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  Nov 2018 Eddyn
I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if that love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts that they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
Because you broke me
And I was looking for different fingers
To place different pieces and hoping
That the outcome would be a masterpiece
That maybe one of them would find a way
To cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself that you wouldn't be the only one
That the scars that mark my body wouldn't define my worth to be loved
I am still not entirely sure that you aren't the only one
Who could ever touch me

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay
Eddyn Aug 2018
i fell in love again,

he left me
Eddyn Jul 2018
in loving memory of me
to the person who I use to be
getting lost with you
made me who I am now
you may not like the person I’ve become
but I promise
from now until my next life
i will walk with you until the end.
the end
the end of time.
the end of life.
the end of forever
every step, every Breath.
my love I am not leaving.
so hold my hand
squeeze it tightly,
left. you left.
you’re gone not coming back  
this love of ours didn’t last  
but I’m here.
one finale breath
one last tear,
falling to the kitchen floor
trying to keep it all together
i promised my life who I was
everything I am to you. you are gone
you’ve taken the old me
and held that against me
for I am not who I was when I was with you
I was naive and madly in love with you
love is truely blind.
An ode to me, the person who I use to be.
the person who i use to be
Eddyn Jun 2018
there are galaxies inside my eyes
universes of us
let me write us into existence
let us be forever
let me feel our souls collide
Eddyn Jun 2018
Hearing his name destroys me
He doesn’t think about me
The sound of my voice
The kiss of my lips
He said my eyes were the most beautiful thing
He probably forgot the colour
Or the way they sparkle when I look at him
He use to send paragraphs about how much he loved me
Now the only thing he says is that he hates me and that I’ve changed
I’ve changed because I gave all of me to you, and now that you’re gone
I don’t know who I am.
Hearing his name destroys me
Eddyn Jun 2018
i felt your presense again last night
i felt it in the dim light

our hands were carved for eachothers fit
like two stars colliding, meant to be

universes came to being with the touch of our lips
and the way you held my hips

your celestial smile and deep green eyes
hold a place in my heart
under this dim, lifeless light
hold me one last time, my love
my heart aches for you
Eddyn Jun 2018
this cold morning
I woke up this morning in a panic,
still half asleep I felt your presence and reached for your hand to then realise I was still dreaming,
when my hand touched nothing but the empty cold space on my bed,
my heart tore into a million pieces, there is no warmth left in me,
nothing but emptiness and coldness from the shallow pit of this body
that will never feel a flame again
being without you is killing me

will i ever love again?
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