"gaffe" poems
I hope that you will smile today
and give yourself a break.
A smile can be great medicine.
It helps when hearts might ache.
Perhaps, if you try hard enough,
the smile becomes a grin.
And when you've worn it long enough,
you'll feel it grow and then...
The grin becomes a chuckle
and it then becomes a laugh.
And everyone will wonder if
you've made a social gaffe.
For laughter is contagious
and it helps to get us through.
Here's hoping that today will bring
some happiness to you.
Aug 22, 2017
Aug 22, 2017 at 10:24 AM UTC
Soggy shoes, rain in blues,
the frigid water splashing,
on my toes; from heels it flew,
walking here, just me and you.
Poking fun, the water runs,
from my feet, from our cheeks,
my steps align, from puddles they lie,
you cast aside a funny glance.
One wrong step, feet and legs all wet,
what a mistake, the ripples make,
displaced by our steps within the rain,
perhaps they'll be okay.
What a gaffe, you just laugh,
these soggy shoes upon my feet,
the rain seems awfully cool, soft whispers said,
it's been nice spending time with you.
May 6, 2015
May 6, 2015 at 8:08 PM UTC
I
Heard a voice
speaking words of joy
just listen, ignore the noise
and you will find it, like an old toy
or
you might not
maybe you'll just laugh
while the children sit and rot.
it's okay though, life is just a gaffe.
Jan 31, 2014
Jan 31, 2014 at 11:50 AM UTC
Oopy Doopy, Super Sloopy.
Loopy snoopy, pants apoopy.
Lippy hippy, slippy dippy.
Nasty-nicey, normally snippy.
Loosey goosey, chocolate moussey.
Usually *** goofy as Gary Busey.
Hinky-stinky presidential *****
Winky-blinky, dangerously stinko.
Hippity hoppy, flippy-floppy
Get a mop, it never stops.
Laughy gaffe-y, riffy-raffy
Face as gross as rotten taffy.
Whammy-bammy, scary scammy
Mammy-jamming Uncle Sammy.
Lumpy-dumpy, far from humpy
******* up future jumpy bumpy.
Glossy boss, a frightful loss
Ungathered moss at twice the cost.
Serious gap while the country naps
****** sap giving us a slap.
Frightening nooses tightening,
Rights denied like summer lightning.
Ignoring Popes and Snopes
Hopeless dopes put us on the ropes.
Immune to our cries, elected guys
Make horrifying decisions most unwise.
Like black magic before all our eyes
We’re leaderless as freedom dies.
Jan 9, 2017
Jan 9, 2017 at 5:43 AM UTC
*(response to yesterday’s prompt
for national poetry month)*
~
paisley in golden rod,
the only name for
a fabric this fright'ning,
remembered all too well.
by siblings one and all.
short one for little brother.
long one for a father, tall.
each has tried to forget
this, a night of infamy
gone wrong, a season's greeting
in the middle of the sixties.
when one from distant shore
thought to add to
our family this lore,
and sent as Christmas gift,
what's not on ANY child's list;
now tis burned indelibly,
etched far too deep in memory
for sure this gaffe
they thought a boon.
till disappointed children's sighs
their echoed groans
'cross living room,
this boon a bust revealed!
for whatever possessed
this he or she?
who, but pure insanity,
would conjour up this spirit
of unholy, living terror?
for this was no gift in living color;
no... this instead,
t'was the night before Christmas,
when hell incarnate
dropped in for a visit,
and dressed children six,
with a mum and their dad
in matching paisly,
pajamas of golden rod;
still a distressing memory
forever in infamy fixed!
~
*post script.
yes, there are pics and there's even a home movie; six siblings are still trying to unearth and shred every copy!*
Apr 3, 2016
Apr 3, 2016 at 1:06 PM UTC
Things That Don't Typically Evoke Poetry #5
4/28/2014
Fat giraffe.
You shouldn't feel like you're a social gaffe.
I mean, sure, you could use some definition on your bloated calfs.
They look like cankles.
But there's nothing wrong with that.
I bet you could still support me if I rode on your back.
