Jy was my maaitjie,
Vol lewe, vol praatjie...
Jy en jou “ninnie”
Nou is jy nie meer hier nie
Behalwe in my hart…

Lieflike sommers dag,
Julle swem en lag,
In huis toe om te eet,
Scrambled eggs, of het jy al vergeet?

Jy gaan buitentoe, klaar geëet,
Swembad oop – ons het vergeet.
Na ‘n ruk soek Rina jou,
Hol buitentoe, sy het onthou…

En daar lê jy, die water koud,
Mietie spring in, jou pols is oud.
Boet is vinnig, bel hospitaal,
Maar Rina is koud, Rina is vaal…
Want liewe Jesus het haar baba seuntjie kom haal.

Ek pyn nogsteeds 10 jaar later,
My maaitjie, Jy – onder die water.
Familie kind, die helder liggie
Dof skyn nou jou gesiggie –
Behalwe in my hart…

Blompen ; dompen

My pen lè los in my hand ,
Bibberend soos 'n straatkind in die kou;
Net so blinkoog - net so hol,
Vol drome wat in die agterkop brou

Maar die ink loop hortend oor die blou
Treinspore, mompelend soos 'n man
Wat die vreemde dialek van opgee praat
En sy laaste vloek op die hemel inspan

*** sku sluip die musa in die skemerson
Waar net echoes van haar in die droewige letters lê
En die gebeendere van hol woorde waai met die wind
Tot waar sal net die uitgedroogde môre kan sê?

My pen is nietigvaal teen die goudskrif teen die muur
En hunker uit desperaatheid na 'n siggaret
, want die ander het vere en woorde wat vlieg...
*** skep ek 'n wereld met die dors pen wat ek het?

My môre lyk puntloos en onvoltooid.
My gemoed knak en splinter oor die papier.
Die ink loop meer kunstig onder fisika
As die hand van die skrywer, Die verlepte Angelier

a pinprick, a spider crawling
down your spine raises the hairs
on your neck, itsy bitsy details
matter and questioning reality
as it stands when no one else is

oh ya mans, fight the power
the peace from within don’t come
from a god-lord-thing shoving us into
a box and no facebook can ever
hold me back

Daar was g'n tyd vir bybelversies nie
, want die brood van lewe was te duur
En wie wil nou regtig wag om ring
As die manne vir jou hoogliedere sing.

Aan die begin was daar niks nie
Maar hyt gepraat met sy hande
En toe was daar lig en oh die gode
Dit was goed! Dit was goed!

Maar hy was aleen in n wereld met als
En almal was sonder naam
, toe hy sy laaste een gee en ek
Deur bloed en been vir hom geskep is.

Dit was goed, dit was goed
En ek huil snot en trane van seer
Maar die appel proe soet
Of jy hom in die hemel of die hel hap...

Jy is die fontein van lewe,
Ek drink van jou en raak dors
Vir meer as net een aand van sterrevolg.

Mag ek dronk raak op jou wyn?
Of is jy my een reeds voor!?

En ek kan.nie kerk toe hol nie
En die Bybel vloek my skel
Want jou lyf voel soos die Hemel
Maar Hy se jy is die Hel.

Mag ek langs jou bed op kniee neersak
En jou hand in myne neem??
Kom ons raak besope...
Genoeg om liefdesliede
vir mekaar te kreun.

More bid ons om vergifnis
En vergeet wat sonde is
Tot die vlees te veel begeer
En die lewenslig so bietjie blus.

Dit is *** die liefde werk,
Dis my lewe dié
Die struikelblok wat my versmoor
Van n vel religie.

The truth will settle everything if you refuse to
leave.

