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It hurts when i breathe
It burns when i see
All of me-

Ashes scattered to the sea

No matter the pattern
You wear on your sleeve
I fall down dead
And wake relieved

Ashes, ashes
It's all ******* ashes

this house we've built,
The bodies we put inside,
Nothing stays alive

This feeling of godly emptiness
Will pass

The feeling of my hand on your back
Wont last

The past is here
Along with the next
Phrase i speak
Between nicotine therapy

The future is here
With the king and queen
To let loose a vermouth mixed
Drink of the unseen

The obscene lingers meaninglessly
With the scene

With the invisible host,
The holy ghost

The most i could ask
Is to feel the ground beneath my feet
Once more

To unlock familiar doors
In familiar places

And to greet familiar faces

I dont know you yet
But i knew you before

I dont know you yet
But i love you all the more,

For our cause and effect
Is defecting to the raw rocks
And wrecks
On the distant shore

Tell me once more,

Did i meet you just now
Or do i remember you from before?
Oh, my heart
how did you find me in the dark?

Was it the stark white
shine of my bones
through my chest?

I wasn't really trying to do a
"Someone stole my heart" cliche-
                      It just fit in that way,

and I'm not sure if I'm saying
what I need to say or just
rhyming needless words and verbs
like needles swimming threadless
in something they never meant to sew

So, here we are.

I've done my best to stay hidden,

I've ridden inky tides
on moonless nights

Lost fights with myself
and won a few

And for a while I smiled
When I thought of me
and didn't think of you

And it was fine,
so fine

To live like someone
who hasn't had their head
cracked open by primordial
forces and the odds
of gods and goddesses

To be honest,
I never thought I'd promise this

But to you, my nameless, shapeless
faceless, fateless companion. . .

I'll walk with you forever,
even if we never get back home

and I won't accept a stand-in
Though we stand on the shoulders of giants

We still reach

For there is always new fruit
And never an end to this tree

This is why we love and fight
This is why we birth and ****

We will become the giants we will
Or die at their feet as feed
As the fires approached the coast
I threw every picture I had of you
on the trail behind me

I knew if I did
The flames would never find me

They would get lost,
as I did in that unavoidable
void-

The mystery
behind your eye

Thinking that if only
they could burn brighter,

more passionately,          

they might illuminate
whatever it is that lies
dormant in that
abyssal
black

They will burn for you. . .

and I will be safe,

Until they realize
that the mystery
was actually

crippling
depression,

and you are
nothing like the pictures



The ocean is at my back. . .                                  

The flames have found me
************************************************************************************
I'm not usually one to call people out on mental or emotional problems in any public matter, but in this case it was a crucial point in the story of really getting to the bottom of what makes a person fall in love with the wrong one, and the things that happen when that misguided love is pursued to its natural end.

If the girl in the pictures is reading this (and I doubt you are, you never were much for poetry) I hope you are doing well, and I'm sorry to have burned you.
Fingertip memories carve through me.
  Neck nape scratch; Shimmering sheet of liquid glass, imitation.
   As if the perfection of its surface were too unbearable to stand;
     You were forced to embed your signature.
                  While my marrow froze,
                                    I let you.
You became fossilized fragments of what has been, but never will be.  
The past has been put into a capsule we will not open, in order to preserve the sparse instants of sacredness we fear will never again reveal themselves.
                                             The imprint still aches as I attempt to regenerate.
My nightsong, what used to be your home
                                                       in my head

Is now filled with ghosts and webs
I sing to the midnight highway traffic
And the stars hang low to hear

If there is a constellation for me,
Come down now
              
                and share this cigarette

Come down and tell your story

I've paced these halls
Between worlds

I've spent my last dollar
On cab fare to see you
                   When the sun is rising
                   and no promises are made

                               So come now,
And tell me why i've felt so old
Since that equinox when I
Looked into my head and
                           Found the gods

When I ran to you racing the dawn
Only to find an empty apartment
And I tried to summon you from
                                         The ether,
but couldn't

So instead I wandered the town,
Bought cigarettes and flowers,
Finished that book I was reading,
And made a few phone calls

That's all I've been up to since then,
Doing the chores, passing the time
Telling everyone that you'll
                                      be back soon

But you still haven't come home,

And I've been waiting
                                          like a widow
Renovations coming soon...
You were good at
                                               flying                      
                                                                ­                away

                                           ­                                     I lay flat
                                                            ­                    against
                                     ­                                           the
                  ­                                                              ear­th

The day the sun scorched
                                                     your                
                                            ­                                 wings
                                                           ­                                y
                                                               ­                                o
                                                               ­                                    u
                                    
                                                                ­                                       f
                                                               ­                                      e
                                                               ­                                       l
                        ­                                                                 ­               l

                                               ­                                            and I was there
                                                           ­                                      to meet you

                                                            ­                            We can rest now,
                                                            ­                                                 love.
          
                                                                ­                        We can rest               
                                             ­                                                           forever.
Some days I feel like I'm out of inspiration.
Some days I write love letters to dead birds.
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