Besides, I don't think eating too many leaves can give you a heart attack?
And if it does, then no worries.
At least you ate a lot and got to take the biggest best craps.
Fat giraffe.
Apr 28, 2014
Apr 28, 2014 at 5:39 AM UTC
When complexities increase in number,
brashly jerking me from slumber,
When dilemma stares me in the face,
dragging me into the modern rat race,
I simply ask myself, what would Holmes do?
When there is a downpour of worries all at once,
forcing me to gaffe about and act like a dunce,
When diabolical questions pop up now and then,
making me ponder how and when,
I ask myself,what would Jeeves do?
If only Mr. Holmes were to be my guide,
and the inimitable Jeeves were by my side,
My remotest feelings to them I'd confide,
without having them rebuke or chide,
because Holmes and Jeeves would know what to do.
While Holmes would take the bull by its horns,
Jeeves would provide against obstacles and thorns,
Holmes would know what to say,
Jeeves would put in a tactful way,
because Holmes and Jeeves would know what to do.
So, when headaches and woes come in fleets,
I go in my mind to those London streets,
I consult them with a problem or two,
Because Holmes and Jeeves know exactly what to do.
Jun 17, 2014
Jun 17, 2014 at 6:09 AM UTC
HANSEL & GRETEL
she tested his mettle
for crossing her path
was stung by her nettle
for one minor gaffe
to get back his fettle
he did him some math
bought chocolate and petal
then ran her a bath
that made the dust settle
placated her wrath
then boiling the kettle
he tried not to laugh.
Mar 1, 2023
Mar 1, 2023 at 8:53 AM UTC
I can see, in your sea
what I threw, went right through
your lack of class, so get to class
you flea, you flee
fear will show, fear the show
for busted acts, four battle ax
an eerie moan, an eerily mown
level plane, yet too plain
so start the rite, so start to write
your words to savor, you worried saver
and this I saw, and with this saw
cut to sear, seek the seer
a spirit pryed, an unleashed pride
giant gorilla, stealthy guerrilla
so send the pros, we speak in prose
you leave your prince, you leave your prints
simple minds racked, simply mind wracked
so slow your roll, know your role
kneel and pray, kneel you prey
you maid from Rome, you'remade to roam
with worn sole, with warn soul
spirit's cold, under coaled
start the fire, weapons fire
send the horde, send the ******
forget the gaffe, remember the gaff
speed for the gate, speed is the gait
if death feign, or if death fain
let you pass, or may you pass
Jan 29, 2011
Jan 29, 2011 at 5:56 PM UTC
I run to seclusion, where no one's around,
I would hate for someone to hear the sound.
A zip, a ruffle, kerplunk, and then splat,
The brown swim beneath, where so many have sat.
Slinks down like sausage that hasn't a case,
The brown conforms to this funnel-like space.
I pinch it off hurriedly, being in a rush,
Oh God, what now! The toilet won't flush.
Water is rising o'er the precipice,
I haven't the time nor the courage for this.
I'm out the door quickly, deflecting this gaffe,
My deepest apologies, custodial staff.
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 11:10 AM UTC
The last breath
The last death
The last phone call
The last fall
The last funeral
The last burial
The last roll
The last poll
The last smile
The last style
The last flight
The last rite
The last crap
The last stop
Alas! Somewhere
There is a last
That we can bear
We need the past
To move on in life
After a barmy gaffe
We weep and we laugh
As we sail solo on the life raft.
Copyright © July 2022, Hébert Logerie, All rights reserved
Hébert Logerie is the author of several collections of poetry.