Woke up this morning with a screaming headache
It’s 6am and I have to be at work by 8am
Feeling like I didn’t get enough sleep but have I ever?
Say a short prayer, that should make it all okay
I clean up as fast as I can,
but not without hurting my gums while brushing
Maybe once I had something to eat, it would all be better
Opened the fridge and the crate of egg falls off, Hol’up
I wanted scrambled eggs but not in this manner for sure
Aaahhh, I need some tea even though coffee would be ideal
But I did run out yesterday. Sigh.
Water’s boiling and I’m trying to get some of it into a cup
But the kettle cover falls off and the hot water spills on my hands
Burning me; today surely isn’t my day is it?
Tea’s ready, but I’m running late now, so I’m taking it to work
Got into the car, humming a feel good tune and sipping tea
Returning the cup to the holder now and again
Then I hit an unfortunate gallop, and the tea spills all over the car
It’s exactly 7.30am and my whole day looks like the mess in the car
I get to the office, couldn’t clean up the car, traffic enroute, made sure
I was more than 5 minutes late; I sign the register before the lateness line
Is ruled; something relatively good yeah? Yeah?
I’m walking to my office door, and somehow the key to my office breaks as I’m
Trying to open the door, no kidding.
They say they will fix it later and I pitch in one of the other empty offices
I’m on my desk, slow day so not much to do
Loud crashing sound, I’m awake and hurting on the office floor
Cos apparently I dosed off and fell off my chair
It’s not until break time and even more, the absurd amusing gazes I’m getting
That I realize I’m wearing different legs from two different shoes colored differently
And of cos my pants got torn at the back from the fall earlier.
Imagine how I looked and to think the day was only half spent.
Where could I have possibly gone wrong today?!

The knicks and the knacks of you and I.
The knicks as you chisel tru the glass enclosure around my heart.
The knacks of.. of.. of.. you on I…
Tear the walls down,
I mean beat the walls now.
The knicks and the knacks that have come to define our pact,
our pack,
our.. Knacks..
I visualize and shiver,
even in the shower the gentle whisper..
Touch…. Your… Toeeee……s
Oh stop it,
ur making me blush,
making my heart rush
The knicks and the knacks that have come to define US…
But wait,
hol-up!
Isn’t that what you wanted US to be?
The ability to derive pleasure selfishly.
Your narcissistic tendencies,
expecting me to conform to this atrocity…
But I did…..
Oh yes I did…
and foolishly,
candidly,
unrepentant in every way,
I enjoyed every knick,
every knack,
in our little knick knack

------
you can check out this poem and my other works here http://tonipayneonline.com/poetry-by-toni-payne/

At eight weeks old, she was our newly rescued mixed beagle pup.

Noah named her Daisy. Not a name I would have chosen, but certainly as sweet as

memories of Grandma's homemade molasses
bubbling in the old iron kettle brought out from the smokehouse for only one day each year on a crisp fall morning.

By sixteen weeks it was evident that all involved in the rescue didn't know squat about Beagles. After a frantic thirty seconds on Google, our mistake was quite clear in the form of about five hundred red and black and tan photographs.   We were the proud but red-faced and slightly shocked owners of a "**** Dog". Yep. And Daisy was her name-o.

Two years and seventy pounds down the road, I sat in my morning solitude spot this day with a good mug and a good book watching the nut hatches, house finch, and Black-capped/Carolina Chickadees tearing that special blend seed up as Daisy patrolled the yard for squirrels with one eye and her nose to the sky watching for the lone and clever Rock Pigeon scout that always precedes the flurry of flying rodents raiding my feeder. I can't help but to smile as Daisy glances at me through the deck door glass to see if I am admiring her skill and diligence.   I am.

This being a Sunday before the dreaded M word day, I tend to lounge lazily around the house in my worn Clapton pj bottoms and hol(e)y Langley T-shirt. My shadow follows me from comfort to comfort spot knowing that I leave a trail of odd snacks from my kitchen perch to living room couch to study to lazy bed, and back again. She is showing a bit of winter fat.

To be continued....

r ~ 9Feb14

Yes, I am prolly the only fan of old, cold, coffee.  Over antique sonnets, too.


(sonnet #MMMMMMMCLXXX)


Soft blue heavn's arid eye ne clouds 'non fence
Though ah, how ghostly shadows haunt and trail
Across the rippling fields of grass detail
Below! look sweetly as in years gone--sense
Of all we'd known within their cast, til hence
The soul yields to is't childhood's carefree scale
As twere of hope? vain dreams' perspective hale
If we'd but 'llow ourselves to breathe, fr'intents.
And Maples' shaggy boughs nod; leaves astir
To aerie whispers, as the voice of who?
Some distant motorcyclist passing through
Upon these emptyer country roads in tour,
Lends 'scuse for placid calm, where Sunday fer
All that's excuse, the hol'day 'pon us too.

