At this point,
3.047619% of you
Are satisfied with what I've provided,
For you.

I could've said something cooler when she asked,
She may have been interested,
I could've had a chance,
Maybe for a single moment,
She noticed me just a little bit more,
More than the 367 other guys,
And she wanted to know if I was good enough,
If I had enough to offer her,
Or to offer anyone,
To be able to support more than myself,
And clearly my job doesn't allow that,
But she was careful with her words,
She left herself plenty of space to back out,
And so when she asked me,
And I replied with the honest truth,
      "I work at an elementary school."
She brushed me away,
Let her mind drift to something or someone else,
Because a job like mine,
Where I'm below the new minimum wage,
Where I can rarely get a full shift,
Where I sit and play and talk with kids,
And just take care of them,
Until their parents finish with their real jobs,
And come pick them up,
That kind of job,
It can't even support me,
Much less someone else,
And I'm sure she noticed that,
I'm sure that was her first thought,
And I knew it would be,
But I was hopeful,
And I know lies can only go so far,
So I was honest,
And I hoped trying to be nice might get me somewhere,
Maybe a chance to talk beyond a couple replies,
But I was too hopeful,
Being honest as I am never got me anywhere.
But I have to say it was nice,
I liked for a second feeling like a someone to her,
And I have to say if things worked out,
I would give up what little I have,
To give her what little I can,
And maybe it wouldn't be the most,
Maybe it wouldn't have the most monetary value,
Maybe it wouldn't shine the most,
Maybe it wouldn't weigh the most,
But what it does would mean the most,
Because it's all I could give,
And I'd choose to give it to her,
And I would only wish that she'd see it the same,
So that she would be happy,
Because even if I'm not for myself,
If I could make her smile,
I would be happy for her,
And that would mean all the more,
Because I don't only live for me,
To see others smile makes me smile too,
And that's why I have the job I have,
Because every day I can make the kids laugh and smile,
And no,
It won't matter anyone else,
My superiors won't notice,
I won't get a raise,
The parents won't notice,
They won't tip me,
No potential partner would notice,
They wouldn't consider me more for that,
But the children will,
And I will,
I'll notice when they smile,
And they'll notice when they laugh,
And they'll be happy,
And to be able to make another human happy,
Well,
That makes me a little happier,
And to give a child a hug,
One their parents didn't give them,
To be able to teach and guide them,
Because their parents aren't there to,
To be able to give them a happy memory to look back on,
Well,
I'm glad they'll think back to being a kid,
And yes,
Maybe their parents weren't always there,
Because they had to work,
Or for some other reason,
But it doesn't mean they weren't happy,
And it doesn't mean no one cared about them,
It doesn't mean they missed anything other kids had,
I don't think I'd be a good parent,
But just like a parent,
I hope these kids don't make the same mistakes I did,
I hope the advice I gave and lessons I tried to teach,
I hope they made some difference,
I hope when they're my age,
They'll have a better job,
So that when they're asked where they work,
They won't have to be embarrassed to give an honest answer,
And they'll be considered,
And they'll be wanted,
And maybe even loved,
And that's why I keep the job I have,
I might not have the best of everything,
Or anything,
But if I can't have it,
Then I hope someone else can,
I hope someone else can have the happiness I haven't.

Sometimes I feel like I'm back,
Like I'm ******* back,
Back in the life I used to live,
Back in my old body with a weak chest,
And caving in ribs,
Like every single muscle is so relaxed,
Because it has no reason to move.

Sometimes I feel like I'm back,
Like I'm living in the past,
But I'm more alive than I have been,
And I am again who I once knew,
The person I am at heart,
Along with all the love,
And the sadness and pain.

And it hurts,
It hurts so ******* much,
I remember that I'm dying,
But I feel most alive,
When I am who I am,
And I'm not who I'm not,
And I live as myself.

I escaped myself for some time,
For quite nearly an age,
I was just like everyone,
Who lives in their minds,
I focused on my ego,
I pursued my selfishness,
And I neglected the humanity of others.

I was Normal.

But if I'm to stay that way,
I need to be smarter than that,
Than to return to any things of my past,
Any parts of myself,
I just can't look back,
I can't remember that life,
Where I was for so many years.

I am here now...
And I remember now...
I am alive now...
And I am myself now...
And it's difficult to make the decision now,
Wether I should accept the new hollow person I became,
Or to return to the person with mind and heart in harmony.

