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Ariel Sep 2018
I wear all black
My eyeliner is sharp as a knife
My laughter is melodic and has a nice sound
I’ve never been kissed
And I hate the ache over something I shouldn’t be able to miss...

My tongue is silver and seems to have a mind of its own
My lips change color depending on my mood: red, taupe, black, purple, blue;
I love to cuddle and receive hugs
It may seem ridiculous to you, love,
But you’ve had it all
Yes, from the very start.

I don’t want to be called a crybaby
Not for the connotation it receives
So instead I build walls around my heart
I bristle and joke
Despite the ache in my chest
For I know that I cannot be strong forever.

I only hope you won’t be around when I break, love.
I don’t want you to see me fall apart at the seams.
You deserve to know the best of me
For the worst is hard to understand.

Please don’t cry for me, love
I am not broken yet
I can still spit fire from my lips and utter curses from my tongue
I remain steadfast in this prickly facade
Because if I don’t, I cannot say what you will do.

So I refuse to be a crybaby
No matter how many times it hurts to see you with someone new
I have wept over you enough, love
So now I must harden against the world
Before I become utterly undone.

I will not be your crybaby
Even though you only care when I’m nearly falling apart
You thrive off of other’s suffering, so that you may be their knight in shining converse
You seek those in need, you prey on the weak...
I don’t want to be just another conquest
Just another score
I wanted something else, love
With you, I’ve always wanted more.

Guess what, love?
I’m not your crybaby
I will die before you will know
Exactly what it is that you do
that makes me weak in the knees
For if I were to voice my thoughts, you would roll your eyes and mock...

I hate that you make me your little *****
That you make me want to bawl my eyes out when you come in with hickeys that have no name
You’re. Not. Mine.
You’re just a stupid *******
So why do you make me your crybaby?
I hate this feeling of weakness whenever you’re near
I used to be such a ******* badass
But here I am, buried under five blankets,
Hoping my roommate doesn’t hear me as I cry my eyes out,
Forevermore, over you.
David Nelson Jul 2013
Crybaby

so you've had your heart broken
the pain is too much to take
the words you wanted to hear
never spoken ...

so you're dreams never came true
your Utopian world crashing down
all your plans and now fear
what can you do ...

you can hide your face in shame
you can cover up your heart
count the tears like raindrops
never again the same ...

then you can think just maybe
dust yourself off and stand
wipe your eyes and nose
you're nobody's Crybaby
nobody's Crybaby ...

David Nelson ....
Another "Runt" inspiration
Tintin Apr 2016
I usually hate
putting the word I
when writing
because
I don't like writing for me

but on few occasions
when inspired by music
frustration
and tears
and Melanie Martinez blasting in the back

I don't care
if my heart is too big
My eyes
I have no control over
and I'm tired
of being ridiculed
because of my tears

I show my families lies
and try to make them see
That crybaby
is not longer part of me

but in my room
on some time late in night
the faucet in my eyes from melanies song

can't take anymore.

And so I cry
So what if I'm a crybaby?
Francie Lynch Aug 2014
Byron and I play
The All Topics Open.
Eighteen holes  
Invariably draws nostalgic.
Byron mentioned he went to the WWF in Detroit.
I sliced into a childhood memory
Of midgets at Cobo Hall:
Cobo Hall, Saturday Night. Be there!
Byron started pitching old wrestlers and holds:
Leaping Larry Shane, great with the Anaconda Vice;
Killer Kowalski vs. Bobo Brazil, pinned by the Crucifix and Abdominal Stretch;
**** the Bruiser tagging with The Sheik
To defeat Gorgeous George and Crybaby McCarthy.
Byron went on in detail, with tabernacle authority:
“It was a Bear Hug that quickly swung in to a Quarter,
then Half,
then Full Nelson;
Crybaby bounced off a knee,
Was driven to the mat and pinned
By a Front Sleeper.”

(Jimmy's newborn picture faded in,
and the pose he naturally struck
baby arms
cocked like a sideshow muscle man  
Daddy quipped: **** the Bruiser.
I was Leaping Larry Shane.
Daddy quipped: Larry the Stooge.
I didn't see that move)

Byron was intense. I could hear, but
I was zoning.
Crybaby and Front Sleeper dazed me.
How time Venns.

I was pinned today.
I recognized the feeling.
Tagged, then pinned by
The inescapable
Baby Nelson.
You know the hold.
On your back.
Baby on chest, face down.
Pinned.
Jimmy was my baby brother. He was killed by a drunk driver.
bucky Dec 2014
"oh, there you are", and i’m not sure
where i’m supposed to have been
here we are again angelflower
tying stones to our chests and waiting to drown (this is okay,
i swear to god, or something like that
isnt that what i’m supposed to say?)
i want to set the world on fire, gaslit galaxy
isnt it so fitting? isnt it just perfect?
i wonder how many astronomy problems you havent solved
and you say, "god
this isn't important right now
how can you be a god when you're not immortal"
sometimes i think you can feel me bleeding from 1643 miles away
this isn’t neverland anymore--
what are you afraid of?
something about cornfields and misery heartbeats and
almost like you said something you shouldn’t have,isn’t it? you’re always
so proud,
you’re always so hungry.
by god, you old man, you weathered, withered, beast
grab a shovel, grab whatever you can
this isn’t neverland anymore--
this isn’t andromeda,no galaxy here,
no stars or planetary confinement,
and you were never icarus.
Anne Feb 2021
last night you touched me
and it made me cry.

my damp cheeks baffled you.
your stare was one of terror,
one of guilt.

my love,
it is only me.
my corpse is the evil one.

you unraveled your hand,
mine for the taking .
I wanted it,
a safe place.
I refused.

you kept it there,
open invitation,
just in case.

you sang me songs til'
my lips could curve again.
you stroked my hair,
crumbling to dust
between your fingertips.

i wish i could be better,
for you,
for us both.

in my dreams,
i can be her.
i am your soft place to land,
somewhere to call home.

in your arms,
i am only human.
tiny and decaying,
a crybaby through and through.

last night you touched me,
and i found myself trapped
within that frigid august.
underneath those mint sheets,
underneath him.

i need to you to believe
that your crybaby,
is more than just
a sad song to sing.
i need you.

dimmer every second,
the light behind my eyes
still smoulders everyday.
for your sake,
i will fan its fire for evermore.

tears may freeze this winter,
but i vow to be your blanket someday.
trauma is a funny thing
My mouth blooms like a cut.
I've been wronged all year, tedious
nights, nothing but rough elbows in them
and delicate boxes of Kleenex calling crybaby
crybaby , you fool!