27May18b

1 If ever I wrote a thousand gospels of Hope, but meanwhile did not love,
        I am the empty words of politicians and sycophants.
2 And if ever I knew the world in fine and time and with all shared my mind,
        but so burn in hate that I bar any Faith, my words are cinders.
3  And if ever I laid down my life for a friend or died so that you all might live.
        If I do not have the Love that did it, the deed meant nothing.
4 Because Love feels far, feels deep, and feels forever.
        Love is kind; and it does not whine, chime, or shine.
5  Love is grace. Love sets free.
        Love is gentle. Love let’s be.
6  Love is a repletion, the completion of joy despite of,
        because of the shared, dark Truths of our twilit souls.
7 "For Love beareth all things, hopeth all things,
        endureth all things.
8 Love never faileth:" But when these prophetic words pass,
        Love shall live where life and strife wither.
9 For fiery stars we will never see whose light has not come,
        And any act, however fierce, is only the orbits of atoms.
10 But when Love came in our lives, all the littlest in
        the drowning dark embraced as (w)hol(l)y One.
11 When I was small, I thought and felt and feared small;
        but my heart has grown and now can no longer.
12 Anything meant nothing until Love came and
        bade us recognize the I in You and You in Me.
13 And where all else fails, there is three: Hope, Faith, and Love.
        And greatest of these - Binding Hinge of Life - is Love.

She's saying "boy I'm paid"
That's all gotta say
I'm like who knew who knew who knew
One day I can make a true lover out of
You too you too you too
She says
You're stubborn and covered
I'm insecure but undiscovered
Listen to me please...
I don't want another
Please...
Cause we're both a long way from home
We both have the windows down
Listening to our favorite song
I need you to help heal my pain
I'll re-write your wrongs
Please don't give up on us
We have something that's too good.

Girl talk to me tell me all you've been thru
I want to hear it - your beautiful mind is what i want to walk through
Trust me- hold my hand
I promise to never let you fall
You make me a better man
The queen to my throne
My girl who can do it all

She just wants me to know that I'm there
I want her to feel where I've been
She knows we're about to fall in love
I know that she's perfect and I'm in
I wrote a letter to the sky saying
Baby don't forget how it feels to kiss me
She asked me if at night do you miss me?
Always and forever
Baby you don't get any better
You're changing my life for good
Everyday is sunny weather
Let me show you what you deserve
She told me two times may too much
I'm saying look at what we have
She asked why are you afraid of us...
Mhmm why are you?

I have a whole lot to prove
A whole lot to lose
A million girls in the world
And all I care about is you
A million mistakes to be made
Two guards preventing our potential
You're so far away so I know our communication is detrimental
I never for a second question any part of us
On the train writing you this song
****, think I'm falling in love
Our bond is past special
Our chemistry is off the charts
I stare at you so amazed
My priceless work of art
Mhmm and I promise to always fill you in
Promise to tell you who I am and all I've been
Ask me what I want...girl it's only you
Show Me your scars, give me your love
Let me explore more of you
Thank you
Accept me
I'm sorry
Please don't give up on me---C...
Mhmmm
Because you know you're my baby.

Hol up

You don't know how much...
You've helped me grow - you've helped me grow baby
And
You don't know how much I've been trying to show you
Know you
Help me tho
Oh girl you know I've been suffering and you heal me
Baby you complete me..
Baby I would go insane for your love
do whatever I can and above
There is no game...
Please see me and understand...
You're it girl
Don't see anyone else...but you in these plans
Behind every king is a queen - a strong woman behind every man.

(My queen)

uh my clan be ***** as the Taliban
with illegal contraband
got more heat than desert stand
one man stand on the mic
i rock im as hard as a ****
in between a ***** legs
gettin' ready to knock
ya out with flows i expose
the industry closed
once yosef pours
out the blessin got me foes guessin no stressin
**** and henney sessions
new lessons
daily sip irish creme baily
they cant play me but pay me
listen to styles p or bump biggie
or maybe 2 p a c
host aks at birthdays
im al caponin' it runnin' ****
like diarrhea
yall just need ta
sit the **** back while i count benjamins stacks
which be
in bundle king of the hip hop jungle
and im
going to **** puffie diddy
He soft as a nestle cookie
Make mysteries
no rookies
cant play with me in this deadly game
lite a match for the flame
burn the fame
infamous is how i keep it man
hol up


I see the hate excite of the critics
Gimmicks leave with they headsplitted
And backs more open than parachute
From the guns that shoot 21 salute
Dont ya know im soldier
I keep glocks hot as folgers
In ya cup i interrupt the scene
Once i puff red hair greens
Ya drivin a limousine
N ill throw grenade in ya sunroof
And watch it land inbetween
Ya legs
So ya can blow ya own head
Get it naw forget
All i see is yellow tapes chalks
And you being admitted
To the hospital in critical
Condition no intermission
All ya memory left is ya see is my face
Im like the son of man
Leavin competition running
Marathons cuz im the biggest don
They call me the Holy one
Cuz of the way my guns
Put holes in one
The rawest spit flawless
Talk **** we'll leave ya jawless
Throw ya remains in the death valley
With the rest of the restless carcass
Facing eternal darkness what???

