"bloodstain" poems
My first impression of the children's hospital was how nice everything was. It was new, with fish tanks and red sofas; pastel windows which made pretty colors on the floor when the sun went through them; walls were freshly painted and everyone talked with a smile. Everything just looked so peaceful.
It wasn't until my second visit that I saw the flaws. I was sitting on one of the red couches, waiting for my name to be called, and I was looking at the fish tank. A little girl was pressed up to the glass telling her mother that she could see nemo. But when I looked closer, I saw a little fish turned over floating at the surface. A man behind the glass quickly pulled it out of the tank, but I saw. That's when I started noticing other things. Like the bloodstain on the cushion next to me. And the fact that a few tiles were missing from the floor. The wood paneling had scratches on it; one of the pastel windows was taped up; and every parent was smiling, but the little kids holding on to them kept asking what was wrong.
Maybe that's just how hospitals are. They want you to think that everything's okay; that all that goes on inside are couches and fishtanks. They think that if they write out the word HOSPITAL in bubbly pink letters people might get it into their brains that everything's okay. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a hospital. Masking pain only works for so long, until broken bits and pieces push their way through.
I think hospitals are just fish tanks. Everyone is put on display for doctors and visitors and things seem okay for a while, you know, until they aren't. When a little nemo dies, they send away his body and just replace him with another orange fish that people can look at. We are all the cracks in the pavement; elevators shut down for repair; a phantom pain that nobody wants to believe is real. If you stand far enough away; if you distance yourselves from anything close to the word hospital, you can just let yourself focus on the mask they put up. But once it's time, and you're sitting on a red couch in the lobby of the children's wing, with a kid asking you where her older brother went, you'll find yourself staring at the cracks in the facade with a single tear running down your face and with emptiness in your stomach.
Jan 31, 2015
Jan 31, 2015 at 11:06 AM UTC
Red birds flew into my window every day for years, especially during Spring
and I asked my mother
what they were called.
“Cardinals,” she said,
“but I think they’re called to you,
I think—
I think they are for you.”
“Mom, I’ll give that one a name.”
And I did.
——-
I still see cardinals.
The red shocks me,
like a bloodstain in a new house.
——-
When my father almost died,
I was not worried and I did not ask many questions,
only saw his body in the bed, a green-blue-yellow-black mess,
a broken-bone nest,
with sticky pads stuck to his skin, sending electricity to his nerves, lest
they forget themselves.
——-
He had the car turned into a cube, and it is somewhere now,
the cage collapsed,
the rust blooming inside of itself.
The day my father chose to drive into a wall,
going somewhere from 100 to 200 miles an hour (I never asked him), they dubbed him Rocketman.
He flew.
The car toppled and twisted and regurgitated what it could;
it was an illness,
and it could have killed us.
My father is okay.
——-
My father went to an air show months ago to see how those streak clouds are made by planes,
and there was an accident
and he saw peoples’ bodies lying and dying.
He told my mother how he saw hands separate from their owners.
He has not told me these things.
——-
The cardinals have started to scare my father.
He sees them too
like bloodstains in a new house.
Sep 27, 2012
Sep 27, 2012 at 2:29 AM UTC
Every ounce of pressure against my veins,
like the flood of heavy summer rains.
Trying to escape the coating of my flesh,
internal tensions I could not oppress.
I hear crickets, smell the morning dew.
All I can ever concentrate on is you.
Made to feel nervous but oh so calm,
sometimes even sweet like cherry lip balm.
A moment of combustion then release,
your tongue wanders onto my body, into a crease.
I'll never care if I get rich,
so ever long as you ease my twitch.
Stale smoke and the scent of butane,
breath seeps into me like a bloodstain.
You, a child at heart
and I, a freak into abstract art, like Ad Reinhardt.
What a fine creation, our own constellation,
an innovation, better than intoxication.