Before today my body was useless.
Now it's tearing at its square corners.
It's tearing old Mary's garments off, knot by knot
and see -- Now it's shot full of these electric bolts.
Zing! A resurrection!

Once it was a boat, quite wooden
and with no business, no salt water under it
and in need of some paint. It was no more
than a group of boards. But you hoisted her, rigged her.
She's been elected.

My nerves are turned on. I hear them like
musical instruments. Where there was silence
the drums, the strings are incurably playing. You did this.
Pure genius at work. Darling, the composer has stepped
into fire.
crybaby911 Sep 2015
"She is a crybaby.
Downpouring in her flesh and glory.
Self inflicted in her catastrophes."
f Jun 2019
i went to see a psychiatrist last monday in the “avenues” and it was refreshing in a way because she actually listened to me, without making me nervous, which is hard. she asked me simple questions, i told her of the ****** abuse as a child, and the toxicity of my relationship before. she asked how my quality of sleep is, and i said it’s fine but i wake up crying or once i screamed “****** ******”, and i also punched the fan blowing on my face in my sleep because i thought i was being attacked. i have panic attacks after grocery shopping and a phobia of crowds, although i’m really unsafe anywhere, anything could happen is how i feel. (my whole life has felt like i’m on the edge of a cliff) i pick at my face, and sometimes pluck out my hair. embarrassing. but better than when i was a young girl and ******.. on my.. ****** hair... ugh. wow.
anyway she said it sounds like i’m having ptsd symptoms, and that my behavior is very common in people with childhood trauma. she adjusted my meds, now i’m on the highest dose prozac, doxycycline for my face, flexeril, klonopin nightly, and trazadone. oh and birth control. anyway i called out to work one day because the night previous i had had two panic attacks, in my sleep as well. long story short my coworker (i think she’s my friend but i really don’t know to tell you the truth) asked how i was, and i told her everything i just said. she replied with “ptsd from what?”
and my thing is i’ve told her of *** abuse when I was a child, and i’ve told her about my toxic abusive relationship. so i replied with photos i’ve taken over the years of my self harm and explained again the abuse and she never replied. i see her at work and she acts chipper as always and just exactly like my friend/coworker. but the only thing she said to me about the pictures i sent her “are you feeling any better?” as she was getting in her car.
that stung a little bit.
anyway i truly am a crybaby. no sense of direction because i have no sense of urgency. “nothing really matters, anyone can see”
and yet there are days when the sun shines even though it hurts my eyes, and it’s beautiful, the flowers in our front yard are beautiful. i’m grateful for life. maybe the meds are working again, hm?
6 - 24 - 19
RatQueen Feb 2018
I can just picture it
Your super close to finishin
Nutting into ***** socks
Tugging at your wimpy ****
I know that you think of me
To an unhealthy degree
Writing all those angry songs
A loser limpdick sing-a-long
I can't seem to blame you much
I have that effect on all I touch
You didnt deserve it though
So now you get to watch me go
While I upgrade to bigger **** and you get to imagine it
I'm smiling up at someone else
While you sit at home and touch yourself
So obsessed with my life
You're a cuck without the wife
I guess you couldnt handle me
We're from a different pedigree
No longer on that failure ****
Or living in a trailer ****
Crybaby **** don't work no more
So stomp your feet across the floor
All the way to mommies room
But she don't love you either dude!
Man you cant seem to catch a break
My ******* were all a fake
But if you need a diagram
You know where the **** I am
I'm out here focused on myself
While you threaten to **** yourself
I bleed success and excellence
I am too good for this all this mess
Remember who the **** I am
When I destroy you on the stand
You say you used to be abused?
What a ***** boy *** excuse
I am not your baby girl
I'm rocking someone else's world
So take some notes and highlight bits
It says right here that you ain't ****
CryBaby Di Oct 2018
Unfortunately,
nothing in this world is pure.
You can give and give until
you've actually given everything,
but they'll still want more.

I've learned long ago that
love is not a cure.
I ask myself,
How many times can one heart
possibly break?..

And with nothing left
after losing everything,
how is it even somehow possible
that from me people continue to take?..

Honestly,
most people don't even know
that I am broken,
or have any idea about just how
damaged I really am,
and the fact that my smiles
are actually fake.

