stop reading my writing
get off my profile
how i'm feeling is none of your business
stop checking for awhile

s.s

write so many words that you can stitch together the bleeding slits on your skin with delicate sentences of the heartache that caused them

write so many words that lullabies pour out of you like soft waterfalls flowing to your childrens ears letting them know that the world isn't always as bad as it seems

write so many words that they overflow on the empty pages of books setting whole universes to life in the minds of millions

write so many words that you can never look at this earth the same because everything you see forms dazzling poetry in your head

write so many words that your hand aches from the relief of pouring out your soul on paper and setting your relentless thoughts to rest with every letter

just write

write until the world feels right again

s.s

we are fire and gasoline
hurricanes and hot waters
shifting plates and the ocean
earthquakes and skyscrapers

we are lightning and metal rods
sharp turns and slick streets
recovering alcoholics and free *****
no water and high heats

we are two perfect ingredients
for inevitable disaster

s.s

i am feeling good
i am not crying
it could be what's in my veins
or i could just be lying

all i know is i feel weightless
numb and entranced
whatever i am taking
makes me forget this broken romance

s.s

he asked her over dinner
"have you ever been in love"

she smiled into the bottom of her empty wine glass
"i have
          and it killed me"

s.s

"i love you
but i can't do this anymore"

she said softly with her eyes glued to his feet waiting for them to walk away

but they never moved

she gazed upward and locked eyes with him as tears dwelled blurring his features

only then
with a shake off his head
did he turn and leave

he needed to burn the image
if his blank expression
into her teary eyes
as a final goodbye

s.s

in some ways i think it will always hurt
and i know i will always remember
but maybe that’s what made it real
maybe that's why we met
for me to remember
not only the intoxicating madness
i always felt when i was with you
and the way just a brush of your skin
could set me on fire
giving me a high only you could create
but also remember
the way my chest tightened when you left
the way i thought i would never make it beyond you
the way you hurt me more than anyone ever had before
when i could never dream of doing that to you
yes maybe we met so i could remember
what it felt like to fall in love
and so i would never forget
what it takes to unlove

s.s

i bleed my soul on paper
all through a poets euphoric bliss
to avoid bleeding life
all through severely broken wrist

s.s

it hurts the most
knowing he might still care
but not enough
to fight for what's there

s.s

you can never get it back

whether it be when you're stumbling home after a night at the bar
and a masked figure pulls you in
taking advantage of your intoxication

or it be when you're young
so young you barely remember anything
but you remember the way
that family friend slipped their hands on you
with you being unaware of what was happening

whether it be when you surrender your trust to your lover
but they push it too far
ignoring your cries to stop
and just using you for their pleasure

or it be in any situation
anywhere
and someone invades you
in a way that will leaves marks on your body for days
but scars on your mind for eternity

no matter what it be
when you have your innocence stolen
you can never get it back

s.s

we all search
for distractions
to get through life
some pick drugs
some pick god
none of it is real

s.s

she kept dreaming
of him breaking
nightmares plaguing
wake up shaking

****** body on red pavement
or holes in the wall
frustration dwelling anger burning
all ended with a call

him saying "i need you"
wishing her to be there
but she never showed up
he'd hang up with "you don't care"

she heard all of it
through a broken voice
but in each dream she couldn't move
she would if it were her choice

she just sat and pictured him alone
where she should be by his side
over and over letting him down
her presence she did not provide

s.s

your kiss was sweet like honey
and as electric as open wires
now his lips
taste like toxins on my tongue
poisons with no spark

s.s

i should have kissed him
last time i saw him
held on a little longer
grabbed his face
to look into his blue eyes
i should have hugged him
and soaked up the love
breathe in the scent
with my face buried in his shoulder
stared a little longer
at his perfect smiling face
but i didn't
i didn't and now its over
and i wish i had

s.s

i can see the ocean in your eyes
and taste the galaxy on your tongue
but that's only if i ignore
the bloodshot glaze
and bitter taste of smoke

s.s

we are not living
we are surviving
everyday

facing new problems
and overcoming obstacles
or hitting all time lows
and crumbling to rock bottom