I am Not Normal.

Because despite my unity of soul and spirit,
The link only exists as it degrades,
And with it degrades the rest of me,
All of which I once was and am,
My health,
My sanity,
And my existence.

And it splits me,
From a single central point,
In every radial direction,
Making pieces out of me,
Like a puzzle no one puts together,
Because the masterpiece painted on it,
Might be too much to want to see.

It's not all that hard, it's so easy to learn,
Each and every one of these simple rules.
You see, I'm not even American,
But not even us Mexicans are such fools.

I know this language like I know myself,
I never laid hand on the shelf,
Where everyone placed their literature books,
Just to drop it for looks.

It's easy to remember,
Why can't you see,
English is so easy,
Or is it just me?

No.
That wouldn't make sense.
Spanish was my first language.
Yet I've come to know English better than my native tongue.

You're not North American, British, or Australian?
Alright whatever, I'll let it slide.
But really, born and raised here?
Come on, it's a free ride.

Deosnt it btoher you taht erevy wrod is speled rong?
Notice can't that you is order your wrong?
Proud to be an American, it isn't really saying much.
Cuz it lik jus syin I cn bearle evn speek such.

Yes, I think you're stupid, every time you spell wrong,
Because it's so easy to fix even a word that is long.
It makes me wonder wether your autocorrect's off?
Because that simple thing, knows each time that you're off.

Is it really so hard to put in that one vowel,
Or put in the consonant so your spelling's not foul.
Or correct the double-negative, you know it's not true,
It's easy to do, just proofread right through.

We all have the ability needed learn,
Yet it seems your ability's been placed in an urn.
You've got a big brain, so why don't you use it?
Trust me, I know, you shouldn't abuse it.

If you have pride in nothing else,
That's fine,
But it's good to have pride in the fact that you know,
YOUR LANGUAGE.
Be proud that you can communicate well,
Be proud that even the nerdiest of nerds can't use words you won't understand,
Be proud that you know how to use correct punctuation,
Be proud to know where "ph", "gh", "ou", "eau" and the silent "t" are used,
Be proud to know which words comes first, and which one comes last,
Be proud to know English, you can learn it all fast,
Be proud to know the art of words,
The art so many ancient cultures knew,
The ancient Japanese, and Romans, and even the French,
Yet America has forgotten how to use words.
Be proud to be a leader of the generation in the USA,
The generation that brings back knowing our own tongue,
So that foreigners who come don't know us better than us.
Be proud to know the beauty of language.

I think I finally understand,
The cycle of life is a short one,
There are joys and sorrows,
And we leave when what's done is done.

At the dawn of day,
We while the time away,
With the foolish things we say,
And the childish games we play.

We fight and we argue,
We hate and we offend,
But even amidst the chaos,
We fall in love and we come to love.

But when the time has come for dusk,
We remove our two ivory tusks,
Our armaments of brusque,
And we leave behind our husk.

And just as life passes us by discreetly,
So does death embrace us oh so sweetly.
A bright beginning and a lovely end,
One we must peacefully accept as a friend.

We inhale the wind that is life,
And we exhale the air that is death,
We let go of each and every strife,
As we release our last breath.

And when the last instant has come to us,
We experience our final moment of perfect bliss.

I, too, have experienced falling in love,
And though I may not spend my life with you,
I am certain of only a single fact,
That I wish you to be my last caress.

I love you.
I loved you then,
I love you now,
I'll forever love you.
I love you more than the light, I love you more than the dark.
I love you more than the silence, I love you more than any single sound.
I love what little I knew of you, as well as everything I didn't.
I love the night and the day I spent with you.
I love what I saw of you, but more everything I didn't have time to see.
I love your eyes, I love your hands, I love your flowing black hair, and those sweet lips, which were never mine.
I love your words, and the sound of your voice.
I love your smile, and the laughter it holds.
I love your beauty, and all that came with it.
I love your character,
I love your personality,
I love your life.
I love your life more than my own.
I only wish I could give mine for yours.

From: Me
To: You
I love you, Azami.

I love you now, and I always will.
Because the truest of love is eternal,
And although you will be still,
I'll continue, just as you will.
I love your heart,
And I love your soul.
And your dreams,
And each one of your goals.
I love what we once wished we could have been,
Just as much as I love what we are now.
I love what we soon will be,
It won't be long, just wait for me.
I love each second I thought of you,
And each one I hoped you thought of me.
I love you Azami.

