower now
      But it's fine, oh it's fine
I'll try
  To coastline
    Try to glow up
      Til I grow up
        And I show up
          Truly fine.

Seventeen I Was ! Much  Stupid To Be Called Sane ! Yes like every other girl I too had a dream world where I was “Marzi Ki Mallika” the very thought of being matured haunted me & being a teenager you just can’t avoid the driving crazy adrenaline rush that you get when you fantasise stuff of being in love. My fantasies resulted in prettily adorable pieces of poems and bits of stories where A Boy fell in love with A Girl. I had dated my dreams since forever & it was amazing & what justifies this statement of mine is that they never disappoint ! talking to people knowing stories making new friends and sharing memories with old one’s that was indeed perfect to me ! I always tried to describe that perfectly adorable moment of falling in love in the best possible way I could fantasise ! Not too soon I realized that moment cannot be emphasised !

THAT MOMENT IS A CAPTURED MEMORY

Turned 23 Yay ! Loads Of Birthday Presents ! Wishes ! Hearty Felicitations ! etc etc 6 years passed since then & I remained the same still much stupid to be called sane ! Maa smiles while she still wakes me up in the morning saying Kobe Boro Hobi (when will you grow up). I giggle and hug her knowing not when !! I see the beautiful stock of my soft toys which helped me remain childish when suddenly my mirror reported about how messy my hair was ! OH GAWED maaa… my instant reaction was !

I was told love happens when matured ! I herd the same but fortunately dared not to believe ! Th0 I knowingly knew that dating a girl like me a guy will have to fall in love with my messed up stuff he needs to constantly date my love for 3a.m coffee & my craziness for maggi accompanied with coke ! My idiotic obsessions with vampire & songs of Nusrat & Kishore & perhaps tolerate the constant humming of those part of songs which I loved ! Questioned my self quiet frequently about will my love accompany me while I trek through the mighty mountains will he accompany me in my best moments of life will he even accept me the way I am !?? such questions did nothing but made me fall asleep which ended up in GOOD MORNINGS with Bournvita !

Usual mornings and unusual days thereafter ! mobile rings I ran to pick up the call it was none other than my beloved going to be husband AASHIQ

Good morning ! come lets plan out something crazy  ! Adrenaline rush  What About A Trek At Ladakh ! Readily agreeing to the proposal I said yes ! We drove together as I discovered his playlist matched mine ! with each passing moment I got the answers to much awaited stupid questions ! while I was unanswerable to his lone question why I had smiled while he drove ! We got down  amidst green surroundings   he picked up a piece of sugarcane and nervously began to chew on it as he was humming one of my favourite songs, He looked at me like I was the only **** thing that’ll ever matter to him looking constantly into my eyes he blurred out ILOVEYOU&WANTTOMARRYYOU;

I always valued crazy memories but this was the craziest one perhaps ! I started laughing unwantedly pointing at his face ! His front tooth had broken! He had been trying to be a stud only to impress me he tried to peel the sugarcane with his teeth & somehow ended up loosing the bottom part of his front incisor !

I Blushed later ! My face betrayed two expressions – Amusement & Shyness !

I Fell In Love Unknowingly Without A Parachute ! much madness was added when I couldn’t resist saying ILOVEYOU

His eyes met mine with a sparkle of mischief  AKHO AKHO ME PYAR HOGAYA

Committed !  Not Confused !

Start Of A New Journey Hands In Hands We Start Our Trek ! !

Dawn gently kissed the nape of dusk



Whilst patient time awaited peaking



Majestic streams of solar lust



Born via pre-******* streaking





Saturn's rings exclusive ******



Equipped for sensual fancy



Mesmerized by daring billows



Elevated by buoyancy





Excitement steadily evolving



Cosmic spheres swiftly building



****** timelessly revolving



Licentious shock she is wielding





Dawn coloured blackened skies



Pleasure falling with each tear



****** baring lovely sighs



Passion with a wince of fear









© 2012 (All rights reserved)

Its a long way to go
Take the people you will never know
And the things they'll never show you
Words we will never say
games our mouths will play

Lend me todays sorrows
And give me your tomorrows
Lets breathe this air foreboding
Exhale smoke rings of our loathing

The things you'll miss the most
Are those you'll never have
Unspoken words addressed to noone
Sleepless nights with my ghost
Your faceless expression
My cheshire smile

And now
For truth
It's not a game we play
It's not a virus, not a plague
It's healing and understanding
And it is love

And now
For peace
I'm tired of bullets
Im weary of falling bombs
It's diplomacy and trust
And it is love

And now
For something
Completely different
I'll train a cat to use a toilet
Using only silly putty and onion rings
And it is love

midriff cut from the universe
and diamond rings look good on her
every finger except the i'm-married-one
perky ears and silk smooth skin

adept and endearing accent
even when she's mad at me
and the way her shoulder blades curve
she's good at math and ***;

things i like more than the usual
triple threat, face, ****, breast
personality of an office chair.