Dec 6, 2016
Dec 6, 2016 at 1:00 PM UTC
i.
unfiltered asiatic plaything seeks
hypoactive cradle technocrat
evicting meaningful poach,
mendacious transcripts of
past events found in his
memoryless playhouse.
poplar crowd scribbles observations
outbound punch of laughter
sighs to the scrambled, ethnic
postgrad nation.
microfiche telegram exploits
meaning to deeper courtesies
current surrendered upon
entry.
ii.
psychotropic sustenance
fizz thru ***** vein corridor
secret mission lifestyle
learning fast in enormous packs of
tiny lies.
spew logic chagrin mediated
bloodstain; cerebus twitching
outside of beingself.
iii.
heart ceases,
sacred whitepaint moans.
o infidel,
strike thrice; a chord
binding us- nasty, *****
beads bleeding rich.
cloaked bushes tasting,
hisses cured human oaks;
tapered horns that sob,
casting waved heels.
iv.
dawn fallen, only concrete
possible now. separated by
thousands of what is not,
shocks disintricate; undwindling
patriots mailing lessness,
laughter sounds fetching
offband pitch.
Feb 13, 2010
Feb 13, 2010 at 7:11 AM UTC
Staring at the world
Sitting by the window
watching it pass her by
Sitting by the window
All alone
Her eyes dried red
Forever Incomplete
Regrets left unsaid
She has no retreat
Willingly Given
Forcibly Taken
Pulled Back
to yesterday
Clothes neatly repressed
Easily suppressed
She puts on a new smile
Disguising inflicted vile
Perfect Darling Princess
Daddy's little girl
Alone in her world of shadows
Voices calling out to her in the swirl
Nail Paints
and a Bloodstain Manicure
Cold Faints
feeling so impure
Some wounds
aren't meant to heal
and some scars
are better left unseen
"please!"
There she lays now..
... Forgotten
Darling Abigail
Beauty so broken
Like the promises i made
Holding you against the wall..
Jan 12, 2013
Jan 12, 2013 at 8:32 PM UTC
Take it away-
Every emotion and strong-will I possess
throw it out the ******* window, as you jump-
wishing your insides would rot in inverse
as you yell back at me to do something-
but you're already falling to your death
and I can't stop the car because its leading me
to my future and I can't stop time
because I'm not ******* god
and I can't take away the hurt though I wish I ******* could.
I. Can't. Do. Anything. Anymore.
It's funny because these words kiss the page
like an abusive uncle that kissed your mother
against her will but you can't tell anyone
because you're trying to keep what's left of your family together-
It's ink, it's permanent and other people have experienced it to
but not like you, oh **** never like you.
So I take what was mine from the ******* start
and hope I can turn something so tragic
into this thing we like to call art, and poetry
but it seems to me I need a ******* lobotomy
because I don't know what to think or feel or do anymore..
All I know is that I had something once,
held it close to my heart like a pistol
and let everyone witness me playing russian roulette with myself
as the clock strikes game over and the gun is fully loaded
they watch as I pull and pull the trigger until I have nothing left
until blood shed is all over the kitchen floor
and you start to wonder how you're ever going to eat there again
But everyone around you is watching in awe
and saying "let me try".
But little do they know the bloodshed is staining those tiles now
and you're having trouble getting back up....
You left a bloodstain on your new t-shirt
and it kind of represents your blatant disregard
and my foolish naivety thinking things would turn out different.
"Maybe this time, I can help"
but as my face hit the floor and my memory left me
I woke up in a cold sweat, shaky and hazy
and I realized this time was different-
I was shaken up for three days after that
not knowing which house was mine to own
not knowing which words I always chose-
my mind blank on a page for the first time
in weeks, and months and days
you subconsciously shook me
paralyzed with fear, I was crushed by the weight.
So I come to the page that has been my pistol
and put that to my chest once again
but everyone thinks this is just a trend
just something we all do for pretend or therapy-
not me, this is somewhere between mourning and the purgatory.
So take it away, I never had it anyway.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 10:32 AM UTC
I’ve sat with Silence
As she cast silhouettes
Moving in the likes
of Ballerinas across
My hair.
I’ve moved with them too.
That’s how I’ve come
To know their names
Or natures
As such:
1) The one who sold her soul to the Devil
For pennies and a dollar
So her mother could
Come off the
Corner
2) The one who put Fireflies and Rainbows
In mason jars and played make
Believe with running fingers
And a wounded
Moon
3) The one whose only trace of a father is
The bloodstain on the wall like a
Family photo with X’s over
The faces because he
Destroyed more
Than his own
Soul
4) The one who strung sorrow to the ceiling
To play its marionette with dancing
Shadows weeping and frightfully
Abandoned, hiding under
A candle in shameful
Bliss
5) The one who wandered though fields
Of whispering epitaphs that
Made nursery rhymes
From the likes of
Madness
6) The one who locked her heart in
A vault within ashen walls and
Wrote letters to stars that
Wrote it’s not her fault
She’s infinitesimally
Small
I told myself I would never return
To sleep
To dream
To surrender my mind to its own
Devices
Vices.