Dec 21, 2024
Dec 21, 2024 at 1:22 AM UTC
The Goodbye Look
The Dan talked about it, they even wrote a song,
how things got so messed up, she finally said so long,
you just had to test the waters, had to push the edge,
now your standing all alone, out there on that ledge
you promised her a wine and dine, then forgot to call,
you said that you were detained, down at City Hall,
some mix up, some sort of gaffe, you were not to blame,
why did you not dial me up, if this is what you claim
she checked it out, she caught you flat, your pathetic lies,
disgust and disappointment, laser beams from her blue eyes,
there is no way to misread, those daggers that you took,
I believe you just got, what's known as, The Goodbye Look
You said you did not know that girl, just helped her find her way,
but you were seen at her locker, seven times today,
it wasn't you is what you said, must be some mistake,
you weren't even there today, you were at the lake
she checked it out, she caught you flat, your pathetic lies,
disgust and disappointment, lasers from her blue eyes,
there is no way to misread, those daggers that you took,
I know you just got, what's known as, The Goodbye Look
Gomer LePoet...
Apr 30, 2013
Apr 30, 2013 at 7:13 AM UTC
Alone he walks down a rocky road,
shadow scattered with winding turns.
With canvas sacks he carries this load.
While eyes fall sleepy and muscles burn.
Each step taken with intention,
To reach the end of this twisted path.
Each step fueled by retention
of memories from distant past.
Alone he walks, as shadows laugh.
Nocturnal creatures stare, and jeer.
His lonely journey a social gaffe,
He takes solace behind a stoic veneer.
He never had roots, as the trees beside him.
But he met other caiteoiri along the way.
He spoke with them in moonlight dim,
With unspoken knowing that they would stray.
Not well understood, this roving man.
But those that tried could see his heart.
A vagabond that most have banned.
For reasons only seen in part.
Cricket chirps, they sound then subside
as he nears them along the crooked way.
They pick back up with distance wide.
He can sense the awful things they say.
He did not ask for this nightly trek.
Or to carry the burden of this sailcloth sack.
Sympathy is rarely a prospect.
Some folks never wander this stony track.
Some will say they understand,
but those that do, they know the truth.
That to say such things is sleight of hand.
No one can really know but you.
Jun 14, 2020
Jun 14, 2020 at 12:21 PM UTC
Mama has left
She is no longer alive
She left Mother Earth
She is in the cemetery
Mom is further on
She is, here and there, really
Mother is gone
And no longer here
With us, under the sun
Mommy is in Heaven
She looks at us and she can hear
She's having fun, in a dream
To see us whine and scream
Mom is with the ****** Mary
Both listen to us and laugh
So hard that they cry in paradise
Where no one dies
That's a gaffe
What a trip! Mama has left
We can barely see her on the clouds
Mommy is still with us
She is invisible within us
As we wish other mothers
Happy stays at the cemetery
May the earth be light and softy!
P.S. This poem is dedicated to all, who are mourning.
Copyright © Avril 2024, Hébert Logerie, all rights reserved.
Hébert Logerie is the author of several collections of poems.
Nov 13, 2024
Nov 13, 2024 at 10:11 PM UTC
The Goodbye Look
The Dan talked about it, they even wrote a song,
how things got so messed up, she finally said so long,
you just had to test the waters, had to push the edge,
now your standing all alone, out there on that ledge
you promised her a wine and dine, then forgot to call,
you said that you were detained, down at City Hall,
some mix up, some sort of gaffe, you were not to blame,
why did you not dial me up, if this is what you claim
she checked it out, she caught you flat, your pathetic lies,
disgust and disappointment, laser beams from her blue eyes,
there is no way to misread, those daggers that you took,
I believe you just got, what's known as The Goodbye Look
You said you did not know that girl, just helped her find her way,
but you were seen at her locker, seven times today,
it wasn't you is what you said, must be some mistake,
you weren't even there today, you were at the lake
she checked it out, she caught you flat, your pathetic lies,
disgust and disappointment, lasers from her eyes,
there is no way to misread, those daggers that you took,
I know you just got, what's known as The Goodbye Look
Gomer LePoet...
May 11, 2010
May 11, 2010 at 9:58 PM UTC
I Can't
I can't write
I can't read
I can't bite
I can't feed
I can't walk
I can't crawl
I can't talk
I can't call
I can't drive
I can't ride
I can't strive
I can't abide
I can't jump
I can't skip
I can't ****
I can't dip
I can't cry
I can't laugh
I can't die
I can't gaffe
I can't look
I can't listen
I can't cook
I can't glisten
all because I lost my pride
all I am is dead inside
May 7, 2014
May 7, 2014 at 2:38 PM UTC
Here's a new idea!