Though this is not goodbye,
You will ascend up high.
And though I cannot go with you,
I'll hold your hand, all the way through.
You needn't worry what becomes of me,
For only shortly, you'll come to see.
I'll be everything you dreamed for you,
And everything you dreamed for me.
My new goals were then yours,
You left me all these open doors,
Through which I will go to you,
So please, just see it through.

The love that flew from me to you.
The love that grew from you to me.
I cannot wait until you see me,
I love you so much, Azami.

Don't leave just yet,
I'm not ready to let you go.

Don't let the pain overcome you,
My love will be your strength.

Stay just a while longer,
That our last encounter may be the greatest.

We all just want to be truly free,
Of all the hatred and misery.
But the limitations of humans, you see,
Is that we can't decide what's meant to be.

We can't control what happens around us,
Not even prevent tragedies that faze us.
And while happy and sad are simultaneous,
It seems only the depression becomes contagious.

Life is hard, and we all know,
When only a mask, can we show.
Only one can relate and help us grow,
But the breeze carrying love, will rarely blow.

I just want to live in happiness,
Feel nothing but the eternal bliss.
But the only thing that brings me this,
Comes from her lips, that one special kiss.

But what do I do when she's not here?
She may not return, that's what I fear.
Her time to go, seems to be near,
But I can't let go when I hold her so dear.

Each day that passes, what grows is her pain,
And as  a human, it's what I can't contain.
I'd love to die, but I must refrain,
Because that would just drive her totally insane.

We don't want to be, not at each others' side,
But The Lord didn't make that for us to decide.
To know this just happens, sounds like genocide,
Losing her is like breathing cyanide.

We can only see through our own eyes,
We can't comprehend another's demise.
It's this very limit that I despise,
Because I'll never know when her soul cries.

The limitations of being human,
Make us permanent catechumens.

Only she could restore my faith,
But lost I will be, shall I see her wraith.

She is all that matters to me,
Together forever, we wished we could be.

My soul can't escape the depths of this Hell,
Without her, there I'll eternally dwell.

But her soul being a pure white dove,
She saves me with her beauteous love.

So I beg thee great Lord, not bound like us,
Save her, it's You to whom, her I entrust.

She's the one who takes away,
The sins that always lead me astray.

Lord, you know, for you are not I,
She's my Angel, I see in both eyes.

I wonder if you even know I exist anymore.
If you ever stop to think of me for even a moment.
It doesn't seem like you do.
It's been so long since I've heard from you,
but you still seem like the same person.
I wonder if I had some sort of negative influence in your life,
That you decided to completely erase your memory of me.
I sure hope not.
And if I did, then I'm sorry.
I did the same to someone afterwards,
And I feel awful about it.
I wish I could apologize to them.
But at this point,
I think it would do more harm than good.

From the depths of Hell,
Right before the very bottom,
Just before the foot stepped,
Into that last ring,
The Angel came.
With such a beauty,
With such perfection,
With such a will,
To save one soul,
From the King of Demons,
Who called himself Lucifer.
The soul was lifted up,
Returned to the path,
And continued to follow,
For she was the Light.
As he drew near,
The Angel exposed herself.
And in that instant,
The moment their eyes met,
And their souls embraced,
Through each sweet word,
The Love was born and the Life became.
But it seems,
Such was not fate.
For The Lord,
Was already calling her back.
And the soul,
Had not completed the journey yet.
The Master of Deception,
And the Lustful of Sin,
Was prepared for this,
And presented his plan.
And so was seen,
With such a darkness,
And such a sorrow,
The fork in the Road.
But this time,
The soul had no Angel,
To guide him through,
The dark haze of Death.
So it became the final moment,
The one to choose which side,
Might be the one of Love,
To bring the Angel and the soul,
To Life once again,
And to Love for Eternity.

Ah, the words you speak.
The words from the lips of The Angel.
The words that never cease to amaze.
The words with the warmth of a lover's heart.
I love these words.
With these words,
I know you're still here,
Here with me.
I feel your warmth,
I feel your love,
I feel everything you have to give.
But I also feel your weakness.
Don't push yourself to love too much.
Save some energy for yourself.
I shall replenish the rest,
With my love.

I'm scared, Azami.
I am nothing without you.
I have nothing without you.
Please save me.

I'm alone, Azami.
I have no friends without you.
I have no family without you.
Please save me.

