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Ariel Aug 14
I did something today
Something I didn't think I ever would
I did something today
And it scared me more than it should.

I fell in love with a boy that wasn't you.

He's absolutely nothing like you.
He's tan and lean and trim
His hair is jet-black and his eyes are like chocolate
So different from the oceans contained in yours.
His voice slow and sweet like honey, rolling over me in waves
He holds me close and begs us to not part ways...

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid.

His touch thrills me and sparks fly
I feel as though nothing could beat this high
He makes me feel safer than you ever did
And yet... perhaps it would be better if I hid.

This delight I feel
At feeling, for once, whole
It cannot compare to the fear and dread that I hold
It remains in my head
I want him and crave him, but it hurts so much
I'm scared and I don't know if I should open up
Because, dear, he isn't you.

I should let him in, I should just forget
You don't make me hurt anymore
For that, I am glad
But now I wear my heart on my sleeve
You have ruined me, made me feel unworthy, as though everything, I lack!
Scared of someone who finally wishes to love me back.
Ariel Jul 12
I saw you in a dream the other night
You were beautiful and perfectly alright
You smiled at me and I think my heart broke
For I haven’t seen that in so long, I think it was a cruel joke
You hurt so good, you feel so bad
I want you back, but I know it will never be my path.

I saw you in a dream
You smiled at me
Love radiated from your heart
When I awoke, I nearly fell apart
What a cruel trick to play on me
Not when I’m still grieving?

I saw you in a dream
I know it’s a sign
I have to stop the delay and just say, it’s over, fine
I miss you so, but I hurt so much more
For when I saw you, I wanted to die.

I saw you in a dream,
You were looking at me
With such a soft laugh and a half-lie
Nothing could make me stop this,
No matter how hard I try.
For this could never be enough.

I saw you in a dream
And I felt my heart scream
I wanted to steal you away
Maybe hold you hostage
But this, I know, would not be true
For you are yours, I could never do that to you
Still I felt my soul rend at your sweet face
For in the end, you’re not one I can erase.

I saw you in a dream
I wanted to forget
But still you remain
A taunt, a trick
You haunt my sleep and my wake
You are the demon I cannot shake
I miss you and hate you
To me, it’s all the same.
Saw you in a dream—the Japanese House
Ariel Jul 12
I’ve got no right to be angry
After all, you were never mine
I’ve got no right to be angry
But I feel it all the time
You were never mine to have
But she still drives me ****** mad
Yeah the way you kiss her drives me mad
I’ve got no right to be angry
Yet I’m caught staring at this daydream
Wondering what you would feel like beneath my skin

Every time I think I’m over you
Every time I think I’ve had enough
You manage to say something that makes my heart stop and my mind race
My happiness fades and I’m left with these pieces of broken glass
All of that hope, shattered and wasted
No matter how long I take
No matter how hard I try
I can’t get over you
I can’t stop myself from caring, so here, I cry
You leave me desolate, but you are my oasis
It hurts to see you sad and lonely
But it hurts even more to see your heart soar
I just want the pain to stop
I just want to look at you and not want to **** your brains out
I just want my best friend back.
I would give my soul if it would make everything okay between us.
I miss you so much.
But I miss my happiness, too. Every time I see you my mind screams with jealousy over stupid things that you do
I want to monopolize your time
But that’s not for me to choose.
Every time I think I’m over you
You decide to do something small, something new
You change your hair
You change your clothes
Every time, I break a little more.
You couldn’t be more perfect for me in all that you are; the only way, love, was if you felt for me the same way I do for you.
Ariel Jul 2
I want to scream, I want to cry
This ache in my chest is so unbearable
I am so very not okay, and I just want to know why.
I was perfectly fine, not two days before
What was it that tipped the scales this time?

I just wish someone would notice
That I'm dying inside a little more every day
This ache that pulsates inside
It's driving me insane
It's not something I can ignore, it occupies my every thought
Why, oh why, was I made this way?

My stomach churns and I want to hide
At this point, feeling pain is better anyway
This emptiness is saddening and not okay
But I nonetheless rake my nails over my skin, hoping to feel anew.

You’ve left me, love.
There’s nothing left of us here.
I’ve felt this a long time coming, but still it hurts now that I know you’re nowhere near.
You’re never coming back.
Of this much, I’m aware.
I just wish you could have noticed
My awful descent into this despair.