It's not so easy trying to hide all of
this pain behind a pair of big blue eyes.
Although then again,
No one ever really cares or understands
the tears that a CryBaby cries.
Schuy Jan 2017
You marveled at her beauty
And began to turn chartreuse
Poking fun at her
Only made her think of a hangman's noose

She bawled bitter tears
But there was no turning back
You fired insults
Her cracking with every attack

You made her life miserable
Called her crybaby
Never regretting anything
She's spending a lot of time away from school lately

Turns out she wasn't skipping,
Actually she's dead
And it seems that your words
Were the very thing that took off her head

So when you're at her funeral
Weeping and wondering why
Just remember
That it was you who first made her cry
Death is never the answer. There is ALWAYS a way out. Have faith. Keep going. You can make it.
Crying is not a sign of weakness.
It’s a sign of strength.
It’s a sign of letting yourself go
and not holding yourself back.
It’s a form of expression
a silent expression
an emotional expression
a vulnerable expression
a brave and strong expression
letting everyone know that you can’t
take it anymore.
Small drops of water
coming from your visual peripherals
come tumbling down
the sides of your face
like an overflowing waterfall
From eye to chin
each watery teardrop
represents and symbolizes
you breaking free
from the pain you experienced
in the past.
No matter what pain
you’ve gone through,
every time you cry
you let your past
stay in the past.
You don’t let it go to the present
nor to the future.
You let it stay in the past.
What I’m trying to say
that it’s OK
to let it go.
It’s OK to
break free
and be free.
It’s OK to come alive.
It’s OK to create
your own personal
overflowing waterfall
all over your beautiful face.
It’s OK to cry.
Don’t listen to other people
that tell you that you’re
weak, a baby, or a crybaby
for that matter.
Don’t listen to other people
that tell you that you’re
hopeless, worthless,
or that you are
not good enough
for them.
Don’t listen to other people
that tell you that you’re
never going to make it
through life
no matter how hard
or how many times
you try.
Instead, show them.
Show them that you’re
just a regular
human being
and prove
to them that
regular
human beings
have real
emotional feelings.
Show them that you’re
never afraid to
show off and
let go of your
vulnerable feelings
that you’re
hiding inside.
Show them that
they too can
let go of
their own
emotional and
vulnerable feelings
that they’re
hiding inside.
If they can’t
let go of
their powerful
and moving
feelings,
they will have
cold, frozen hearts.
Bottom line,
we all need
to shed some
beautiful and
powerful tears
every so often
in our lifetime.
We all need
to create our
own rivers,
lakes, streams,
creeks, ponds,
seas, and oceans
full of one of
the most moving
and powerful
human senses
that we shed
throughout our
lifetime.
And it all starts
with a overflowing
waterfall
coming from
the most important
visionary living organs.
Our eyes
are the window
to our emotional
and vulnerable
soul.
That soul is
willing to come out
from the visual
window
and it will do
whatever it takes
to do just that.
But it needs
your permission.

It’s time to let it go.

It’s OK to cry.
8 years mama been gone and I'm still crying

All this time I've been trying to live but I'm still die n

Trying to take the religious road and follow, but the ideal you gone is hard to swallow

Mama you used to tell me,"you gon miss me when I'm gon but you don't even no",

Now mama gone I'm crying it's wrong asking why did she go?
Hands Mar 2014
and I gotta tell you all now
when your skin isn't
pure like satin
clean like silk
it ain't so easy walkin
on that street
of yours
or to go and greet
on those
feet of yours
I don't wanna go out, today, mama
I don't want to deal with the world today,
mama,
mama,
where you been,
mama,
I only feel raindrops, anger, teardrops and irony
I am made of needles and sticks and chopped up bits
I am a demon made to destroy from within
I am a half breed **** who don't have no wits--
no use, old thing,
better give it up
and let them hit
and hit
how they hit
but
it's the bit that gets
when you're layin in your bed
and your mama ain't here no more
and there ain't no baby baby baby ******
CRYBABY
CRYBABY
YOU'RE A GOD ****** SHITSMACKIN CRYBABY
YOU GET KICKED BY TWO MEN ON THE STREET
YOU THINK YOU TOO DARK TO GET BEAT?
you think you too dark to get beat?

we meet

they hit

i fall

the concrete ain't white neither
ugh
"There's a bit of ******* at the bottom of our most sublime feelings and our purest tenderness."                          Denis Diderot

"I hang onto my prejudices, they are the testicles of my mind."
                                                          ­                           Eric Hoffer
                  
"A writer who presents men and women as creatures truncated below the waist is exposed as one who goes about without his trousers saying, 'see, I have had my testicles removed."        Norman Lindsay

"If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it."
                                                                ­                         Linda J. Furney

"I saw some amazing, beautiful, invigorating parts of America, but I saw some dark parts of America, an ugly side of America, a side of America that rarely sees the light of day. I refer, of course, to the **** and testicles of my co-star, Ken Davitian."     Sacha Baron Cohen

"One hundred women are not worth a single *******."     Confucius

"You’re such a crybaby. (Tee) Let me almost shoot off one of your testicles and see how you cope. (Joe) You shouldn’t have moved, Joe. It was your fault. (Tee) Yeah, everything’s my fault. (Joe) Good, then we agree. (Tee)"                                                    Sherril­yn Kenyon

"Women don't have ***** and they don't want *****. That amateur psychology crap that women want penises. And they certainly don't want testicles. Because you know no women in her right mind is going to carry around a bag that she can't put stuff in."  Bobby Slayton

"I had an ASU student looking for it in my shop last week, and he defined the Bacchants for me as 'those drunk chicks who killed that one dude because he wouldn't have *** with them.' His professors must be so proud. I asked him if he knew what maenads were, and instead of correctly answering that it was just another name for Bacchants, he bizarrely thought I was referring to my own testicles - as in, "'Ere now, mate, don't swing that bat around me nads.'" The conversation deteriorated quickly after that."             Kevin Hearne

"I am not a fan of Sigmund Freud because his theories are not *******."                                                       ­           Richard Wiseman

"I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same fifty percent rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't...Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the voodoo lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same...so just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself."                        George Carlin

"My voice is the only material thing in which I can still reveal myself. Go ahead and cut off the hand or the testicles of a voice. Try to find the head of a voice, the orifice through which it passes, or even the ******* to which you can attach the clips of your electrodes. Nothing. Resonant tooth."                                                         Abdellatif Laabi

