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Ariel Aug 2020
When he left me, it hurt.
Then all I felt was rage, I'll admit, at first.
Clarity came last, for what it was worth.

The more I reflect on us, the more I look
The more I see, the further I gaze
He was never perfect.
All of the aches and the pain that he brought
He didn't deserve the love I offered.
His promises were a shiny veneer over plastic
Made to look like precious metal, but underneath existed nothing of worth.
He took his leave, he left of his own will
Of this, I'm sure, was a blessing in disguise.

The rose-colored-lenses have come off.
I can finally see, now
That he wasn't even good--
He was the worst.
He tortured and played
Pulled my strings, and I obeyed
He wanted me to fall apart and put me back incorrectly
So that when he failed, he could just leave
Leave with no further explanation
Not even a lie
He simply left me with a pile of promises
And finally, clear eyes.

When he left me, I thought something in me died.
Perhaps it did.
But I think it was a good change, I won't lie.
I don't miss him. This much, I can say is true.
If anything, I rue the way things changed
I wish I could have controlled it, how soon
I shouldn't have gotten attached at all.
No matter, anyway.
I've overcome that pain, I've found someone new
He actually wants me, of this I'm sure
And because I'm finally over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,
My freshly-healed wings are finally able to fly.
Ariel Oct 2019
When it comes to these things, Woman is despised.
Her *** is inferior in the face of man.
Her body is disgraced and considered unholy, deemed "temptress" and "defiler".
Why is this so?
What benefit is there to the dichotomy of the ****** and the *****?
Why is there only these two things which woman can aspire to?
Why, when Woman is strong and steadfast as the mountain
Who will not bow no matter how the wind howls!
When Woman is as fierce as the flame that ripples in her heart
and the searing heat of the volcano--
Why, then, is this language so?
Wasteful, wanton
Grotesque, sinful
Disgusting, passive
Unholy, sinful
Why? Why, when her womb creates the very essence of life on earth, is her beauty scorned?
Alas! Her very creations despise her existence
The sons of her ***** lack reverence for their mothers
For the very essence of Woman is taboo.
The apex of her thighs is at once deeply coveted and sincerely ignored
For there exists no greater shame than the moment her ***** first sheds its blood.
That first splash of crimson and black is the end of her girlhood
For once that first blood is drawn, her Womanhood cannot be denied.
At that moment, she becomes Object
No longer human, no longer girl
She is Object
To be coveted and have eyes laid upon her
She is Object
To be salivated over and seen as the ****** plaything of the Male Eye
She is Object, and she is human no more.
After the first emergence of ******* from her ribcage, the first rounding of her hips and thighs,
She is no longer worthy of anything but lust and contempt
For, it is certainly her fault that these sinful feelings arise.
Why on earth would it be the fault of the toxic mindset of Man, of his instinct to pillage and take what is not his?
Woman's body is her own, and yet, she is not treated so
She is laughed at, mocked, and spoken to in rage
Her rights of choice are threatened, soon to possibly go away
What, in this, is there to learn?
Why is our view of Woman so?
The gleam of the Patriarchy is too enticing to those who would change
And damning to those who refuse.
But they should be very afraid.
The righteous might of Woman is a force to be reckoned with.
Because, after all...

Hell hath no fury like a Woman scorned.
Ariel Jul 2019
I saw you in a dream the other night
You were beautiful and perfectly alright
You smiled at me and I think my heart broke
For I haven’t seen that in so long, I think it was a cruel joke
You hurt so good, you feel so bad
I want you back, but I know it will never be my path.

I saw you in a dream
You smiled at me
Love radiated from your heart
When I awoke, I nearly fell apart
What a cruel trick to play on me
Not when I’m still grieving?

I saw you in a dream
I know it’s a sign
I have to stop the delay and just say, it’s over, fine
I miss you so, but I hurt so much more
For when I saw you, I wanted to die.

I saw you in a dream,
You were looking at me
With such a soft laugh and a half-lie
Nothing could make me stop this,
No matter how hard I try.
For this could never be enough.

I saw you in a dream
And I felt my heart scream
I wanted to steal you away
Maybe hold you hostage
But this, I know, would not be true
For you are yours, I could never do that to you
Still I felt my soul rend at your sweet face
For in the end, you’re not one I can erase.