But here am I, Lord
Swinging with the wind
Under a purple tinged twilight
Making friends with twisted tongues,
and braided hearts slinking through the alley.
I’ve bore my heart like a cross,
Carried it past moratorium
Marching east for west
Until my frantic feet
Cease to move
Me.
Dec 3, 2012
Dec 3, 2012 at 12:11 AM UTC
Wishing on the stars
"I wish we had another time and space
I know you can't love me here"
Nothing's gonna work between us
But I've already fallen in love with the back of your head
But I was the bloodstain on your shirt
you try to remove
What should I do?
What should I do?
Mar 22, 2014
Mar 22, 2014 at 7:59 AM UTC
I got a bad feeling about this.
Will I have to take a step back to take a step forward?
It's all so redundant.
I'm losing all sense of control, things are just spiraling down before my very eyes.
Moving out of the darkness, into the shadows of the past.
Trading one dark place for another.
No place to go.
People are fading away.
There are no simple solutions, just mindless delusions.
Lost in my confusions.
My heart is full of invisible contusions.
You can't see, my pain strapped away inside.
Sometimes I wonder, how many times do I lie?
To speak the truth, I have to say I'm a bit shy.
Though your ears I can't penetrate.
Inside, my heart grows cold and full of hate.
It's all in vain.
I've been lost in this bloodstain.
I just can't get over it.
That loss of life inside me.
This pain, that you refuse to see.
Maybe I'm just acidic, and each day this darkness grows unhindered,
a poison of bitterness and sorrow.
I just can't continue to trust that there is always tomorrow.
I'm vexed and forgotten, left here sullen and rotten.
I'm absolutely terrified that I'm losing myself and this other entity is taking control,
I'm no longer whole.
My soul is no longer my soul.
All I need is you to help me, but in reality you're no longer there.
It's just not fair.
This bleeding heart was mine to share.
But you are no longer there.
Stitch it up in solemn silence.
Alone, I'll find my peace of mind.
Alone, I may grow unkind...
All by myself to myself to find.
I just can't bare to leave you behind.
Nov 27, 2014
Nov 27, 2014 at 12:58 PM UTC
You watch as the blood from my wrist trickles onto your carpet.
Paying no mind until it starts to stain
I whisper,
"I'm sorry; please help me"
You roll your eyes and usher me out
of your comforting, inviting home
into the cold, desolate outside.
Crimson tears form in my eyes
raising my voice,
"I need your help!"
Instead, you give me an ignorant smile
before you slam the door.
An incomprehensible scream for acknowledgement exits my body
Peering through the window,
I see you cover my bloodstain with a rug.
You would rather act as if it never existed
than try to stop the blood or simply clean the stain.
I'm now outside;
being left to rot in the earth
So instead I will stain your flower bed.
Jan 19, 2019
Jan 19, 2019 at 8:27 PM UTC
Splattered like my fractured heart,
Upon the sky like sensual art.
Blood red and dazzling with sequins.
Her dress drags out my desire,
Her lips smoulder the inner hate filled fire.
The sun is her bloodstain,
Drawing from the blues that wane
Her body was her rapture.
In this dirtiest of endeavours,
My pain weathers.
Even in your death people see only you.
Which is a gift to those that hate you.
For your death is easier to cover,
If no one suspects the lover.
Jul 20, 2010
Jul 20, 2010 at 5:14 PM UTC
let's hug forever
under the stars
let our skins morph
until we melt into one
i've cried enough tears
to water this spark
but you chase away
the clouds in my heart
stepping off the last train
you marked me like a bloodstain
laid there in that central park
humming to our midnight lullabies
telling stories from our past
dreaming adventures for the future
with your body heat next to mine
there never was a cloudy night.
