i couldn't even weigh
the amount of love
i have for you
breaking the scales
People won’t love me unless I’m thin.
They say “be happy in your own skin.”
But how can I be happy when I’m so fat it’s a crime.
I want to be less then a hundred pounds but I know that will take time.
It will take time to be beautiful and thin. Then finally I’ll be comfortable in my own skin.
I love you no matter what happens in life
One day I will become your wife
Burdens grow heavy but weigh less if we share
From now on all our struggles will be easier to bear.
A message I sent Taylor at the beginning of our relationship.
I’m thinking about
The what ifs
We are friends
They say life is
About a conversation that never ends
So I think about a life spent with a friend
How much fun that would be
All these boys confuse me
They say one thing and do another
In the end I don’t know a thing
But with you I know one thing
Is that we got friendship
Not too many “stick around long enough”
I realize now it’s not all on them
Its about me, I don’t make it easy
Don’t use this
All against me
They say I’m closed off
But isn’t this me trying…
Let me tell you a story…
“A 16-year-old girl falls in love
With a boy a million miles away
She plans a life with him
3 whole years
Invested in him
Marriage was even in the works.
Their plans start to become blurry
And slowly disappear…
She wakes up one day
He seems like a stranger
Was she ever in love?
It’s all in a fog
From then on
Nothing really seems real
No boy would come in her way of any dream”.
So now what?
I got you
You got me
Lets all be happy and free
I know that’s not even close...
So he wants some words
He wants to talk…
Where do I start?
I can’t even find the beginning or end
When did I lose my choice of words?
I used to be so out spoken
I’m siting here
Thinking of which words to say
Which will help
Which won’t at all
I’m thinking of all the people I’ve hurt
It’s starting to weigh me down
From words I couldn’t say…
Or feelings I couldn’t express…
I’m thinking about the person I want to be
I’m thinking this is not me
Or the person I want to be
How do I go about this?
Nothing I can say will change anything
I just know I want to make things right
The truth only makes things worse
The truth just adds to the confusion
The truth is
Under my own pressure
In the moment
I made a decision
Not realizing the consequences
Doing a human thing
I rarely let myself do
Because my curse of over thinking
**** over me
I’ll give you all the time
All the time in the world
This time, I’m not going anywhere
I can’t fix everything
But I can try and fix this
My fingers can’t keep up with my typing
My mind is raising x100
A million ways of how to say sorry
I know this is just one of them…
And I stand here waiting for all of your shadows..
Drunk on your sin and spite.
Powered by lightless souls..
I stand here and wait in your shade..
Sad shade darker than darkness..
Night bliss of the sunless day.
I can feel your thoughts and see your happiness..
It speaks of the darkest one never to be overthrown..
To cast a shadow over a star and become an expanse of endless void..
But its your presence alone..
Your presence lights the lantern in this endless night..
Your presence forces a light to be born in your endless weigh of darkness..
And so forth you come to me..
But are unable to push me away..
As I shine forth like a candle in a dark room..
I will be so bright in someone else's sky..
So bright so far away..
That when I do finally die I will still shine a million light years away..
A light that will shine even when it has flickered out..
To believe in something that is not there..
Will be all the light we will ever need.
Your night made my day
In the weigh of darkness and organized chaos created a star..
Let there be light....
your halo was golden, mine
who we was
wasn't even relevant
until death came
and slit the
from off my
it didn't matter
that I didn't
it didn't matter
I said I didn't think
I would even miss you.
But it's been less then
twenty-four hours and
I have a hole in my stomach.
I try to eat and it just
wants to come back up.
They say wounds heal in time.
I leave in 82 days for
another time zone.
Maybe the hour difference
will effect the time and
Until then we'll see how this goes.
Maybe this will help me
shed those extra pounds
I was so worried
— The End —