breaking down the barricade
we march, flags high
this is our time
our rights

we fill the streets
hundreds upon hundreds
chanting, screaming
laughing, yelling

and still our flags reign
high above our heads
like the birds in the sky
screeching for thread

we are unstoppable
marks of color on our cheeks
our roar fills the streets
we are unstoppable.

The heart is aching
when you break it

The heart is beating
faster when I see you

The heart is hurting
a lot when you leave

The heart is screaming
out for help

The heart is crying
when I'm alone

The heart is craving
your sweet, sweet love

The heart is yelling
please come back

The heart is loving
you to the moon and back

The heart is missing
the memories we have

The heart is living
when I am with you

The heart is dying
now that you're gone

If  you  yelled at her in a fight, you don't feel like your throat is burnt as you drunk six shots in one glance
"You don't love her"

If by making her crying you don't feel dying
"You don't love her"

If her smile don't makes your heart quack , lungs shrink  & let you lost in another world all at a moment
"You don't love her"

Even by hurting her if you want to prove your point
"You don't love her"

When she says she is busy If it does not let you wait for her all day long
"You don't love her"

If her naked body is all you want to love
"You don't love her"

If her problems let you sleep
"You don't love her"

If by giving her wings you feel like a prisoner
"You don't love her"

but
If her smile is all you want than
Yes man  
"YOU LOVE HER"
                              - komal <3

Her hollow out screams
Of a poor broken heart
The way it sank
To hear those sounds
Her vicious cries
That drowned out the night
How sleepless I was
When you broke down like that
All I could hear
Was a fight between self
A fight between hatred and regret
You were my mother
The strongest woman I know
Then you broke
And it tore me apart
What broke you so?
Why do you scream out to the heavens
What are you searching for
Forgiveness
Strength
How did you break so badly
That you forgot how to breath
Oh dear mom
What did you do?

What did you do?

Did you break you?

Oh mom, what have you done?

You've left scars on our poor young hearts,
You tore this family apart
How dare you, mother
Was that man so worth the trouble
That you gave into his pleasure
In the sacrifice of your husband
You gave up much
For such a simple thing
You gave up love
For just an affair
With a man that only cared
For your body

You went away from us, Mom
How dare you
You kept us in vain
Trying to beat out the friend we called father
For what?
Simply because you're our mother?
You didn't even take care of us
All you ever did was give into temptation
The beer became your new love and the yelling your new hobby
Words such as worthless and useless
Now haunt our memories
Our happiest times
Become the ones with shouting

You broke your own heart
And you fought us
Because it was easier to do
Then face yourself

How dare you
How dare you
How dare you

I was just a child

And you ruined me
You ruined me, mother

Claiming you love me;
Yet you insult, yell
And emotionally abuse me.
If that's what love is,
Then I want none of it.

your words were glass
They shattered in my ears
But it was my heart that broke
Into a million pieces

When I was seven years old, I found a body on the beach. It lay their, skin bloated and lips purple. I called to my mother and she took me away and told me not to look.

I asked her why the man washed up on our beach. It seemed as though she didn’t want to tell me. She put me on her lap and said,
“This man was very sad and lonely. He had no place to call home and no love of his own so he jumped off the bridge”. At the time I couldn’t grasp the concept of suicide.

Five years later I was crying in my room.

I asked myself why demons are evil, why did they choose to be this way when I eat myself alive if I’ve even remotely hurt another human being. I forgot how to feel.

And when I stayed home from school for a week nobody noticed. Why would they? I was just sick.

I asked myself why the rain had to fall. Why it swamped the Earth and drowned the good. I asked why I was here.

I was a disappointment. As if it wasn’t enough for me to feel as though I was one, I was constantly yelled at by the man who raised me for things I didn’t even do, crimes I didn’t even commit. In eighth grade he screamed at the top of his lungs and got red in the face with his “I GET SAD SOMETIMES TOO BUT YOU DON’T SEE ME CUTTING MY ******* WRISTS!”

There was no reasoning with him. He didn’t understand that there was nothing driving my sadness that was physical. He didn’t understand that sadness can spawn from deep within your soul and make even the sunniest days seem dark and gloomy. He didn’t understand depression. He didn’t understand me.

