i once knew a boy
who kissed me
because he needed to be kissed
not because he loved
the taste of my lips
or the laugh that escaped them
and he did not love me
for the person i was
he simply loved what i was to him
an outlet for his thoughts
he loved to use me
because i said the right words
and kissed the right places
but you see, that's all i was
a puzzle like himself
just a game to keep him busy

s.s

it drains you of everything you have
when you lose someone you love
you forget how to function
and it takes ages to relearn how to live

you will spend so many nights
clutching your knees screaming into tear soaked pillows
racking your brain for some reason as to why
you just weren't good enough
that when you finally have a night
where you just lay down and sleep
you will wake up in confusion
feeling uncomfortable without streams of sorrow
but even then the nights are still restless
because they lace your dreams like drugs slipped into unwatched drinks
more than ever

you will spend so many days
walking to destinations with no purpose
following a meaningless schedule
but you won't remember a minute of it
because your brain is constantly hazy
like the loss of them is a thick fog settling on the world around you

you will fight so many times
not to breakdown when you hear their name
constantly taming tears biting at the back of your eyes
taking deep breaths to loosen your tightened throat
you will fall to your knees on the bathroom floor
staring into the porcelain bowl in front of you
as your vision swirls with the water
and you sit in a pain you could never have imagined

you will be heartbroken for too long
with a piece of you gone
knowing there is nothing you could do
to fix it

s.s

love is the moon

it is the one thing that stands out
among a million stars
just the way the ones you love
steal attention from anything else

it can light the darkness
but always has a dark side
a side no one wants to see
but is always present

it controls everything
the minds, hearts, and seas
and is has an undeniable pull
like gravity on everyone

it is stunning and devastating
toxic and otherworldly
and we always give it our attention
just as we would to a full moon in the sky

sometimes it slips away
dipping below the horizon
or being eclipsed from sight
but it is still there, just out of reach

sometimes it seems bigger
closer and brighter
more captivating and enticing than before
but it can still be covered by cloudy days at any moment

love is the moon

beat with craters
though still shining bright
and we all have stardust
running through our veins  


s.s

i wish i could talk to you
          as i used to
when i didn't worry about what i said
and could speak with ease
when my words flowed to you
like quiet rivers
flowing to the ocean
i wish i could be around you
          as i used to
when i would melt at your side
rather than flinch at your accidental touch  
when your embrace felt like more of a home
than the house i lived in
i wish i could be yours
          as i used to

s.s

seeds of doubt
sprout and flourish
stronger than the roses
that symbolized your love
for doubt is **** killer
and even enchanted roses
wilt away
in amorous decay

s.s

a new boy told me i was beautiful as his eyes traced my body
i cringed at the words because his tongue didn't wrap them the way yours would

a new boy grinned at me when i approached as he spoke hello
i barely managed to smile back because his eyes didn't light up in the way yours would

a new boy hit my phone up trying talk about anything
i left it unopened because his conversation felt forced and he didn't speak the way you would  

any new boy could be good, this is true
but here i am uninterested
because they just aren't you

s.s

sweetheart
i beg of you
be careful
please
you mean to much
to make mistakes
you can't take back

s.s

i miss you and i can't sleep
it's like this every night
alone and quiet as i weep
it is a constant fight
it would be so relieving
if you were just nearby
i know this all sounds so cliche
but it's a truth i can't deny
so as i lay here wide awake
there's one thought that repeats
i miss you and i can't sleep
and that's the truth i can not beat

s.s

i wish i could pick up the pieces
of this broken bond we've built
and mold them together
in a way that would leave it invincible
to the battles it has yet to fight
and the people who try to tear it apart

because i want to fix it
this chaotic mess we've created
to prove
that love is a glue
strong enough to fix these broken hearts
and leave them with the power to fight off any disbelievers

but here i sit
in the ruins of us
and i'm searching for a starting point
but all i manage to see
is what could have been
and i don't know how to fix
a puzzle with missing pieces

s.s

come
make me forget you

just
you
and
i
step close
look me in the eyes

see the fire in them?
it still burns your name
prepare to put it out

lean in
close
just close enough
to get my heart racing
and whisper
"i don't love you anymore"
like it's nothing
matter of fact
mundane
because that's all it is
right?

s.s

i miss you

we deserved
so much better

s.s

i hope you’re reading this
with your toes in the sand
melt into the ocean
with skin sun-kissed and tanned

i hope you’re reading this
with joyous sun filled eyes
every grain of sand is
reason to be alive

i hope you’re reading this
as the sun slips way down
the water sighs with nightfall
a day you did not drown

s.s

how many dead kids will it take
before our system realises it’s corrupted

how many slit wrist will it take
before our system sees that peace has been disrupted

how many meds have to be prescribed
before our system notices hate has erupted

how many hurting people will it take
before our system admits
the way it raises its children is destructive

s.s

closer and closer
comforting yet electric
sets your skin aflame

apologies
mean nothing
when the action
never
stops

s.s

i don't love you
i have finally given up
i hope that hurts

s.s

love, what do you want
in your heart what would you choose
to be happy, right?