we are all
just surviving
for just as long
as we can

s.s

i keep trying to write about how i dont feel right without you, but now im crying in class and none of the words seem to get the point across that you were the best thing to ever happen to me and i miss you more than i ever thought i would and all these words are as ****** as i feel

s.s

you love my younger sister
more than me
and make no attempt to hide it
but i don't mind
because i love my father
more than you
and make no attempt to hide it

i've spent so long trying to please you
but it is never good enough
and i love you because i have to

i am tired of being ridiculed
oppressed and frowned upon
to the point where
when i think of all the awful things about myself
your voice is the first in my head

i dont care if you dont like me
if i disappoint you
if im not good enough for you
because i have plenty of people in my life
that i am enough for
i don't need your approval
and i don't need to fear you

so you can keep drinking
keep losing your sanity over simple things
keep being the bipolar ***** you've become
but my sister will keep hating you
and she will tell me how awful you make her feel
i will keep being the one there to fix what you break
and your husband will keep talking to me
rather than you
about the stress and problems he's facing
and how he can't even sleep at night because life is overwhelming
and i'll keep listening
and paying more attention to what he says than you do

motherhood is a special thing
i won't **** it up when i get there
i won't be like you

s.s

you did nothing wrong

i broke my own heart
in believing
you’d be different this time
that you cared enough
to stay

s.s

he's been through hell and back
so i vow to be his heaven
an angel in his eyes
i will defeat all of the demons

s.s

i am yours
until my heart
forgets your name
i am yours

s.s

i would hug you
but i’m afraid it will hurt more
to let go
and walk away
then it would
to never hold you in the first place

s.s

you're losing me
fast

everyday my hope for us
diminishes
and a future between us
lessens  
the crave to be close
crumbles

i want to be yours
you be mine
and for it to be public
not quick arm brushes
and afternoon visits

i love you
and you're losing me
i think i lost you long ago
what are we, i don't even know

i want to stick around
to wait it out
but more than that, i want to be together
the title we once had
and everyday
i believe a little more
that it's a hopeless cause
and i can feel myself giving up

you still have my heart
and i love you no less
but i can feel the final end approaching

i miss the small things
holding your hand, soft kisses, and tight hugs
just talking and calling you when i can't sleep
i miss you

i want us more than anything
but i fear being ****** over
why am i holding on to something
that's ended
maybe because i can't get over you

you're losing me
faster than i care for
does that mean anything to you

s.s

he had found a girl a while back
to fill the space i left
and now that he's the one who left
i finally understand why
because another boy
might rid my mind of you
and the taste of his skin
might make me forget yours

s.s

she was beautiful
but if you looked close enough
you could see
she was broken

and the light in her eyes
was far gone below the surface

simply mimicking dead stars

love is patient?
love is kind?
love is the most beautiful load of ******* i've ever encountered
and it is only kind
until it is gone
then my dear
love is haunting

s.s

this wasn’t my choice
it doesn’t feel real
it doesn’t make sense
but that’s just how you feel

i didn’t want this to end
but that’s not for me to decide
i understand it had to happen
although a part of me has died

i will be out of your life
and this can really end
i will always be there for you
but right now i can’t be your friend

so i will stop writing about you
because i’ll only think about it more
it’s pathetic i already miss you
i guess it’s time to close the door

s.s

i wish i could read minds
because the vibes are deafening
and i don't know what you're thinking
but i know something is wrong
i feel it
and see it
but i still don't know
what is causing it

s.s

drugs may **** you
they may drain
the color from your eyes
but they will never
break your heart
and walk away
still in love

s.s

maybe being honest
is always so tough
because to you
my everything
is never good enough

s.s

i want to dangle my toes
off the edge of life
just to see
what lies below

i want to take it
just far enough
to see what is beyond breathing
and return with knowledge
no one else has obtained

i want the stars to tell me secrets
so i can walk upon this planet
with little pieces of the universe
tucked away in my mind

i want to know what no one else knows
and to be prepared
to jump head first
into what comes after us

s.s

love is chemical
it's not my fault
i can't rid myself of you
your name is dopamine
your eyes serotonin
your voice oxytocin
you are chemically threaded
in my veins
flowing through
a heart you broke

