What do you when you start to feel like you can’t breathe again? Your chest gets heavy, and a simple inhale hurts so bad a tear twinges at your eyes. My chest, my lungs heaving as if I ran ten miles, but here I am sitting on my bed in the dark grasping at my chest, the burning of a decade of cigarettes beating me down to the point of where if I try to stand my knees would give and I would lay an empty puddle on the cold hard floor.

A.C.

I want to become part of you the way the wind becomes oxygen
in your lungs, and the way you cannot breathe when you are without me.

You were the definition of
             Satisfaction.
You were the    blood
                                  in my veins, and
the smoke     in my lungs.  
I was addicted to you in the worst of ways.
It was you who could quench the eternal thirst at my lips. And it was you who could satisfy the ravenous hunger in my bones.
You were everything I needed all at once. And You gave me everything I ever wanted.
A love that
                  consumed  
                             me.

It's lonely
I have nowhere else to be at
A tiny death occurs
A flashlight open eye
Does it even stop?
Lost hung thoughts dry out in my room
Then the basic rumor smoke fills
your lungs
It's cheap awkward stares that faze
Those small cat like dreams
Spread over the coffee table
Unmasked and unafraid
That's where you still stand
Holding regrets final collapse
It's not enough

my dear fellow human,

you have been wintergreen against my heart. a sharp brilliance of blinding light captivating me within the infinite breadth of a wandering moment. my lungs frosted first freezing figures of frozen firs upon the memory of each breath. my blood ran cold like that winter river and I was a fish beneath its icy exterior and you have been wintergreen against my heart. a cold slap of circulating change penetrating each layer of protection. you have been wintergreen through them all and now you are wintergreen against my heart. a fresh perspective from the core of my being to the scales of my skin. a permeating resolution of piercing glacial coolness frosting the valves and chambers of this brumal beater. you have taken my breath from gelid gilded gills and scattered the shattered pieces of peace across this boreal landscape. from the hiemal heights of arctic aurora aura's to the lower polar valley's suspended in diamond dust--you have been wintergreen among them all and now these roots are too--cool, clear and growing--and i have never been so grateful for the cold that pierced and kissed this wintergreen heart.

and i hope you’ll take care of yourself
you deserve a lot more than the
torments you carry like a cloud
if only you knew how badly i wished
i could sail through every storm for you

i would’ve faced the crashing waves
and treaded even in the pain
of holding your head above water
because i wanted you to get the chance
to do better for yourself

but what’s the use if i drown
just trying to make you see
you’re worth more than the people
who pushed you overboard
and watched you descend so deep
into yourself you didn’t know
where the ocean ended and you began

and you try to hide the water
trapped in your lungs but
i can still see it in your eyes

i know you pushed me away because
you felt like an anchor sinking and
didn’t want to take me down with you
but you never even bothered to ask
if i could swim

always saying i'm so happy
but you never seem to notice
how sad you make me feel
i can't keep struggling
to strap a lifejacket
on the back of someone
who doesn't want to be saved

but i hope someday, you'll empty
the heavy stones from your pockets
catch your breath above the surface
and feel the sun shining
on your face once more

Earth
    worms the color of
    bruised tongues wriggle
    out of sodden dirt and
    splay themselves out on
    gritty asphalt

To breathe.
    We bite our tongues as the
    sun returns to burn away the wet.
    Bodies shrivel from the
    desiccation until we can come out to

Air that smells like all that
    rainwater and blood
    evaporating to fill our lungs.