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pushthepulldoor May 2021
Broken body bound together by brittle rubber bands.
Little girl picks up the pieces and they crumble in her hand.
She puts the bits together of whatever's left whole that she can.
Compress the bits to make me stand.
Still standing,
only showing half of what I am.
I never write anymore but my therapist gave me homework to "just write something" and I forgot until 20 minutes before my appointment and wrote this in under 5 minutes in the car. It felt good to write something.
pushthepulldoor Feb 2019
I felt far away
in my own front yard,
because I saw the moon
and thought of Antarctica
and how it's supposed to be
the coldest and loneliest
place on Earth.
Yet, I couldn't burn the image
of your face from my mind
as I wondered if
I'd feel less alone in Antarctica,
than I was standing beside you.
You're the coldest and loneliest
place on Earth.
An old work, never shared before.
pushthepulldoor Jun 2016
I fall in love with every person that I meet.
pushthepulldoor Jun 2016
the heart beats whether we want it to or not.
it beats while we sleep,
while we cry.
it pounds while our fists do the same
against each others walls.
trying to break something down.
our hearts beat us til the day we die.
the rhythm is seemingly perpetual once you notice it
and only when our time is up does it stop.

when im with you
i know im alive.
my heart feels as though its going to beat
right out of my chest
and into your hands.
it seems as though thats its true home.
you hold what beats me most
so i beg you to be gentle, lest it breaks.
i know thats cliche but you see,
this beating that i take every day
is all i have to keep me going.
its all i have to remind me im alive
and when im with you
it flutters uncontrollably
and im left doubtless
that this isnt a dream
babe since 11.2.15
I tried to forget
But you grew roots around my ribcage
And sprouted flowers just below my collarbones
All day I pluck their petals
But I have not yet ascertained
Whether you love me
Or not.
pushthepulldoor Nov 2015
For the first time
In several months
I have felt an emotion
That isn't resent
For another human being.
I am thinking of one of
My truest friends.
One of my main confidants
In all of life's turmoils.
And this emotion is sad.
I am sad because she truly
Believes that her path is set,
That this is the only way.
She is self loathing and she is sad.
She is brave above all else
But she is also a coward.
I wish more then anything
For her safety
In these approaching times.
They will not be easy
For anyone.
pushthepulldoor Oct 2015
If you still care
Don't ever let me know.
If you forgive me
For breaking your heart
And for leaving you behind
In that ****** town
Of addicts and death
Don't ever let me know.
I'm coming to visit
During the bitterest month
And if you see me
Don't say hello.
I'll never forgive myself.
I'll never let you know.
I'll always love you.
I'll never let you know.
I'll never let you know.
I'll never let you know.
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