In the third round beat like a dog
seeing double vision, head in a fog
blood running down
hoping to win this one last round

Sound of the bell rings its chime
to win in a sub-mission this one time
tired as hell but have to push through
what else is a fighter to do

Punches hit like a on-coming train
have to stay focused even in pain
knocked down put in a hold
doing everything that was told

Have no more energy inside
on this rush what a ride
doing the best one can do
in a choke turning blue

Have no choice have to tap out
hold it as the the ref shout
illegal hit to the head
different approach should be used instead

This is it down to the wire
hands  and legs feel like they are on fire
lost this fight but cant win them all
still standing in this brutal brawl.

When I lay in bed
And wish you were here.
I think of everything we've  done
Everything we've been through

When I cant think straight
And things are so bad.
I call u to save me
From the thoughts in my head.

When I'm happier than ever
On top of the world.
I wish you're there to see me
To smile and say you're proud.

You look at me,
Like I'm the only one.
Me and you,
The perfect love song.

Honeymooning in Bali,
Bulgari rings.
I hope you know my love
It was never about the things.

I love you for you,
How the butterflies erupt
Everytime I see your face.

To be in your arms
And have you hold me close
That is my last dying wish
Before my body goes cold.

I'll be forever in your heart
If you want me to be.
I'll live there with u
For the rest of eternity

in the back seat of a car
the headphones in the higher volume, the sound spreads
in the back seat of a car
with it's secrets veiled by it's mouth

only when it's useful
it is had with attention
but in indifference times
disappears in the darkness

passing the crossroad
a master and it's disciples
the mists surrounds it
and make it invisible

the bell rings
the sparrow sings
the cigarette burns
the blade cuts

with it's friends
it walks
but the loneliness
surrounds it

into the night
a cry of pleasure fills it
a nervous laugh
followed by the kiss of love

a punch that makes it bleed
the Patriot gives it
it's clothes in the street
and freedom around the corner

the wind whisper
the owl sings
the candles on
the moon shines

in the woods appears
smiling, hysterical, naked
dancing in endless spirals
with it's invisible beings around

in a black and white world, ruled
a being with colored eyes
breaking boundaries and walls
the arcana 0 incorporates

in the back seat of a car
the headphones in the higher volume, the sound spreads
imagining the perfect perfection
in a place of pain and prejudice

the pen between it's fingers dance
a silent music
the poem of it's pale owner
the paper reveals secretly

there was a little badger adventure bound was he

he built himself a boat and headed out to sea

riding on the waves as happy as can be

the world it was his oyster badger he felt free



he sailed across the ocean and found an island shore

badger he decided that he would explore

maybe find some treasure that was left behind

in great big chest of the wooden kind



badger searched around to see what he could see

then heard a noise from behind a tree

badger took a look to see what it could be

it was a little turtle a friendly chap was he



badger told the turtle all about his quest

and about is search for a treasure chest

i will help you search the little turtle said

off they went togther and searched the sand ahead



suddenly they saw a little sandy mound

badger was excited his heart began to pound

badger started digging to take away the sand

turtle he was there to lend a helping hand



there beneath the mound much to there suprise

there was a treasure chest.  there before there eyes.

they opened up the chest   full of lots of things.

lots of golden goblets and lots of golden rings



they had found the treaure they were looking for

buried in the sand in this far off shore

badger he was rich and decided he would stay

with his friend the turtle in this land so far away

Roses and bluebells,
Sweet dreams and wish-wells
And pebbles that shine in the sun.
And games fairies play for fun.

bell rings and harp strings
And sweet rhymes to sing.
Jewelled butterflies,
And firefly skies;
Magic's alive in the spring.