I'm tired, Azami.
I cannot make it without you.
I cannot live without you.
Please... Save me.

I can't sleep,
With thoughts of you clouding my mind,
And this is an unusual feeling,
One I'm unfamiliar with.

I'm used to thinking of one I love,
And the thought brings me a smile,
A calm heart and a calm mind,
One that puts me right to sleep.

But right now at this moment,
Just keeping my eyes closed is difficult,
Because you are painted on the backs of my eyelids,
And I know I can't be with you right now.

You, in all your beauty, are too much for me,
I cannot see you without feeling you,
And this is an unusual feeling,
Because it hurts my heart.

On a common night,
Your smile would put my soul at peace,
And set my body at rest,
But tonight is uncommonly longer.

Keeping my eyes open makes me all the more aware,
Of all this time passing me by,
And me alone,
Because you are not with me.

I am all too aware of the extra space on my bed,
I am all too aware of the emptiness beneath my hands,
And this is an unusual feeling,
Because love for you usually compensates.

But it seems that right now,
Mere thoughts simply won't do,
I need you here with me,
In all your physical presence.

I cannot sleep without you to hold tightly,
And I cannot stand to close my fingers around nothing,
I cannot stand to reach forward and only feel blankets,
Until my arm is reaching into thin air.

Now only your presence will let me rest,
I need to feel your soft skin at my fingertips,
And your lips brush right up to mine,
The curve of your waist under one hand.

And this is an unusual feeling,
Because I am not usually one to commit,
But I can confidently say I want to marry you,
And that I want to spend every day I have left,

          With you.

I'm curling up on my bed,
And cringing in the pain.
I'm pulling up the covers,
But still shivering in the rain.
I'm not one to fight a fight,
And easily left there, slain.
I'm quick to give all up,
And slow with strength to gain.

I don't know what this is.
I thought I didn't think of you that way.
I can stand to be around you,
And not feel anything special.

But it's when you do certain things,
Or when you look at me a certain way,
That I just can resist you,
To want to kiss those pretty lips.

I don't know why.
We are in the past.
I don't see you that way.
You don't see me that way.

But sometimes what you do to me,
I just can't understand,
You're doing something I can't get used to,
And it doesn't seem you even realize it.

What is this,
Just what is this?
I'm not sure what I want,
For you to stop or not.

Why did you choose the beginning at the end?
Would not an end at the beginning have been better?
Yet again,
Your reason
Prevails over
My own.
I would have have liked more time though.
I still have so much more love to give you.
But you,
Predict the
Difficulty of
That end.
Would it really have felt worse to start sooner?
Would the attachment really have been greater?
Yet again,
You have
Proven me
Incorrect and
You perfect.

Has he no sense of morality?!
Does he not see you are not a sinner?!
I deserve your suffering far more than you do.
Death's aim was off when he shot those cells at me.
But why didn't he take them out of you?
Does Death not see that you're special?

Yes, I'm that type of person.

I'm the type of person that gives up when it's hard.
I'm the type of person that can't stand to be alone.
I'm the type of person that's naturally depressed.
I'm the type of person that can't stand company.
I'm the type of person that's completely unmotivated.
I'm the type of person that forgets myself.
I'm the type of person that's emotionally weak.
I'm the type of person that changes by the hour.
I'm the type of person that has limited will power.
I'm the type of person that always sees what's wrong.
I'm the type of person that can't speak.
I'm the type of person that's often ignored.
I'm the type of person that doesn't pay attention.
I'm the type of person that rarely finishes.
I'm the type of person that allows chaos to happen.
I'm the type of person that can't always love.
I'm the type of person that has so much selfishness.
I'm the type of person that's stuck inside myself.
I'm the type of person that can't always see.
I'm the type of person that dwells in the dark.
I'm the type of person that becomes insensitive.
I'm the type of person that feels everything to the extreme.
I'm the type of person that dies at dusk every day.
I'm the type of person that tires much too quickly.
I'm the type of person that just doesn't care enough.
I'm the type of person that won't let you in.
I'm the type of person that has a low self-esteem.
I'm the type of person that raises my confidence by faking it.
I'm the type of person that's often getting lost.
I'm the type of person that's different.

Yes, I'm that type of person.