You’re so exotic.
He’d stare into my almond eyes,
one lighter than the other
fingers following the tangled waves
that ran down my shoulder blades.

What was exotic?
My father, blue eyed brute,
born into the Los Angeles slums
when the city lights were still
filled by browning fields.

My mother, unbleached hazel,
proud to say she’s been
an American longer,
than ever a refugee.

You should dye it black.
The tangled waves,
hues of coffee and amber
were never good enough.

You should dress more like them.
I’m sorry,
the pink and blue sampot hol
with silk ruffles and mandarin flowers
don’t match my ***** sneakers,
and for the hundredth time,
it’s not a kimono.
No, I don’t know anyone
who works at that massage parlor
with the women in six inch heels
parading around the golden dragon
out in front.

No, my father didn’t rescue
my mother from the nail salon
and what makes you think
I would know anything about
mail order brides.

Television has taught you
that I should be exotic
and neurotic.
Ready to submit
at the snap of your fingers.

Ready to present,
with a geisha’s poise.
You really expect me to respond?

snow-water dribble dots are mountain spheres on my sweater
outside, the cold is hol-ee ****
the weather is wholly enveloping wooly anythings
so good luck telling skies to quiet.

I tried, and the skies whispered back
by breaching the bottom lip of my jeans to crawl a great big
'ha
   ha
     ha
       haaaaaaa'
up my Pyrenees spine like God had laid out a line of coke days ago and was only now ready to gracefully snort.

they said 'blizzard' last night,
I said 'blurry blank' in the morning
rain and slush and cold and rush and
no no no, my veins weren't heating up.

This depression gives the impression

that the expression of a burnout is…

me

living and loving intently free

prison depends on jailhouse babies and legal **** ; weee!

we must organize expression of a quantum size, to re-realize more food and supplies

its such a surprise that id be thinkin this, engineering instruments with a pnuematic hiss

geared towards the questioned technocolypse….

“…well here on the graph we read an elipse, a parabola, and a demonic kiss…”

But whats this?

im’ channeling some quick quips ; alluring as a brothel’s contained hips with the open smile of sideways lips….

my daring is preparing all the world for destructive repairing

cause the frogs and the rains are staring

at this desolate earth

a burnt out hearth

with smouldering ashes, speaking of a crying birth

while the midwife is sick and shy with little self worth and curse; because a as a witch she doth rehearse

while the moonlights smiling and the phones texting and dialing

“Whats wrong?”==”Are you ok?”

“…but come on?”==”Is there any other way?…”

[please oh please let me stay in this old and bloodied fray; where the battles had axes and handles

where there were stories of travels, to faraway places leading to exotic geographic stasis]

caught in the moment of thought, a moment of fright…

until we stop and put a light to these wierd words

we wont know what the birds have heard….

Click crshhh….*

BURN little match like the wood you are!

combustion of suggestion set ablaze from afar

a flame throwers burned hands

while the pained sower , frustrated, changes plans

because in the end one one really understands

the torment of a floment spent eternally alone in atonement.

(=purgatory)

Where all you want to do is get on the phone, external validation felt at the tone,

but it really ain’t ****

because you are crying while its dialing and your out of minutes…

so check this bits of imaginary meaning and ****

ponder and quit

when you seek to make amends and introduce fake men to our imaginary friends

i keep on thinking…keep on blinking

wishing for emotion to extend

SO I think the words

AND I write whats heard

but haven’t YOU heard

from the little ittie birdie whos been certainly flying, singing and free

that im not mentaly sturdy, quirky, and ******…

LOGICALLY

iknow

sophistry

ishow

emotionally

Hol…………­……………loW

I guess it just goes to show that when you at home your never reallly  alone, because to you, the voices do drone
about

how much sandpaintings and ***** can be blown,….

away with a CLICK…BoooM

beaten with a stick….AH

shoed a away with a kick….