They said I divested Saturn of his rings
and asked if he would dance with me.
He squeezed my fingers so heat lingered.
I knew he was told I'm a danger;
that I don't feel, that I don't kneel,
that I'm a terror, but that isn't fair.
Just say he can't make his own choices.
Say he can't control his impulses.
Why would I tempt a planet to ruin?
Why would I tempt a god to consuming
each breath before it disappears?
Confined him to my strong atmosphere.
Then call my heart weak as it beats in threes
how convenient, toes tap to odd melodies.
For my body's from Venus, how divine.
Yet I was a borne sinner, so keep me in line.
He said good evening as I said goodnight,
atoms were buzzing in the sunlight.
He grinned like I was a prize to be won
It was almost as bright as the starry sun.
So I lead him a bit further and took great care,
Saturn broke his orbit for an affair
and threw himself into the fire.
He was burning desire as I played the lyre.
Strum a gentle song for the end of love,
call me a heartless, winged-rat dove.
Say this is how I feel; this is who I am.
Say I sent an innocent to be ******.
Call me a fiend, a demon, a liar,
when I'm just a woman who played a lyre.

She lit her cancer sticks with the candles that she lit up with her eyes when she was lit up, bouncing up and down on that strangers thighs. So she smiled. When you smile you’re happy and with her it appeared so otherwise her dark eyes wouldn’t have that ****** glow.

Now have you ever thought maybe we women are all actresses and this thing we call life is a performance. Just because she showed some skin didn’t mean she’d decrease her value, as a star it takes lifetimes over lifetimes to dim. So she sat on Venus and talked to the goddess, not a gas planet but she spun on the rings. Living on the edge, almost falling off the rims. After a few times around she did get sad and her world was like Alaska in the winter. Cold and Dark for days after days until that season ended.

But this wasn’t sports, so when would this end. Yes, this wasn’t sports because this wasn’t just a game. Well in the end it was kind of like sports with the angry fans and sweating athletes trying to please people who paid for this event. It was a lot like that last part, pleasing fat angry lonely beer drinking patriotic men. Taking clothing articles and undergarments one at a time off her skin she would try her best to play the game, please the audience and still win.

But what did it mean to win. To get a lump sum of cash like this was a boxing match? It kinda is, to try to reason that living the label of a negative stereotype could somehow be good for you? Beating yourself up on things bad for your body before you fought that bear physically, just so you could leave 30 minutes later with a decent state of mind and to be healthy mentally.
Healthy? Now what is that, a good beating heart to be thin, in america we can’t be fat. But we are, fat in our stacks that go to 1 out of the 100 people that live in this country. Fat, yeah we’re fat inhaling McDonalds because it’s all the other 99% of us can afford. It’s illegal to farm on our own because we might provide something healthy, something that’ll keep us alive.

So this cigarette is as natural as it gets, and the horse tranquilizer inside of it takes her to a prairie where she earned her fake name Black Beauty because that horses eyes reminded her of her own, and when she looked deep enough on a sunny day she could actually see the reflection of herself. And as she takes another hit of the Cadmium she got vibes of energy and flashed back like a campfire flashlight to the days when she carefully inspected the batteries to make sure she was putting them in the remote correctly.

How is it that her careful eye has boiled itself down to making sure a middle aged mans ***** goes inside of her correctly, bandaged with a ****** like her brain will need to be bandaged with gauze because she decided those cigarettes weren’t keeping her sane enough. These men aren’t reliable so she’ll die in the hospital bed she can’t even call her own for she forgot her name. She’s struggling to pay forth for the 1 million dollar X-ray so Mr. 1% can hopefully try that electrifying fish someday. In her last hours she’ll regret every man she let lay a hand on the small of her back, every man she ****** off like a summer snack, every man who labeled her worth on the minutes out of the hour she was there and by the ****** favor.

My lesson here is to never sell yourself like she did, ****** or no ******, a baby and 3 hours of labor is just 18 years of reminding you that 1 hour with you was worth 225 of their dollars, 9 months of your year, and a new label to a single mothered child who would seep infinite tears due to the lack of knowledge of why mother loathes you and why mommy’s eyes are as dark as the words she doesn’t speak to you. And hopefully this child will grow up relieving it’s blues though rhythmetic clues to his or her life, just as I am telling the story of a girl I met and learned for two days who just happened to be a *******.