she woke up in a white room with florescent lights blinding her once sleeping eyes

fluids being pumped through needles into her veins trying desperately to keep her alive

steady beeping from monitors tracking the trickling life she tried so hard to end

body numb from the drugs being flushed through her, but she can feel her foot on the pedal launching her straight when the road took a bend

and the doctor he asked her "do you know where you are"

she choked out "i'm in hell because i'm alone and alive, so far"

s.s

i can't stop picturing
you
with
her

your bodies together
whispered forever?
a secret endeavor

tell me the old tales
follow the tear trails
spare me the details

maybe i rather know
memories are painful though
maybe i should let it go

comparing myself
to herself
with yourself

i can't stop picturing
you
with
her

s.s

my elated grin shows my pleased heart beat
my world my everything my dear lover
with you i do believe in lust so sweet
something i never thought to discover
whiskey gin and wine all heat up insides
none compare to how you melt a stiff heart
eyes of blue calm this though like ocean tides
grin of warm glance of cool are just a start
mind like rivers twisting and unbroken
strong and balanced he withstands all of it
calm and collected with chaos within
in the dark it is only light he’ll omit
i admire all that he is and more
i love my dear more than ever before

she was a riptide
the kind of disaster you can’t see
but once you're pulled in
oh god, you can’t get out
she was a crooked smile
a terrible laugh
too much of this,
too little of that
she was a mess
but she was golden
an 11:11 wish
you’d later regret
chaos in a quiet package
something that is
better to forget
she was something to fall for
until you realise
all she does is fall
she is a mess
and always will be
her lungs are filled with panic
and her veins laced with turmoil

s.s

natural therapy
light breezes calm somber souls
remedy roses

s.s

i know
how to love
like i know
how to breathe

it's being loved
that feels like
gulping water

s.s

love isn't always enough
to create a happy ending

sometimes we fall in love
with the wrong people
but we never know
until we fall out of it

s.s

everyday
i am learning to love
the imperfections
that litter my body
the same way
we find beauty
in the petals
of dead roses

s.s

no need to stress
about the other boys eyes
if they look at me
in ways you’d despise

because they can look
all they please
but i much rather
it be you gazing at me

s.s

it was the color of your eyes, the ones i first fell for
the color that would turn electric when you smiled
or soften when you looked my way
it was the color of the shirt you left at my house
the one that resided by my side at night
the same color you wore when things went south
it was the color of the clear, endless sky
on those days we walked hand in hand
with me believing the sky would never turn dark
it was the color of the lake when i sat at the dock
staring into the deep murky shade
wishing it was lighter to mimic your eyes
it is the color i create
to dance with blacks and purples
across my skin at night
still wishing you were here by my side

s.s

somehow our country can't see the chaos we have created

we have become blind to brutality and ignorant to agony
hate drips from our tongues and we spit it into the ears of everyone around us
people are taking their lives and nobody cares for the right reasons
instead of raising our red and blue flags people are cutting and beating red and blue
         into delicate skin
all focus is on politics and economics
there is no more heart just hands
hands on bodies that don't belong to you
hands on technology manipulating as many minds as it can reach
hands on substances that block out the pain of people
hands on weapons to blast away problems we don't want to face
yet hands still over hearts pledging to a country we have slowly lost

it is a statement far from fabricated
that america can't see the chaos we have created

s.s

i have worked so hard
all my life
to please them
yet when it comes to my happiness
feelings
opinions
views
it's all judged and scrutinized
if it doesn't mirror their own mindset
it's oppressed
and i'm the one getting pushed down
for the way my mind works
or for how my heart yearns
and i'm fed up
it's like ripping the petals off a flower
because it wasn't your favorite color
when it bloomed
i want to be happy
with their consent
instead of faking it
to please them
i want to live my life in light
rather than their shadows
i want to try my best
and it be good enough
rather than always being
flawed

s.s

she used to get nervous to see him
with butterflies in her stomach
she felt alive

now butterflies feel like daggers
and she's nervous to face him
she feels dead inside

s.s

there's a wonderful pain
when metal touches skin
that somehow releases
monsters bottled within
quick hand movements
observed through tear blurred eyes
and if you go deep enough
you can earn deaths sweet prize
but waking in the morning
with red stained arms
leaves you paranoid with guilt
setting off silent alarms

s.s

if you were to craft a grin
from the brightest stars in the sky
it would still be incapable
of lighting a room
the way your smile does

s.s

he was hers
she was his
even if they weren't together
they were tied at the heart
waiting for a miracle
or for life to finally cut the tie