"Beware of averages. The average person has one breast and one *******."                                                       ­ Dixie Lee Ray

"I would rather eat my own testicles than reform The Smiths, and that's saying something for a vegetarian."           Steven Morrissey

"We all know what feminists are. They are shrill, overly aggressive, man-hating, ball-busting, selfish, hairy, extremist, deliberately unattractive women with absolutely no sense of humor who see sexism at every turn. They make men's testicles shrivel up to the size of peas, they detest the family and think all children should be deported or drowned."                                 Susan J. Douglas

"Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?"                                                     ­ Julie Kagawa

"My writing routine is everyday I put a record on, the same one since 20 years. Then I burn a stick of incense, I put perfume here on the insides of my soles, I paint my left ******* red, and I write."
                                                         ­       Alejandro Jodorowsky

"The ******, which has come to represent Canada as the eagle does the United States and the lion Britain, is a flat-tailed, slow-witted, toothy rodent known to bite off it's own testicles or to stand under its own falling trees."                                         June Callwood
mythie Jan 2018
"Why are you crying?
You knew it was going to die."

Humans are strange creatures.
I've known that from the start.

You were no exception.
For the time being.

You cried over everything.
Animals dying, falling over.

Whatever it was, you'd cry.
In a way, I thought you were pitiful.

But I have grown since childhood.
Remembered who I was, once upon a time.

I'd cross worlds to protect you.
Even though you contradict me all the time.

You don't like what I say.
I never understood why.

I killed all those humans for you.
Those heathens.

But even then, you cry.
You cried and cried until no more tears would flow.

I remember the words to spoke to me.
Each one slipping out on a sharp tongue.

You had no more tears.
They had run out.

You hated me.
Despised me.

So we fought.
I thought we could reconcile.

Begin again.
Life brand new.

But when I turned to you to speak.
What stared back at me was dull.

A hollow vessel.
Void of a human heart.

You wouldn't speak to me.
You wouldn't breathe for me.

No matter how much I yelled.
You would never hear.

And for the first time in my life.
I cried.

"Hey, Akira,
What are these feelings?"
in celebration of the release of 'devilman: crybaby.'
No doubt about it,
the mountain cuckoo
is a crybaby.
elaine Oct 2018
d o you want me to leave you so soon?
r eality can be a deadly thing, do you want to leave this dreamworld?
e scaping me can be hard
a nd loving me, even harder.
m aybe we can live in harmony, me & you
i magine the possibilities.
n othing can replace what we have,
g ot that?

i hope you don't take me to
s eriously, it's all just a game, laugh along.

m y oh my,
y ou really are a freak, lighten up *****, it's just a game.

o nly a crybaby would cry over something so small.
n arcissist *****, you think you're actually doing something great?
l ies are all they tell you, don't feed into their stupid postivity.
y ou're only as good as dust.

e ven as you write your pointless poetry hiding that you're
s cared to be alone,
c rying because you have no friends
a nd living up up in your head all day like a ******* idiot.
p lease, give me a break from your madness
e veryone can see you're just as pathetic as me.
what else is there to do when reality is screaming at your door?
David Ehrgott Dec 2014
That Rumi, he was a real
crybaby poet

Always complaining

How the catholics and jews always receive favor
And how the muslims have to always suffer

Well poet Rumi, you big crybaby
Maybe if the muslims would stop
killing in the name of G
Then, they too, could receive favor

instead of acting like a jokar
Whitney B May 2013
I write poems about empowerment
About never giving up.
But tonight, I feel weak.
I feel like a nuisance
I feel like a crybaby
I feel like a snitch
I feel like every terrible name everyone has ever called me
And I have never felt more like myself
:( :( :(
ab Jul 2019
the only one i
have
ever seen a future with

i am afraid
you will tell me you don’t
love me
anymore

it gnaws
in my brain and
my dreams poke
fun at the fear

there is
no reason why
but perhaps attention
will shift from me

low maintenance is all
i want to be
you told me you’re burnt
out

of affection

scared hands turn to hover
i cry too much
and i hate myself for it

convinced myself you
probably are just busy
which you are
but then i fear

being four texts
in a row
feels like begging

you don’t know my
fear, he left me
without a hint

spent months selling out
for dopamine and affection
and only got a sore jaw

you held me when i cried
the first time i tried for you

i cry too much
and
i hate myself for it
~ i love you so deeply and it took me so long to get here
Cora Jun 2019
eyes fill with tears
not really out of sadness
it's more like
i haven't slept tonight
and sometimes that will do it
or maybe sadness is always just
right there beneath my eyelids
seeps out when they're open too long
i called my mother and she said
cry child
cry for whatever works
cry for the women
in sweatshops in bangladesh

i cry for them and i cry for me
Liz Alvarez Caba Sep 2018
I think about the day I was born.
I had a leg deformity due to a stupid *** nurse ******* up.
They gave my mom to choose between a lifetime of surgeries to correct them or break my newborn legs into place and hope for the best.
My mother choose none.
She put me in double diapers till she noticed my legs growing back to normal.
And for her, I am grateful she choose to ignore them.

I think about the day my dad left my mom and I.
He choose 5 minutes of *** with an already adulterous married person than to be with his loving wife and only child.
My mom before and even after the demise of their marriage, would still pick up my biological father from unknown locations.
Too drunk to even remember, he wonders how he got there and why his now ex wife and baby were in a strange unknown car with him.
Too dumb to remember the person he's sleeping with, they didn't even bother to look for him or even care to notice he was out.
Those moments that I've soon to know about, I acknowledge my mother's strength in all the chaos that was to come about.

