two lives
two moralities
two vices i can’t give up

two bottles
two pound entry
two am and i’m stumbling home

two bodies
two moans
two people trying to feel alive

too broken
too chaotic
too hard to make this choice

Im jealous of the life of other people,
The smiles and laughter they take everyday,
The friends and family that's happy everyday,
And I'm just here watching my life fly away,

Im jealous of the love people share everyday,
The kissing, the hugging that romantic scenes I swear,
That love ain't always fair,
And I'm just here broken when no one cared,

Im jealous of the sky and sea,
That peaceful place i dreamed it would be,
Nothing but the sound of silence,
the freedom to set me free,
to fly with my feathered wings,
But I'm chained you see,
In a cage, clipped wings
Till death I bleed.

I fell asleep to an episode of u
Where everything went wrong
It was all losses
Failures to endure
And in the end I was alone
Just as when I wake...I'll be alone
And maybe it wasn't a dream at all
It wasn't a fairytale
Made up in pink fleshy nerves
It wasn't a fable
Of grey sluggish electron matter
But it was real
So now waking up is pointless
There's no solution
No pinching the skin to see if I'm imagining
All the heartbreak
All the horror
And the guts ripped out
And hearts torn to shreds
It's in my head
And there is no bed that I can rest upon

I was torn between
Living the life that I was used to,
Hiding behind my hair,
Being happy to go unnoticed,

And changing my life
And living to my fullest
Without a care
Of who is watching.

Every second of every hour, my heart lays heavy as thoughts of you race through my mind,
Oh my son how I am missing you.
Hours turn into days, days into weeks, never a moment passes by, I try to chase a happy thought visioning  your beautiful smile,  it never lasts long enough and once again I cry,  Oh son I'm Missing You.
Hearing your voice on the phone is a blessing every time, I never let you know that when we speak your voice tells it all. I can read you like a book just by your tone. Some days I hear a young man grown up so much but other days I can hear your pain and sense your fear and I know how bad you wish you were home. Oh my son I'm Missing you .
Every Holliday is sad for me as I know it is for you. Sweet baby boy of mine, two years have passed, it seems like forever since I've seen you. If we can just hold on a little longer, this uphill battle we've been on is on the down hill side of over. My Sweet Boy God  only knows How Much Your Momma is Missing You..

A page not meant to be written
I conceal the words never meant to be read
From the book I was torn
Left to wither on a counter-top
Eventually met with scorn, and burned to ash merely as a way to move forward
For my words could never be accepted
Only rejected
Despised by the masses for standing out so proudly
The once golden page that defined the book
Reduced to nothing more than a pile of soot
Simply for the words that couldn't be understood