I was reading old texts again
Or at least what little is left.
How I wish we could go back
To the time we talked til morning.

Typing on our phones
Like time didn't exist.
Sending texts
Like it was world's end.

We'd talk of nothing,
But something at the same time
I don't know if I forced you
Or if you truly did want to speak.

The past can bring joy and pain,
And now I'm in both.
I wish we still texted each other
Because I sort of miss you.

Codenames make you anonymous.
I gave you one.
Now, looking back at it,
I wish I didn't.

I gave you that name
So I could tell you I loved you
Without you knowing
And without you leaving.

I gave you that name
To say I would do anything
To get your heart
So we could die together.

I gave you that name
So we could both live in a world
Where only we existed,
Where we could be anything.

I gave you that name
To make you anonymous
And now that you know your name
You're truly anonymous to me.

Leave him.
The bits that are my heart
Break into more
And now they're dust.

I'm on the verge
Of tears
Because I want to be the one
Who makes you happy.

I pretend I don't love you,
But I really do.
I pretend because I know
That you won't say it back.

I am a fisherman
Looking for the one fish I need
The prized catch

Some girls were stars,
But she was the universe
I wanted my hand in hers

Her glow was that of comets
And her heart was the sun
Her light you could never outrun

The Big Bang occurred in my heart
And instead of galaxies there was love
Through the universe my heart was shoved

She was light-years of work
I couldn't stop thinking of her face
But what remains in my hand is space

Beauty like hers brings pain
Every time at her heart I take aim
All I have is myself to blame

I wish I could put out this flame
Love is the most difficult game
Oh, to the skies I proclaim

Victory will never be claimed
Each loss I suffer is the same
Urges to win her heart are in vain

Hell's said to be hot
But you were my truest hell
The subzero one

Lo and behold! The idiot has returned
      The people ask why
      I shrug and head turn

There he walks with his idiot stance
      I watch him angrily
      As he does his dumb prance

I remember his mind, so simple but true
      We talked a lot in the past
      I think his IQ is less than two

Great Scott! I cry for this hurts me so
      He should be executed
      Or have his ******* cut off for show

I am filled with anger every time he breathes
      How did he live this long?
      He should just stand in a busy street

Alas, there is nothing I can do
      What a shame
       I think he needs some counseling too

Good grief! I don't thinks his parents did well
      Raising a half-wit delinquent
      Oh isn't that just swell?

May this be a warning to you and to all
      Be wary of idiots
      For their brains are small

I watched her everyday

                                  like a movie

                           but I knew


                                                               that there was more depth in the book.

"It’s the things we love most, that destroy us."**
Is the quote that keeps resonating in my head.
I heard it in last night's movie
And it fills me up with dread.

I can say it's true
Since I've experienced it once or twice.
It has frozen my heart solid
What moves through my veins now is ice.

I was out drinking again last night
Going home gave me some sort of fright
For the darkness altered my sight

My world spun unearthly
I watched the planet go topsy and turvy
As I went down home walking curvy

As I arrived home I hit the hay
I thought of you in the bed I laid
More than I did everyday

When I slept I had a dream
That you loved me
Something that could never be

We shared a kiss or two or three
Too good, it was to be
And now a hangover follows me

I love playing games!
I especially love the one
That we're playing right now!

What was it called again?
The Not-Notice-Each-Other-In-Plain-Sight Game?
Or was it The Let's-Be-Strangers Game?

Or maybe I'm lying
And I want to play my new favorite,
The Punch-You-In-The-Face Game!

Oh, how I would love to play!
But still you insist
On playing the other games

How about we play that old game of yours?
The I-Won't-Show-Up-And-Leave-You Game!
You love playing that one!

Maybe you want to stab me in the back
While you're at it!
Come on! I'll let you go first!

All the time I thought
Maybe the world hates my love
So I'll be resting

You were my best drug
I would always take you in
Antidepressant.

What am I doing here?
I feel useless.
I've no passion in life
Except for love and hate

I don't think I was made
To love
Nor do I think that
I was made to hate

What am I really?
Am I just abstract
In the entirety
of the universe?

I wonder if emptiness
Is a side effect
Of the ability to think
About the meaning of life

What hurts worse than loving
Is losing
Not a lover, but a friend.

They always say "bros before hoes,"
But what if you didn't get the ***
And your bros left too?

What's wrong with this world?
It's full of broken promises and bonds.
I know the feeling all to well.

I loved you.
What did I get for it?
Nothing but depression

I wanted you so badly
That I would beg and plead to God
Every Sunday at church

I was like a child,
Asking my mother for the one lollipop
That was on the counter at the grocery

Then I think again
After a long time
"Was it worth it?"

