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Alec Astaire Aug 2021
Yet another attempt to recreate our trio of faces
A red rippled reflection reminds me of the time:
Two hands up
My visage confronts me as
One bitter taste of giving up reaches my lips
So close yet again..
Just one face missing
It’s hard to move on with my story when I spend so much time re-reading our few pages
Alec Astaire Jun 2021
I wish that I could call you
Tonight at 4 A.M.
To pour out all the secret feelings
Hidden in my head
You need to know “I love you” is a
Phrase I’ve never said
And at 4 A.M. I gasp for breath
As those words fill my lungs instead

Maybe you believe
That I’m shallow with intentions
If I can clear the air,
I’ll have so much more to mention
At 4 A.M. I can’t admit
Our hearts have no connection
Though hot and cold,
When we’re alone, I often feel our tension

I really want to ask
If I should make a move
Because the way you talk to me
Just leaves me so confused
At 4 A.M. I beg the stars
And wish upon the moon
That I don’t ruin what we’ll have
From needing to know too soon

I wish that I could call you
But for now, I’ll hold my bluff
Cause even though it’s 4 A.M.
I know that you’ll pick up
This poem is about mixed signals and how they make you feel
Alec Astaire Feb 2021
I'm so sad. I'm so sorry.
This time unlike before.
I am absolutely certain I can't do this anymore.

I no longer wanna be happy.
There's no soul left in me to aspire.
If giving up is punishable, then throw me in the Fire.

I know Heaven's not for me,
And even if it is, I don't wanna go.
Please let me leave in peace..
That thing I've never known.
Alec Astaire Feb 2021
I can't forgive you
For making me give up hope
Thank you. I am free
Alec Astaire Feb 2021
I will live the rest of my life becoming the best me that I could possibly be.,
Proving every day that I could never be enough in the most glamorous way that I could ever know how to do it.
I will become a true mosaic of hopelessness.

Tell me that I matter so that it makes less sense.
Ingrain the knowledge of my true worth inside of me so that I cannot deny that my lack of love and life is outside of my control.
Inspire me to inspire you, to wring every last drop of my passions onto the fire of your fears.
Take the rest of the life that's left in me, and cherish me as the light you never knew you needed-
The light she never needed.

I will live out the rest of my days feeling loved by everyone
EXCEPT for the people who I love so much.

I will break the cycle.
They'll never see it coming.
Alec Astaire Sep 2020
History repeats
I could never be worthy
..But for you, I’ll try
Trying to love someone when you don’t love yourself is so hard.. I just want to stop sabotaging myself..
Alec Astaire May 2020
To be mundane and in love is all I could ask for,
Simple minded in my pleasures instead of always striving to get more

To be content with my shortcomings as if they never even existed,
Dreaming towards such grounded goals, so attainable I could not miss it

My one true wish is for simpler bliss- a lower bar for jubilation
So that I might have an actual chance to experience self-actualization
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