s.s

you still give me butterflies
and make me grin
uncontrollably

s.s

one night
my words
brought you to me
so i will spit stanzas
under the stars
hoping
to draw you in
once again

s.s

i feel dope sick
when you're not around
because your eyes
are euphoric
in a way
no one elses are
and just one look from you
makes me feel
indescribable
and i realise
i might just be an addict

s.s

he lingered
like her bruises
serving a constant reminder
of the pain inflicted

s.s

i caught your stare

it would have hurt less
if you had stabbed me in the stomach
and twisted hard
letting warm blood seep through my clothes

at least then
i would have been warm

because your glance
sent chills through my body
and i sat there
unable to move
paralyzed by ice blue
dizzy on forgotten love fumes

all because
i caught your stare

s.s

she whispered weary words
to the walls
late at night
so they absorbed her broken breaths
storing her somber stories

and my god
your heart would ache
if these walls could speak

s.s

she reassured herself
“i don’t miss you”
as she traced her skin and empty bed sheets
both would feel better with him
she made herself grin
ignoring the empty feeling of an empty room
“i don’t miss you, i don’t miss you, i don’t miss
you”

s.s

unconditional
what a divine way to describe it

how else would you say
that i will love you
no matter how much you hurt me
that you could **** me
and i'd die
with a smile
plastered across my face
simply from the touch of your skin
and i'd die
with salty love filling my eyes
and pouring over the face
you once called yours

ah yes, unconditional
i couldn't have described it better

s.s

you don't see the dark side of the moon

and it always lights your night sky

so i don't show you my demons

so i never dim, only brighten your life

s.s

so simple

easy action
petite pill
satisfaction
hurting still

small shaking handfuls
followed by a small shaking voice
whispering i'm sorry
continued sketchy choice

rapid breathing
tremors all over
head spinning
soon will be over

sinking to bruised knees
but unable to feel the pain
highs no longer a tease
meds mask the insane

easy action
plenty of pills
satisfaction
finished and killed

so simple

s.s

bodies pressed together
he whispered
"i needed you"

bittersweet
was the feeling
of his skin

s.s

enveloped in your arms
with my head on your chest
allow the steady thump of your heartbeat
lull me to rest
where maybe i might dream
with you by my side
instead of having these nightmares
eat me alive

s.s

i lost you slowly

and i believe that made it hurt more because you weren't just gone at once. bits of you slipped unknowingly through my fingers until one day i realized you were missing and the girl in the mirror never stops crying and she carried a tiredness from more than just a lack of sleep and she had lost you.

she had lost you and she doesn't know where to search.

love,
a version of you forever lost

s.s

her mind felt jmubeld
all mixed up
and her love felt
unfinis

s.s

her mind was going full speed
twenty four seven
latching on to any other thought
to avoid him
but in person they met
and she felt okay
till he placed his hand on her arm
as he walked away
and time froze
her mind halted to a stop
just that familiar touch
to make her heart ache and drop

i need to forget
you
how i needed you
more than anything
how to me
you meant everything
i need you to mean nothing
i want to forget
us
i want to fall
out of love

s.s

this is all my fault
this mess of life before me
this is all my fault

s.s

2:00 am
you feel it coming
creeping up
try to ignore it
but it's making an appearance

2:11 am
can't close your eyes
like the surrounding darkness
has them pinned open
heart rate accelerates
for no reason

2:16 am
can't breathe
like your lungs are collapsing
crushing your heart
causing an aching heavy chest
you keep trying to stay calm

2:21 am
frantic
shaking and shaking
both your body and breaths
rocking back and forth
clutching knees
stomach
chest
holding yourself in attempt to steady your insides

2:29 am
tears fall
as panicked eyes search the room
looking for something to slow the chaos
but the thoughts march on
with the rushing blood in your veins

2:34 am
now up and pacing
collapsing on the floor
screaming through sobs
gripping hair
hitting walls
uncontrollable

2:48 am
blacking out
from lack of oxygen
****** knuckles and bruised skin
from punching anything
to release the built up energy
boiling within

2:55 am
slowed breathing
heart still racing
softly crying
confused on why
this seems to happen
why

3:00 am
sleeping far from soundly
heart still racing
exhausted from a fight
anxiety attacks
at any moment
you lose control