After the third of fourth time he caught me I blew up.

I asked him why a slap is accepted as discipline and why yelling is considered a form love. I asked him why HIS GOD would make me this way if it were a sin. That’s where his god ****** up.

And I asked why my wounds couldn’t heal with a band-aid and why the sun doesn’t shine on me anymore and why the days grow longer each day. I asked why the birds didn’t sing anymore and why I couldn’t lift myself out of bed in the morning because I felt as though someone sat on my chest. I asked him simple questions.

I asked why it was so easy to break apart razor blades and why he kept the pills in plain sight even when he knew how I was. I asked why nooses were so easy to tie and why he never came to get me when I was still in bed at 6:38 pm.

I asked him why the sound of me puking my guts out wasn’t recognizable from his bedroom. I asked him why he let me do this two myself THREE TIMES already without even maybe CONSIDERING the possibility that there was something wrong. My first trip to the hospital was when they had to PUMP MY STOMACH because of all the pills I swallowed. He kept them in a nice little cabinet in the bathroom with a lock on the door.

He told the doctor he hadn’t seen any sign and she asked WHY THERE WERE CUTS ON MY WRISTS WITHOUT HIM KNOWING.

Simple questions were asked.
“Why are you sad?”
“How long has this gone on for?”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

To this I LAUGHED I LAUGHED AT THEIR QUESTIONS BECAUSE I NEVER BOTHERED WEARING SHORT SLEEVES AND MY FATHER SAW HOW MUCH TYLENOL I WOULD TAKE TO MANAGE THE PAIN AND HE FOUND THE BLADES BUT SIMPLY TOLD ME TO DISCARD OF THEM BUT LITTLE DID HE KNOW THAT THERE WERE MUCH MORE THINGS IN THE HOUSE THAT WERE MUCH SHARPER.

I asked them why the man jumped off the bridge and why that wasn’t an acceptable option anymore.

You knocked quietly, yelled loudly. Sometimes I can't tell the difference. You come in with fangs out ready to pounce. Little do you ever come for a plesent conversation. But Usually just to mark my walls with your claws again. Your voice is growling and your laugh is a long snarl, one that I can not unhear. The roof shakes at the vibrations of your foot steps. Thump, clatter. Thump, shake. Thump whimper. You circle me with your words, like pray, making me trip and stumble. That is how you win, isn't in? Make your opponent smaller then you feel inside?  
You're a slob , you say.
Good for nothing, you yell.
Why are you always alone? You ask.
Why ask when you know? Why make the memory of your words and the feeling of your fists brighter and deeper in my mind? Oh that's write this isn't pleasant talk. You are here to win. To mark me with a stamp saying that I am nothing.
But as I stood up surrounded by nothingness and darkness, I had to remind myself that i am a human. Flesh and bone. A real person. One with a destiny, thoughts and feelings. Not one less important then the other.
I am not little red riding hood who hid under hoods while being consumed by ugly things disguised as familiar.
I am not Bell who did something she swore she would never do; she settled for someone she did not love.
I am the lady of the lake.
I am the tree that fell in the forest and dared to make a noise.
I well not be locked in towers by men afraid of fire.
I well not stay away from the sea and sun and fly in the same air I have always breathed.
I am more, and I am bigger on the inside then you feel on the outside

This temper that lives inside
Storms out unexpectedly
Like a monster unleashed
Ignited by stress

Spilling Anger
Yelling in irritation
Sensing my mother
Lurking in my shadow
A vile aftertaste still lingers
Forced fed by her poisonous venom

Until I realize
I'm roaring
Splashing my screams onto
My loved ones
Making them cry

The beast has taken over
From the depths
Where my momster
Lay her eggs  
Waiting for them to hatch
And be released
In shame and guilt

The last thing I want
Is the mirage of that
Ghost haunting
My babies

The creature that resides
Hidden from the world
To protect against  
The carnivores who feasted
On my innocence

Now breathing to exhale my scare
Away from my young's oxygen
One breath at a time until
The monster's ghost
Has settled back
Deep inside my oppressed soul

© Jl 2016