your kiss was sweet like honey
and as electric as open wires
now his lips
taste like toxins on my tongue
poisons with no spark

s.s

i was in a lowercase kind of mood

s.s

i keep trying to write about how i dont feel right without you, but now im crying in class and none of the words seem to get the point across that you were the best thing to ever happen to me and i miss you more than i ever thought i would and all these words are as ****** as i feel

s.s

you can never get it back

whether it be when you're stumbling home after a night at the bar
and a masked figure pulls you in
taking advantage of your intoxication

or it be when you're young
so young you barely remember anything
but you remember the way
that family friend slipped their hands on you
with you being unaware of what was happening

whether it be when you surrender your trust to your lover
but they push it too far
ignoring your cries to stop
and just using you for their pleasure

or it be in any situation
anywhere
and someone invades you
in a way that will leaves marks on your body for days
but scars on your mind for eternity

no matter what it be
when you have your innocence stolen
you can never get it back

s.s

in some ways i think it will always hurt
and i know i will always remember
but maybe that’s what made it real
maybe that's why we met
for me to remember
not only the intoxicating madness
i always felt when i was with you
and the way just a brush of your skin
could set me on fire
giving me a high only you could create
but also remember
the way my chest tightened when you left
the way i thought i would never make it beyond you
the way you hurt me more than anyone ever had before
when i could never dream of doing that to you
yes maybe we met so i could remember
what it felt like to fall in love
and so i would never forget
what it takes to unlove

s.s

i should have kissed him
last time i saw him
held on a little longer
grabbed his face
to look into his blue eyes
i should have hugged him
and soaked up the love
breathe in the scent
with my face buried in his shoulder
stared a little longer
at his perfect smiling face
but i didn't
i didn't and now its over
and i wish i had

s.s

we are young and dumb
but with you
i wouldn't mind
growing old and wise

s.s

it hurts the most
knowing he might still care
but not enough
to fight for what's there

s.s

you love my younger sister
more than me
and make no attempt to hide it
but i don't mind
because i love my father
more than you
and make no attempt to hide it

i've spent so long trying to please you
but it is never good enough
and i love you because i have to

i am tired of being ridiculed
oppressed and frowned upon
to the point where
when i think of all the awful things about myself
your voice is the first in my head

i dont care if you dont like me
if i disappoint you
if im not good enough for you
because i have plenty of people in my life
that i am enough for
i don't need your approval
and i don't need to fear you

so you can keep drinking
keep losing your sanity over simple things
keep being the bipolar ***** you've become
but my sister will keep hating you
and she will tell me how awful you make her feel
i will keep being the one there to fix what you break
and your husband will keep talking to me
rather than you
about the stress and problems he's facing
and how he can't even sleep at night because life is overwhelming
and i'll keep listening
and paying more attention to what he says than you do

motherhood is a special thing
i won't **** it up when i get there
i won't be like you

s.s

i am yours
until my heart
forgets your name
i am yours

s.s

he's been through hell and back
so i vow to be his heaven
an angel in his eyes
i will defeat all of the demons

s.s

drugs may **** you
they may drain
the color from your eyes
but they will never
break your heart
and walk away
still in love

s.s

i bleed my soul on paper
all through a poets euphoric bliss
to avoid bleeding life
all through severely broken wrist

s.s

"i love you
but i can't do this anymore"

she said softly with her eyes glued to his feet waiting for them to walk away

but they never moved

she gazed upward and locked eyes with him as tears dwelled blurring his features

only then
with a shake off his head
did he turn and leave

he needed to burn the image
if his blank expression
into her teary eyes
as a final goodbye

s.s

we all search
for distractions
to get through life
some pick drugs
some pick god
none of it is real

s.s

doubtful inquiries
turn to rational thoughts
and like small crafts on open sea
lovers drift apart

s.s

you will never
be more important
to them
than
sipping
smoking
snorting
substance

tell me

how can you call that love

s.s

this world is a hurricane
throwing me left and right
tearing me limb from limb
but your arms
are the eye of the storm
a safe haven
my calm
in the midst
of life's mess

s.s

i am feeling good
i am not crying
it could be what's in my veins
or i could just be lying

all i know is i feel weightless
numb and entranced
whatever i am taking
makes me forget this broken romance

