A horrid jealousy invades my heart
because I can't accept the harsh reality
that I am not yours,
A flood of tears sweeps my outer soul
and I recognize my non-existence
as the razor is pushed deeper;
inserted directly into
my soft, tangle of emotions.
You hang my heart on a leash
and drag it on the ground.
But why do you lead me on?
only to melt sugar in the rain,
Look at you...
knotting my stomach
and withering my soul.
Why can't I let go?
Maybe if I cared more
about myself than I do you.
But I don't.

the ***** , the ugly
the appalling rot
that maggots hide deep
within the deep dark spots

the dark, the wet
the creepy earth
the hideous fungi  
in waste , in foul air in  ....damp cold
places where worms live
and icy fingers grip hold
where dark demons possess
your very soul

the slimy excretions of toads
with mucus generously
shared   
on tiny tip feet walks
toads in curious stare

anxiety creeping on
anxiety taking over
i'm the youngest in a room
filled with folks i don't know
three old blondes
one middle aged man
i don't belong
just like out there
so how am i supposed to learn
when my stomach is in this churn
like butter i want to be spreadable
anywhere, and in everything
butter is so much smoother than me
for once i'd like to be credible
maybe, one day, incredible.

Gurgle**
I think I just found out that yesterdays
Tex-mex just found it's way into my throat,
That and mixed with a side of burning hot
Jalapeno mixed with a peachy fruity overload.

Circles and circles...
My head is buzzing...
I can't even think straight...
It's that time again, my friend!
Such a spicy sweet morning treat!

I feel a vague sense of *****
In my near future, which is funny
Because I could have sworn I was fine
With out having to lie lie lie
Just a second ago

do you know the feeling
the twisted tremors
the slippery shivers
that linger in the
pit of your stomach
the feeling that something is wrong
the feeling that you
are left out
messed up
wrong
when you did nothing
and it seems that maybe
if given the chance
you could've done something
been somewhere
accomplished something
but the feeling in the pit of your stomach
only serves to remind you
of time wasted

This chariot of heart ache
Pulls my heart strings
For goodness sake
Just the idea of the taste
Of your sweet tongue
Gliding beneath my lip
Makes me salivate.
Lets commemorate
The good times we had
And not feel morose.
After all just a dose
Of optimism
Is like light through a prism
Scatters a rainbow bright
Feels light
No bad imaginings in sight.
But then i yearn
My stomach turns
For our love's fire -so passionate
combusted and burned
Now it's trapped in an urn.
Saved and still present
Kept on the mantel
I really cant tell
If it can be reborn again.
"Let it go, for it's not meant to be right now" said my friend.
So my heart feels nauseated
My stomach is aching
They both beat in syncopation.
Pit pat.
Pit pat.
There "we" go...off to the past.
Only a memory now.
Gone just like that.

I said I didn't think
I would even miss you.
But it's been less then
twenty-four hours and
I have a hole in my stomach.
I try to eat and it just
wants to come back up.
They say wounds heal in time.
I leave in 82 days for
another time zone.
Maybe the hour difference
will effect the time and
healing process.
Until then we'll see how this goes.
Maybe this will help me
shed those extra pounds
I was so worried
you'd notice.

growing
groWING
GROWING
in my stomach.
growing
groWING
GROWING
in my mind.
not a tree,
not a flower,
not a plant of any kind.
full of absolutely nothing...
so what I am to you...
nothing.
emptiness that is.
growing
groWING
GROWING
in my throat.
the lump, the bump,
it won't go down.
I can't take it any longer.
I fall to the ground.
no more growing
groWING
GROWING.
because now I am small.
as small as these feelings you have.
as small as the time it took
for me to grow fond.
so I shrink now.
down to the very last drop of
the ocean
the lake
no just the pond.
the pond that will soon turn into a pit.
growing
groWING
GROWING
in my stomach.

You can only play on a joke so much
Before it isn't a joke to someone anymore