Oct 27, 2020
Oct 27, 2020 at 8:36 AM UTC
the painting was literal
figure hunched walking a dirt road in rain
its hues and tone spoke
mute but vividly
each brush stroke matched the images birthplace
in the authors crippled heart
each leaf a burnished gold of autumn
each a dying fragment of the withered tree
even the mans footprints in muddy soil
one can almost feel the squalid mud underfoot
his uniform and helmet named him a frenchmen
from the great war
his boots rendered with bloodstain
figure hunched walking dirt road in rain
a great dying had come to france that day
swords drawn they charged into deaths embrace
this man and his comrades in this awful place
the painting hangs in some museum
an awkward moment for the viewer
is he going into the storm of battle
or going home after
the tale is left untold
it is just the tale of a man on a road in the rain
a frenchmen in the world war
a lone figure in rain
May 17, 2016
May 17, 2016 at 10:34 AM UTC
Ugh. **** this, man. I’m going outside.
The ragged scrape of rusted nails on gypsum. Footsteps like a mad zombie.
Oh Christ. C’mon, James. It’s dark. There are things out there now.
The footsteps stop. The rustle of an emaciated shoulder inside nylon.
I told you to stop doing that.
Hh-what? What?
The ****** blasphemy. You’re laughing at me.
*No. No I’m not. Listen, you think I care anymore about your ******* religion? You think I give any kind of **** about what you believe in? I’m too…* (okay fine you’ve made your point) I care too much about what’s going on inside my own head. I don’t dream good dreams, ma- (okay i’m sorry jesus) I dream about losing my hands. I dream about you losing your hands. You know **** man, you’re freaking out, calm the) *you know what? I don’t think I even saw the bloodstain. I don’t even think the manhole was crusted up with anybody's ******* brains. I don’t think I saw the imbecile trying to eat smoke. I think it’s all in my **** head. I’m juh-hust –*
His voice cracks. Guttural gasping sobs.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
A sigh. Rustle of clothes and the heavy thud of muscle against gypsum.
‘S alright.
Sobs that sound like laughter.
It’s alright. Look, see? I won’t go outside. Are there even things out there?
No. I d-don’t think there’s anything.
Okay. Okay.
Choking sigh.
James?
Hm?
We’re not going to Clifftown, are we?
No. No, we’re not.
Aug 7, 2012
Aug 7, 2012 at 5:56 PM UTC
I lost my sister yesterday
Rosy hearts always fade to gray
She was always there
To make me smile, to make me care
She fell in love
As she shouted to the skies above
She required my help
But a failure began to develop
I failed her
As a horrid brother
I became
In my rage, with pain
Left a bloodstain
She is gone
Never again to witness the dawn
I am alone
My sins to atone
Another lost candle in the dark
Blown out by my bark
Goodbye Nicole
May you never again receive my toll
Mar 28, 2014
Mar 28, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC
So generous, thou, in reticence,
To caste my cares adrift,
Wondrous diffidence displayed
In judging, now, this slight wind shift.
That tender touched acidity
In holding back thy scything hand,
But a lancing of my sentiments
Despite concessions planned.
Bloodstain on the balcony
Grey torment in the mind
To miss the symptoms here, my friend,
Those blue eye's would be blind,
To wade in waters visceral
Whilst smiling to the face
Suggests a mind incapable
Of compassion's gentle pace.
Let waters flow beneath the bridge
Let time caress the soul,
Let detail's mass minutiae
Bury ruffled thoughts of old
But recall the blatant treachery,
Keep keen that secret blade
To exercise your perogative to
Put right the ****** wrongs made.
Marshalg
@theBach
Mangere Bridge
22 May 2010
May 22, 2010
May 22, 2010 at 9:36 PM UTC
I’ve learned that happiness
cannot be found in the form of comforting words.
I’ve learned that the third time you told me you were sure
hurt me just as badly as the other two.
But I had to make certain.
I’ve learned that a part of me died that night
when you told me you wanted something else
and I held your hand one final time.
I’ve learned that love (at times) is hellish
and that Molotov cocktail of rejection and forsakenness
that came bursting from my heart
left a bloodstain on the love letter I would have given you.
I’ve learned that pain gives way to numbness
When the nerves inside your soul are severed.
I’ve learned that I miss you most in the mornings
when I awake to find you only love me in my dreams.
I’ve learned that I’m not worth the wait, the distance, or the pain.
I’ve learned that I’ll never truly get you off my mind.