I think about the day my mother, my aunt and I got assaulted right in front of our home.
The man had a large machete sticking towards my throat as he asks for my mother's car keys.
She throws them out and quickly grabs me and pushes my aunt into our apartment.
My mother calls the police as my aunt tries to comfort me.
I cry for my biological father.
My mother tucked me in and kisses me to sleep.
I learned that day to never depend on anyone for security but myself.

I think about the day we lost our home.
My mother and I were to be evicted from our first actual home because of a disgraceful woman who had been defrauding us.
We moved in with my uncle in a tiny room he spared us.
It seemed it would wonderful living there, as I saw my uncle as my father.
A new life came into the house and everything changed.
My mother and I were now felt to be confined in our room.
I witnessed a paper by mistake of some apartments for rent on his wife's desk.
Who else would this designated for? Obvious right?!
We were then forced to look for a home as soon as we even just moved in.
I learned that day that *** is more important than helping out your own flesh and blood.

I think about the day I decided to end my 6 year relationship.
The beginning was great until he saw his potential with others.
Secret messages and meet ups began happen behind my back.
Yet still, I forgave him after finding out this later on.
Of course he continued as I turn a blind eye.
The last first time of our day, I began to see his un-interest in me and our future together.
I began to unravel and truly see for the first time that history was and would be repeating itself.
I saw myself caring a child as he would be off drunk and being with adulterous women.  
Just as my mother.
Later found out, he had physically cheated on me.
On our last first day.
I learned to let go of what was hurting me emotionally, of what was to be my future and what was the future of my children to come.

I think about the day this person hurt me.
He was to be my savior.
He helped me through a nasty breakup and what emotions I had coming out of it.
He comforted me as I comforted him as well.
He listened to my secrets I never even told my past lover, not even my best friend.
I heard his dark secrets as well as we hanged out in a beautiful cold beach.
What was to be our place of solace.
Our place.
Things couldn't go on anymore for him with our complex relationship.
He ended it as while he ended my trust.
I began to feel things I thought you could never feel with someone you cared for deeply.
But it was too late.
He had said goodbye before I could even say thank you for at least being there for me when no one else would.
I learned that the person you are meant to be with is the one.
Your soulmate, your sun to your moon.
But it's just not the time or even the right moment in this current lifetime.

I think about the day I wanted to end my life.
I cleaned my room spotless. Cleaned the bathroom, the backyard, everything.
You get the gist.
I placed a note on my bookcase.
Each note was to be dispersed to an individual in whom I love deeply.
I wrote down information to all my accounts to everything I was connected to.
Instructions were even put in place to what to do with my body as well as my belongings.
I had a plan.
Everything was set.
I looked around my house for what was to be the last time.
Swallowing a container and preparing a knot, I glanced at my dog and the picture of my best friend.
He looked curiously at the knot I was preparing.
He cried of course, being the crybaby he is.
I sent a message to my best friend saying I love her and I'll be watching over you.
No reply back of course.
Life moves on.
I know she was busy working.
I got on a chair and wrapped the knot around my neck.
I breathed in and out as slowly as I could.
Preparing of what was to be my escape from all the pain.
I began to cry, thinking about my mom.
How devastated she would be.
She would have to witness my lifeless body hanging in the closet.
Cutting off the knot so viciously and giving herself every ounce of her strength to bring me back.
Knowing what I know about my mom, she would 100% join me soon after.
That is how much we love each other.
For we could not live without each other.
I felt a tug at the chair I was standing on.
My dog wouldn't stop trying to get on the chair with me.
He began to cry and of course wanting my attention.
I loosened the knot and throw away everything in such a rush.
I immediately made myself ***** as much as possible.
And then cleaned up, and hugged my dog.
Even though he hesitantly hates hugs, he willingly let me.
I learned that even though things seem tough, there will always be a shining light waiting for you. It just wasn't my time to go yet.

I think about the day I needed to do something with my life.
I finally and unwilling let go.
I went on a couple dates.
Finally meeting someone that loves me for me.
I thought of before how some people look for certain characteristics when looking for a potential partner.
At this point of my life, I don't care anymore.
I don't look for a a person with money, with a extravagant home, rich lifestyle or any of that mess.
He was nothing at all what I had expected to fall for.
He cares for me as I care for him deeply.
He wants a future with me as I just want a future with him as well.
He builds me up and I encourage him up towards our dreams, our hopes and our desire to be better people for each other in this ever growing world.
I know I have a purpose here on this earth.
I just gotta keep looking forward.
And hope it will continue this way until it is my time to go.
Dedicated to my mom. She is the strongest person I will ever come to know. And to those who are starting to lose hope.
a m a n d a Aug 2013
[i would hold onto something if i were you]

so...
just hurtled down
the QEW
120 km/h
for 2 hours
in pieces of metal slapped
together - real close to other
people doing the same
(i find it worrisome that no
one finds this strange)

cuz, you know
i needed some alone time
aha...aha...ha...ha
in my shiny metal tomb
eyes wide in the dark
(you know, trying to avoid
   obstacles and ****?)
music ******* B O O M I N G
  it's not right
until the bass
          sits in my throat
   and i get a shiver up my back
now we're ready to hurtle through space
       deaf to the outside world

in addition,
  i decided to commit 1% brain power
            to drinking coffee
  i don't know, say 3% to navigating
                 2% to wondering why my left eye was
                 ******* hurting
.5% to wondering if I really had roaming turned off
      
at one point,  *99%
  to figuring out why the *mirage looming ahead
       looked like a battleship - my mind racing -
how could this be - the shapes
the lights - i squint - look for water
                   turns out it was a ******* restaurant
with all kinds of lights outlining edges...but it
really ramped up my concern
in terms of reality there
(for a moment)

i've got some
serious mind-racing
word-related issues
as of late
so this little vision quest
on the QEW
i can't even begin to unravel
in a single paltry
word splash

if i try...
to simplify

i'm a little concerned
that the reason of
my being...the nature
of this crybaby,
ambien-mice-feeding
lunatic
(i'll get to that in a sec)
boils down to:

cooked carrots, high school band, art,
Nancy Drew, and
Star Trek the Next Generation