START my heart! I know better than this!

so I better think quick

before i stay mentally sick

as an alien who has forgotten it’s world

got on a roller coaster; spinned and whirled

till im spun and twirl’d

on this game we call life, with simple **** and complex hype,

hives of concepts meanings and thoughts….to derive daily quit failing

i miss haley :( , even phailee….

so I ask little voice in my head , since everyone has left will you stay instead?

come a little closer and hop into bed

so we can share the warmth of one last self-referencing infinity loop….

…..BEFORE i wake up and forget whats ashore

because im out at dream sea with clouds free and galore

but as soon as i stop thinking i know ill return to the me that i abhore

with pain and saddness deranged

omit school so classless and strange

as a failed out actress sick with mange.

but i know these negatvie moments are just flashes , to make me appreciate self motivated happiness…

so here you go

its me on the page, skelly the sage….

i just hope to god that I could set the stage 4 nirvana or heaven, we reach zion in seven

6

5

4

3

2

1

I love you.

Its over

i won myself over

like a sad kids redrover

thanks for letting  m3 share these freestyle thoughts i kant bear

im  alone no more, i seem to have exhausted my sadness store

and after venting i realize…. its a lot ******* bettor.

“Isn’t it eeeire howletting yourself feel sad

can make you feel soo much better?”

another life pass me by....

straight hol on... hay hol on


another bringer brought me wine

stay hole on, lay hole on

toonother light in my fire, my vigor..


tonoona hole on, stray and jaygalangee

el saint bee kay and koo


did u figure ettt???


La Bee Gah Tay Qoe When????
YAH YAH YAH

"You don't just walk away when it gets tough babe! You work it out together when it comes to relationships and lov...tha...peerrrsonnn..." (her voice)

Yeah,
But I guess I was just dreaming
You see I wrote this first part weeks before the news
Because it was you - I still believed in
Regardless of the paid respects
You can't buy someone's love for any less
Can't clean up the previous mess
I was the problem when I had you at ya best!
(Dayum)
I hate the way you would avoid a text
The truth was between the lines
But the lies were all that were left
Thought I was drowning in your eyes but really it was just time for me to reflect
Ended things calmly but feel like I was just  in a vortex
Can't be afraid of goodbyes when hellos seem to be the hardest

Truth is I wish I deserved it
Asking all the time to see her only to get curved in
Silent treatment to someone who only tried to treat ya
Knowing her life was getting tough and I was trying to keep ya.

Tell me who was trying to push away who?
Maybe March 17th was the last time I really met you.
And I don't believe that the last time we spoke that was really you
Sometimes **** just gets hard and you gotta get thru.

(And I know you'll make it)

Can't give into love's strain and conviction
I hate that I love you...without the realization of my false contradictions.
Given up on me - yet, add another to the list
My mind boggles these days but not in the thought of you - but when things with us took a sudden switch
Crazy to think you give someone everything you got to just be forgotten
The way you handled those last few weeks were foul girl - spoiled rotten.

Why comeback only to leave?
To showcase who you "truly" are but only for yourself to see?
To reach out to someone who just can't be reached
This seems to be a pattern of one's personality
I don't need clarity.
The pen is loaded - the target is set
Why can't I pull the trigger!?
You quit on us and deserve the shots!
Why am I trying to be bigger!?
...
Cause I've learned a lot
Took some deep breaths
saw what was hurting me temporarily instead of making me feel blessed
This isn't shade
This is honesty and telling the truth of ones false reality
A lot of stars in the sky but figured you and I were the brightest in the galaxy

This letter to you is for you to see what you can do to someone when you make decisions based off emotions
Stop pulling the next person with you just because you can't swim in your own painful ocean
Let go of that anger
You're too pretty to frown
Let go of her legacy too - you won't make the same mistakes when you finally fall in love and pick out a gown.

Disappointment - for sure but you live and you learn
Need to stop holding on to the firey moments
Maybe that's why it's so hard to let these memories burn.
Lessons were taught and two people found growth within each other
Let's not pretend like we are rooting for us to simply find another.
Our bond was special
But the timing was off
We'll never know what could've been
And sadly that's our loss
I only want the best for you
And that's on my heart
I'd be lying if I said I saw the day wed truly fall apart

But

At times I wonder - when it all unfolded that day,
did I say all that I needed?
why didn't I beg you to stay?
Cause you loved the old me and I'm a different person these days.
Still hard to look at the woman you loved
And tell yourself it's time to walk away.