s.s

he had found a girl a while back
to fill the space i left
and now that he's the one who left
i finally understand why
because another boy
might rid my mind of you
and the taste of his skin
might make me forget yours

s.s

this wasn’t my choice
it doesn’t feel real
it doesn’t make sense
but that’s just how you feel

i didn’t want this to end
but that’s not for me to decide
i understand it had to happen
although a part of me has died

i will be out of your life
and this can really end
i will always be there for you
but right now i can’t be your friend

so i will stop writing about you
because i’ll only think about it more
it’s pathetic i already miss you
i guess it’s time to close the door

s.s

she whispered weary words
to the walls
late at night
so they absorbed her broken breaths
storing her somber stories

and my god
your heart would ache
if these walls could speak

s.s

i feel dope sick
when you're not around
because your eyes
are euphoric
in a way
no one elses are
and just one look from you
makes me feel
indescribable
and i realise
i might just be an addict

s.s

you still give me butterflies
and make me grin
uncontrollably

s.s

being in love
but not being together
is like chasing a mirage
in the desert
the hope keeps disappearing
moments later reappearing
is it really there
or are we hallucinating

s.s

unconditional
what a divine way to describe it

how else would you say
that i will love you
no matter how much you hurt me
that you could **** me
and i'd die
with a smile
plastered across my face
simply from the touch of your skin
and i'd die
with salty love filling my eyes
and pouring over the face
you once called yours

ah yes, unconditional
i couldn't have described it better

s.s

so simple

easy action
petite pill
satisfaction
hurting still

small shaking handfuls
followed by a small shaking voice
whispering i'm sorry
continued sketchy choice

rapid breathing
tremors all over
head spinning
soon will be over

sinking to bruised knees
but unable to feel the pain
highs no longer a tease
meds mask the insane

easy action
plenty of pills
satisfaction
finished and killed

so simple

s.s

love is patient?
love is kind?
love is the most beautiful load of ******* i've ever encountered
and it is only kind
until it is gone
then my dear
love is haunting

s.s

you did nothing wrong

i broke my own heart
in believing
you’d be different this time
that you cared enough
to stay

s.s

i would hug you
but i’m afraid it will hurt more
to let go
and walk away
then it would
to never hold you in the first place

s.s

i wish i could read minds
because the vibes are deafening
and i don't know what you're thinking
but i know something is wrong
i feel it
and see it
but i still don't know
what is causing it

s.s

bodies pressed together
he whispered
"i needed you"

bittersweet
was the feeling
of his skin

s.s

love is chemical
it's not my fault
i can't rid myself of you
your name is dopamine
your eyes serotonin
your voice oxytocin
you are chemically threaded
in my veins
flowing through
a heart you broke

s.s

you don't see the dark side of the moon

and it always lights your night sky

so i don't show you my demons

so i never dim, only brighten your life

s.s

it continues to amaze me
     everyday
how those little things
are so awe worthy
it is so bizarre
how something like a smile
can invoke
     such
        immeasurable
           emotion
or how a pair of eyes
can set fire to your insides
and make you feel a rush
you can't even put into words
it is
all in all
     fascinating
how a single person
can make you want to
     l i v e
when nothing else does

s.s

i want to dangle my toes
off the edge of life
just to see
what lies below

i want to take it
just far enough
to see what is beyond breathing
and return with knowledge
no one else has obtained

i want the stars to tell me secrets
so i can walk upon this planet
with little pieces of the universe
tucked away in my mind

i want to know what no one else knows
and to be prepared
to jump head first
into what comes after us

s.s

you're losing me
fast

everyday my hope for us
diminishes
and a future between us
lessens  
the crave to be close
crumbles

i want to be yours
you be mine
and for it to be public
not quick arm brushes
and afternoon visits

i love you
and you're losing me
i think i lost you long ago
what are we, i don't even know

i want to stick around
to wait it out
but more than that, i want to be together
the title we once had
and everyday
i believe a little more
that it's a hopeless cause
and i can feel myself giving up

you still have my heart
and i love you no less
but i can feel the final end approaching

i miss the small things
holding your hand, soft kisses, and tight hugs
just talking and calling you when i can't sleep
i miss you