-

uh...about the mouse
believe me
i freak the **** out
if a mouse is running around
in a goddman house
jesus h - it has to go
but
it was decided the mouse
was to be caught
on a sticky mouse trappy trap
with a piece of cheese

i arrived home
to a very alive mouse
very very stuck
in a sickening way...
but problem solved...yes?

oh no, my friend...problem times two
i did not like to see the mouse in this state.
and i sure as hell wasn't gonna
throw it in the garbage like some kind of animal!
(the gross beady eyed little thing...
but the tail is the worst)

i laid down on the floor
and looked at it
and it wanted the ******* cheese.
so i fed it some.
yeah, that's right.
i fed the ******* mouse some ******* cheese

i mean christ, can't the poor
thing have a last meal?
i mean it just happened to
get into my house.

i laid on the kitchen floor a long time...
looking at that mouse,
feeding it cheese.
and then i was trying to think of how
to **** it fast (cuz you know, i **** **** all the time?)
and i couldn't think of anything...
until brilliance behold - i could drug the **** thing!

if i can take a whole ******* ambien,
then surely a mouse cannot
without consequences plenty
so if i crush one up,
with a mortar and pestle,
yeah, that's right...
a mortar and ******* pestle
*******

all i have to do is sprinkle
some ambien on the cheese
and boom
night night
ambien cheese dream

all i'm gonna say is
that things did not go
as planned
ambien face
      mouse
snow
unnamed Apr 2017
Do you ever wonder about the stone that was first tossed,
that left the shards and fragments,
and the wires all uncrossed?

Or do you count the seconds,
the painful ticks and tocks
until my chalkboard-scratching voice
stops hitting your ears like jagged rocks.

A soul with many places to go,
who would ever have the mind
to entertain the meltdown of a child locked in time?
I'm sorry that I came off appearing to be just fine,
A luscious blooming fruit
With the taste of a bitter lime.

Peace from all the madness,
That's what anyone would seek.
Peace from a childish, damaged, wild, shameful, unhinged freak.
Craving love but unable to normally express,
That all i ever wanted was a passionate caress

Instead the message blows away in gusts of words unspoken
Who would want to touch something
So sharp, coarse, and broken?
The world at my fingertips
But I choose to stay inside
Agoraphobic nature, and my instinct is to hide

Why should l expect anyone to sympathize or pity?
There are so many among us whose lives are far from pretty.
But everyone with a brain inside
Has some unspoken pain inside.
Mine reenacts the shame inside;
A torturous symphony.

I can't expect you to understand
I know you're sick and tired
You deserve to be a king and rule your own empire.
Unbound by restrictive wires
and diminishing desires

But before the sight of me causes you to roll your eyes and sigh,
I hope you will consider a bit more than meets the eye.

I may be broken fragments now,
but I hold onto a shred of hope
that one day my shattered glass
will make a great kaleidoscope

I hope in the end you decide not to cut the rope.
kfaye Jun 2012
some remember the debt-
others, the
intoxication of rubber bands breaking against their forearms
amidst
the long flat bodied spiders that make lonely homes
with picket fences and
lighting strung up on silk to rally us towards
celebration

i call you a crybaby because i never could understand.
YoursTruly Oct 2015
This life is often so very trite
I might just end it all tonight.
A feeling so often felt within a heart that stopped beating a very long time ago.
So-
I ask myself, if it is worth it?
Life alone?
Cold lips; never missed.
Or will I be?
Maybe so,
But even though,
Is it really worth it?
silence in a seat, weep, weep, weep
I will until I'm all alone, locked away within a home.
Among these walls, bricks and wishes to be free, for just a day.
Might I may-
Say-
I don't belong.
Dorothy A Jan 2016
His mother thought he had the face of an angel, but his teachers and his schoolmates saw the demon in him. Many knew the real Logan, contrary to the darling boy image in his school picture.  His chunky, freckled face was obnoxious, not angelic. Instead of innocence, the look of deviousness came through in those shifty, light blue peepers of his.  His incisors were on the pointy side, like mini fangs, and whenever Logan smiled one thought of a rattlesnake. Sure, he was smart, and he had stellar grades, yet he used his wits to be sneaky, often trying to outwit everybody, appearing to be a prize student in the classroom while being the Class A **** on the playground.  

A big, stout boy, he used this physical advantage to torment his less advantaged peers. When no adults were in sight, he was always trying to corner others at school, pushing his weight around to abuse those smaller than he was, applauding his own one-boy-show of intimidation with raucous laughter and claps.

Indeed, the targets of Logan’s aggression were always the weaker ones, not the ones who would ever think twice about beating the crap out of him. He went to great lengths to terrorize others—tripping them up, pushing them around, getting up in someone’s face to tell that kid how ugly or how stupid that he was—anything that caused trouble. The victims were sometimes brought to tears, and Logan was quick to call them sissies and babies. A kid named Conner, a fellow six grader, was one of Logan's favorites to pick on. Sometimes, Logan attracted a small audience of bystanders, some of them egging him on while the rest were just watching.  So Logan had his partners-in-crime through either entertainment value or passivity—a great ego booster for such a bully as him.

Few kids tried to fight back, for they were quickly overpowered, and they all knew they were no match for the likes of such a creep.  For fear of retaliation—not wanting to be branded as a snitch—most of Logan’s victims were too scared to tell anyone, the teacher or their parents. Once in a while, a protector, a fellow student, would tell the teacher on their behalf.

