When I think of you
My thoughts turn blue.
To not know you much at all
Then watch your life slip and fall.
To help was all I wanted to do
But like always you never had a clue.
Mom I called you, for some time
Then you let go of the rope, not finishing the climb.
Drinking was always first to come
Then came death, something from wich you could not outrun.
Your soal is lifted, now set free
Become a bird and fly, for me.

i can't remember
what shade of ale
your eyes were
before they went sour
and i don't think i've ever
seen you with a smile
that wasn't made of
shards of bone
just like all the ones you've
snapped and splintered
stuck in a rampage of
blind blurry rage
but your body isn't
all that you've broken
and you've never seemed to care
who shattered along with you
you've mistaken my heart
full of forgiveness
as something that would
always be there
just like i've mistaken you
i've spent years trying
to sift through the fragments
of our relationship
just to end up where i began
with an empty amber bottle
held by broken ****** hands

I think I'm drowning
I'm not really positive.
It sure feels like it.

When I was just a little girl,

naive as hell,

I was under your spell.

Life was simple, it was fun...

But that was when I was young.

Now I'm older.

Now I realize.

Now I see the pain in your eyes.

I used to think it was normal every night,

when clock struck 5, and I peered in those bloodshot eyes.

Lying in bed with me you'd cry, cry cry.

Do you know the feeling?

You know, the one when someone you love is in pain.

You, yourself , are a helpless child, you can't do a thing.

Now you lay, passed out, snoring a storm, in your own bed.

I.

All.

Alone.

I lay there, observing the wall.

The sweet taste of a tear, creeping between my closed lips.

Her pain is your pain.

Your pain is mine. 
 
This pain can't be contained.

How can you continue this vicious cycle?

Don't you realize that you were once as I?!?

I don't want my life to be a play, please don't be my queue.

At your age I'll know what to do.

I'm determined to beat this cycle of abuse.

My children will prosper, they will love.

They will not smell ***** when I give them hugs.

All I can say is thank you.

Thank you for teaching me what not to do,

I will try harder because of you.

It creeps in the night, a drag in its step.
It looks at me, those blood shot eyes.
It is something I have started to despise.
A small but strong foe.
I hoped it wasn't so as I walked in.
I could feel the heaviness in the air.
Beware. I wont be scared.
I will be fine. I'll confront it, it will then deny.
It doesn't matter though, I'll try.
That blank look peers into my soul.
Selfish, out to destroy me.
The troops wont be deployed.
With my brain it has toyed.
Beware, I need to be prepared.
A step at a time inching toward this beast that awaits.
Then it sees me……
It lunges forward, toward my heart.
It starts to tear me apart.
I crumble to the floor, looking to the door that the beasts is walking toward.
I lay there, now looking at the ceiling, overcome with this sad feeling.
Was this really my meaning?
Breaths getting shorter, it's harder to breathe.  
In my final seconds my eyes start to close.
The beast is at ease.
It is now pleased, standing in the doorway watching me drift away.
The beast then walks away, off to bed.
It rests it head on the pillow getting ready for work tomorrow.
I wake alone in bed.
I walk around the empty house.
It is quiet, it is cold.
I know the story isn't done being told.
When it comes home, I start to have the feeling again.        
With all my fright I walk into the room just to make sure the beast isn't out to play.
I hold it tight, then I look up to see its bloodshot eyes.
It's been a short day, It will be a long arduous night.

I want to write a poem about you,
but all the words sound good in my head until they get out on paper.
I can't make anything out of the slur of words I wish I could say to you.
There's a sentence for all the years I want you to have back,
and words for all the days you spent waiting for probation in a cell.
You are still just as much of a man as you were before they stripped away your sanity.
They say that people make mistakes,
But you had to give up most of your life for just one of yours.
I like to think you spend so much time in the company of a bottle
because somehow, in your mind, you'll find the years that you lost at the bottom of every one.
I want you to know that Alcoholism is not a choice,
Nor is it a death sentence.
I want you to know that I do not bow my head in shame at you;
You are not a monster.
You are a child,
One that never got to experience innocence before it was taken from you.
You are not a trophy to be on display,
You are not a spectacle to be snickered at,
You are not a John Doe to be left lying in the cold,
You are not next week's breaking news,
You are not stupid,
You are not broken.
You are not a statistic,
You are not a stereotype.
You are sick.

Don't say another word,
you know what you have me falling for.
your wrapping your words around my heart,
like a weapon in the dark.
I try to look away but those bright blue eyes,
pull me back into your beautiful lies.

You pull me around and bring me back in time.
I remember when you left that morning and didn't return that night.
I would ask you where you been but all you do is stutter.
But for some reason i know your name will be the last word i utter.

I feel like i should leave,
I know every night you go out to drink.
I can't leave you alone,
but i have problems of my own.

Your faithful to me but your not.
You turn your head and then get some off the rocks.
Baby that bottle brings out your worst,
It turns my lullaby in the form of a curse.

That taste that you try to hide on your breath,
I love you but i hate that sour kiss.
We all have demons in all shapes and sizes.
Yours brings pain in the shape of a bottle.

There's a terrible pounding in your head
It's really annoying
Get it out
Get it OUT
Now it's gone
Oh thank god
You grab a glass
Down its contents
Fill it up
Down again
Up
Down
Up
Down
His face
It's gone
Her pain
It's over
Your pain
You're numb
Peace
Peace
Peace
And the cycle repeats

I was 8 years old
   crying in my room
I couldn't remember your face
   and I couldn't call you
I knew you wouldn't understand
   I knew you didn't care
too drunk to even
   come around
And I saw you
   in front of our broken house
you walked up to me
    and I could smell you
***** on your breath
   before you were even
close enough to touch
   then you kissed me a
thousand kisses
   all over my face
                    * I felt so ******
I didn't want to believe
   this was you
because you ****
   and I hated that you
       were no good
never
   a good mother
never
   a good friend
but your lips would lie
   with careless love
it's okay... I knew
   you meant only pretend