You wipe ya face quickly - put up a smile...and just go....(eachos out)

But doug wait...
Hol up let me quickly say my final word
If this piece ever reaches you i need this part to be heard
I love you to death and would re up with you in a second
If you were mad after reading this you didn't decipher the love from pain in this message
I pray for you all the time, hope you get all the good you deserve and tell god to keep you safe from any harm or danger
But I gotta leave ya on this final note
"If only we could go back again...and become strangers."

Thank you (echoes out)

I am home
this blood and
flesh my vehicle
my temple

Move me past what
my eyes discern
to be (w)hol(l)y illusion

  My
     terminal
          is truth

Shining
         Luminescent
                     Undeniability

      A home among
                          the stars

...................Years go by
                   Only to help us grow.
                   Urns could be filled
from the stRories told.
although thEre is pain,
   there is stilL
                 alOt to gain
   From this Very complex feeling.
          Don't Ever forget
              HolD this truth close

People hate me just cuz I'm a real vampire

The face in your eyes has
Changed reflecting vessels
For I starved
you
As now another hand has begun
to feed
I shall never gain
A single grain with thee
again
Yet this seeks to be
my plummet
Only to silver line your
Self being
I shall
I sholl
I hol
I'm hollow
With our ships sinking
I swim only
too see us drowning
And your face above sea level
So time spent drowning holding our hands
It is time to breath and stay float
Settilin to watch you swim anothers current

uh my clan be ***** as the Taliban
with illegal contraband
got more heat than desert stand
one man stand on the mic
i rock im as hard as a ****
in between a ***** legs
gettin' ready to knock
ya out with flows i expose
the industry closed
once yosef pours
out the blessin got me foes guessin no stressin
**** and henney sessions
new lessons
daily sip irish creme baily
they cant play me but pay me
listen to styles p or bump biggie
or maybe 2 p a c
host aks at birthdays
im al caponin' it runnin' ****
like diarrhea
yall just need ta
sit the **** back while i count benjamins stacks
which be
in bundle king of the hip hop jungle
and im
going to **** puffie diddy
He soft as a nestle cookie
Make mysteries
no rookies
cant play with me in this deadly game
lite a match for the flame
burn the fame
infamous is how i keep it man
hol up


I see the hate excite of the critics
Gimmicks leave with they headsplitted
And backs more open than parachute
From the guns that shoot 21 salute
Dont ya know im soldier
I keep glocks hot as folgers
In ya cup i interrupt the scene
Once i puff red hair greens
Ya drivin a limousine
N ill throw grenade in ya sunroof
And watch it land inbetween
Ya legs
So ya can blow ya own head
Get it naw forget
All i see is yellow tapes chalks
And you being admitted
To the hospital in critical
Condition no intermission
All ya memory left is ya see is my face
Im like the son of man
Leavin competition running
Marathons cuz im the biggest don
They call me the Holy one
Cuz of the way my guns
Put holes in one
The rawest spit flawless
Talk **** we'll leave ya jawless
Throw ya remains in the death valley
With the rest of the restless carcass

The more I hear the more I’m disgusted,
by the fact that I have any relation to these.....
Crude creatures;
classless;
shameless beasts with no insight, or self reflection; no clue what they want; why they hurt; refusing to question;
refusing to even admit there's a problem to begin with.

Drugging themselves with god knows what.
Drowning themselves in that fondly and excessively drank poison,
we all love our al-co-hol,
but not our livers,
nor our lovers;
it seems.

why?

such things only numb the pain
pain one could avoid simply by confronting it;
addressing the problem,
and dealing with it.

so what use is simply numbing pain;

again why?

the hour you go without a visit from mistress jane
the minute your foul intoxicating stream(river?) runs out;
the second your angel stops giving you her dust to snort from her bust;
the millisecond you lose the trail of the golden dragon

it has you by the throat
pain.
memories.
guilt.
shame.
humiliation.
pain.
memories.­
guilt.
shame.
humiliation.
{viscous cycle is it not?}
the sick little game is over.
the hiding is over.
guess what!
life has found you-
and it always will.

morphine, *** and *****
crack, acid and shrooms
lovely playing pieces
lovely game
but in the end, it will end
all games end someday.