I saw you in a dream
I wanted to forget
But still you remain
A taunt, a trick
You haunt my sleep and my wake
You are the demon I cannot shake
I miss you and hate you
To me, it’s all the same.
Saw you in a dream—the Japanese House
Ariel Jul 2019
I’ve got no right to be angry
After all, you were never mine
I’ve got no right to be angry
But I feel it all the time
You were never mine to have
But she still drives me ****** mad
Yeah the way you kiss her drives me mad
I’ve got no right to be angry
Yet I’m caught staring at this daydream
Wondering what you would feel like beneath my skin

Every time I think I’m over you
Every time I think I’ve had enough
You manage to say something that makes my heart stop and my mind race
My happiness fades and I’m left with these pieces of broken glass
All of that hope, shattered and wasted
No matter how long I take
No matter how hard I try
I can’t get over you
I can’t stop myself from caring, so here, I cry
You leave me desolate, but you are my oasis
It hurts to see you sad and lonely
But it hurts even more to see your heart soar
I just want the pain to stop
I just want to look at you and not want to **** your brains out
I just want my best friend back.
I would give my soul if it would make everything okay between us.
I miss you so much.
But I miss my happiness, too. Every time I see you my mind screams with jealousy over stupid things that you do
I want to monopolize your time
But that’s not for me to choose.
Every time I think I’m over you
You decide to do something small, something new
You change your hair
You change your clothes
Every time, I break a little more.
You couldn’t be more perfect for me in all that you are; the only way, love, was if you felt for me the same way I do for you.
Ariel Jul 2019
I want to scream, I want to cry
This ache in my chest is so unbearable
I am so very not okay, and I just want to know why.
I was perfectly fine, not two days before
What was it that tipped the scales this time?

I just wish someone would notice
That I'm dying inside a little more every day
This ache that pulsates inside
It's driving me insane
It's not something I can ignore, it occupies my every thought
Why, oh why, was I made this way?

My stomach churns and I want to hide
At this point, feeling pain is better anyway
This emptiness is saddening and not okay
But I nonetheless rake my nails over my skin, hoping to feel anew.

You’ve left me, love.
There’s nothing left of us here.
I’ve felt this a long time coming, but still it hurts now that I know you’re nowhere near.
You’re never coming back.
Of this much, I’m aware.
I just wish you could have noticed
My awful descent into this despair.

Would you have stayed, if you’d noticed?
I doubt it, I swear
You seem to have lost your care
For this, I despair.

I wish someone would notice
I’m drowning, I’m dying
I can’t seem to breathe.
“Keep going!”—instead I wheeze
Soft thoughts drift across my diamond mind
Unable to escape, this time.

I suppose it’s best that no one will notice.
I’m the strong one, I can’t afford to despair.
No one will notice, this I swear.
They mustn’t be aware of how very broken I am.
I’m here for them! I will never let them know
Vulnerability isn’t an option for me
My broken heart, mind, body—this, they will never see.
(Would they even care?)
“She’ll get through it, she’s stronger than this”
“I doubt she wants help, she likes doing things on her own”
(In the end, I seriously doubt it.)
(After all, we’re all drowning down here.)
Everything hurts and I’m dying

But it’s fine
Ariel Jul 2019
I know I’m not perfect.
I never claimed to be.
But honestly, love,
She’s much less perfect than me.

I expected more from her, maybe less from you
All I know is that this feels so wrong, love
She shouldn’t be with you.
I thought she was my friend, but now she’s gone too
You’ve stolen her away, love
I expected more from you.

I know I’m not perfect. That much is true.
But when you said you didn’t want my baggage, love,
I suppose that wasn’t true.
She has more problems than I do.
She’s been abused and scarred and is aggressively neurotic
She’s positively catatonic
When nothing goes her way, she makes an embarrassing display
So why, love, did you choose her?

She’s a walking skeleton, with hollow eyes and a plain face
I know I’m not a super model, love
But even I can see that she looks out of place.

I’m not perfect, love
She knows it, you know it, I do too
But someday you’ll see, love
She’s got more baggage than even you.

She’s so different from what you call attractive
I can’t discern why she’s with you
I can only guess that you don’t know her at all.
If you knew the large amounts of baggage she carries, you’d run away from her too.

She must be lying to you, love.
Either about her life, or about who she is.
Putting her best foot forward is different, love, if she’s withholding the truth.

I know I’m not perfect, this much I do
But I hope you’re not true
Because, after all, love, she’s much less perfect than you.

I have the feeling you’re a revenge ****. Her ex hates you with all his being.
I almost wish that were true, love.
Because I’d give anything for this to not be real.
When your best friend starts dating your friend, it feels like all hell breaks loose.
Ariel Jun 2019
Because you are to me narcotic
You’re slowly killing me with this lethargy
I really need it to stop
But I don’t want you to stop

But if you don’t go
I know
That my heart will surely stop

Because you are so narcotic
Together we’re so lethargic
And I’m begging you to stop
Maybe we aren’t meant to be
And you know you’re killing me
But we both know that you aren’t gonna stop

My heartbeat is slowing now
As the time has come
We are joined now
As I feel your apathy
It has become my own
And I can’t help
But stop

I feel it in my veins
It’s stopping all my pain
But is this what you had wanted?
I’ll be forever haunted
The whispers in my blood are slowly dying out
You should make this time truly count

For if you go
My heart will surely stop

You are my narcotic
You make my pain go away
You dull the sharp edges
You make the world blur
You’re my narcotic
And I don’t want you to stop.
I found this poem in an old notebook. No date, so I have no idea what spurred this on. Oops. It’s really weird.
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