Most importantly I’ve learned that happiness is often only real while unconscious.
Nov 7, 2013
Nov 7, 2013 at 12:40 PM UTC
the painting was literal
figure hunched walking a dirt road in rain
its hues and tone spoke
mute but vividly
each brush stroke matched the images birthplace
in the authors crippled heart
each leaf a burnished gold of autumn
each a dying fragment of the withered tree
even the mans footprints in muddy soil
one can almost feel the squalid mud underfoot
his uniform and helmet named him a frenchmen
from the great war
his boots rendered with bloodstain
figure hunched walking dirt road in rain
a great dying had come to france that day
swords drawn they charged into deaths embrace
this man and his comrades in this awful place
the painting hangs in some museum
an awkward moment for the viewer
is he going into the storm of battle
or going home after
the tale is left untold
it is just the tale of a man on a road in the rain
a frenchmen in the world war
a lone figure in rain
Aug 7, 2014
Aug 7, 2014 at 5:20 PM UTC
If every human awoke each day,
Believing that they would walk on the moon
By evening tide,
That gods would walk in their footprints
By evening tide,
Saw them self as poet-omnipotent, a creator, a namer,
By evening tide,
Slowed their breathing, their seeing, time in seconds,
By evening tide,
Knowing seconds as days, hours as months, all
By evening tide,
Trained from birth to modify our each action without the word I
Then,
By evening tide,
Would we not
stand straighter, walk more slowly,
see with the clarity of perfect perspective,
know the joy of things, large and small,
remove pride from our nuclei,
jaundice from our eyes,
anger from fists,
and never capitalize an Idea as greater than,
for there is none larger or smaller than human,
then, we could remove the word
bloodstain
from our dictionaries.
and naive, as well.
Sep 15, 2013
Sep 15, 2013 at 3:15 AM UTC
Love takes no prisoners
save one
locked alone
uncharted waters
floating fortress
non-penetrable walls
inescapable island
scribbling on the floors
undecipherable language
coded in pain
signed in bloodstain
a story of loss
of great regret
never to be freed
a sentence of life
without the arms
of my lover
no lips
kisses
or eyes
seeping into mine
none of that now
... just time
Feb 19, 2012
Feb 19, 2012 at 1:08 PM UTC
They found you in the night
dressed in bloodstain
swathed in gauze, cotton, taffeta
a white shelter
doused with brown, pink
the hues of our veins.
I never forgave him.
Jan 4, 2013
Jan 4, 2013 at 11:31 PM UTC
bloodstains are pretty
like flowers for people who are sad
or stars for people who are too in love
or little redheaded girls
who are too afraid
Mar 25, 2014
Mar 25, 2014 at 12:13 AM UTC
You thought you knew me
But you didn't think right this time
I was all you ever wanted
But I'm not at all right this time
My words have been twisted
My lines burned into lies
I should have guessed it
I'm just a ******* fly
On her narrow chest
Her breath, oh yes it was haunting
My chest oh **** it, i'm lying
Again, again, again
This is my life
This is how I am
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Can you get stuck somewhere else
Will I ever die, alone like the rest
Like the others, the ones I've ****** so bad
Oh good for me!
Good for you, so good for my death
Live for the worst, long for the best
Can't reach it yet
I avoid your crowd
You **** me dry
A slippery slope
A fake hill
A plastic baseball bat
I'm a liar
You're nothing to me
I'm a flickering flame
Your last call to a dying name
No friend to call
No name to scratch on the wall
If I could just feel the skin
The sun and the breeze
The last words you'll ever send
To me opening my chest again
I can't repeat another word
-The speech has left me;
my face has met the curb-
Bloodstain
Good thing. . .
I G
Left
You
I O
Told
You
I O
Was
No
D
Jan 6, 2013
Jan 6, 2013 at 11:21 PM UTC
and let's be frank (the radio said)
you'll have to know when to skip dinner
and tell your kids to do the same
and you'll have to know (the radio said)
when a bloodstain is a leaking statue
and when it's just a needed leaching
and don't forget (the radio said)
when to export your sins
when to import others
and when to hide them behind stained glass
good for a few decades, sleet proof
and coming up (the radio said)
the new kind of drama that-CLICK-
Mar 1, 2013
Mar 1, 2013 at 6:58 PM UTC