A poem just for you...
If you're feeling worried
If you're feeling blue
Here's a little poetry
You can scratch n sniff
C'mon, my friends!
Take a coin
Then just take a whiff!
It's a lovely perfume
You can put upon
Your wrist!
C'mon, TRY!
Don't have to buy...
You need a little lift
It's an art, it's from
The HEART!
It is a free gift!
You can smell
Hilarity... c'mon!
Just scratch n sniff!
If you're feeling tired,
Your mind wracked
And grieved
It's entirely up to you
The odor you received.
It could be a
Crystal flower
It could be a musk
It could be most
Anything
That your senses
Touched...
That brought you
Great pleasure
Like a mountain
Stream...
A sense of peace
Will be released!
When you felt
Well-being!
C'mon my dearest
Poets! You know
You want to try...
You can scratch n sniff
This poem...
Now, friends,
Would I lie?
Scratch n sniff this
Silly piece...
I might have made
A gaffe :-P
But at least you
Tried it... and you
Had a laugh!
May 27, 2017
May 27, 2017 at 2:36 PM UTC
I know that we are distant now,
and though we may no longer exchange words,
I am content with that
because I realised
early on in our relationship
that you were never mine to lose.
They admonished me, but I wanted
to experience myself, and perhaps
prove them wrong of their assumptions.
However, I instead proved myself to be at fault,
by chasing the indecorous,
and resulting in my own gaffe.
An atrocious blunder not worth the time
that was dedicated from the outside
to somehow benefit her strife
Instead she came to realise
that no one was ever hers to lose
for she never had anyone to gain.
Oct 26, 2014
Oct 26, 2014 at 9:01 PM UTC
You were a pile of bones.
I loved you before I met you,
blindly as one should, staring at your photo through a phone.
I didn't know, but my heart knew, as I sat nervously in the car.
Scenarios of sickness,
unfolding in my brain,
spilling out like oil.
I tried to clean up, but everything was already greasy and black--
primed for you to leave me,
before you even laid down on my lap.
Then I held you.
You felt so soft,
and gentle.
But, instead of joy,
I felt dread.
You were too calm.
You didn't wiggle, or whine.
I said "It's probably fine,"
but your body was ticking like a bomb.
I feel foolish, dear pup,
ashamed of my dreams on the way home,
of you running, and playing, and growing up.
But you did not play,
and you did not eat.
You were so tired, and woeful, and weak.
I knew when I heard
your little heartbeat,
and your raspy breath,
right next to my ear as I slept.
And the next day,
on a cold metal table,
you slipped away quietly.
I hope that you know I loved you entirely.
Aside from crying,
all I can manage to do now, is to laugh.
Because, while grasping at straws I had thought
"You can't spell Olive without the word 'live.' "
What a cruel cosmic gaffe.
Sep 29, 2020
Sep 29, 2020 at 5:42 AM UTC
Sitting on their thrones,
they celebrate
Those victories and wins
piercing me as a pin.
Singing those songs
They celebrate
which herald the achievements
and the win of rights
over wrongs
They celebrate.
I looked outside
the window and myself
and found none
Never has been silence
like this one
There was still time
for my dawn to come
tunes of the victory
I just could not hum.
I had a goal
and I lived with it
walking along the unbeaten path
trying to get those circles in cubes, fit.
Perspiration paying off
when mind left off
I went alone to the forests
looking to bury my gaffe.
Yes, I will keep walking
until I get there
until I succeed
until hard work pays off
and celebrations start
There is still time
no time to halt
Before
I celebrate.
Feb 6, 2014
Feb 6, 2014 at 11:51 PM UTC
I'm sitting pretty biding my time
Staying real quiet towing the line,
For President Biden, that lovely old man
Playing the game as only I can.
Why make loud waves, somehow act up,
When everything soon will fall in my lap,
Quiet will do it, with a giggle or two,
Hold my cards close and see this thing through.