Would you have stayed, if you’d noticed?
I doubt it, I swear
You seem to have lost your care
For this, I despair.

I wish someone would notice
I’m drowning, I’m dying
I can’t seem to breathe.
“Keep going!”—instead I wheeze
Soft thoughts drift across my diamond mind
Unable to escape, this time.

I suppose it’s best that no one will notice.
I’m the strong one, I can’t afford to despair.
No one will notice, this I swear.
They mustn’t be aware of how very broken I am.
I’m here for them! I will never let them know
Vulnerability isn’t an option for me
My broken heart, mind, body—this, they will never see.
(Would they even care?)
“She’ll get through it, she’s stronger than this”
“I doubt she wants help, she likes doing things on her own”
(In the end, I seriously doubt it.)
(After all, we’re all drowning down here.)
Everything hurts and I’m dying

But it’s fine
Ariel Jul 2
I know I’m not perfect.
I never claimed to be.
But honestly, love,
She’s much less perfect than me.

I expected more from her, maybe less from you
All I know is that this feels so wrong, love
She shouldn’t be with you.
I thought she was my friend, but now she’s gone too
You’ve stolen her away, love
I expected more from you.

I know I’m not perfect. That much is true.
But when you said you didn’t want my baggage, love,
I suppose that wasn’t true.
She has more problems than I do.
She’s been abused and scarred and is aggressively neurotic
She’s positively catatonic
When nothing goes her way, she makes an embarrassing display
So why, love, did you choose her?

She’s a walking skeleton, with hollow eyes and a plain face
I know I’m not a super model, love
But even I can see that she looks out of place.

I’m not perfect, love
She knows it, you know it, I do too
But someday you’ll see, love
She’s got more baggage than even you.

She’s so different from what you call attractive
I can’t discern why she’s with you
I can only guess that you don’t know her at all.
If you knew the large amounts of baggage she carries, you’d run away from her too.

She must be lying to you, love.
Either about her life, or about who she is.
Putting her best foot forward is different, love, if she’s withholding the truth.

I know I’m not perfect, this much I do
But I hope you’re not true
Because, after all, love, she’s much less perfect than you.

I have the feeling you’re a revenge ****. Her ex hates you with all his being.
I almost wish that were true, love.
Because I’d give anything for this to not be real.
When your best friend starts dating your friend, it feels like all hell breaks loose.
Ariel Jun 15
Because you are to me narcotic
You’re slowly killing me with this lethargy
I really need it to stop
But I don’t want you to stop

But if you don’t go
I know
That my heart will surely stop

Because you are so narcotic
Together we’re so lethargic
And I’m begging you to stop
Maybe we aren’t meant to be
And you know you’re killing me
But we both know that you aren’t gonna stop

My heartbeat is slowing now
As the time has come
We are joined now
As I feel your apathy
It has become my own
And I can’t help
But stop



I feel it in my veins
It’s stopping all my pain
But is this what you had wanted?
I’ll be forever haunted
The whispers in my blood are slowly dying out
You should make this time truly count

For if you go
My heart will surely stop

You are my narcotic
You make my pain go away
You dull the sharp edges
You make the world blur
You’re my narcotic
And I don’t want you to stop.
I found this poem in an old notebook. No date, so I have no idea what spurred this on. Oops. It’s really weird.
Ariel Apr 17
It’s funny how life is
How my biggest fear in life—no, it didn’t happen to me
It touched my best friend instead.

He did something unspeakable
She is broken now
And all I am filled with is unquenchable
Undeniable
Rage.

I want to tear him limb from limb
I want to beat him black and blue
Make his face unrecognizable
Make him regret the things he did to her.
Make him rue the day he made his greatest mistake.

You see, I’m not just a girl.
Beneath all of the soft lines and playful words,
I am a hurricane.
When it comes to her, I will give no mercy.
She is before anyone else in this world.
Like the Hulk, I am filled with rage.

I want to rip and tear
I want to cause him pain
For she has been broken
And I want to stop her hurt.
After all of my promises that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her,
There was nothing I could do.

Maybe that’s where my rage originates.
I wasn’t there when she needed me.
Well, darling, I’m coming.
And I carry the rage of woman behind me.
It was something I hoped I would never say.
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