I'm the type of person that knows who I am.
I'm the type of person that gets back up to try again.
I'm the type of person that isn't afraid to ask.
I'm the type of person that offers help, even when you don't need it.
I'm the type of person that remembers what it felt like.
I'm the type of person that sees a person's soul.
I'm the type of person that usually thinks things through.
I'm the type of person that doesn't regret mistakes.
I'm the type of person that strives to be better.
I'm the type of person that has so much to give.
I'm the type of person that's concerned when you are not.
I'm the type of person that tries to be happy.
I'm the type of person that accepts the ones around me.
I'm the type of person that tries to understand.
I'm the type of person that still tries to work hard.
I'm the type of person that enjoys every silence.
I'm the type of person that dwells in notes of music.
I'm the type of person that won't stop loving.
I'm the type of person that forgives in an instant.
I'm the type of person that knows how to relax.
I'm the type of person that works towards perfection.
I'm the type of person that sees the good in people.
I'm the type of person that accepts my own differences.
I'm the type of person that is firm in my beliefs.
I'm the type of person that is open to change.
I'm the type of person that accepts my sexuality.
I'm the type of person that tries to be pretty.
I'm the type of person that can possess so much confidence.
I'm the type of person that is one with mind and heart.
I'm the type of person that creates peace around me.
I'm the type of person that knew you before you did.
I'm the type of person that you won't forget.

Yes, I'm that type of person.

But most importantly, I am myself.
I will meet you when you are yourself.
And I won't forget you.
So, please, don't forget me.

Yes, I'm that type of person.

The more you know,
               The more you know you don't know.

I feel like I'm getting to know less of you...
              ... If that makes any sense.

It's the one you love most,
Who you will hurt most.
She's the one you will give everything for,
And she will be the one to open your eyes.
You will do your best to give her everything,
And she will show you the mirror.
What you will see will weaken you,
It's what she knew the whole time.
She'll make you see that
You are only a man.

Oh my god,
Stop pretending,
Like hardening your heart makes you strong,
Someone switched up but you're shaking,
And they're off fine while you cry.
You wanted to play so I showed you the game,
Now you're just mad 'cause I won,
But there's no pride in being good at this,
I don't like it either.
When I was a kid I liked it,
I didn't mind being alone,
But now I'm so lonely and I just want a home.
I left mine behind for the light in your eyes,
But you don't even see it,
Your mind is filled up with lies.
You don't want to admit that it's time to grow up,
You could change things right now,
But you're still stuck playing this game that you **** at,
Asserting you can win, and you can both be and have the prize,
While every day you struggle to search for a reason to live,
Other than that you simply won't **** yourself.
Honestly, you'd be better off doing it,
Because all you win from that game is nothing more to lose.
You see, once you die,
There's nothing to lose either,
But at least you'll find the truth,
That you wasted all this time,
Breaking down everything,
And building up nothing.
At last, you'll sit in a place where you can do nothing forever,
Because that's all you really wanted, right?
And to even hear these words would hurt you,
Because the truth is so harsh,
Maybe you should've made it nicer for yourself.
A truth you would actually like,
But you weren't willing to work,
You settled for reality as it was given to you,
****.
Then you created all these lies,
Surrounded yourself with them,
Blinded your eyes with all these illusions,
That, yes, while they look so pretty,
They don't exist,
And you say to yourself,
****.
What the **** were you expecting?
Everything?
You didn't do anything,
This is what's waiting for you,
Nothing.
I reject nothing,
I refuse to settle,
I will change,
Myself and my world,
Because this one that I live and experience is mine,
And mine alone.
It's on each individual to create their happiness,
And I can be a master.
I was made to be.
I'm not happy alone.
I got what I wanted from that.
Now I'm ready to have friends and family and company.
All are welcome.
It just takes work to get here.
The cool part is that the work is fun,
And the reward is even greater.
It lasts forever and it never goes away,
It gives you confidence and pushes you forward,
And you can always look back and remember,
This is how I got where I am now,
Every success  is a landmark,
That no  matter which one you're looking for,
It's always standing out,
And it feels so great to look back,
And see every single one in perfect light and clarity,
And follow the trail up to where you are now,
And you remember how great and amazing you are,
How beautiful you are,
How perfect you are,
You fall in love with yourself,
You love yourself,
You take care of yourself,
You give everything to yourself,
You see that in that,
You also give to everyone around you,
Everyone gets everything,
Everyone can be happy,
Together.
I will get here without you.
If you choose not to join,
I'll still make the journey myself.
But you have no idea,
I wish more than anything,
That you would come with me.