Willows in summer, snapshots by pools;
Mittens In winter, sweaters with checkers.
Windshield wipers swaying in spring;
The crunchy tsssk of golden leaves in autumn.

Lunar eclipses, Solar plexus;
Cave paintings on rocky crimson walls and
Balconies, I sit comfortably on.

Lust for linen, Greed for grunge.
Mirrors I look through.
Cigarette buts from scents I packed you.

The signatures and smiles on our sneakers;
Sunlight shining through long square windows
In such a way...

Strange, foreboding fences on streets;
The scent of honeysuckle hanging still In the breeze.
Missing prettified posters of Hendrix and Poe,
And the hood of your beat up car in the snow.


Carnivals with cotton-candy and
Ferris wheels;
Discarded scratch tickets abandoned on the ground.

Cuckoo clocks, In shades of shelter,
Fireworks on the 4th of July;
I was a pierced, tattooed child of Wednesday.

Bonfires and whistles at the mountain party;
Topaz,
And opal rings.
Remembering swaying on tire swings...
VW buses and fireflies;
Pictures In clouds under azure tempered skies....

my mind is a planetarium
where each memory is a meteorite
and every apology burns like a dying star.

enclosed in the vast celestial stretch of my skull,
planets tend to vanish without the courtesy of a goodbye,
but i'm just happy to have housed them for a little while.

my projector is faulty and sometimes,
the images i try to convey become obscured
("asteroids may be larger than they appear").

i can't help but speak in broken constellations,
and hope that you somehow understand
that i have nothing but the best intentions.

not to mention, i've seen a lot of visitors, though
none have ever stayed for long, after they've surveyed
that i'm nothing more than a bunch of chaotic galaxies.

i rubbed the collection of stardust and debris from my eyes
and to my surprise, found that you hadn't gone anywhere.
instead, you were there, floating through my solar systems.

you've got me orbiting around your finger
like the rings around the sixth planet from the sun.
i come undone a little more with every word you breathe.

my bones are made of moon rock, aching like cold craters,
waiting patiently for the radiant warmth of the sun,
or your breath, or your touch, whichever is closest.  

the most stellar display of stars i have ever seen
are not in the belt of orion, nor anywhere within the milky way -
instead they are lightyears beyond, resting comfortably behind your lips.

- m.f.

I sat alone another day.
The world was moving all around me,
but it seemed as if my life was in a standstill.
The doctors say its anxiety.
Everyone thinks anxiety means nervousness or fear,
but it is deeper than that.
Anxiety holds you prisoner.
You can't leave your house.

Ding
****
Ding
****

The doorbell rings but I can't answer.
There is too much fear inside.
You can't answer the phone.

Ring
Ring
Ring

"Telephone for you!" my family yells. I
tell them to say that I will call back, but I won't.
You can't eat.

Chomp
Bite
Chew

No, not me. The anxiety
even controls that. All the pain rushes back up with
every little thing I eat.
You can't go out.

Step
Step
Step

Everyone walking around me, but I can't move, the
apprehension paralyses me.
Everyone says, "Be brave. You can do it. You'll make it out of this."
But sometimes I wonder if I will.
I try to combat it all, but if I attempt to do anything,
it all starts over again.

Thump
Thump
Thump

My heart beats faster and faster.
I can feel it in my chest.

Beads of sweat
Racing
Falling
Running down my forehead.
All the thoughts swarm in my brain.
The fear picks up.
It is unbearable.
I'm so frightened, but I don't know what of.
The paranoia sweeps over my body like a giant wave.
Every day I have to fight what seems to be a losing battle.
But then . . . I look outside.
I see the colours.
I see the life.
I see spirit.
I know I can do this.
Hope.
Fight.
Win.

Afraid,
afraid to speak my mind.
Afraid to tell you the truth in fear of you getting defensive and rude.
So I let you trample over me with your gas lighting and ****** words, I start to believe what your saying even though I know its lies. Your always right and i'm wrong, so how could I know right from wrong?
Oh, that's right! I've been telling myself the truth, while you've been living in denial your whole life. But, I'm just a silly little kid.
All that matters is your feelings, never mine. The last thing you called me still rings in my ears "Abusive", "Toxic", "Narcissistic"..... I never once told you any of the rude things I wanted to call you, because you already knew what you are. Look in the mirror and repeat those same words to yourself they suit you better.
I know i'm none of those mother.