Joe barely knows and doesn’t much care
When all he can muster is the 50 yard stare,
Once a great man now just a shell
Hell of a shame he can't hear the bell.
Time is my friend for as every week passes,
The closer I get to those fawning masses,
Cheering me on as I take our great oath
Sealing my path, cementing my growth.
Joe's a mere tool I’ll use till I'm ready,
But it needs to be soon as he's ever less steady,
Have him beat Trump, that foul mouthed buffoon,
Then on to dear Joe who shan't be immune.
The Media will gush, but just for a bit,
While I contentedly wait and quietly sit,
One gaffe way too many, they'll call for his head,
And here am I ready to jump in instead.
Madam President, sure has a ring,
A fine tune Beyonce will conjure and sing,
As to the fact I wasn't elected,
Who cares if it's me that must be selected.
For those that once doubted my
inscrutable skills,
It gives me the goosebumps and even the chills,
I socked it to Hillary and ******* the great chump,
So call me Kamala, the Queen and a Champ.
Feb 8, 2024
Feb 8, 2024 at 4:12 PM UTC
Trumpty Dumpty talks of a wall.
He'll make Mexico pay for it all.
Republicans nominate him at convention.
They seem to know, he is a bone of contention.
The rest of America continues to laugh.
But if Trumpty Dumpty wins it would be a terribly gaffe.
Sep 15, 2016
Sep 15, 2016 at 7:37 AM UTC
Through the chaos,
amongst the rummage,
with crammed up efforts,
toiling towards the certainty,
was my happiness boulevard to success.
I had it all figured,
or, so I assumed.
I wasn’t far from the complacency,
or, so I believed.
How often do things go as planned?
Yes, It was just a matter of time, until,
I was panned.
My fixed-mindset renounced failure,
I loathed my passion,
I decided for myself-“It’s not how it’s meant to be”.
Was I looking for an easy way out?
Did I interpret success as “never failing”?
Was I scorning the fact that I still had a chance?
What if I entered the growth-mindset?
Give it another shot to change things around,
pick-up from my past gaffe,
endeavour, or absorb from the failure again.
The journey might be arduous,
the goal might be too ambitious,
the path chosen might seem dubious and,
the success might never seem duteous.
Success is not the end,
neither is a failure.
If success opens the door for a new goal,
Failure instills that-
frustration is temporary, the experience is forever.
Mar 14, 2018
Mar 14, 2018 at 6:41 PM UTC
**You've made God laugh
You told him your plans
You're hoaxing yourself, dear boy
It's a fraud and a half
You've made God laugh
You have no fixed plans
You have things to take
They make you think they work
You've made the big man laugh
You're playing a simple part
You've put on the gaffe
You had told Him it was art
He was kind to tell you
That not all of it works out
He knows you're a fraud and a half
He's had a good laugh**
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 11:51 PM UTC
Human stars, eloquent gazes human mouths, heavenly smiles some secret magic lurking, there is! And with silence, he watches, discovers, and soars. No fooling daydreaming, secret romance, bodyless gaffe still exists and there is!
And even though the absolute cellular endocrine that transforms the absolute universe, endocrine is infinite love - it subtly breaks through everything that exists because it is hidden and lies deep within our hearts!
Revolutionizes the molecular map of our body, like dreams flattered by desires, and the thought itself is automatically created and the hidden secret whole and there is! - There is a diamond in brilliant eyes, there shining telepathic gazes!
My dreaded hand is dearly swear by my dear swan's hand, and in essence, what is proclaimed is the very love of the idea lurking: Human stars have talkative gazes, laughing lips, heavenly smiles something superstitious,
strange and secret magic lurking, unconscious present is really lurking, there s! Rich face-to-face look: Secret sign language, code for a world interpretation of heart chests! - One piece of existence: Measured under the burden of pricelessness and yet so painfully few!
When all the human stars spoke in earthly language, "I have loved you for life, you charming mafla; He is eternal loser-foolish in boyhood! ”
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 2:59 AM UTC