i thought.

you tasted like lust and you smelt like wintergreen and your hands were feathers and tickled my skin.


i know.

you tasted like skoal.
you smelt like smoke.
your hands felt like regret.

Two months ago,
I would have done anything
To make us work.
To make you happy.

Two months ago,
I was yours and you were mine

Today,
You want me back.
You want to prove to me
That you've changed,
That you're not the same.

But today,
I think it's too late.
I'm battling between the voice
In my head, and the voice
In my heart.

sometimes i think that i'm actually different from everyone i know
like i think in a different way and feel or don't feel different emotions
obviously that's not possible since being unique is a social construct
and all that blah blah blah
let me be self indulgent for now, alright?

i think that i'll never find a relationship thats right
because i don't think anyone really understands me
and i also feel dumb because supposedly every teenager feels that way
but i look at some of my friends and see how in love they are
and that opens a whole new can of worms
because i'm lying to them as much as i used to lie to myself

my mom's friends ask me if i have a boyfriend or my eye on anyone
and i say i don't have a boyfriend, and i don't.
but it still feels like a lie because i'm not interested in a boyfriend
i want a girlfriend

i don't think a lot of people would care
i don't know why i haven't told anyone
but it feels like too precious a secret to face the world just yet

i need someone to tell him i am a train wreck and he's headed straight for it and he's not stopping and he's destined to crash and burn hard.

i need someone to tell him he's going to get attached and his green eyes are gonna turn red and he's gonna hate me.

i need someone to stop me from ripping open his chest and snatching his heart heart and eating it whole and watch him bleed and not be sorry.

i need someone to stop me because he doesn't deserve it because i cant make myself look at those green eyes and take my hand out of his hair.

i just need someone.

he doesn't need me.

i just want to kiss you
and hold you
and listen to your heart
i can hear how much you love me
when i press my ear to your chest.

So you have a boyfriend..?
I never thought you would.
To be honest I always wished
to be your boyfriend if I could.

You post love letters on his page...
That caught me off guard.
"You're my love," you would say,
"I'm falling for you hard."

Well, congratulations on your boyfriend
but let me point out
that I'm more than jealous
without a doubt.

I've always liked you
and you've always known
Don't think I've changed
just because I've grown.

A poet once said,
8 letters could change the world
They say how I feel
if my heart you never heard.

Yes, believe it or not,
I adore you; I do
Whether you're in love with a million
I will always love you.

I like your laugh
and I've it stated before
I like your smile
and your tear when you're sore.

I like it how you always
know what to say
I like it how we chat
every single day.

You complete me
no, you're another me
When I'm talking with you
I couldn't hide my glee.

So enjoy that boyfriend of yours.
Your love, I hope, would grow
I told you how I feel
and now I don't really know.

It's your choice how to complete.
You could love him and let me fly.
But never say we could just be friends,
'cause that would be a big fat lie.

So you have a boyfriend..?
Well, good for you.
But when you're left heartbroken,
I'll be waiting too.

I want the flames of her bright red hair to swallow her
I want the dimples on her cheeks to sink in and melt away her fake *** smile
I want her to disappear and never return.

Because at one point,
she held your heart in her hands
and in her tiny brain she stills does.

I want  karma to hit her as hard as I want to
I want every person she's wronged to put her on trial
If being an awful human being was a crime
She'd have a double life sentence

I do not hate often, but when someone is so selfish
they cannot see
cannot feel
do not care,
about another human beings personal
struggles
pain
heartache
dreams
I will not tolerate it.

You said your heart was mine
You promised beyond forever with me

And yet there you are, being her best friend
And the next day her worst enemy

All she has ever done to you is
lie
cheat
hurt
you, my love

And yet you hold some kind of twisted love for her
in the corner of your heart.

Why am I not enough huh?
Why can't my eternal devotion, immense pride, irrevocable love
deter you from the path to her
the path to hell...

You are with me and yet talking to her holds some kind of priority,
why?

I will never understand how in the beginning we were perfect
And how I never thought there would be an end.

Because of her we are broken,
without her we are stronger than diamond,
arguments cannot penetrate us
but with her, we are fragile wet tissue paper,
turning to pulp in her devious hands.

Cut the ties you have between her
Or lose me forever.

Its your choice.

You've made me reconsider everything I thought
And change all the conclusions that I've ever been brought
You made me stare in adoration from the way you talk
To the way you have confidence and swagger in your walk

And when you dance, I see eyes filled with passion and drive
And from the audience, it looks like you become more alive
I see happiness, as if it's really the only time
You can feel such emotion and I understand why

You seem to fascinate me and I seem to admire you
Cause I love to know things like your past and what inspires you
How you hold yourself, your humor type, and I desire you
And I can't tell you why cause usually I enjoy solitude

But I'm so drawn to you, I think of you all the time
I wanna be snuggled in your arms, your lips pressed against mine
Cause with everybody else I'll just say oh yeah I'm fine
But I actually can mean it when I'm with you and I won't lie

I feel endless smiles and countless butterflies
And I can't take the stare you give me from your ****** eyes
So I look down, and fidget & become sorta shy
When it's all realization I finally got a great guy

For months it's been strange cause I haven't just cried
Cause we're fighting over nonsense or cause somebody lied
Or your ignoring me, cheating, beating, not treating me right
Im not used to this but it's all been relieving and nice

I gaze at you and I wonder if sometimes you catch me
Cause I'd stare all day if I could and if you'd let me
My love for you is strong and becoming very heavy
I rarely get the chance to meet people who don't regret me

You're what makes me happy
And wake up in the morning
Go to school, see you
And I see now what is forming

I'm just so in love and I would never ever leave you
Cause I don't just want you anymore, I'm beginning to need you...