only time will tell

s.s

he helped build her confidence
like roman architecture
awe worthy and unwavering
then he left
but she knew
she was not worth any less
just as the ruins of pompeii
are still admired
and the colosseum
still stands tall
even if broken
they are still beautiful
so even through
she feels broken
she knows
she is still beautiful

we are fire and gasoline
hurricanes and hot waters
shifting plates and the ocean
earthquakes and skyscrapers

we are lightning and metal rods
sharp turns and slick streets
recovering alcoholics and free *****
no water and high heats

we are two perfect ingredients
for inevitable disaster

s.s

someone once told me
the person you think of
when you stand in front of the ocean
is the person you're in love with
and now
i'm staring out over the endless blue
that mimics your eyes perfectly
and you're the only thought
running through my mind
but my insides are crashing
like the waves on the shore
and i want to take our memories
and drown them
beneath these hungry waves
where they can no longer
run through my mind
because why should i drown
in these thoughts
these distant memories
when i could drown them
in the chaos of this restless sea
where maybe then
i can finally be at peace

s.s

i am afraid
i will lose you
when you aren't one
meant to be lost
because even the universe
makes mistakes
so i am on
my hands and knees
begging the world
to leave us be

s.s

she painted red murals
of beauty and grace
of lovers in bed
in faultless embrace

she crafted these masterpieces
with red poured from skin
to show how misery ceases
when you pull beauty from within

s.s

school was the only thing
i had ever been good at

i was too clumsy for sports
tripping over my own feet
now i'm tripping over numbers

i could never sing like an angel
voice always cracking missing notes
now i'm cracking under pressure missing the meaning

i couldn't be coordinated enough to dance
always skipping to the wrong beat
now i'm skipping problems i can't beat

school was the only thing
i had ever been good at
and now i'm watching my scores slip
through limp fingers
as my will to keep trying
drops with my grades

s.s

i would rather drown
in the blue oceans of your eyes
than the bitter alcohol
i keep dumping in my stomach
because the warmth this ***** causes
will never compare
to the fire of your stare

s.s

she kept dreaming
of him breaking
nightmares plaguing
wake up shaking

****** body on red pavement
or holes in the wall
frustration dwelling anger burning
all ended with a call

him saying "i need you"
wishing her to be there
but she never showed up
he'd hang up with "you don't care"

she heard all of it
through a broken voice
but in each dream she couldn't move
she would if it were her choice

she just sat and pictured him alone
where she should be by his side
over and over letting him down
her presence she did not provide

s.s

i used to admire
the innocence of a child
how everything in their world was so
carefree

until i met a 5 year old boy
who asked if i could be his new mommy
because his old one wasn't around anymore

until i met a 10 year old girl
who had the same red slashes on her wrist
as i do now

until i met a 12 year old boy
who could tell me more about a broken family
than any child should ever be able to

until i met a 15 year old girl
who lived in the mirror
and wanted so badly to change everything she saw

i used to admire the innocence of a child
i always thought their worlds were so
carefree
but then i realised
that even children
are just as ****** as the rest of us

s.s

in all honesty
i would rather you hate me
than what you are doing now

i would rather you forget me
and pretend like you never knew me
than what you are doing now

i would rather you scream till i sob
and yell till your throat goes raw
than what you are doing now

because now you use affection as a weapon
and continue to keep my heart in possession
yet never really give me yours

you only come to me when you need something
and i can't say it's anything but crushing
knowing i'm nothing to you

what you are doing is just plain cruel
the pain you’re inflicting is utterly brutal
yes, i honestly wish you would hate me

s.s

i can see the ocean in your eyes
and taste the galaxy on your tongue
but that's only if i ignore
the bloodshot glaze
and bitter taste of smoke

s.s

stop reading my writing
get off my profile
how i'm feeling is none of your business
stop checking for awhile

s.s

at some point in time
you have to stop

stop being sad
heartbroken
and as blue as the tears you cry

because the icecaps are melting
and the seawaters are rising
and every tear you shed
is drowning us

none of us can stay afloat
in weeping waters

s.s

we are not living
we are surviving
everyday

facing new problems
and overcoming obstacles
or hitting all time lows
and crumbling to rock bottom

we are all
just surviving
for just as long
as we can

s.s

he asked her over dinner
"have you ever been in love"

she smiled into the bottom of her empty wine glass
"i have
          and it killed me"

s.s

write so many words that you can stitch together the bleeding slits on your skin with delicate sentences of the heartache that caused them

write so many words that lullabies pour out of you like soft waterfalls flowing to your childrens ears letting them know that the world isn't always as bad as it seems

write so many words that they overflow on the empty pages of books setting whole universes to life in the minds of millions

write so many words that you can never look at this earth the same because everything you see forms dazzling poetry in your head

write so many words that your hand aches from the relief of pouring out your soul on paper and setting your relentless thoughts to rest with every letter

just write

write until the world feels right again

s.s