It was a good Idea
For our hol's why don't we camp
Our home shall be a tent
So what if we get damp

At one with the outdoors
Nature shall be our host
(You just forgot to mention...
When the sun shines, we would roast)

Torrential rains, gale force winds
The tent shudders with each gust
A warm fire and a pint
In a pub is all I lust

Late at night, getting dressed
Running to the loo's for a ***
If I went instead in the hedge
Do you think anyone would see?

We could be on a beach
In the south of Spain
Instead we're in a farmers field
Getting drenched in the rain

We climb the rugged mountain
Each step my breath gasps loud
The views on top are fantastic...
From the inside of a cloud

Forget the soak in a hot bath
A lukewarm shower, then dressed still damp
Dinner cooked on a camping stove
A one pan meal eaten hunched and cramp

But as time goes by...
The memories, away  they fade
It really wasn't all that bad
Good times a plenty we had made

Now we plan for next summer
How should our time be spent?
I find myself shouting out
Why don't we go camping in a tent!

:-(

anger
Anger for nothing
Just ****** and being an ***
Can't say why I'm
mad

stress
Stressed from little
On edge for everything I have
Can't stop my
stain

empty
Empty from this
Left drained from day to day
Never felt so
hollow

before
Haven't felt so
Hol

If I start to tell a story
you’ve heard before,
you just let me know.

I’ve told that one before,
that’s right,
and I’m gonna tell it again.

So, in the quantum world
we well may be a hologram.

A black hol-ogram.

Each time I pose for a selfie,
I wonder
where all the information
could have gone.

The black hole-as(s)-hologram…
Living on the boundary…
The camera failing to capture my whole head.

Sometimes I realize
I’ve told it before,
but just think,
“F**k it.”
Then I just tell it again.

I think
it’s a combination of poor memory
and not having learned much lately.

In all of recorded human history,
that has never occurred.

It’s amazing how easy it is
to sound profound
by stringing a bunch of unrelated words
together.

it\doesn't\take\
@ genius
to know
you're. doing. it. wrong.
spendingyournights
swear _ ing; swearing _ ing; swear
ing

this life is too.     ~ long ~

shiPwreCKed
&   all.    stretched.     out
hands | gone |   hol. low
mouth\ just\ a \ gap
&lips; and lips&lips;
still sting from the sliver
{of her kiss}
teeter on the° tip° of° it°

what. Ever. is.    left  

it'sthewreck
in your: chest
= some mess of ribs
&the; bits of spine
{not enough to}
stand up. 》               Fine;

   ....   you.   stay.   still.  

what's ¿one ¿more night
On the <cool> kitchen Floor
#everything in reach
allthethingsyouneed
none of this is €asy//

ju _ st-keep-on
          < >  breath <  > ing <  >

Playing sax in the
entry way to
hospital-calming-green-ceramic tiled public showers at Venice Beach
With truest imaginable singin'-in-the-showers acoustic response

You're there. Explore. You can't break nothing. Jus' do
Be do be do sings the sax you can
Imagine
The rest.

Questive, eh? Holy separate day. Live and learn.
Here a little there a little first step here first step there
Right right right don't get up tight
Jesus it's that cab fare with Fred Newton telling it
Never mind. You had to be there, then.

Cell-splitting, we mentioned that right? That is real where I am. Is it real where you are?

Fine-tuning, yes,
fine squared like one extremely fine frequency at the speed of
Light squared
By birth, nat-ive-ure-hol-y-istic tuned
In you
Forever

Can you hear me now? God is. That is all now. Listen.

Still.
Still? How long?
That long.
How far?
From here to where? Or
When, one may suppose, I suppose, so any one may.
To the first position, past first, turn and go the other way
an other way.

Who knows? If one is lost, here every one begins finding and finding forever.
We never stop,
But we rest. True rest. I think that is the idea trust is built on.
True rest. The Platonic Ideal upon which trust among men is formed.
"there remains a rest for the people of light and substance"

Start here.
This can't be the beginning. Ohkeh?
Here then, at the period.
Starting over too late is common, fret not.
Ye know what? I t makes no difference who you are when you wish upon a star.
That is alluding, right? All lude and no work, in sin you wait.

Wake up. Look around. You remember getting into this book.
And now, this book is is all there ever is.
Summertime and the livin' is
Ease-ie.

I found my page, oh
my chapter, oh, more,

my volume in life's book. Fancy meeting you.