cold heavy hands
drag me down
into the deep sea

i'm dragged down
into this oblivion
where apathy settles

Long ago in yesterdays
your cry wasn't heard
when you scraped
those fragile hands
on the cruel ground

In those yesterdays
you were found there
sitting curled up
with tears falling
underneath the slide

Those hatful yesterdays
full of grit teeth
pulled into a smile
bearing bandages
under long sleeves

Dreaming in yesterdays
wishing for today
to be the past already
blinded by harsh light
of the morning sky

Staccato heartbeat
  why do you beat
  so very quickly?

Tapping heartbeat
  don't beat fast
  like a heartache

Optimistic heartbeat
  stop jumping
  at their smile

Popping heartbeat
  can you calm
  yourself please?

those small blots of ink
you're the calligraphy
that loops around me

my faraway friend
in every note you send
I find your smile

sweet little kitty
with soft fur and gentle purrs
who wouldn't love you?

Thank you for having a gift
for all of those gentle songs
that you sweetly sang
with your melancholy voice

Thank you for everything
for all the advice you gave
through the good and the bad
for lifting me up when I'm sad

Thank you for giving me a home
and baking me banana bread
for taking care of things
thanks for just talking to me

Thank you for showing me
that everything is temporary
my pain isn't here forever
you were always with me

Thank you for the nostalgia
the sweet uke from the UK
the rhythms that found my soul
and the calpol for my heart

Dear robin, thank you.

If they had the brains
to call me a misanthrope
you think they could know
that's what I'm not

I don't hate you humans
I hate your social conventions
and my chest gets tight
when I'm around groups

I'm introverted

From the Sea of Hoces
to rolling Cape Horn
the sea is vengeful

The ocean rolls and boils
at our dangerous ignorance
and our prideful arrogance

It drifts ****** icebergs here
and chops the windy waves
to assault our fragile senses

It hides monsters in it's depths
waiting beneath the surface
in our grimed gyres they wait

For us to finally choke on
our foolish mistakes of time
the cold ocean will wait

No matter how much you sleep
sleep finds a way to creep
into your weary bones
and broken dragging mind

It always clings tight to you
fogging up your view
like sea mist over your eyes
it covers everything in sight

Rolling waves of exhaustion
sleeping now would be noxious
because the sea that is sleep
is only there to drown you

Those old melodies
will always be the best tunes
for melancholy

The walls will whisper
of what they witnessed
during the darkest night
of the man murdered

The roof holds dear
the soft hushing
of the young mother
soothing her babe

The graves soak up
all our fragile tears
that hit the ground
in the grieving sorrow

The grass will tremble
in anticipation now
at the bouncing step
of a new adventure

lurking over us
a mystery a puzzle
an eye that sees all

you don't want to be alone
cause alone seems to mean
that you will feel lonely

you don't want to be alone
cause they say antisocial
when you love select people

you don't want to be alone
cause not having a lover
isn't accepted by them yet

you don't want to be alone
cause they believe being solo
isn't the right way to go

liquid gold splashes down
bitter drink made warm and sweet
wakes me up smiling

Walking through
the empty halls
wishing for you
to grace me again
with your light
gentle presence

Brushing fingers
across the books
and grabbing one
an adventure novel
that you so loved
yet still left here

you are a ghost
lingering around
in my home
and my heart
leaving those sweet
memories scattered

I'm no puzzle piece
it's not a question
or some problem

I'm a little different
but that's not wrong
I can just be myself

I'm not part of your ideal
I shake, smile, and stutter
and get nervous alone

I'm a lover of many things
just not touching you
or being put into boxes

dark room
draped in shadow

soft music
slipping in and out

gentle colors
flow into my eyes

fuzzy socks
will warm my soul

heavy blankets
help ease my pains

emotions bundled up
unstable nuclear reactor
waiting to meltdown

letting my hair down
washing the day away now
freed from my work stress

don't tell me                           don't tell me
all the things                          what was said
they whispered                      behind cupped hands
in the dark                              in the hallways

Don't tell me of their dark whispering words of hurt

Sweet as honey
lavender lattes

Those lemon walls
and chocolate locks

Voice like angels
singing sweetly

Little shy smile
and a tiny wave

glass of apple juice
wonderfully nostalgic
you're sweet and smooth

sitting drinking tea
here wasting away the hours
slumped over my desk

relaxing and loving
for laying in bed
all day every day

chill beats that flow
over your ears
and your tired soul

a sweet dewy afternoon
fills with looming clouds
and the dark grey skies
that settle over my eyes

the scratch of a record player
and a burst of static fills up
every corner of the room
thoughts in my mind are static

scratchy and skipping around
always bursting in annoyingly
during the best part of the song
intrusive and impulsive ideas

there the track skips a song
needle down another groove
losing track of the beginning
my mind down the rabbit hole

scrambled mind
scrambled eggs
an amalgamation
of cooked flesh
heated fever hot
something on fire
a burning house
ashes that remain
roses and posies
sickness of old
and of the new
brains on fire
breaking down
and broken up
till they're gone

It bruises purple underneath
a sick stain surrounds my eyes
skin slouching down in despair
a dark piece of evidence
lingering sadly on my skin

As I lock away the tiredness
further into my mind
where it settles in the emptiness
and stays in the hallow nights
when sweet sleep never reaps

My tired dragging eyes
rubbing sleep out of them
or rubbing deeper in?

An impression of exhaustion
in my sallow skin
or my fragile mind?

Cannot fall in love
without first loving yourself
or you know no love

Though social situations
claw at my heart
and make it frantic
the scariest company
I am ever with is within me

Because alone with myself
is like walking a minefield
every thought a calculated move
to not step on a bomb

No matter what other say
it isn't as scary as me
because I cannot run away
from my own thoughts

People tell me I am ugly
I know that I am nothing
my thoughts already know
I am worthless and disgusting

The darkness lives within me
waiting inside my mind
to drag me down from within
and strangle the air from my lungs

Sure other people are scary
and social situations tedious
but nothing you can't avoid
or grit your teeth through

But as I grit my teeth in a smile
a voice within shouts at me
and tells me sweetly my inadequacies
I listen to it as it picks at me

It tells me what I already know
what I know everyone thinks
it tells me I am not worthy
of affections or connections

The worst place to be
is anywhere that includes me
because being with myself
has the hardest company to please

More annoying sparks
and broken starry patterns
create loud explosions

A sharp bursting flash
oxidations reductions
and a flash of light