I then remember
That I didn't even like the flavor
It was the worst flavor

It was the worst of all
But I still wanted it
Because I was blind

I cried
Because she never bought it
And I wanted that one

I then imagined
What I would do
If my mother had bought it

With my childlike mind,
I would have been overjoyed
To merely have it in my hand

But with who I am now,
I would've tossed it to the ground
And crushed it with my heel

This is what you have done to me
Feel better?
Me neither.

Honestly, I'm too lazy to read long poems,
But I can't stop writing them so
I can sympathize.

I'm on the search for fame
Because I don't want the world to bury me

I'm on the search for love
Because I don't want to be buried alone

I'm on the search for an answer
Because I know there's more to life

I'm on the search for happiness
Because I want to go out with a smile

I'm on the search for everything
Because I want to live life to the fullest.

I need a drink now
I'm too tired of studying
Finals will **** me

Here I go once again
I'm currently preparing for pain.

I'm dreaming again
I kissed you and you kissed me
We both felt the aftertaste
Of coffee in our mouths

There are things I miss
I don't know which one you are
I am confused now

I had just lost her
But I lost her from the start
I was just too late

You make me feel different, which is nice.
Your beauty makes me melt away like snow and ice.
Remembering you on a cold night
Makes me feel warm in the inside.

You are like a very bright light
You lead me out of a dark place
At midnight.

Every time we break apart
I want to tell you what's in my heart.
If I'm stuck in darkness during midnight,
You'll always be my brightest light.

Some nights I would imagine us
Living happily in a home in the suburb
With our wedding rings secured
On our left hands

Some nights I would imagine us
Having breakfast together, just us
A meal we both cooked
And probably burned a bit

Some nights I would imagine us
With out bodies entwined on our bed
Fast asleep after a time of intimacy
Skin on skin, heart to heart

Some nights I would imagine us
Kissing in the rain
Letting loose all the pain
As we felt the cool droplets splash

Some nights I would imagine us
At a hospital, exchanging places
On who would be on the hospital bed
And what we would say, our last goodbyes

Some nights I would imagine us
If one of us died
What would the other one do?
Wait for the end or fill in the gap?

Some nights I would imagine us
Having at least two kids
They would love us as parents
We'd raise them to be great

Some nights I would imagine us
If there would never be an us
How we would end up with others
And just go our separate ways

Some nights I would imagine us
And all the possible outcomes
Both if we'd be together or not
And that "some night" is tonight

I went through the sidewalk on Pedro Gil and Taft
The blaring red and green traffic lights
Sort of obscured the view through my spectacles
In the early Manila evening

The smell of cancer in the air
Complimented the noise of the jeeps
That raced through the intersection
As the sun slowly sunk at the sight of the moon

I saw faces less and less
As the broken street lamps flickered
Some people were minding their own business
Others shouted and laughed in the street

I saw people gripping onto their bags
Like they gripped onto their lives, because the city is never safe
Especially at the dusk
Where all the thieves come out to play

The noise may reach above heaven
And the air may be as ***** as the sewers
But there is no other place
That I would consider home

I spent my days staring at her
Contemplating her beauty
Missing lessons left and right
Failing quizzes and the like

I used my spare time thinking about her
Us having picnics on hills
Staring lovingly into her eyes
Her face radiating in the sunlight

I imagined our waking hours
In our house by the beach
Opening our eyes so sluggishly
Exchanging smiles, her and me

I stopped daydreaming and thought
Of the dark reality
I imagined all the way
And let her slip away

Oh look at all that burning passion.
You can feel the heat it brings
As it dances around
Illuminating the room

What magic started this fire?
I ask as the flame dances
It grows hotter
As I try to find it's source

I then remember
That the flame
Started out as
*Sparks

Every time I think of suicide, I write a poem.
My writing is what keeps me sane
I've gotten this far, so I'll keep on going.

My writing, my writing,
Thank you so.
For without you this one would not be written

Each time there is a blade softly pressed against my skin,
I put it down and write about this ******* I'm in
It keeps me alive, but keeps me sad.

I think I'm depressed, maybe I'm not,
Maybe I just want out.
Out of this life, out of this world, out of everything now.

If you hate me, I hate you too,
But nobody hates me more than myself.
I've known myself too long to love me.

Help me for I suffer
Love songs mean nothing now
Drag me into my grave

Tears race down my cheeks
And my skin turns cold
Why must you do this to me?
What sin have I committed?

Haunt me no longer, I wish
Burn in eternal fire, breathe in my hatred
I hate loving you

Images of you and I burn my memory
There was no then, no now
There was only I who loved
While you endured my infatuation

Drown in my love
Leave me be
Die

I'm smelling ash that isn't there
And tasting beer I haven't drank,
I have you to thank.

I miss these dull temptations
Even all they've done is hurt me.
Leaving me was easy, how hard could it be?

These days I laugh,
I laugh with pain,
I can't even try to say your name.