i want us more than anything
but i fear being ****** over
why am i holding on to something
that's ended
maybe because i can't get over you

you're losing me
faster than i care for
does that mean anything to you

s.s

her mind was going full speed
twenty four seven
latching on to any other thought
to avoid him
but in person they met
and she felt okay
till he placed his hand on her arm
as he walked away
and time froze
her mind halted to a stop
just that familiar touch
to make her heart ache and drop

she reassured herself
“i don’t miss you”
as she traced her skin and empty bed sheets
both would feel better with him
she made herself grin
ignoring the empty feeling of an empty room
“i don’t miss you, i don’t miss you, i don’t miss
you”

s.s

2:00 am
you feel it coming
creeping up
try to ignore it
but it's making an appearance

2:11 am
can't close your eyes
like the surrounding darkness
has them pinned open
heart rate accelerates
for no reason

2:16 am
can't breathe
like your lungs are collapsing
crushing your heart
causing an aching heavy chest
you keep trying to stay calm

2:21 am
frantic
shaking and shaking
both your body and breaths
rocking back and forth
clutching knees
stomach
chest
holding yourself in attempt to steady your insides

2:29 am
tears fall
as panicked eyes search the room
looking for something to slow the chaos
but the thoughts march on
with the rushing blood in your veins

2:34 am
now up and pacing
collapsing on the floor
screaming through sobs
gripping hair
hitting walls
uncontrollable

2:48 am
blacking out
from lack of oxygen
****** knuckles and bruised skin
from punching anything
to release the built up energy
boiling within

2:55 am
slowed breathing
heart still racing
softly crying
confused on why
this seems to happen
why

3:00 am
sleeping far from soundly
heart still racing
exhausted from a fight
anxiety attacks
at any moment
you lose control

enveloped in your arms
with my head on your chest
allow the steady thump of your heartbeat
lull me to rest
where maybe i might dream
with you by my side
instead of having these nightmares
eat me alive

s.s

you broke her

she is sitting in the bathroom
crying so hard she's blacking out from lack of oxygen because she can't breathe
and her hands are shaking more than usual
as her whole body contracts into a little ball where she screams through tears because no one's there to hear her

you broke her

and even if you are talking again you still left
and she still rushes to the restroom in school
to break down in the empty stall where no one can see
so she can pretend she is stronger than she really is

you broke her

she no longer likes waking up in the morning
because she already had problems before but now she seems to think that she will never be good enough
so many people have made her feel that way and now you're just another one on the list
and she has to face that every **** day

you broke her

she loved you
so
*******
much
and now whenever she tries to sleep you plague her thoughts so she is restless
numb and broken unable to piece together what happened
still confused by your actions

you broke her

and the only thing she can manage to think
is why
why
why

drugs drugs all the time
masking what you can't unwind
only masking

s.s

he lingered
like her bruises
serving a constant reminder
of the pain inflicted

s.s

i truly do love you
that’s the hardest part of this
i feel guilty for what i'm thinking
for the blood stains on my wrist

you say you care about me
i don't know why i don’t believe it
you ask me how i'm doing
i’m doing worse, but won't admit it

i want better things for you
than the chaos in my mind
i’ve put you through too much
but for some reason, you've stayed all this time

my head is spinning
things are getting worse
i contemplate leaving
and this isn't a first

i don't tell you enough
how appreciated you are
life is tough
but you make it worth it by far

i’m doing my best to fight it
as my skin turns black and blue
but there’s one thing i can admit
i truly do love you

s.s

i care about you
more than i can put into words
and it's awful
knowing i am no longer yours
but i'll keep writing ****** poems
and smiling when i see you
because deep down inside
i still hope you miss me too
because you seem to solve all my problems
but their problems that you've created
so i am forever confused
thinking this love is overstated

s.s

one night
my words
brought you to me
so i will spit stanzas
under the stars
hoping
to draw you in
once again

s.s

i could tell you stories
of sweet little girls
holding the hands of boys
who make their hearts twirl
of boys bringing roses
to girls with sweet smiles
of couples that last
and walk down the aisle
or i could tell you the truth
the brutal reality
where love is cruel
and far from a fantasy

s.s

i will probably still think of you
with my brains across the wall

s.s

this is all my fault
this mess of life before me
this is all my fault

s.s