Logan hated snitches because it would land him in the classroom during plenty of recess times, or in the principal's office. It also brought him a day of suspension, here and there, with his mother threatening to sue the school. A small number of parents were banding together, wanting Logan out of that school, and Conner's mom was one of them.  Conner might as well have worn a target on his back saying, "Come and get me!"    

Conner knew where he stood—as a member of the group of unpopular kids. He was one of the smallest of his classmates, and with his bright red hair and crooked teeth he was a splendid target for Logan’s juvenile jollies. He avoided Logan any chance he got, staying close to the classroom during recess or walking a much longer route home from school, often delaying going home but feeling all the more alone and vulnerable. His few friends all told him the things they wanted him do to Logan, things they wouldn't dare do, themselves.

Kick him in the nuts!

Jump him from behind and gouge his eyes out!

Tie him up and shove Ex-lax down his mouth!

Wear boots with spikes so you can wrestle him to the ground and stomp all over him!

Conner, you should take up Karate and Kung Foo the **** out of him!!!

Well, Conner would have loved to have given Logan a taste of his own medicine, but never believed it could happen. One day, though, he had enough. For sure, he never even planned to do it, but it happened, nonetheless. When Logan fell back flat back on the school sidewalk, Conner couldn't even believe the big boy landed there. And it happened because of him! Logan couldn't believe it, either, sitting on his rear end with the most dazed expression on his face. Conner clocked him right in the jaw!  Conner was David, and Logan was Goliath, and it was awesome!

Conner just had a perfect shot, with perfect timing and aim. Logan was long overdue to get the result of someone’s wrath, and it was about time someone stuck it to him. Yet Conner never meant this to be a statement for all of Logan's victims. He just was tired of being afraid, of being humiliated.  For the thousandth time, Logan was waiting for him outside of class, blocking his path, and there was just no avoiding things.

Conner truly wanted to fight his own battles—dreamed of it, imagined it—but never in a million years did he think he’d ever really do it!  His mom couldn't be there to defend his every step. Nobody could.  

And there was Logan, so embarrassed as a few other kids gasped and pointed. Some were now applauding and cheering at what Conner just did, even the hypocrites who once cheered on Logan’s bullying. Now the bully was reduced to tears, for a change, as the small crowd jeered and yelled out such things as "Karma!", "Crybaby!", "Way to go, Conner!" and "Kick Logan’s ***!"

Conner actually started to feel sorry for the kid as he stumbled up off the ground and ran off. Other kids came along the scene, and soon Conner was bombarded with congratulatory measures, questions, and wonderment at his great accomplishment. Chalk one up for him! He was the unlikely defender, the kid who had the guts to give it back to the one who made his life miserable. This event would become the talk of his peers for quite some time, something of school legend.

So Logan never bothered Conner anymore. He still was an obnoxious kid, but others took Conner's lead and stood their ground more. Logan slowly learned to back down, still reeling from that one, single and swift defeat. Though he only grew an inch or two that year, Conner felt seven feet tall, and was treated with respect, free to come and go where he pleased. He still had his same nerdy friends—nothing changed in that department—but life was good.
crybaby911 Sep 2015
"Wah. Wah. Wah," the crybaby said.
Her insecurities are always, constantly being fed.
Then they shove a pacifier into her mouth.
To ignore their blabbering self-doubts.

mama. <3
I'm sorry I can be bossy and somewhat manipulative
I'm sorry I'm so demanding
I'm sorry I can be so negative
I'm sorry I hurt myself
I'm sorry I've hurt you
I'm sorry I'm such a crybaby, making a such a big deal about nothing
I'm sorry I can't just keep my mouth shut
I'm sorry I'm so bad at helping you
I'm sorry I can't put myslef back together
I'm sorry that you're going through what you are
I'm sorry I can't stay clean
I'm sorry everything is confusing
I'm sorry I can't be strong
I'm sorry I cried myslef to sleep last night
I'm sorry I ran out of tears
I'm sorry I'm so numb and empty
I'm sorry I can't pick myself up and continue on
I'm sorry I'm not skinny enough
I'm sorry I can't do anything right
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I gave you any idea that I'm worth your time
I'm sorry I wrote this
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm so
             so
                    sorry
I just want to feel something other than fear and numbness
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2016
I find I can be such a silly little girl at times.
Don't you agree my love?
I mean I cry all the time,
much like a child, craving attention, spoiled.
I mean, what reason does this princess really have,
for spending nights crying away?

So stupid of me, quite honestly...
I mean, you are never here, when you are,
you are asleep,
or on the phone,
or fighting with me,
or we are having ***,
or you are laughing with other people,
while I selfishly sit anxiously out of control,
constantly on the brink it seems,
to have an attention seeking, time wasting panic attack.

And honestly, the way I cause a scene,
as I get head butted, punched in the face
by a full grown man.
It is truly unbecoming, yes I do agree.
I mean, the misssing hair too,
from being pulled out,
should just grow back already.
Like, honestly what is wrong with me?
Why do you put up with me in such a state?

And my dear, leaving someone elses home,
leaving me there, day after day.
Like really, what more could I ask for?
Like honestly when I broke, and would
be in a manic depressive and and anxious all the time.
I left you.
So really I should be fine with being alone constantly.

I mean, you were there for me to support me through so much,
the honest to goodness truth right there.
And when my heart was ripped right out of my chest,
and I was told that my children were to be away from me.
Like honestly, I was such a goofy ***** to you.

While I had heartbreak, and grief and resentment
and I lost so much.
I was really quite stupid, not knowing how to process it.
Not knowing how to release my feelings and fears.
I ruined you at the darkest days of mine.

And I shouldn't be upset at you leaving me,
coming and bringing your new little chick right in.
Insulting me, and yelling at me, hurting me.
I mean I broke up with you all the time,
when I was having a depressive episode.

