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Feb 2016
I could've said something cooler when she asked,
She may have been interested,
I could've had a chance,
Maybe for a single moment,
She noticed me just a little bit more,
More than the 367 other guys,
And she wanted to know if I was good enough,
If I had enough to offer her,
Or to offer anyone,
To be able to support more than myself,
And clearly my job doesn't allow that,
But she was careful with her words,
She left herself plenty of space to back out,
And so when she asked me,
And I replied with the honest truth,
      "I work at an elementary school."
She brushed me away,
Let her mind drift to something or someone else,
Because a job like mine,
Where I'm below the new minimum wage,
Where I can rarely get a full shift,
Where I sit and play and talk with kids,
And just take care of them,
Until their parents finish with their real jobs,
And come pick them up,
That kind of job,
It can't even support me,
Much less someone else,
And I'm sure she noticed that,
I'm sure that was her first thought,
And I knew it would be,
But I was hopeful,
And I know lies can only go so far,
So I was honest,
And I hoped trying to be nice might get me somewhere,
Maybe a chance to talk beyond a couple replies,
But I was too hopeful,
Being honest as I am never got me anywhere.
But I have to say it was nice,
I liked for a second feeling like a someone to her,
And I have to say if things worked out,
I would give up what little I have,
To give her what little I can,
And maybe it wouldn't be the most,
Maybe it wouldn't have the most monetary value,
Maybe it wouldn't shine the most,
Maybe it wouldn't weigh the most,
But what it does would mean the most,
Because it's all I could give,
And I'd choose to give it to her,
And I would only wish that she'd see it the same,
So that she would be happy,
Because even if I'm not for myself,
If I could make her smile,
I would be happy for her,
And that would mean all the more,
Because I don't only live for me,
To see others smile makes me smile too,
And that's why I have the job I have,
Because every day I can make the kids laugh and smile,
And no,
It won't matter anyone else,
My superiors won't notice,
I won't get a raise,
The parents won't notice,
They won't tip me,
No potential partner would notice,
They wouldn't consider me more for that,
But the children will,
And I will,
I'll notice when they smile,
And they'll notice when they laugh,
And they'll be happy,
And to be able to make another human happy,
That makes me a little happier,
And to give a child a hug,
One their parents didn't give them,
To be able to teach and guide them,
Because their parents aren't there to,
To be able to give them a happy memory to look back on,
I'm glad they'll think back to being a kid,
And yes,
Maybe their parents weren't always there,
Because they had to work,
Or for some other reason,
But it doesn't mean they weren't happy,
And it doesn't mean no one cared about them,
It doesn't mean they missed anything other kids had,
I don't think I'd be a good parent,
But just like a parent,
I hope these kids don't make the same mistakes I did,
I hope the advice I gave and lessons I tried to teach,
I hope they made some difference,
I hope when they're my age,
They'll have a better job,
So that when they're asked where they work,
They won't have to be embarrassed to give an honest answer,
And they'll be considered,
And they'll be wanted,
And maybe even loved,
And that's why I keep the job I have,
I might not have the best of everything,
Or anything,
But if I can't have it,
Then I hope someone else can,
I hope someone else can have the happiness I haven't.
It's been a while, but here's something, some raw, somewhat undeveloped or unprocessed thought.
Víctor Manuel Serna
Written by
Víctor Manuel Serna  Tucson, AZ
(Tucson, AZ)   
     ryn, WickedHope and Got Guanxi
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