Or was questioning if I could get over the first time still,
when I broke up with you.
And that night you had someone else to ****.
Or was wondering if someone could truly love someone.
Yet , have them waiting sobbing hurt and apologizing
for how my depression hurt you.
While you we across the street ******* someone with the perfect
view of our truck.
I broke up with you,
when you didn't come home, or didn't tell me you were leaving.
Or didn't come to court,
Or make sure I got there, while you had our car.
When you left my dog alone all day in a small room.
Came home at 6pm, then asked me to drive you around,
while you told me how I have been so horrible.
Silly girl, I am such an evil human being in your eyes.
I do honestly deserve to be knocked out don't I?

And slutty and disloyal,
should be my middle names.
I mean any other girl in the universe could pull off,
bailing you out of jail when you were arrested in a hotel room,
with your new **** piece.
There isn't another soul in the world,
that wouldn't even question sending you almost every thing she had,
wouldn't  keep putting money on a line that I answered
and talked to you on for hours everyday.
For you to get angry and yell at me for not doing
all the things you needed done.
While I was homeless, broke at times.
It is also truly disgusting, that I couldn't keep my legs closed.
I mean I should always feel wanted by you.
I am stupid to feel insecure, why would I?

I can be such an idiot at times.
Hurting like I do,
crying when you leave me,
so I know I will be alone for the next 16 hours or so.
While you hang out and go places
that you won't take me.
Cause I am just a miserable ***** when you do.
When I am upset at you leaving me in a car for an hour,
while you sit and chat with an female enemy of mine.
Respect? I'm an idiot if I don't feel respected,
honestly I shake my head at me.
What a joke.

I need to just stop it with this stupid depression
and PTSD thing.
I am lying when I say I can't, just stop is all I have to do.
I am a pathological liar.

And why would my goofy *** hate myself?
With so many insults going around,
With being a failure like I am,
fighting so many battles
and losing them all while I gave it my all.
is just the silliest.

I mean I should feel loved,
when I am sobbing asking you to hold me.
And get hit,
When I am begging you to love me.
And you throw garbage at me
walking away
or I take a well deserved punch or two.
I should feel special while you speak to a bunch of other girls.
and you tell me of the horrible things being said about me.
And when I ask for you to come home,
I should not expect anyone to wanna be around my crybaby self.
If I would just stop it and be happy
then you wouldn't have to  talk to me like that.

If my stubborn, fat head would only just accept that you want me.
While I cry alone all the time,
sitting with no one to talk to
nothing to do.
You are making us money,
so I just need to stop with my nervous breakdown.
It past the point of too much.

I just need to stop hurting, stop the insecurities
stop the panic attacks and just stop hurting and get over the grief.
If could only stop being a ***** with her head in a vortex.
With bad memories, insults and pain 24/7.
Treating you like ****,
stop getting ****** and asking you to want to be near me.
To hold me and love cause I hate myself right now.
Than maybe you wouldn't just be annoyed by tortuous pain in my heart.
Maybe if I could stop going crazy
cause I can just stop it if I wanted to.
I would never be the cause of you to be so angry
that you lash out at me.
Tell me I am the ******* I keep saying I am.

Silly girl, just stop the pain,
Stop expecting him to care,
Stop assuming stupid things like you not loving me..

Maybe I would be worthy of your love,
Instead of your punches.
If I would just end my life myself.

You could be the loving, grieving man of a silly girl who just wouldn't get her head out of the clouds.
bb Dec 2013
Maybe I am a crybaby. Maybe I am the person that feels twice as hard because she has a father that doesn't feel anything and maybe I love too much because I watched 2 parents that didn't know how to do it but they pretended because l talked to myself since I was too young to understand why the sky is blue and maybe the things I said scared them. Maybe I made up friends, not for the sake of having some, but for the sake of knowing that at least they understand and at least they won't judge me because I scratched my legs until I bled and they don't know that I'm making up all these happy stories of vacations I've never been on so I don't feel so sad in school while everyone talks about what they did over the summer because all mom and dad ever did was scream at each other run from their problems while I drew in my room. Maybe I grew out of my imaginary friends because I'm not even worth their imaginary time and their imaginary presence the imaginary way they pretended to care. Maybe I called my dad even though I know what he did because I still loved him because he's still my ******* dad and he loved his son and he wouldn't tell him that it's wrong to break baby birds' necks and it's wrong to sneak into your sister's room and hurt her. Maybe he hasn't picked up on the fact that life is a big cycle, but you can't let your child hurt because your father let you hurt and his father let him hurt. Maybe I left long voicemails talking about one day being able to see him without a supervisor because I hated the way she wrote everything I said down, including the time I cried because he wouldn't stop prying me about if my mother would let us go out of state together. Maybe I don't need razors and cigarettes because my body isn't even worth the pain at this point. Or, maybe I'm just a coward who can't face death or who doesn't want to hurt more than she already does. Maybe I love too many sick people. Maybe I love too many normal people. Maybe everyone's sick and I just don't realize it yet. Maybe I self-loathe too often, maybe I shouldn't have said those things to people I thought gave a ****,; maybe it's a dream and I'll wake up and be five again. Maybe I don't want to be five again because being five was more hell than being alive. Maybe we wish some people we love were dead because it's too painful to know that they are somewhere loving some stranger when they couldn't ******* call their own child back. But I don't know. I don't know a thing. Not a **** thing. Maybe my ghosts sing because they've got nothing ******* better to do, because their fists just slide through every wall they try to punch. Maybe the dead don't rise because there's something about this life that makes Hades look like paradise I don't know. I don't know a **** thing. Maybe the wolf is howling at what the moon took from him. Maybe the stars are self-conscious and don't like to be stared at. Maybe we're always alone. Maybe we're always ******* alone. But I don't know. I do not know a **** thing.

— The End —